Chapter 10

September 3, 7:45pm

Vicky,

Thank you for the virtual kiss, how sweet of you. Can't expect you to know what you haven't been told. I am somewhat surprised you didn't check facebook when I threw that challenge at you to see what you could find out about me.

Thank you for your condolences and it happens sometimes. I beat the family to the wake. It was just me and the funeral director. Andy looked like he had lost a lot of weight. I mean a LOT of weight. Especially since it has been just over a year he was retired. I kinda wonder if maybe he had cancer and didn't tell us. I wasn't the first person to pay my respects, I was the second. Another of the retired guys beat me to it.

You don't see any baggage in Magenta or Matt because you weren't there at the beginning. They have been together a long time. You probably wouldn't see much with Sarah and I either but just wait untill you get warts 3 trust me the baggage is there with us. It is possible that Magenta and Matt have some things from before you met them that they already worked out. Better examples are to be found of baggage then them.

You didn't misread between the lines, you misread the lines. 100% enthusiastic about children? Not even 5% enthusiastic. At this point some medical issues were discussed, this is one of the very few things I have removed before posting here. Yeah it is a change in her thinking. Too little too late. I did get her to go back to her Doc. She is very good, she can explain this stuff in a form of English even I can understand. I'm in love with her education too. Med school at University of Chicago, an institute not known for its sense of humor and then residency and internship at Johns Hopkins. The last person that bought their way into that place put their name on a building. I'm still trying to convince her to expand her practice to include men. I might have an easier time convincing the insurance company I am really a horribly mutilated woman and not in fact male. Of course since the Doc already knows I am a man it probably still wouldn't work.

Yes Rich is an academic point now. I was going to recommend you go out with him if for no other reason to see the differences between him and Brad. Remember this girlie, Richard does not know about Franks visits to chapter 7 land nor should he. On the other hand he DOES know about your life before Frank and that didn't send him running for the hills.

The reservation I have about him is Magenta's revelation that most of his previous girlfriends have been, well bimbos. Pretty enough, but nothing going on upstairs. I told her that he may have done his share of "sewing his wild oats" but most blokes get to a point in life where they want more out of a relationship than someplace to put their dicks. I wasn't quite that blunt with her but close. M did say that Rich seems quite taken with you and she says his face lights up just at mention of you. Remember Magenta has told him lots of other things about you besides what your youth was. I'm sure she's told him all about how intelligent and sweet you are.

She's also told him point blank that if he ever hurt a hair on your head she'd feed him his own bollocks. Right after she cut them off.

You don't have to be the life and soul of the party. I always questioned people that couldn't have fun without being blitzed. I figure if you need to be fucked up to enjoy something it probably isn't all that enjoyable in the first place. Sarah and I both have alcoholism in our backgrounds. Her mother was and my grandfather. We have both seen the damage done.

Bob

September 4, 2:15pm Bob,

Good to be back at work - in my comfort zone again, no ogling horny lads or lads that can't take no for an answer to worry about here!

At home now, had my tea, washed up, done a couple of jobs and now catching up on emails and yeah, a steaming hot mug of chocolate to one side of my lappy. Early night tonight as I'm up early - long drive to see a customer tomorrow.

You're Welcome for the virtual birthday kiss! Didn't check for your Facebook, because Frank advised me against joining any social networks, so I haven't. Therefore, although I could probably find you opening page, without my own Facebook account, I wouldn't be able to see more detail.

"You don't see any baggage in M or Matt because you weren't there at the beginning."- you may be right in that, but, I've met both their families and I've never seen such love among siblings and parents, if there was any baggage in either M or Matt, it would be absolutely minimal

"Remember Magenta has told him lots of other things about you besides what your youth was. I'm sure shes told him all about how intelligent and sweet you are." - Aww, shucks, I'm blushing now...

"Shes also told him point blank that if he ever hurt a hair on your head shed feed him his own bollocks. Right after she cut them off. "- haha!, yep, that's sounds like 'big sis'!

