Chapter 19: What happens in Las Vegas ... and some sound advice

I had little time for contemplation on matters of the heart because when I arrived back at CCC I found the prairie ablaze, and it was literally all hands to the pumps.

The area affected was just to the east of where the Medicine Man Exercises were taking place, and it needed so much man power to contain the inferno that the exercises were put on hold, and the current BG attending Exercise Medicine Man, along with Canadian fire crews and OPFOR, were deployed. After a week of non-stop flailing at burning grass the fires were extinguished.

It was never established how ithe fires had started; it wasn't anything to do with the exercise as the area was well away from the location being used, and, according to one of the Canadian fire crew, this had been one of the largest conflagrations for ten years. It may have been a lighting strike, although there hadn't been any major thunderstorms. It could have just been some discarded cigarette from someone driving through; some parts of the training area were close to a main highway.

"We should be having some rain in a few weeks' time; that will damp everything down and end the fire hazard period," the fireman had said thankfully.

We were was so shattered after fire fighting practically non-stop for a week that the current Medicine Man exercise was postponed for several days, to allow the men of the BG and OPFOR to recover. During that time we spent our time at CCC, just resting up and re-hydrating.

"You look as if you enjoyed your holiday, Dewey." Rumpole and I were queuing for breakfast two days after the fires had been extinguished. I told him how peaceful and tranquil my holiday had been.

"It looks as if you enjoyed your break as well." His eyes looked like piss holes in the snow, and were black rimmed like a Panda. His face was drawn, and deadly pale, as if he had been locked in a darkened room for days, and he looked absolutely knackered, although Rumpole had arrived back at CCC only the day before and had not been present at the fire fighting.

He grinned. "I spent two weeks in Las Vegas, I need at least two months rest to recover from the experience."

He, and a couple of others from the section, Chaz Bowyer and Tabby Catesby, had gone to Las Vegas, intending to stay there only for a couple nights before moving on to explore the Grand Canyon. On their second night in Las Vegas Rumpole had won nearly $500,000, playing roulette in Caesar's Palace Casino.

"It was damned amazing; every number I covered came up." Rumpole had been to Monte Carlo with his father several times and so he knew his way around a roulette table. As I tucked into a breakfast of scrambled eggs, and that naff bacon you get in North America – what breed of pig do they use over there for bacon? – Rumpole sipped his tea and told me his adventures in Las Vegas.

"We were staying in a TravelLodge several miles away from The Strip, and took a taxi in to see the sights. We only went to Caesar's Palace because Chaz wanted to see inside the place. Tom Jones was appearing at Caesar's for the season, and each evening some lucky punters are chosen to sing with him. Chaz was hoping to be one of those invited up on stage, although I wouldn't have thought he stood much chance, as he isn't a blonde female with big boobs and legs up to her armpits, the usual sort of partner that Tom chooses."

After collecting his winnings Rumpole and the other two were invited, politely but firmly, into a room where they were interviewed, by the manager of the casino and the owner of the firm responsible for the security of most of the casinos in Las Vegas.

"They were very polite, but after winning such a large sum of money they were suspicious that we might be a gang hitting the casinos with some sort of device for stopping roulette wheels. We were searched, and then questioned on who we were and where we were from. When we told them we were in the British Army, and visiting from Canada, I don't think they believed us, but they must have checked and found that we were telling the truth, as about an hour later we were released. To make amends for detaining and searching us they invited the three of us to spend the rest of our time in Las Vegas in a Caesar's Palace penthouse suite, free of charge."

Rumpole finished his tea. "From then on we lived like high rollers. Of course the Casino management hoped I would go back down to the tables and lose the lot – no way. But I did spend a load of my winnings on wine, women – and more women, and even more women."

He had actually won $494,700, but he had given the croupier and table staff $4,700, and then split the $90,000 between Chaz and Tabby. It was no wonder Rumpole looked so shagged out; he had spent the rest of the fortnight up to his balls in females, a lot of females, even more than he had gone through during his tour guide days in York.

Chaz used some of his money to gain an audition in front of Tom Jones, and after amazing the Welshman with his singing ability, joined him in a duet on stage that same evening. Chaz was kept in ladies knickers for a year from the amount of lingerie thrown onto the stage; Tom of course got the lion's share – or should that be the dragon's share? Whatever, Chaz spent the rest of his stay in Las Vegas appearing on stage with Tom Jones during the evenings, and shagging knickerless females by night, and most of the next day. He was so knackered when he got back to CCC he didn't make it to breakfast.

