Chapter 12: Indecision

When I finally returned home just before four that fateful Saturday afternoon, I was greeted with an empty house. I shouldn't have been surprised. It was Saturday, after all. Mike would be working at the truss plant, while Dionne would undoubtedly be somewhere in the vicinity of Rick Goshulak. It gave me some time to decide what to say and how to say it.

Dionne was the first to appear. "What are you doing home, Dad? Where's Rita?"

Well, that didn't take long. "Rita and I are going to take a break for a while," I answered, knowing that wouldn't satisfy her.

"What's that mean? Are you breaking up with her?"

I could hear the alarm in her voice.

"I don't know," I answered, wondering how little I could reveal to my daughter.

"Dad! What's going on? What happened?" she demanded.

I knew all along that I wouldn't be able to dodge the issue. I decided she was adult enough to know the facts ... at least as I understood them. I relayed the story of last night to her, leaving out almost nothing.

"She admitted she was still married?" Dionne asked in disbelief.

"Yes, she did. I had a hard time believing it myself. As far as I knew, this Pete guy was an old live-in boyfriend, nothing more. Turns out they were married while she was still in Nova Scotia, nearly ten years ago."

"What are you going to do, Dad?"

"I wish I knew. I stayed with her last night. She was very upset and I didn't want her to be alone. But I couldn't get my mind around what comes next. I left her early this morning and I know I'm going to have to go back and talk to her. I just don't know what I can say. It's going to take some time, Dionne. I'm not going to rush to judgement, but I can't say if we'll survive this ... Rita and me."

"Oh, Daddy, don't give up on her. She's a good person. This is just a mistake. You have to forgive her. You have to," she pleaded.

"I want to, I really do. But ... it's about trust. I thought I knew her and this has really shaken my belief in who she is. What other secrets are there?"

I could see that Dionne was very upset at what had happened. Perhaps even more upset that I might not forgive Rita for her deceit. It was difficult enough to make my decision without worrying about how my daughter would react to it. This had to be between Rita and me, no one else.

I left it to Dionne to let Mike know what happened. I was out in the yard, doing some of my Sunday chores a day early. Mike was taking a shower and changing into clean clothes. He'd be out with Cheryl tonight. I left Dionne to start the gas barbeque and cook something simple. She had some back ribs ready to heat up and baste, along with coleslaw and a baked potato. Simple Saturday night food.

I'd worked up a sweat in the garden and decided to shower again. I changed into shorts and a t-shirt for our supper. I had no plans beyond eating with my family before they left for their Saturday evening with their friends. I had no clue what I would do here by myself. Saturday night television was notoriously weak. Maybe I could find a movie.

I was lying on the sofa, watching an old Murder She Wrote when the doorbell rang. My immediate thought was that it might be Rita. I hoped not. I wasn't ready to talk to her. I walked to the door and opened it to find Al and Marion standing there. The look on their faces told me this wasn't our usual social visit.

"Hi, come in," I said, ushering them into the living room.

"I can guess why you're here," I said as we sat.

"Rita called me," Marion said. "She was almost incoherent. I went over to see her. She told me what had happened and what you now know. She's deeply ashamed of herself, Gerry. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive her."

"I'm sure I can, Marion," I sighed. "But it isn't that simple. She deliberately misled me. She is married and I've been led to believe she was single. That's not a small thing."

"I understand, Gerry, I really do," Marion said. "But Rita wasn't trying to trick you into marriage. She really is in love with you and is desperate not to lose you. Al and I are going to get her a good lawyer and see what we can do to straighten this out for her. She really does want a divorce and hasn't been able to afford to go through the process."

"Oh, come on, Marion. There are all kinds of do-it-yourself kits for divorce. You can get one at the corner drug store. She can cite abandonment, or cruelty, or any number of reasons. All she had to do is file. What's so hard about that?"

Al was on the sidelines in this discussion, but I was watching him to see his reaction. I suspected his big worry was how the relationship between Rita and me would play out in the office. The last thing he needed was a conflict between his senior salesman and his estimator. I decided to take the pressure off him.