"You don't have to be the life and soul of the party." - I was being self-deprecating. In the past I've had plenty of fun with Frank and his family without so much as a drop of alcohol, so yeah, I know it's not needed to have fun. Actually, it's quite fun to go to a club with Magenta and be the sober one observing those around me getting more and more pissed and seeing how more and more stupid they become, giggling at inane jokes or falling over or whatever. Guess who's always the designated driver?

September 4, 4:35pm From Magenta

Bob,

i probably shouldnt tell you this but Vic never directly told me not to, so...

Vic returned to work this morning and caused quite a stir, but for the wrong reasons. dont know whether your aware of this, but she is a natural blonde and had really beautiful long hair down to the small of her back. you know, the kind of hair that most women would kill to have. well, not now. she went to the hairdresser yesterday and had all the length cut off and now has the most boring hair style imaginable and on top of that has dyed it a shitty brown colour. she asked me what i thought of it, so i simply said 'different', not wishing to offend. she asked me 'no, what do you really think?' i said (and i was near to tears) 'it's dreadful, what the hell were you thinking?' then she laughed at me and said 'right answer girl!'

so you can imagine i'm confused now. anyway, i tried to shake that off and asked her if she had a good time in france. she answered 'least said about that fucking holiday the better'. she went on to tell me she'd never go on a holiday like that again, and that she will stick to the cabin in the Lakes, or something like it. she did tell me the time away gave her plenty of time to think and make some decisions on her future, but its not a good outlook. she wants me to set up a meet with Rich (with at least me there to) - she wants to tell him that she doesnt ever want to go out with him but if he wants to still be her friend, then she would like that. i said i could tell him for her, but she feels she owes it to him to tell him herself - gotta respect her for that i guess.

then i asked if the 'new look' had anything to do with the thinking she did on holiday. she said partly her thoughts and partly because of an incident at the villa complex they were staying at in france. she told me there was a clubhouse, pool and sun loungers etc common to all the holiday villas. well, her and Nell apparently wore fairly skimpy bikinis so that they could get a tan (and why not). well, from day one, the two of them got approached by lads hitting on them and ogling, making comments and asking them out. apparently Nell was simply amused by it but our Vic hated it. on the third day, one particular lad simply wouldn't leave them alone and wouldn't take no for an answer. after having no luck with her, Vic then said he tried his charms on Nell instead, being crude and suggestive. Vic told me that by then she had enough. she stood up and started to push the lad backwards, telling him to fuck off etc. apparently the lads dad came over to see what was up.Vic said she told him his son was pestering them, she had asked him nicely to go and he wouldn't. Vic then said the dad said something like 'well, if you wear skimpy bikinis and act like a couple of cock-teasers what do you expect teen lads to do?' Vic said she really lost it by then, cussing the dad and the son and that Pat had to intervene before it got ugly. Vic told me she then stormed off back to the villa, changed into full clothes and threw the bikini in the bin. she apparently then spent a couple of days on the sun loungers fully dressed and towards the end of the holiday, simply stayed on the balcony of their villa. how fucking sad for her is all i can say - she really didnt need that sort of shit, did she?

so, as she's so sick of lads constantly hitting on her (it happens when we go to clubs but i see them off for her) shes gonna make herself look as plain as possible. she reckons the long blonde hair was a big attraction to lads (she does have a point) so thats why she cut it off and dyed it a boring colour. she's also never wearing her tight jeans and fitted tops again (and yeah, she really does have the figure to show off wearing such clothes). she's buying baggy jeans, long skirts and frumpy, boring tops. even gonna get some boring and baggy sweats for when she goes to the gym.

i didn't bother asking her anything else about france - seemed little point cos i guess anything nice they did has been overshadowed by these thoughtless lads and her inability to deal with her suitors (nice old word). it really saddened me when she said 'if i was ugly, this wouldnt happen'.