Tabby hired a helicopter to fly him up and down the Grand Canyon for the day. Next he hired a mule to take him down into the Canyon, and then hired a raft to go white water rafting. For the rest of his leave he hired a chorus line of Vegas showgirls to fuck his brains out, which they duly did. He too never made it to breakfast.

"You know, Dewey, I'm going to buy myself out the army when we get back to the UK." Rumpole suddenly blurted out.

I was a bit surprised at that. "What will you do? You've no experience other than the army, and I don't see you as a security guard or car park attendant."

"I've been offered a job by the owner of the security firm who questioned us. He wants a lawyer, with what he calls 'class'. He says I look, and sound, like Peter Lawford, and has offered me a position in his firm."

"Who the fuck is Peter Lawford?"

"I've haven't the faintest idea, but if Peter Lawford is what Carlos Mendez wants then Peter Lawford is who I will be."

"Hold up a minute – Mendez? That sounds like a Mexican name; don't they deal in all sorts of drugs? Anyway you're not a lawyer – you failed your law exams."

"Senor Mendez is a well-respected local businessman; the only drugs he has dealings with are those you take for a headache. And for your information I didn't fail my law exams. I never actually sat them."

By now we had walked from the cook house back to our billets, and I sat on his bed as he gave me the full s.p. – the complete story – on his life before he joined the army.

He had been up at Oxford reading law – his father was an eminent Queen's Counsel in London – and it was assumed that Russell (Rumpole's given name) would join his father in his chambers after graduating.

"I found the course work at Oxford relatively easy. I have a retentive memory, a logical mind, a working knowledge of Latin, a questioning and combative nature, and a deep appreciation of fine wines, which are all necessary attributes for a successful lawyer."

Well into his third year at Oxford and Russell was on the way to be graduating with a double First. He had a beautiful girlfriend, Valerie, whom he adored, a wide circle of acquaintances who would be useful in his career, and a father with an office and desk waiting for him in chambers near Lincoln's Inn. Everything in his garden was lovely, just like in the Garden of Eden – and we know what happened there.

"I used to turn out for the university rugby club, and played for Oxford University's fourth team; we didn't play at too high a standard, but we could certainly party after a match. We were due to play a team from Essex University, but they came down with food poisoning and cancelled the game. We were already at the pitch when we got the message, so we just did a bit of training before going home. I decided to call in on Valerie; we were due to go to the theatre that evening, and I thought we could go out earlier than planned and have a meal."

Rumpole's face grew dark with anger, and I could see that whatever had happened still rankled. "Val and I used to sleep over at each other's flats several nights a week, but we didn't intend living together until graduating; in fact I was going to ask her to marry me on Graduation Day. I'd had plenty of girlfriends before I met Val, but after our first date I dropped them all."

He sighed as he recalled the memories. Regret; resignation; revenge?

"I had a key to Valerie's flat and let myself in, then walked into the lounge to find my best friend energetically rogering my girlfriend. Val was making enough noise to drown out the Hallelujah Chorus, although her face was half buried in a pillow muffling her shrieks. Ralph Townsend, who had been my best friend since we met at prep school when we were both eight years old, was bonking her in the doggy position, which was why they were completely oblivious to my presence. I just stared at them, completly stupefied. It was if I had been kicked in my testicles; my best friend and my girlfriend screwing each other's brains out – what a cliché. I left the room without them even knowing I had been there, with them still going at it like knives. I closed the door behind me and dropped Val's flat key through the letter box. I went back to my flat and packed a suitcase, wrote a letter to the Dean of Faculty telling him I was leaving, and went home. My parents were appalled when I said I had left college; I didn't tell them why. That evening I stood on the Albert Bridge and believed my life to be over. I even contemplated jumping into the Thames, but the thought of my father or mother having to identify my body persuaded me not to. The next morning I went along to the Army recruiting office in Regent Street and signed on. That was eight years ago, and I've not spoken to Valerie nor Ralph since."

I'd known Russ for several years when we were both in 3RGJ at Aldershot, and since meeting up with him in the ERB I suppose he had become a close friend, taking the place of Wurzel Colcott. But I had no inkling of what his life had been like before joining the army. In fact, I knew nothing of him other than he looked, and talked like an officer, that he knew some law, and that he was a bloody good soldier.

"You must have a strong character, Russ. Neddy Claypole had something similar happen to him, and it festered in his mind until he blew his brains out."