"Look, Al, I'll not make this an issue at the office. I can still work with Rita when we are developing estimates and quotes. I think she's professional enough that it won't affect her work or her attitude. I know my responsibilities and I won't cause any friction either."

"That could be a concern," he said, "but I'm glad you cleared that up. We have a great team and I don't want anything that would break it up."

I could see Marion giving Al the evil eye as he concerned himself with the business while she was worried about the personal side of this problem. She chose to remain silent though.

"I'm going to see Rita tomorrow, if she'll let me," I said. "I want to talk to her and tell her how I'm feeling. Maybe by then I'll have a different perspective on this than I do right now. I won't kid you, though. This really hurts. I had everything all planned out in my mind and it's been all shot to hell."

"Don't give up yet, Gerry," Marion pleaded. "Try and understand why she mislead you. I'm praying you two can get past this. You don't need another dose of stress."

"Too late, Marion. The stress is already there, sitting on my back."

"Don't let your anger control you, Gerry," she pleaded once more.

"I'm not angry, just ... disappointed," I sighed. "It isn't like she cheated. But she didn't tell me the truth. That's a trust thing, you know. That's the disappointing part. It's about trust."

When Al and Marion left, I flopped down on my sofa and thought about what I would say to Rita when I saw her. What hurt more than anything was that she didn't trust me enough to tell me the truth. I would have understood. I know I would have ... and we could have worked around it until she was divorced. But now ... I didn't know what we could do to repair our relationship.

With the revelation of Rita's marriage, I had a restless night, getting little sleep. I was warring with myself about what I should do. Should I forgive and forget? Should we go our separate ways? Maybe just a time-out would help? I rolled the options over in my mind a hundred times. When I finally crawled out of bed just before six Sunday morning, I was no nearer a decision than I had been last night.

I toyed with the idea of going out and playing golf just to pass the time, but when I looked out the window it was raining and windy. That put an end to that idea. I didn't even bother to get dressed, just wrapping my big terry robe around me. I had a couple of proposals to put together for two builders, but try as I might, I couldn't concentrate and gave up after less than an hour. Even a second cup of coffee didn't help.

I sat on the sofa, staring at the news channel, wondering what was going on in the world. It must have been a slow news day, or my sleepless night caught up to me, but the next thing I knew, Dionne was sitting beside me, her head on my shoulder.

"Good morning, Daddy. Didn't you sleep well last night?"

I shook my head. "No ... too much stuff going around in my mind."

"Are you going to see Rita today?" she asked cautiously.

"Yes. But I don't know what I'm going to say. I don't even know how I feel ... except disappointed. I don't know how this is going to turn out," I said, looking at my daughter.

"She loves you, Daddy. Don't forget that. She did something wrong, but ... that doesn't mean she doesn't love you."

I nodded. "I know. I wish it was as simple as her saying sorry. I really do."

"I ... I went to see her last night," she said, tightening her grip on my arm.

"Why? This is between Rita and me, Dionne. You're not involved."

"You're wrong, Daddy. Both Mike and I are involved. It's about your happiness. I don't want you to throw this opportunity away. It will be too hard on you. You don't need to add this to all the rotten things that have happened to you lately."

"So, you think I should just forgive and forget?"

"Maybe not yet, but give Rita a chance to make it right. I know this is about trust for you. But sometimes, you have to take a chance. Nobody is perfect."

I thought about what Dionne said, but I was still uncertain about how I should proceed. At least the two hours I slept on the sofa had helped me focus better. My appetite had returned and I got up to make myself a breakfast. Nothing fancy. Juice, cereal, and a couple of crumpets would do. I felt more like I was alive by ten o'clock.

A shower and shave improved my mood as I dressed for the rest of the day. I was no nearer a way to discuss our situation with Rita, but I was determined that I would at least try. I knew that ignoring it or delaying it was not going to make it easier.

I debated calling her first to let her know I was coming, but decided against that. I wasn't trying to ambush her, but in my mixed up thinking, it was better that I just arrive and ask to talk to her. I had second thoughts about it on the way over to her apartment, but decided to go ahead anyway.