she told me she now simply wants to enjoy being with her close friends at their houses, go to college, go to work and stay at home, by herself. reckons shes decided she is no longer interested in finding a partner. she also said she probably wont go to clubs again with me and Matt. i said 'whatever Vic' and walked off, as i was exasperated with her - maybe not very nice of me, but i can't help it. she seems to be withdrawing into a shell and its such a waste of a beautiful person. but of course, i'll still look out for her and protect her best i can, you know that - told you before i love her like a sister. so all that said, your probably wasting your time asking her about france (unless you already have).

sorry to write such a serious email, but i felt you should know, in case she writes anything strange to you that might not make sense.

i'll let you know how the meet with Rich goes (i'm arranging for this thursday, in a local pub).

with sadness, Magenta

September 4, 5:47pm

No Magenta you did the right thing in telling me. More later have an email from her to read first

Bob

September 4, 9:02pm

Magenta, Some of this is going to be extremely new to you as the first part is a continuation of a conversation I was having with Vicky. Gets into some personal stuff about me. If you want to skip it start reading below the line written in red. If you don't want to skip it, that's ok too. I used bcc for Vics copy because its to an email addy she set up specifically to yank my chain. Our friend Vicky isn't the smartass I am but she does have a little of the streak in her.

Victoria,

Yes Victoria. Maybe by now it has dawned on you that I call you Vicky when our correspondence is lighter, but Victoria when the discussion is more serious. Let me get my stuff out of the way first.

Talked to Sarah again. Turns out she didn't really avoid pregnancy on purpose by neglecting her health. Also did some research into the meds she takes to regulate her cycle. Not only does it not prevent pregnancy, it tends to aid it. Some doctors actually refer to it as the pregnancy hormone. Turns out sperm use it to help find the egg.

Not sure I could love an adopted child as my own. As long as I have a shadow of doubt I don't think it would be remotely fair to the child. Of course that is a handy way to skip the infancy stages and start off with someone who can tell you they are hungry, instead of having to guess at what they want. Also very difficult to get a child of the same racial background as us. Just aren't a lot of white kids up for adoption.

I was thinking of doing some volunteer work but have to do more research into what I was specifically thinking of. Not sure it will work out at all.

And of course what do I find when I go to another window to gather my thoughts before continuing onward? Police in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., have arrested a mother they say discarded her infant son in a hotel trash bin after she told hospital staff she had had an abortion. Alexandria Sladon-Marler, 33, was arrested Monday morning and faces charges that include aggravated manslaughter and child neglect, according to authorities. I just do not understand it.

On to other things.

Re read the subject line and guess who else sent me an email ... As if you didn't realize that when I sent a copy of this to her too.

So let me make sure I have this right. You got some attention from some mental incompetents who have no idea how to actually treat a woman and have probably never been laid without paying for it and you are ready to write off the entire male population. Have I got that right?

Have I ever treated you that way? Even once?

While I have never seen your picture I do have a pretty fair idea what you look like, certainly with regards to body type if not exact facial features but I have always been respectful towards you have I not? What have I complimented about you? I seem to recall being taken by your intellect and general sweetness.

I rediscovered my love for my wife because of you. I came out of a serious depression because of you. How serious? Try watching a freight train roll by and thinking it wasn't moving fast enough. Freight trains here tend towards a mile long or more.

What about Rich? Has he ever treated you as less than a lady? Has he given some indication he can't handle what happened to you in the past? Did he run away screaming like a little sissy or did he try to spend more time with you? OK so you were lousy company that night -by your own admission. He DID show up though. AFTER Magenta told him what had happened to you. That ought to count at least a little.

I'm sorry you have been exposed to the worst in men.

I well and truly am.

But please don't give up on all of us guys.

At least not so fucking easily.

Some of us blokes aren't that bad at all if I do say so myself.

Have you even given Richard a chance? No. You haven't.

I told you before you told Brad everything, that it was going to be a special kind of man to be with you. I'm sorry Brad was too weak and immature to cope with everything.

Don't let his hurting you steer the direction of your life damn it.

You have come so fucking far in the past three years I am literally STUNNED by you.

DO NOT let a couple of stupid assholes set you back.

