07 Home 2
Chapter 18

Copyright© 2013 by Banzai Ben

Flashback – Ben – At the hospital

Son of a fucking bitch! I almost made it to the door when the door flew open, a bastard flew into the room and screamed, "Allah Akbar!" I then found a scimitar swung at me! I reached toward the closest thing which just happened to be a partially filled bedpan. I blocked the scimitar and proceeded to defend myself – trying to beat the shit out of him. But a bedpan against a scimitar – the odds didn't look good for the good guys!

Flashback – Jack – At Jack and Masha's apartment

The news report was sketchy and Masha translated, "Jack, Ben was attacked at the hospital!"

I reacted and then ordered, "What the fuck! Where were the damn Spetsnaz? We need to get to the hospital!"

Masha said, "I will immediately change into my clothes."

I complained, "Hell, I can't wait for that."

Tatiana wailed, "I never should have left him!"

Masha slapped her then ordered, "Pull yourself together and convey Jack to the hospital. I will come as soon as possible."

I was shocked at the effect it had on Tatiana! She jumped up, grabbed my hand and ordered, "Jack, come."

We ran out the door and headed to the hospital...

Flashback – Masha – At her and Jack's apartment

I actually wanted a little time to myself because I needed to accomplish a few things. Immediately after Jack and Tatiana left, I entered my e-mail account and noticed the new message from Irina. I read it and decided I didn't have the time to play her stupid games so I replied with one sentence.

I then sent a message to my other contacts; we needed to put a lid on this rotten kettle of fish. Then I quickly changed, made sure my purse was fully provisioned and ran out of the apartment following Jack and Tatiana...

Flashback – Ira – In Israel

I ... I ... I was so furious I could not vocalize! Masha had stepped across the thin red line! I decided when we exfiltrated I would have to kick her ass sideways three times over, shove it up her ass – in other words, a fully frontal ASSault!!!! I ran to inform Mira of Masha's unbelievable statement!

Flashback – Mira, Ira and Naomi – in Israel

Naomi brought the naked behemoth man to his bed and had him recline on his anterior surface. He loudly brayed, "There is something alive in my ass!"

I moved toward him and stated, "Akhmed, many times when your alimentary canal is violated, the impression of continued formation continues."

He further brayed, "No, I am telling you I could feel it moving but it has now stopped!"

I retrieved a speculum and inserted it into the outermost portion of his alimentary canal. I opened the device, shone a flashlight into the alimentary void, immediately leapt back and dropped everything.

Naomi questioned, "Mira, what is wrong?"

I replied with disbelief, "I occulated ocular units!"

The behemoth man brayed, "I told you something which was once alive was in there. Get it out!"

Ira chose this inopportune time to infiltrate the room and yelled, "Mira, I am going to visit unmentionable damage to her ass and then terminate her!"

She noticed the behemoth man on the bed and questioned, "Are you treating him?"

I assured her, "Yes, I am."

She questioned, "What are his symptoms?"

He brayed, "I have something which was alive in my ass."

Ira quizzically looked at me and I again assured her, "Yes my sister, I occulated its ocular units staring malevolently back at me."

Ira scoffed, "You must have made a mistake."

I laughed at her scoff and challenged her, "Okay my sister, you occulate his rectal orifice and relate your occulations."

Curiosity acquired the better of her, she acquired my tools, performed the same procedure as I performed previously and opined, "Yes I also occulate ocular units. Mira procure me some forceps."

I was joy-overed not to perform the extraction so I gladly tendered the forceps. Ira labored as the behemoth man brayed, "Ouch! It is hurting me!"

Ira finally declared, "I have captured the creature!"

She transported the creature out of it's out-hide. Naomi occulated the creature and questioned, "What is it?"

The behemoth man brayed in relief, "Finally, I feel much better."

I giggled and answered, "It is a Mesocricetus auratus."

Naomi stated, "What? A hamster? I thought the game of 'Hiding the Hamster' was an old wife's tale."

Then Ira said something troubling...

Flashback – Glen – At home

What the hell interrupting my great dinner! No one was cooking so why the hell did the smoke alarm activate. I listened closer, then realized it's not the detector in the kitchen, it's the one upstairs. So I pushed back from the table and ran like hell upstairs. I opened the door to Jennifer's room and immediately recognized the problem.

Flashback – Jens – At home

Rat, double Rats and triple Rats!!! I didn't think before I acted STUPID! The smoke alarm naturally went off, so I ran to the bathroom grabbed my water glass and began to throw water on the fire. You see, I was so upset at mu-ther and the stupid dresses I decided to fix them once and forever and set them on fire. Unfortunately I did not realize what it would do to the carpet...

Daddy threw open my door looked at the mess on the floor and yelled, "Jennifer what the hell did you do?"

Evelyn walked in, saw the mess and sobbed, "She ruined all her beautiful dresses!"

Then we heard the sound of fire trucks coming down the street. Daddy complained, "Shit, I forgot to call them and cancel the alarm."

He ran downstairs, left me alone with mu-thur who ordered, "You're fortunate you're a prima ballerina otherwise I'd make them take you to jail for this...

In desperation I came up with a great idea and interrupted, "Yes mother, I am now a prima ballerina and I let my emotions get the best of me. Just as when I called you the bad name the other day. You of all people should know how moody prima ballerinas are."

She looked at me and I knew it had worked when she said, "Well, I guess that I will overlook this mistake along with the other mistake. But you need to learn to better control your emotional outbursts. I know next time you feel an emotional outburst coming you must practice ballet."

I smiled and lied, "Thank you mother. That is an excellent idea."

Yes, my plan worked. If I had to do stinky ballet, at least I could also use it to get some things that I wanted.

I then pushed, "Mother, you know part of the problem is I am sooooooo hungry that I wasn't thinking straight and therefore I didn't consider doing ballet."

I watched her think then she ordered, "Jennifer, strip out of your clothes. I want to see if you are too fat."

I begrudgingly took off my clothes, mother came over to inspect me and then IT HAPPENED...

Flashback – Todd – On the island

I was restrained in a cave, heard a noise, turned and saw a waif of a woman who appeared to be oriental. A woman ... A woman, who was probably no more than 90 pounds soaking wet, had done this to me?

I rattled my shackles and made a motion that I wanted to be released. She countered and raised a blowgun. I held both hands in front of my face and tried to say no but all that came out was a strange noise. She motioned for me to sit down, which I did. Then she came closer, started to change the IV bag and I saw my chance. I grabbed her arm and she...

Flashback – Alexi – At home

The cryptex was an interesting problem. It consisted of a stone cylinder compromised of five doughnut-sized disks of marble that had been stacked and affixed to one another within a delicate brass framework. End caps made it impossible to see inside the hollow cylinder. Each of the disks was carved with the entire alphabet; since they could be rotated individually, the disks could be aligned to spell different five-letter words.

 
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