The Spirit of the White Stag
Chapter 3

Copyright© 2013 by R.J. Shore

The gray light of dawn snuck into the cabin and Colin became aware, once again, of the soft and delicate female still sleeping on his chest. Under any other circumstances, he'd have gotten up and started his day. But these weren't his usual circumstances. In fact, there was nothing about this day that could be called "usual".

Letting the memories of what they'd shared during the night roam around in his memory, it began to register that the cabin was still warm, even though he hadn't added wood to the fire through the night. At the same time, the aroma of fresh coffee filled his nostrils as it called to him in silent invitation to imbibe and enjoy some of the brew.

Easing out from BethAnn's slumbering body, Colin was surprised to see Brianna sitting at the table, studying both him and her friend. He couldn't quite read her facial expression, although there wasn't that snarl of distain that she'd subjected him to until now. Turning away from her, he slipped on his boxers, then got dressed. His immediate goal was to get outside to the outhouse.

Without a word, Colin put on his parka and mukluks, then quickly headed out the door. Once he'd relieved himself, there was a short detour to the wood pile where he gathered up a large armload before returning. As soon as he was in the door, several pieces of that wood found their final resting place amongst the embers in the fireplace still glowing white hot, with a few more ending up in the woodstove. Only then did he pour himself a cup of coffee before joining Brianna at the table.

The two sat in complete silence, neither one quite knowing how to break through their impasse. It was Brianna that finally took the plunge.

"Was that your idea, or hers?" that first question came out, and Colin thought there might be an element of judgement involved, but he answered her anyway.

"Hers," he kept it short.

"It figures," she gave her verdict. "I think she really likes you, you know. She's had a tough time of it where guys are concerned. You'd better be good to her, because if you aren't, you'll have me all over your ass."

Colin looked into Brianna's eyes, trying to understand this explosive woman sharing his table, looking for some clue of her reaction and finding nothing he recognized.

"I like her, too," he attempted to pour some oil on rough waters. "I think she's starting to understand that life here is a lot different than life in the city. We have to work with nature, not against it. There's not very much room for mistakes out here. And we're not all gun-toting savages like you might have thought once upon a time."

"Yeah, I'm beginning to see that," she conceded a point to him. "I think I owe you an apology for being such a bitch, and a couple of thank-you's for saving my ass. You're a pretty decent guy and don't deserve the crap I dished out."

"No need to thank me," his modesty came out. "There's not much chance that I'd really have left you out there to die, but what you did was pretty stupid, you have to admit."

The two became silent again, each waiting for the other to open a new subject of conversation. Only when he'd finished his coffee did Colin find himself uncomfortable enough to get up and get dressed for the outside again. He really did need some space between himself and this woman that seemed to change her attitudes like the wind.

"I've got some things to tend to," he gave his excuse for leaving. "I should be about an hour. Will you be okay until I get back?"

"I'll be fine," she assured him, her tone a lot warmer than ever before. "What should I tell BethAnn if she wakes up?"

"How do you mean, what should you tell her?" he couldn't figure out.

"She's going to want to know where you are," Brianna explained herself. "So what should I tell her?"

"Tell her that I went to check on Rocky and Pepé, and if I can find him, Frontenac. This snow came early, and I'm a little worried that they're not ready for it yet."

"And if she wants to go out and join you? She probably will, you know," the inquisition went on.

"If she wants to? She's quite welcome, if that's what she wants. All she has to do is find and follow my footprints. With all this fresh snow, that should be easy enough."

"Do you want her to? To join you, I mean?" he was queried.

"Like I said, she's quite welcome to. I thought I just said that."

"You did, but you're ducking the question. Do you want her to join you out there? As opposed to you'd rather she didn't."

The woman's tone was now becoming quite sharp, and at first, Colin believed that her apology had been nothing more than window dressing. But slowly, it dawned on him that what Brianna was doing was trying to protect her friend from possible hurt and pain. That loyalty she was showing made an impression, and while it didn't ease the tensions between them, he began to appreciate her motives. For that, she deserved an honest answer.