2 guys that couldn't score some pussy in a whorehouse are going to FORCE you to change who you are in order to avoid scum like themselves?

You are better than that Victoria. You have come too god damned far to give up now.

Live up to your name as much as you hate it. Remember what it means. VICTORIOUS!!!!!!

Don't go backwards now Vicky.

Please.

Bob

September 5, 8:03pm

Bob / Magenta,

M - I'll just explain this email addy to you. Frank sometimes calls me 'Janet' - I won't go into why, as it's just between him and I. I wanted to come up with a sickly sweet email addy that would make Bob want to hurl, so there you go!

I'm answering both of you, as this seems to be a three-way convo now:

M - I didn't expect you to tell Bob about my new hairdo, and I purposefully didn't tell him, as I knew he'd bollock me, but there again, I didn't tell you not to tell him, so no confidentiality broken; I'm not annoyed with you sis!

Bob - no, you've never treated me like some bimbo, you've always shown me great respect. That said, none of the blokes at work have treated me in a disrespectful way either, even the factory lads, and that's saying something (isn't it M!). Franks son Tim, who at 18 must have hormones raging through his body has never leered at me or made an inappropriate move, and he sees me a lot. So yeah, Bob, I appreciate the vast majority of the male population are also decent, but I seem to be a fucking magnet to those that are not.

Both of you:

My reasons for the change in hair style (and some other changes that you don't know about Bob) are not to do with any one particular incident, it's to do with my life in general and how I now want to live it. I simply want to be a 'plain Jane' now and go unnoticed. I don't like being the centre of attention from leering males - it makes me very uncomfortable, simple as that. Bob, there was an incident in France (well, several) that was the final straw for me and ruined my holiday. OK, I've been told I'm a 'babe', Frank is included in saying that and even you, M have said I'm a babe. Well, I know that's a compliment, and from people like you I don't mind that description, but, quite simply, I wish I wasn't a 'babe', just so I could avoid incidents like those in France. (and yeah, before you point it out to me Magenta, Nell was also involved in these incidents but she just laughed it off and said things like 'in your dreams' to these lads, but she's confident, exuberant, has a fantastic upbringing, a doting dad and has never been abused yada yada... ).

OK, so I can't make my face ugly, but I can make myself more plain, hence the new shit hairstyle (the hairdresser said I was 'nuts' and that she had clients that would kill to have my hair!). I'm also going to start wearing less flattering clothes - I told you that yesterday M. Girls/woman from a 'normal' background, who have good looks and a nice figure will have the confidence to walk in public wearing skin-tight clothing and not care about being stared at. Frank convinced me to wear flattering clothes and he has tried his best to instill confidence in me, and he did to a certain extent, for a while. But I can't carry it off any more and the easiest way to get round it is for me to simply try and blend into the background.

Those that know me well shouldn't be bothered about my change in outward appearance - after all, I'm still the same person on the inside. Those that can't accept it, well tough, their problem.

Bob, you're right, I haven't given Rich a chance and I'm a shit for not doing so, but at least I plan to tell him to his face so he knows there's no hope. I said it before and I came to my final conclusion whilst away on holiday - I don't want a partner, I don't want to put in the effort of trying to make it work and then find it fails, either through the blokes fault or mine (probably the latter).

I'm happy to be working, going to college, have my own home and have a great circle of close friends. I don't need sex - yeah, it was great with Frank, I won't deny it - but I don't need or miss it. About all I'll miss in not having a partner is to be held in someone's arms at night - that is nice. But if that's the only thing I'm missing in life, then I can live with that. I get hugs and held by Nell and you Magenta, and I'm sure Frank in his new role as 'my father' rather than lover will still hug me if I ask, as does Eddy and Columbia whenever I see them, so it's not as if I'm completely devoid of human contact.

Bob, I don't consider myself going backwards in my life - I'm pushing myself at work and college - surely that's not someone going backwards, is it?

