The Wall and Goat
Chapter 14

Copyright© 2013 by Sasha Distan

Romantic Sex Story: Chapter 14 - Maxie's grandmother tells him that love and hate are two horns on the same goat. That snowy day in January, a boy shows up who could just be that goat. Jesse is new to town and not happy about it. Maxie reminds him of memories he would rather leave behind and as the boy's grow apart and closer together they both realize that they need to change.

Caution: This Romantic Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including mt/mt   Consensual   Romantic   Gay   BiSexual   Interracial   First   Safe Sex   Oral Sex   Anal Sex   Masturbation  

I woke from a deep dreamless sleep to a number of new sensations. The whole of my left side was numb, my mouth felt like sandpaper and there was a hot half burning half soothing sensation deep inside me which I'd never felt before. I opened one eye and squinted down to see Jesse curled around me. His golden hair was a mess, his head on my shoulder, one leg and one arm thrown over me, his hand curving unconsciously over my chest. My heart started up and set about to merely clattering around like a bull in the proverbial ceramics outlet.

Jesse hadn't woken, was stirring, his breath coming even and soft in his sleep. We'd had sex. It was a resounding, neon flashing though it my head. I'd had sex with my boyfriend; I was no longer a virgin. And it had been amazing. The mix of sharp pain, not pain, the burning stretch of muscle, the pleasure of feeling him inside him, deep and warm and throbbing in time to our shared heartbeat. Never in my whole life had I wanted to shout things from the rooftops, but sex with Jesse ... I couldn't find decent words to describe it.

Three things pressed at me, the fact that my mouth was drier than the Serengeti, the aching need to piss and the fact that my morning hard on was busy making his presence known to me and anyone else who happened to walk in. the sheets had ended up on the floor. Above all this was the desire not to wake Jesse. I peeled myself out from under him by stages, a leg here, a movement of the shoulder. I grabbed a pillow to put under his head and extracted myself from his sleeping form. He looked even more beautiful, his pale skin flush with pink. I had never seen Jesse sleeping in a good light, peering through the hole in the wall didn't count, and the slackness of his lips, the perfect lines of his body made turning from him to go to the bathroom doubly hard.

I pissed and climbed into the shower. Hot water made all my muscles go slack, and I rested my forehead against the tile wall, letting the jets pummel my back. The mirror wall showed me my steamed up reflection, and I worked my fingers over the bruises left by Jesse's fingers. My shoulders ached, but it was nothing compared to the deep warm satisfied ache inside me. I felt stretched, full and bizarrely empty all at once. I scrubbed my skin, washed my hair and stood dripping on the teal bath mat as I brushed my teeth. Images from last night flashed through my mind: Jesse's hands on my chest, pale and tan together, the widening of his eyes as he entered me, the timbre of his groan against my skin, the shape of his lips, telling me he loved me.

Jesse loved me.

I couldn't stand to be away from him any longer. I grabbed a vibrantly yellow towel, tied it round my hips and went back to the bedroom. Jesse wasn't there. The bed was empty, the sheets twisted, and I glanced around the room uselessly, looking for the tall shape of my boyfriend.

Gone. Jesse was gone.

"Fuck!" I ran from the room, out of the main door to the little apartment and into Alec and Chaime's enormous back garden. "Jes?" I couldn't see him, cast around the garden, but he wasn't there. "Jes!"

There was a bark, and Shadow bolted around the side of house and stood barking at me, tail high and urgent. I'd spent enough time around the dogs to know he wanted me to do something and when his teeth tugged at my towel I broke into a run. Shadow beat me to the garage, the line of softly shining bikes, the engine parts and motor oil, the hulking shape of expensive muscle cars under covers, sleeping off their exercise.

Shadow whimpered, trotting out of sight and back again I followed him, my heart blocking my throat, to find Jesse tucked as far into the back corner of the garage as he could manage. We was wearing jeans, undone, nothing else. His hair was a total mess, blue eyes looked up at me and the horror there was like a slap in the face. Shadow lay down, his nose on his paws and whined.

"Jes?" I crouched as I approached him, reached out to touch him and found him pushing back into the wall, retracting rom my hand, "Jes what's the matter?"