"Do I want her to come out?" he started to explain his feelings. "Look, I like being around BethAnn. If I didn't, I wouldn't have passed out the invitation in the first place. But she hasn't met Rocky yet, and I thought that maybe she'd like to. So yes, I would like to see her join me, but I'm not going to tell her that she has to. Like I told her last night, I'm setting her free. If she comes back, it's because she wants to; if she doesn't..."

Before the questions could continue, Colin hurried out the door and into the cold morning air. Standing on the front veranda, he let the confusion of his whirling mind settle for a few moments, then headed towards his compost pit, hoping to find the resident raccoon. It was times like this that made him glad he had something to talk to, besides himself.

Breaking trail towards the pit, Colin wondered how he'd ever got himself mixed up in all this emotional turmoil. On the one hand, he'd been used to having his thoughts all to himself until now. But on the other, there was something about BethAnn that kept her memory in his mind, and the warmth she showed him left a yearning in his chest. She made him feel complete, something that he hadn't allowed since the death of his father. Sure, he had friends in town. But this was different.

A small part of Colin Blackthorn wanted to run and hide from these new feelings growing inside, while the rest of him screamed for more of the thrills of the emotional roller-coaster ride he was on. For the first time in too many years, he was feeling with his heart and not just the logic of his brain. It was a new experience for him, and one that he didn't understand at all.

Approaching the pit, Rocky's tracks in the fresh snow implied that the creature was up and about somewhere. Walking softly and as quietly as he could, Colin let his eyes follow the tracks, eventually determining that the raccoon had burrowed through the snow to a known source of food. As he got closer, the crunching sounds of his feet alerted the animal, who popped his head up to investigate.

"Hey there, Buddy!" Colin greeted the masked marauder. "How you doing in this stuff? Thinking with your stomach again, right?"

The raccoon turned to face his benefactor, raising up on hind legs as he sniffed the air for that familiar scent that would identify friend or foe. Once he recognized Colin's signature smell, there was a chattering sound of greeting as Rocky waited for whatever hand-out Colin might have.

"Sorry, Buddy. I'm out of eggs, but I'll sneak down to McMullen's and get some this afternoon. You'd like that, wouldn't you? Yeah, you and Pepé both, and I don't think a half dozen would break Frontenac's heart, either. Gawd, sometimes I envy you. You've got food, a warm nest, and no women to complicate your life. So tell me, how the hell did I let myself get so ... so fucked up?"

For the next five minutes, Colin poured out his woes to his psychiatrist, who looked at him through that black mask with uncomprehending, dark brown eyes. While Rocky probably didn't understand one word spoken to him, being able to get his confusion into words did wonders for Colin. It was only when he heard that tell-tale crunch of snow behind him that he stopped babbling, then turned to see BethAnn approaching.

She stopped about ten yards away from the duo, not wanting to interrupt their conference or scare off the little animal that Colin seemed to be able to communicate with. Only when he acknowledged her prescience did she let out the breath she'd been holding in.

"Good morning," he greeted her, a feeling of happiness and joy now in his heart. "Come on over and meet Rocky. Just move slow and quiet. He doesn't know you yet, so he might get a little skitterish."

Still practising the "silent stepping" that she'd been taught the previous day, BethAnn slowly walked to a position right beside Colin, then squatted down. As she'd done with Frontenac, she began to remove one gauntlet, and was about to moisten her fingers, when Colin gently reached out to stop her.

"He's still a wild animal, and I'd like to keep it that way. He knows me, because I'm the one that throws the compost stuff in here, and he thrives on it. I should put him on a diet, but he'll need all the fat he can get to survive the winter. But if I get too friendly with him, he'll try to move in under the cabin, and then who'll keep this garbage pile down?" Colin explained with a soft and happy tone.

