Chapter 12

ANNA

I heard his voice asking for Ann, and my world narrowed to a pinpoint. I collapsed into a chair and tried to find my voice. Weakly, I managed "This is Ann."

The week had been a mess. Sunday had been cathartic, I told Kay everything, all about the dreams, the things I fantasized about. I even showed all the books I'd bought over the years on BDSM that I kept hidden in a box in my closet. It was terrifying, but liberating to finally get that out into the open with someone. And she accepted it without batting an eye. Well, I noticed she got a little squirmy when I was describing my dreams to her. I did too, actually. But she was a rock as I went from distraught to aroused to hopeful, to mortified and back again.

By the end of the day I felt drained. Like I'd finally let out a huge mass of corrosive goo that had been eating away at me. I felt light, and strangely free, relaxed in a way I hadn't felt in a long time. Even my hornyness had subsided. I slept like a rock after Kay tucked me in.

Unfortunately, the feeling didn't last. When I awoke on Monday, I was nervous again. I realized that I'd have to see John, never mind the fact that all I wanted to do was see John. I was worried what that would be like. Would it be painful? Embarrassing? Exciting? Or my greatest fear, would it feel like nothing at all? Was what happened between us something that existing only for that moment? Or something deeper?

Needless to say I was worthless at work, and unfortunately I'm not in a position where I could really hide out and be worthless for a few days. In fact, by Wednesday, my boss was asking if I was ok, or needed sometime off. I'd missed things, forgotten things, and messed up. Something I try very hard not to ever do. It was a shitshow, as John would say. God I couldn't wait to see him.

Then I realized it was Wednesday and I hadn't heard from him. That started another worry. Why hadn't I heard from him? Did our date go badly? It didn't seem like it. And, I then I remembered it was a fake date. Ugh. Damn it. Kay had said I needed to come clean this Friday, and at the time it seemed like a good idea. Now I wasn't so sure. Hell, I wasn't sure if we were still on for Friday. For our fake date. God, Anna, this practice dummy thing may have been the stupidest idea you've ever come up with.

The voice on the intercom snapped me out of my fog and I tried to gather up all the papers my boss needed for his next meeting. Of course, I grabbed them wrong and they dumped out of my hands and all over the floor.

Fuck.

Thursday was no better work wise, But at least it was no worse either. I had begun to find my center on the whole John issue. I had finally passed through denial and was onto acceptance. I knew what I wanted, and I was going to let him know. If he didn't want it, his loss. We could still be friends, things might be weird, maybe our friendship would change (that caused a stabbing pain in my heart, but I persevered) but at least then I would know one way or another.

All in all, I actually started feeling pretty good by the time I got home Thursday. My strength was returning, I felt calm-ish. I made a simple dinner and planned to sit on the couch and watch sitcoms until bed time when the phone rang.

"This is Ann."

"Hi Ann. I'm glad I caught you. Sorry I haven't been in touch, work has been a nightmare this week, but if you're still available, I'd like to pick you up at 7."

"Ok, yeah, that sounds good. Where are we going?" I asked, curiosity seeping through my excitement.

"It's a surprise. Dress nice but not fancy, something with a skirt, no pantyhose, a blouse with buttons. Sensible heels. I'll see you then." And then he hung up.

My leg was vibrating. There was something different about that call. That almost sounded like an ... order. I felt the warmth spread across my middle. Was John really going to step up and be dominant on this date?

Holy shit.