He muttered something unintelligible and lurched forwards, trying to run away. I blocked him with my body, wrapped my arms around his narrower chest and hung on. Fists beat at my shoulders but I didn't hurt.

"Jes, talk to me."

"No." his fist beat my shoulder the way we used to tap on the wall, "No. Let me go."

I gripped him tighter, holding his bare chest to my own.

"No. I'm never letting you go." I held tight until the struggles subsided, and eventually all the fight went out of Jesse. "Talk to me."

"I woke up. You weren't there."

"I was in the shower babe."

"I panicked."

"I see that." I stroked his hair from his eyes, knowing how he liked to have it perfect, "You dreamt of Him didn't you?" I felt the nod rather than saw it, and tightened my hug on Jesse, "It's not your fault. I know you can't help it." Jesse was not a light weight guy, but I curled my spine and scooped him up in my arms. He was sort of floppy, unresisting, and I carried him back to the apartment, towel threatening to slip any moment, Shadow following at my heels.

Jesse was like a marionette puppet as I took him from his jeans and bundled him into the shower. I sent Shadow back to the house, got rid of my towel and stood back in the shower, scrubbing Jesse down from head to toe. His blue eyes were unfocused, like he was sleeping inside his head, leaving his body to stand empty before me. Afterwards I wrapped him in towels, dried his hair, and put him in bed with the duvet wrapped around him and phoned Alec.

"Maxie? Why aren't you coming in from the apartment with a hangover looking for pancakes?"

"Alec, can you come over here? There's something wrong with Jes. I think I broke him."

"We'll be right there. You want me to wear my psych hat?"

I nodded, forgetting that Alec could see me and hung up. Alec and Chaime arrived after a few minutes where all I did was pace back and forth and stand in the doorway to the bedroom looking over at Jesse and fretting.

"Maxie?" Chaime looked ashen, Alec was never very good at explaining things in a crisis, "What is going on?"

I ran Alec through Jesse's past as fast as I could and then Chaime put a hand on the back of my neck and dragged me away from the bedroom.

"Come on kiddo, let Alec work his magic." Chaime threw my duffel at me, "And get dressed."


Thirty minutes. An hour. Two.

Chaime tried to talk to me, but I sat on the sofa, dressed, hair unbrushed, staring at the bedroom door. Could I hear anything? No, but the thudding of my heart deafened me until Alec's small pale form opened the bedroom door and I jumped up to meet him.

"Steady boy," Alec's smile was drawn and tight, "Go easy on him."

"But ... I don't understand," Jesse had seemed so happy, everything had been so perfect, "Last night..."

Alec touched my arm.

"Have hope, go talk to him."

I didn't need telling twice.

Jesse sat crossed legged on the bed, dressed and looking about as un-put together as I felt. When he looked at me, his eyes were troubled, but focused. Wherever he'd been off to in his head, he was back now. He managed a smile as I approached the bed.

"Allemande, where have you gone?/Did I know anything about you?/Many moons, have come and gone/They wane so easily without you/All along, I said we'd be/Sorry... Sorry..."

"Jes..." I started the sentence, not knowing where my feet or voice were going to take me, only knowing that I couldn't the hopelessness in Jesse's voice.

"No. Let me talk," I was surprised at how hard his tone was, "Lie here and pretend there's a wall between us. I need to tell you something."

I couldn't resist him, so I didn't bother trying. I trembled as I lay down on the bed, staring at the ceiling. I thought of home, of my room which I now defined by that joining wall, the hole we spoke through, that Jesse called the path to Strange Land when he was in a good mood. I desperately wanted to hold his hand, touch him and know that everything was going to be fine. But I knew Jesse's secrets, everything was not going to be fine.

"Last night was perfect. Amazing. I could have never wanted anything more. None of this is your fault, you were..." he shook his head in my field of vision, "I meant what I said. I love you." I opened my mouth to speak and his finger fell across my lips and stayed. "I think you were right before, I need to speak to someone. I dreamt ... I dreamt awful things and when I woke up and you weren't right here in my arms I panicked. You're too good to have to put up with me like this."

 
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