"Good morning, Rocky," she greeted the raccoon. "I'm BethAnn. I hear you're the local shrink, too," referring to the conversation between the little scavenger and her host, and now, lover. "Sure wish I had someone like you to listen to my problems sometimes. I'll bet he really appreciates you. I know I would."

"What problems do you have that Rocky might be privy to?" Colin asked with real concern in his voice.

"I guess I have the same problems as you," as she admitted to listening in to Colin's confessional."I'll graduate next May with a little luck, but I have no more idea what I want to do with my life now than I did when I left high school. And just to make matters worse, I met a guy that probably doesn't know I even exist. He's a quiet, self-reliant kind of person, a bit of a loner, one hell of a lover, and he makes me feel like a princess. But whether he'll ever see me again, I have no idea. So, Rocky," she turned to address the little creature still looking at the two of them, "how do I get him to notice me? How do I tell him that he's about the most interesting man I've met in years? And while I'm at it, how do I tell him that what happened last night between us is something that I want to share with him again?"

They both stared at Rocky, silently waiting for words of wisdom that never came. But Rocky was kind enough to acknowledge their prescience with a chittering of his own, as though giving them the benefit of his extensive knowledge on the subject of luxury scavenging in compost pits. That reaction earned a round of happy laughter from both of them as a non-consumable payment of sorts for the little animal. But Colin did reach down through the snow to retrieve a large piece of potato that he offered. The animal sniffed it, then took the offering in his paws and began to sample the frozen vegetable, stopping to wash his food several times as they watched it disappear.

"We'll leave you to it, Buddy," Colin let the creature know that they were about to depart. "Besides, I've got to check up on Pepé. Wouldn't want anything to happen to her, would we?" he added.

"It's been nice to meet you," BethAnn added her own comment. "I hope I'll see you again sometime," the implied hope of another invitation not lost on Colin.

With that, they both stood, and as he led the way, headed towards the outhouse. And as they walked, he found himself going back over BethAnn's words and her confessions to the resident garbage sorter. He wanted to reach out to her, to let her know that he had the same questions, wanted answers that were simple yet effectively real. But the words wouldn't come out, and they let the silence stretch between them.

There was a rustling behind the outhouse as Colin and BethAnn came within hearing range, and both instinctively slowed down their pace so as not to startle whatever was in the underbrush. Colin squatted down, with BethAnn imitating his stance as they waited patiently for whatever was making the noise to come out. Minutes later, their patience was rewarded by the emergence of Pepé, her nose doing double time as she sniffed the ground beneath her.

"Do you think she'll let me pet her again?" BethAnn whispered.

"Maybe. Let her get a little closer, though. She can only see about ten feet in front of her. If I'd known how bad a skunk's eyesight is, I'd probably have named her 'Mrs. Magoo'. But that was before I knew she was a 'she', and not a 'he'."

BethAnn removed her gauntlet, then thoroughly licked her fingers before slowly extending a hand in the skunk's direction. Pepé caught her scent, then came forward tentatively to make sure that her nose hadn't lied. When the animal was close enough to touch, BethAnn began to run her fingers through Pepé's fur, lightly scratching between her shoulder blades. The little skunk soaked up the attention happily, and even chittered her approval.

"You going to be okay in this snow, Sweetie?" Colin asked the small animal, not expecting any response, and not getting one, either. "If it gets too cold for you, maybe Frontenac will share his den. And if I can get down to McMullen's, I'll see if Betty has some extra eggs for you. Just don't tell her that you got them from me, okay? She'd have a fit."

He stood to leave, waiting for BethAnn to join him before heading for the shed. She was a little reluctant to end her time with the small creature, yet at the same time, cherished these moments with her host. With a final scratch to Pepé's lower neck, she stood up and followed Colin to his next stop.