"Hi, Rita, it's Gerry," I said into the speaker in the lobby.

"Oh ... Gerry." I heard the surprise and uncertainty in her voice. There was a long pause before I heard, "Come in."

The buzz of the latch into the lower hallway allowed me to enter. I walked up the two sets of stairs slowly and deliberately, wondering still just how I was going to begin our talk. I walked down the hallway of the third floor toward her apartment, noticing as I got closer that the door was partway open. I stopped at it before pushing it all the way open, seeing Rita sitting on her sofa.

I entered, noticing immediately the dishevelled look about her and her red eyes as she stared mournfully at me. I stood for a moment, closing the door behind me, wondering where to sit. I chose a chair opposite the sofa.

"I thought we should talk," I said, not sure of what to add to that.

She nodded, her eyes not leaving my face.

Neither of us said anything for what seemed an eternity until both of us tried to say something at the same time. We stopped, waiting again for the other to speak.

"I'm sorry, Gerry," she said, her voice low and lifeless. "I know I've hurt you. I'm sorry. I never wanted to do that. I don't know why I couldn't tell you the truth, but ... I couldn't. It seemed like it would ruin everything. Stupid me. I didn't know how I could get around the fact that I was already married. I couldn't, of course. But ... I love you and I wanted you so badly. I couldn't find the courage to tell you."

I sighed, and nodded. "I guess that's how we got to where we are now."

"Have you given up on me, Gerry?" she asked, tears brimming in her eyes.

I closed my eyes and asked myself that same question. "No ... not yet," I said, looking at her, realizing I had told the truth. "Not yet. There are a bunch of people who don't want me to give up on you ... on us," I admitted.

I saw a glimmer of hope show, a tight-lipped little smile following. "What do I have to do?" she asked in a wavering voice.

"I think that's obvious, don't you?" I said a little more sternly than I intended. "Divorce him. Something you should have done months, if not years ago."

She nodded. "I've got a lawyer. He's got things started."

"Have you given him a copy of the restraining order?" I asked.

She nodded once more. "Yes. He said it could be enforced here, especially since Pete showed violent tendencies."

"I'm worried that he'll try to get to you again, Rita," I said. "I think we should make plans to protect you from that happening."

"What plans?" she asked, a worried look now showing.

"He knows where you live. I think we should move you out of here."

"To where?" The alarm was beginning to show more dramatically now.

"I don't know," I said, shaking my head. "I thought about moving you to our house, but I can't take the chance of endangering my daughter and son. Pete is showing he's not under control. I want to talk to your lawyer and Al about it. In the meantime, I think you should pack. Even if we put you in a hotel for a few days, it's better than staying here."

"All right, whatever you say," she said, watching me carefully.

I thought long and hard about where to move Rita. I made a decision that the least likely place for her husband to look for her would be The River Residence. It was a very nice, rustic inn right in the town center. She would be very comfortable there and I was pretty sure she would be safe as well. I had the funds to afford the somewhat pricey weekly rate and told the clerk to put it and her meals on my card.

I called Al and Marion to let them know what I had done after we moved from the apartment to the inn. He was glad to see I had reconnected with Rita, but didn't pursue just what our relationship was at the moment. Rita gave me the name and number of her lawyer and I called him and left a message to contact me. I let him know where I had relocated Rita as well. One last call to the RCMP office let me know that Pete Cahill was still in custody pending his appearance before a magistrate on Monday morning.

By three o'clock on Sunday afternoon, I had Rita comfortably settled in a very nice two room suite. She was within walking distance of the Granite Giant office, but I didn't want her out by herself until we knew the outcome of Pete's appearance in court. I was reluctant to leave Rita on her own, but the awkwardness between us was very uncomfortable. Luckily, Marion Goshulak resolved that problem. She appeared at the suite just before four o'clock and told me to go home. I didn't have to be told twice.

"Thank you, Daddy," Dionne said as she hugged me. "Thank you for being so kind to Rita."

"Yeah, well, it seemed like the right thing to do," I said, trying not to make it sound like any big deal.

"Mrs. Goshulak is going to stay with her tonight so that she isn't alone," Dionne announced.