07 Home 2
Copyright© 2013 by Banzai Ben
Flashback – Masha – At the hospital
The Russian captain and I arrived at the old Orthodox Church. I looked at him and questioned, "Why does it sound like there is still a battle in progress?"
He looked at me and answered, "I do not understand, I thought the battle was over."
I positioned myself directly in front of his face and demanded, "Captain, how many times does this make that you have underestimated the enemy and how many military and civilian lives has this cost you? I plan on filing a full report to my FSB supervisors about your incompetence. Look at the mess you have created now: We are here with a medical team, but without military support. And it is obvious there is still a battle in progress."
He turned red in the face, grabbed his radio and began to order all his men to our location. I interrupted again, "Sir, you need to leave some men at the hospital to protect that asset." This ... This ... This captain was the pinnacle of incompetence!
I ordered, "Give me your rifle so I can at least assist in the fight."
He meekly surrendered his rifle and I advanced on the church...
Flashback – Jack – A new battle
Son of a bitch!!! The fucking Chechens came back after the BTR 80 was destroyed and started shooting at us again. Banzai ordered, "Jack, we don't have time for this bullshit, I need to tend to the wounded."
Yuri stated, "Our American friends, not all of us are so injured we can not fire a rifle! Ben, continue to treat the wounded and we will fight this fight for you."
Elena and I kept bringing out the wounded while Yuri rallied his men (who were able to fight) to battle the fucking Chechens. I was surprised as hell when Masha showed up with a rifle. I complained, "I thought I told you to stay at the hotel."
She defied me in spades, "Jack, you need help and don't give me any shit of the bull; I was a 'Young Pioneer1' and know how to properly use an AK."
1 The Young Pioneers - a mass youth organization of the USSR for children of age 10–15 in the Soviet Union between 1922 and 1991. Imagine Russian boy scouts.
Then Masha proceeded to kick ass and I developed a whole new respect for her...
Flashback – Ben – Dodging bullets
Hells Bells, I thought Jack and Yuri would do a better job of protecting me! A round bounced off the ground and hit me in the leg. I complained, "What the fuck are you two doing, I was just wounded by a round."
Elena was still hauling asses out of the BTR 80 and asked, "Ben, do you require medical assistance?"
I griped, "Hell no, what I require is military fucking assistance. I looked over and saw Masha had joined the others and apologized, "Please excuse my swearing."
She answered, "Ben, we are sorry but we can not provide adequate support for your mission."
Well that made me feel like shit for complaining. I slapped a pressure dressing on my minor wound, picked up some grenades, my grenade bat and bombed the hell out of the fuckers whenever I had time between Elena bringing me patients.
Flashback – Jack – A new battle
Fuck me! Now I understood how Banzai could chuck grenades so damn far! He used a stick to smack the hell out of them like they were baseballs. It was a hell of an idea and courageous as hell. Fuck, he could blow us all to hell if one of the fucking grenades detonated.
He looked at me and ordered, "Jack, pitch me some homeruns."
I grabbed some grenades, pitched them to him and he sent them 'out of the fucking park'. He ordered, "Hold them for a count of one after you pull the pin." I did and then I figured out how he did the airburst grenades. Sometimes Banzai came up with crazy, unorthodox ideas which worked like a charm.
The captain ran in and complained, "You can't do that with the grenades!"
Banzai countered, "Hell, I've been doing it all day! What's the fucking problem/"
The captain whined, "They might blow up."
Banzai laughed, "Shit, they haven't yet. Until you get some troops here this is our best chance. Fuck! You Only Die Once!"
I added, "Hell, this is our only chance!!!"
So I continued pitching the grenades...
Flashback – Jens – At the military hospital
I woke up in the morning and decided I needed to stop being a big fucking baby! I got out of bed, went to the bathroom by myself (it was embarrassing when they wanted to watch me all the fricken time!), changed into my new camo tights (quite a painful experience) and then began to do my yoga/ballet stretches.
Katie came in and demanded, "What are you doing?"
I quietly answered, "My normal morning ballet/yoga stretches."
Katie asked in confusion, "Don't you need pain medication first."
I thought and then replied, "Pain medication would be nice but I do this every morning in spite of how I feel."
She said, "Well, you will feel better if I give you a shot first."
I thought about what she said and responded, "Yes I would, but you weren't here when I woke up so I continued without you."
She ordered, "Stop and I will get your injection immediately!"
I really liked the idea of another injection but I continued. "I am a prima ballerina and don't have time to waste."
She ran out of the room like her rear was on fire and I smiled. Yes, now I would get my injections when I wanted them...
Flashback – Glen
I was sleeping soundly having a great dream about – well if I told you I would have to kill you -when I felt and heard, "Glen, I'm frisky and want you!"
I pretended to still be asleep since the last thing I wanted was to have sex with a still drunk wife. She reached around, grabbed my ... And demanded, "Come on Glen, wake up!"
Thank God I feigned sleep!!!
Finally I heard her drunken snore ... Thank God I was spared again! Drunken sex was well, worthless ... My right hand would have felt better and usually did...
Flashback – Alexi – In the laboratory
I was not sure what was worse, being thoroughly examined by the laboratory doctors or attending to my schooling. Upon evaluation, I know it was preferable being poked, prodded and questioned by the doctors. Unfortunately, this process was extremely boring because the medical staff were so easy to fool that I actually longed for the challenges of my classes! However, if I relented now my experiment would be ruined.
With the medical tests completed and once again being given a report of good health, my 'parents' delivered me to the psychologist. It was not my first trip to him since I had monthly meetings where he would test me. Suddenly this process became infinitely more challenging...
Flashback – Mira and Ira – in Israel
It was obvious we had overly agitated a fragile Safia when she came out of the bathroom, sobbed and collapsed to the floor. After a brief non-verbal discourse we decided that Safia could not handle the thought of Naomi and her behemoth man and Ira presented me a quizzical look. However, I knew what to do. I rushed beside her to sit on the floor and comfort her. Gratefully, I thanked God that my brief but short attachment to Ben Blaine released maternal instincts in my corporeal self.
I held her and she cried, "Please, do not leave me here with that gross monster."
I began additional comforting when Ira interrupted, "We will abandon you unless you provide the solution to the new conundrum."
She glared at Ira and declared, "You are not a nice twin like your sister! However, I will give you the solution to the conundrum. You call the woman normal because she has half her fingers on one hand and half her fingers on the other hand."