M -I'll speak to you about this tomorrow when I'm back in the office, but please, both of you, don't worry about me. Hell, there's no written rule that says I have to have a bloke or look appealing for the men of this world is there?

Please, please just go along with me and support this decision - I'm not changing anything else, I'm not planning on leaving this life and joining some weird feminist anti-male society or whatever! ;)

Right, better get back to my work!

Cheers, Vic (Victoria).

(M - Bob prefers Victoria and I know you hate it, like me - LOL!)

September 5, 11:15am

Magenta,

I've cut out everything except what I am specifically responding to you about. First a question.

When I sent the email to both of you I sent hers as bcc. Did that not work so you didn't see the email addy I was using?

About Janet. DO NOT EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER mention that name in front of Frank!!!!!! It goes back to the flashdrive Frank sent home for Vics-the one you have absolutely no knowledge of.

The part about her trying to make that email address so sickly sweet is true. Didn't hurl but did groan a bit while thinking of hurling...

As for Victoria I told her I thought it sounded prettier than Vicky or Vics in a conversation we had about changing her name. Besides I looked up its meaning. Victorious. I liked that bit a lot as I feel it applies to her overcoming her past.

See what I mean by sweet though? She signs her emails to me using a name she can't stand because I think its prettier than the short version. How sweet is that?

Hope she doesn't give up on men completely. It would be one hell of a waste.

Haven't told her yet-but well her hair plan backfired slightly. I married a dark haired girl and I've always liked Sarah's hair shorter to boot! Come to think of it, the only blonde that really floated my boat in the last 15 years is Billie Piper. What can I tell you, I love Doctor Who. I know about her other role on Secret Diary of a Call Girl. Thankyou BBC.

Bob

September 5, 12:40pm

Vicky,

You dear, sweet, dingbat. I guess you didn't notice that I sent your copy as a bcc specifically so Magenta would not see the email addy you were using. I didn't let the cat out of the bag girlie, you did. Don't you think there just might be the tiniest chance Magenta told me more than the new hair? Hmmmmm? Just a little maybe? You had her really worried. How worried? I got an email from Magenta with no sarcasm at all in it!! This is a rare thing and more than enough reason for me to be concerned too. Magenta? Without sarcasm? Shit that must be something serious!!

By the way short brown hair is backfiring a bit. I married a dark haired girl and I prefer short hair on women. Long hair gets in the way more and I like the easy access it provides for nibbles on Sarah's neck.

Come to think of it, the only blonde that really floated my boat in the last 15 years is Billie Piper. What can I tell you I love Doctor Who. I know about her other role on Secret Diary of a Call Girl. Thankyou BBC.

Anyhow in looking into my own past there has only been one blonde. So that whole "Gentlemen prefer blondes" thing may be bullshit. I've always had a thing for gingers myself. Yeah the current girl on Doctor Who works for me too. Not many episodes with her left though. Her boyfriend is a bit of a dork but less of a dork than the current Doctor.

Sorry seem to have gotten off subject there.

I'm not bollicking you for what you did to your hair. Doesn't matter to me if you cut it off completely. I do not suggest that as it would attract even more attention.

My concern is more with your mental state. Magenta said it seemed like you were pulling back into a shell. To be specific she said in part, "i said 'whatever Vic' and walked off, as i was exasperated with her - maybe not very nice of me, but i can't help it. she seems to be withdrawing into a shell and its such a waste of a beautiful person. but of course, i'll still look out for her and protect her best i can, you know that - told you before i love her like a sister."

Thats what concerns me. I think she's right. Withdrawing into a shell would be a terrible waste of a beautiful person. Remember this girlie, 1, I have never seen a picture of you and 2, there is a lot more to beauty than what is on the outside. I like to think I can see the beauty thats inside you. Like signing your emails to me with your full name instead of the short version just because you know I think Victoria is prettier sounding than Vicky, in that simple gesture you show how kind, sweet and compassionate you are.

Don't want to date now? OK fine.

All I am asking is that you leave yourself open for the future. Don't slam the door on all men for all time because of a bunch of loosers. See Vics, Magenta and I just can't fucking help it. We want the same kind of happiness for you that we have ourselves.