He grinned. "I hope I've more about me than the late Sergeant Claypole; but it does make one wonder about ones self. A girlfriend whom I loved, and a friend whom I trusted with my life, screwing each other behind my back. I wondered how long it had been going on, of course, and did any of my so called friends know, and if they had known why they hadn't told me."

"So, what will you do when you leave the army – take the law exams, and then go out to America when you pass them? Don't you have to have a green card or something to work in the States?"

Russ smiled broadly. "My green card has already been issued, thanks to Senor Mendez, and I have a bank account in my name in the First National Bank in Las Vegas with what's left of my win at Caesar's Palace, a quarter of a million dollars, safely ensconced therein;. I will use the cash to pay to study for the Nevada bar examination, as Nevada accepts Oxford law studies as equivalent to those of US law schools. The US have specialised lawyers, and Senor Mendez wants me as a litigation attorney. All the casinos take those who have scammed money from them to court, and demand full restitution if they have gained their money by fraudulent means. This includes using card counting devices, or other illegal methods, to beat the house. I shall only practise in Nevada, working solely for the security company owned by Senor Mendez – it shouldn't take too long before I'm hanging up my shingle in Paradise."

"Paradise! You ain't thinking of topping yourself once you get over there?"

This time Russ let out a full belly laugh, and tears streamed down his face. Eventually he regained his breath and told me that Paradise was a part, in fact a separate township, of Las Vegas.

"Not only will I be living in Paradise but I will be surrounded and serviced by angels. I discovered Latino ladies, especially Mexican girls, in Las Vegas, and wow – hot and spicy as chilli. Forget Japanese girls, Dewey, and if you come across any Mexican señoritas get a grip of one, or as many as you can. They are the best – muy bueno!"

The rest of our stay at BATUS passed by swiftly, and eventfully, as had been forecast, rain came in mid-September, and the prairie became a sodden, damp, muddy battle ground for all the wheeled vehicles, including our LWB Land Rovers, but at least there was no more fear of fires.

We flew back to the UK on November the first.

That feeling of calmness, tranquillity, and of being comfortable within myself, persisted when the exercise in Canada finished and we returned to Catterick. This was just as well as I soon faced some life changing experiences.

Two weeks after our return from BATUS the ERB was disbanded. There was a brief ceremony, when some brass hat from MoD came and issued UN medals for service in Bosnia, before addressing us. He thanked us for the 'sterling work you chaps have done, in Bosnia and at BATUS' and that, 'MoD have learned many things, and would be introducing many new initiatives, thanks to you chaps trying them out'. All a load of bollocks, as we knew by then that ERB had been a garbage bin just waiting to be emptied.

As Big Ben had forecast most of the officers and SNCOs were discharged, but many of the JNCOs and riflemen were returned to their original units - if they still existed - for both the RGJ and The Light Infantry had been reduced from 3 battalions to 2 during the time ERB had been at BATUS. This meant I returned to the battalion I had been in prior to ERB, but it had changed its number from 2nd Battalion to 1st Battalion. The 'original' 1st Battalion had been disbanded, and its riflemen distributed amongst the remaining two battalions of the regiment – is that complicated or what?

Not that this new reorganisation affected me, as I was posted onto recruitment duties about a week after the disbandment of ERB, and my next billet was to be the Army Recruiting Office (ARO) in Reading.

Russ 'Rumpole' Stilkins was one of the few riflemen who weren't retained, thanks to him volunteering to be made redundant, but little did MoD know that Rumpole had been prepared to purchase his discharge if they hadn't allowed him to go free of charge. He was a real loss to the army, for although he could be somewhat insolent – especially to those officers who thought themselves above squaddies, by virtue of their education and birth – and he never accepted promotion, as he was not prepared to take on any responsibilities, Russ was a bloody good soldier. On the evening before he left the army we went into Richmond for a farewell drink.

"You know Dewey, when I found my girlfriend and best friend bonking I thought my life wasn't worth living, but actually it was the beginning of a much better life. I only chose Law as a career because my parents expected me to join the family firm. Becoming a squaddie was hard work at first – my 'posh' accent didn't help, nor my attitude to my superiors, but I met some really good chaps." He grinned, "And I don't think I would ever had been a tour guide at York if I'd remained as a lawyer, and think of all that naughty but nice Nipponese nookie I would have missed out on." He then became serious. "The worst thing of Valerie and Ralph betraying me was that I never spoke to Ralph again, and in fact I missed him more than I missed Valerie. You can always pick up a girlfriend, but a real man friend, that's a different kettle of fish. I didn't think I'd ever get as close as anyone than to him again, but you have filled the gap he left, and I thank you for it."