Chapter 4

I barely slept. The blow that had knocked me across the floor of my bedroom had raised a dark purple bruise the shape of Maxie's fist on my jaw and split my lip. There was no blowing it off, it looked like I'd been in a fight and my red rimmed eyes only backed that up.

I left the house before mum was even up and trudged to school through the thick cloud that had settled over the town in lieu of the earlier snow. My new tutor clucked disapprovingly when she saw me, turning from folding all the tea towels and dish cloths that would be used in the food room that day. I liked Miss Shin, she was sharp and took no nonsense from anybody.

"And what have you gotten yourself into then Mr Newall?"

"Nothing Miss." I buried myself in a book and sat with the bruised side of my face turned to the wall. I tried not to, but once the bell went and students began to trickle in, I looked for Maxie. He arrived last and Miss Shin gasped when she saw him.

"Maxie Tau! What happened to you?" Maxie shrugged and handed her a note which she read with widening eyes. I stared at Maxie, hardly believing what I had done to him.

His hand was bandaged; the fingers obviously causing him some pain, a deep black bruise blossomed like some sadistic flower all around and below his left eye, his lovely cheek bone hidden under the uneven puffy swelling. He manged to crack a smile for some of the younger students in our tutor group.

"You should see the other guy."

"Maxie!" Miss Shin scowled at him, then at me, "What did you two do? Wander into town and try and beat up a bear?"

Maxie dropped heavily into his seat and stared at his bandaged hand lying on the desk. Was he left handed? I wasn't sure, I sure hoped not, and today of all days I wanted to avoid him, but all morning was English and art, and he was in both classes with me.

I felt haggard, and that piled on top of guilt was no good thing. Why had I kissed him, I'd given myself away for nothing, and Maxie had no reason to protect my interests now that I'd done that to him. Even against his darker skin his injuries were obvious. All registration I tongued my split lip. It hurt like shit, but it distracted me from more complex pain.

The morning was hell. Maxie winced whenever he tried to use his left hand and I felt an echoing pain in my gut when I thought of it as my doing. Rumours and whispers abounded around us, about why and how we had both gotten beaten up in the same evening. I had a headache that made me want to lie down in a dark room and I could tell that Maxie felt the same. But I avoided looking at him.

Now that his eyes were hard and dark he looked even more like ... I shook my head, refusing the thought before it was even fully formed. I had lain awake all night, not just thinking about what I had done, but what had been done to me. No, I hadn't wanted to move, but leaving London had given me one unlooked for advantage. I no longer had to walk past the place, every day where ... no stop that. But now I lived next door to another boy whose face reminded me of him. I must have been a real shithead in my previous life to have this much bad luck all at once.

At break I left the art room as soon as the bell went, refusing to turn and look at Maxie as he changed back into his uniform. Thank god I didn't have sport with the guy. Ian and Pete were waiting for me at the entrance doors to the long corridor that linked Work and Play.

"Fuck it's true." Ian said when he saw me.

"Did you really get into a fight with Maxie Tau?" Pete asked.

I smiled, gave them a big grin to show I was fine, which made my newly healed scab crack and blood flowed anew. I winced and sucked in the copper taste.

"Well at least you won."

I shrugged, I wasn't so sure I had.

"What is going on with you two anyways?" Pete clapped me on the shoulder and we started walking.

"Nothing." I held my chin up, putting on a show of confidence I didn't really feel, "He needs to learn to mind his own business."

"No more fights dude," Ian fiddled in his pocket for change for the vending machines, "We can't have to getting too injured to play can we?"

"Nah," I pumped my voice full of false confidence as I spoke, "He's not strong enough any way. That was a lucky shot. He's a plucky little fairy, I'll give him that."

Something hit me in the back of the skull and I turned sharply. Maxie's bag was at my feet, and he stood fuming six feet away.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I shouted at him. Inside I was panicking, what if he told everybody what had happened? How easily could I deny it?

Maxie didn't answer, but his eyes were black and he covered the space between us in three long strides, the last one ending in a kick to my shin that made me fall to my knees. He wasted no time with the follow through and his punch connected with my already bruised jaw and sent me sprawling over the floor.

"Why?" Maxie was shouting, shaking, emotions other than rage taking over his body, "Why did you take it from me?"

I was saved from answering by the interruption of teachers.

Ten minutes later we were both sat in the outer office of headmaster's study. Maxie had ice and new bandages on his sprained fingers, having used that hand to punch me despite all reason. I had a cold spot pack held against my lip, which had split even further, the sort of wound that would take weeks to properly heal. I limped when I walked, a shiny yellow bruise rising on my shin.

The headmaster bawled us out for ten solid minutes. Neither of s said a word. Fighting in school was indefensible, the fact that we had obviously been fighting before made it ever worse. Now that Maxie and I were twins in injuries, there was no clear winner; and while his fight seemed more premeditated, once I'd been made to repeat what I'd said it was obvious that he had been provoked. We got afterschool detention for a week, I got pulled off the swim team and Maxie had his student leader privileges removed. Then we got sent to isolation for the rest of the day.

Isolation was just that. A spare teaching room in Work with a bunch of those single student exam style tables all facing the same way. We were directed to desks on opposite sides of the room and told to get on with whatever work we had. Different teachers came and went to watch over us and I put my head on my arms and decided to catch up on much needed sleep.

I dreamt of him. The dream furnished him with Maxie's face, but it was him alright. I was in the Hyde Park gents, the newly refurbished underground conveniences with the lovely cream tiles, Victoriana around the borders. I didn't often go in, but I'd been with the guys all afternoon drinking and I was desperate for a piss. There had been a man at the urinals so I went to the other end. The next set of events happened in weird flashes.

He smiled at me, I looked away. I smiled back, he was handsome. I turned to leave, a hand on my elbow. Dark eyes, close to. A stall. Hot heavy breaths on my skin. Hands all over me, pushing and pressing. A kiss that hurt, blood in my mouth. Thick fingers squeezing my genitals.

I woke with a shout.

Maxie raised his head off his arms and stared at me. We were alone in the room, the clock read three pm, it was dusky outside. My jaw hurt worse than it had when I'd fallen asleep, and Maxie looked no better for his time in isolation.

"Hey. Sorry."

Maxie turned away from me and faced the wall. It figured that he would be pissed with me, I had hit him. More than once. My jaw ached, but I couldn't be mad at him. And what the hell had he meant about me taking something from him? What was that about?

"Maxie?"

"Don't speak to me," his voice was tight, "I still want to hit you."

"Oh."

They sent us home at four when all the other students were long gone and although we didn't look at each other we walked home sort of together. I limped a bit on the leg where Maxie's foot had connected and Maxie walked with his scarf high up around his shoulders, obviously pained by his injuries. He walked into his house without a second look back and I stood staring at his retreating figure. Only I could ever had blown something this simple all out of proportion. I could have just been friends with the guy, been normal. But I was so pissed about moving, and then so angry at myself for wanting ... stuff, that I had been awful to him.

What had I taken from him?

Mum put through the ringer when I entered the house. When my mother is angry, she doesn't speak to you. She handed me ibuprofen and a glass of orange juice and went back to the kitchen, clattering pots and pans loudly so that I would know she was mad. I went upstairs and lay on my bed. I closed my eyes, but I saw him so I opened them again. Why my imagination sometimes gave him Maxie's face I didn't know, they didn't really look that like. Same jaw, same skin tone. Same eyes when Maxie was mad. I had been such an unbelievable shit to him.