I may even want you to have that happiness more than Magenta does. Shit girl you know how I feel about this. Talking to you really did help me get my mind right.

Making myself more vulnerable to Sarah has been very difficult but also very rewarding. I'm not good at letting sleeping dogs lie, so I've re-opened several issues with her just to make sure I have a more clear understanding of things. We've done a lot of very serious talking lately and its just brought us closer. Closer than we have been in years. I absolutely would have been on track for divorce if I hadn't started talking to you. I know, I know we really didn't do that much talking about me but it was those conversations with you that lead to a lot of realizations on my part. Things I may not have realized had I not been talking to you.

Take the credit or take the blame but having you as a friend saved my marriage. No unwritten rule that says you have to wear fitted clothes or have long blonde hair. But maybe you should dye the curtains to match the drapes! Some of your hair is still blonde ... No I could not resist teasing you a bit.

One more thing, I want a partner for you in the future when you are ready for one. I've told you all along you should consider Brad and now Rich as just dating and not expect a serious relationship. There is a difference between dating someone and a partner.

M told me about France. I know Pat had to intervene but I kinda wish she hadn't. That shit and his shit father deserved what they were about to get.

I don't worry about your physical appearance girlie. I can understand your desire to be less noticeable too. It's the inside stuff thats important, not the outside.

OK so much less concerned with your mental state than I was. Basically your sick of attracting shit you just do not want to deal with in the first place. That makes sense. Withdraw from shit but don't withdraw from life!!

As always, Rooting for ya girlie!! Bob

September 5, 2:57pm From Magenta to Vicky and copied to me

Vic, (or should i call you 'Janet'?)

blonde moment eh? 'shitty brown moment' more like girl...

Vic, i don't agree with your new plan for your life one bit but i'm your mate so i will support you whatever.

i've phoned Rich - you, me and Matt are meeting him tomorrow night at the Rose and Crown, 7PM. i've been mean to as i havent warned him about your wonderful new hairdo LOL!

see ya tomorrow sis.

Magenta.

September 5, 3:46pm From Magenta Bob,

ok, i checked, your BCC did work cos i can't see her email addy in the email you sent to both of us.

but her reply to the pair of us earlier today was from her 'janetlovesfrank' addy, so i guess that's why she explained the origin of the addy to me. if this email addy is exclusive to you and her, why didn't she just forward your email to the normal address she would use for me and then email her reply to us from that addy and copy you in? thats not like her to make such a silly mistake as shes a nerd when it comes to tech. i can only guess she doesnt care about me knowing her strange email addy. i wont say anything - all these email exchanges remain between the three of us. well, i tell Matt snippets but not much - he cares for Vic to and when i told him about Vics hair etc. he just shook his head and looked very sad.

ok, will keep stum about the name 'Janet' with Frank. as far as i know there is no one called Janet in his family, so i'm guessing janet is a past lover? ok, thats unfair of me, i don't expect you to answer. i promise i wont say anything or pester Vic or Frank about it. actually, wish i'd read your email before hers as i've just written 'Vic (or should i call you 'Janet')' at the top of my reply to her email - hope it wont upset her :(

i am curious about one thing though and please, tell me to fuck off and mind my own business, but how did you and Vic become email friends?

you 2 also seem to have some serious exchanges - i can see that just reading that bit about Sarah, pregnancy and adoption. and our Vic somehow managed to help you rediscover your love for Sarah and pull you out of a depression? - i'm in awe how she could do that when she doesnt really understand relationships herself. <shrugs>

ok, ive really been to nosy, i'm sorry.

i'm afraid i'm not a dr who fan and ive never seen 'Secret Diary of a Call Girl' but i do know who Billy Piper is - yeah, shes pretty - started off as a pop star when she was only 15. didnt know you guys got BBC over there. we get plenty of American tv progs. i like CSI and 'two and a half men'.

M.

September 5, 4:00pm From Magenta