Like the previous meetings, Frontenac made his appearance as soon as the two let him know that he had company, and BethAnn appreciated that Colin showed her how to greet the little ferret in a way that let him know she wasn't an enemy or threat. In an atmosphere of acceptance, the small animal even scurried up her outstretched arm, nuzzling under her hair as he stood on her shoulder. She giggled happily as his whiskers tickled her neck. And as he'd done the last time they'd met, Colin sliced off a small piece of venison, passing it to BethAnn so that she could reward her new four-footed friend.

While they were there, Colin checked on the two sides hanging from the rafters, concerned that they might have frozen before there'd been enough time to thoroughly drain. A small area of crystallization around the lower extremities became visible, although the amount of meat that would be lost appeared to be marginal.

"Should be ready for butchering in about a week," he gave his opinion. "Normally, that other side would last me several weeks, but with extra mouths to feed, by the time these two are ready, we'll need them."

"We're a real drain on you, aren't we?" she asked, sounding guilty for their imposition.

"A little bit," he admitted, "but I'm enjoying the company. It's a trade-off, and one I'm happy to make."

"Even with Brianna acting the way she has?"

"Something tells me that what she needs is a good education," Colin considered the other woman's disposition. "If she'll let herself see what really goes on around here and gets that college bullshit out of her thinking, she could actually be a nice person to be around. Why?"

"I was just wondering. After last night, I kind of wanted to be able to spend some time with you by myself," she let him know.

"We're alone now," he observed.

"That's not what I meant," her angry voice came out over his ignorance of how she felt.

"Oh? Do I detect an element of possessiveness in there somewhere?" Colin began to lightly tease her.

"No!" she declared to him. "I just thought that, after what happened, you might have some feelings for me, that's all."

Colin moved beside her, gently embraced her shoulders, then leaned in and planted a warm and affectionate kiss on one eyebrow.

"I do have feelings," he confessed. "You're a very beautiful and intelligent woman, with an open mind. And yes, what happened last night was special for me, too. But my life is here, and yours is in the city. I won't leave the homestead, and I can't ask you to stay on it. So, as soon as we can get you out, you and Brianna will go back to your lives, and I'll go back to mine. It may not be exactly what you had in mind, but it's the way the world seems to work."

BethAnn pressed a little closer to him, almost trying to bury her head in his chest while absorbing the warmth of what they'd shared, and could possibly share again.

"Part of me won't leave here, you know," she opened up to him. "I won't forget you."

"Yes you will. Some guy will come along, sweep you off your feet, make you the happiest woman on earth, and I'll be a distant memory," he philosophized.

"Some guy did," she responded,"but it'll be a long time before he's just a memory to me", and with that she returned his kiss with one of her own, initially on his lower jawbone, but migrating in the form of repeated, heart-felt pecks until she reach his lips.

As her lips pressed against his, Colin felt her tongue trace across his and opened to let her explore. BethAnn roamed around his tongue, behind his teeth, then along the roof of his mouth, sending shivers down his spine from their shared intimacy. He mirrored her actions, shifting until he held her tightly in his arms. That tingle down his spine became stronger when he felt her fingers slither around his neck, and through the hair on the back of his head. They remained locked together like that for several minutes, with the flames of passion and desire slowly building from dim embers to a raging fire. Only when Frontenac began to chitter his reprimands did they remember that he was still there.

"Someone's jealous," Colin murmured as they eased away from each other's lips.

"You go find a Lady of your own," he now addressed the little Mustelid. "If she's anything like this one, we'll have a few litters of kits around here, won't we? I'd like that, you little weasel, you!"

Frontenac stood on his hind legs, chittering and scolding loudly in answer to Colin's suggestions, although it was impossible to say whether he was agreeing with, or giving a lecture to the human that shared his territory. That brought a laugh to BethAnn's lips and a twinkle to her eye.

"We'd better get back before your friend burns my cabin down," Colin made an excuse. "She's not a country girl, that's for sure."

"Am I?" she posed an intense question to him.

"Right now? No, but if you let yourself, you could be, I think. You seem to understand a bit about the land, and you're open-minded enough to eventually get a grasp of it. Why? You thinking of leaving the luxury of the city?"

"Maybe," she replied, an air of considerations about her.

"Why would you? I mean, you've got all those conveniences that people get used to, and this isn't the easiest life there is."

"Maybe because some guy swept me off my feet, made me the happiest girl on earth, and now I want to be with him?" she softly explained.

Once more, their lips sought each others, and Colin allowed himself the luxury of a momentary daydream, one that included BethAnn. But reality snuck back into his mind and he dismissed those thoughts, saving them for later, after the two women had gone.

As a way to ensure that he had no more of those idle thoughts, Colin suggested they load up with firewood before heading back to the cabin. As BethAnn filled her arms to their maximum capacity, he noted that she was now taking in about twice as much as on her first couple of trips, which left a warm appreciation exuding into his consciousness. In similar accordance, he, too, loaded as much as he could comfortably carry. Once back outside the shed, it was all he could do to pull the door closed.

BethAnn struggled to unlatch the cabin door, but with a determination to do so on her own. For the first time in her life, she experienced the exhilaration of self-reliance and independence, and it was like a drug to her system. But her want and need of a man's company remained intact and constant. While she understood that she was capable of standing on her own two feet, being close to someone else was still an integral part of her personality, and not something she wanted to lose.

"Did you two have a good walk?" Brianna's cheerful voice greeted them. That change in attitude almost had Colin wondering if he was in the wrong place, for this wasn't the same woman that had burst into his life two days ago, was it?

"I got to meet Rocky," BethAnn shared her joy with her friend, "and we saw Pepé and Frontenac again. Brie, you've got to meet them! They're so cute and adorable!"

"Maybe later," Brianna stalled, "but this cabin is so nice and warm that I really don't want to go outside. When I first saw the place from out there, I was expecting something ... well, a lot different than this. But now that I've been here for a few days, it's peaceful, quiet, and comfortable. I can see why someone would want to stay out here for a while. Being a city girl, though, I'm not sure I could make a steady diet of it."

"You're both welcome to come back whenever you want, you know," Colin offered an invitation, more to BethAnn than her friend. But once he'd made the commitment, he found himself feeling quite enthused with the possibility of getting to know the real Brianna Halton.

"How will we be able to let you know we're coming?" BethAnn sought a definitive answer.

"You could always honk the horn as you pull into the drive," Colin suggested. "If I'm home, I'll hear you, and if I'm not, or the pickup's gone, you can either wait until I get back, or run down to Don and Betty's to see if I'm in town for a few days. One way or the other, we'll find each other."

"You wouldn't mind?" BethAnn's hopeful tone betrayed her growing feeling of connection.

"No, I wouldn't mind," he assured her. "Like I told you earlier, I'm beginning to enjoy the company. Maybe I should feed you two, though. You ladies ready for breakfast?"

His question signalled the end of that subject, but Brianna had one last comment to make.

"BethAnn, after last night, I seriously doubt he'd mind. You're not exactly the 'silent type' when you make love, you know."

Colin squirmed a bit in his discomfort, and BethAnn blushed a deep red from embarrassment at having been found out by her friend and roommate. There was a merry twinkle in Brianna's eye, but that look of anger in BethAnn's had Colin's attention. He empathized with her upset, yet wasn't at all self-conscious at having been discovered. It was her that he wondered about, but had no idea how to defuse the situation.

Heading for the kitchen area, Colin began to make up three meals of fried venison sausage, diced potatoes, and scrambled eggs. BethAnn joined him in a bid to escape the strained relations between her and Brianna after that comment about their lovemaking. To keep busy, she dug out the cast-iron frying pans, then took over the chore of chopping potatoes. Between the two of them, they started working together as an integrated team, and that atmosphere brought the two a little closer together.

 
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