It's a Helluva Job
Chapter 3

Copyright© 2013 by Anne N. Mouse

"Joe ... Joe..." a woman's voice was calling me, but an elephant was sitting on my chest occupying all of my attention. Darkness swirled around me and the pain went away for a while.

"Is he going to die?" a male voice rumbled somewhat later, shaking the elephant off from me for a little bit.

"I didn't mean to scare him to death," the woman I had heard earlier said in a plaintive tone.

The elephant returned to its place on my chest, blocking out all light and sound again.

" ... hell of a way to get outa doin' shit you don't want to do... ," a different male voice that I thought belonged to Johnny said from near my head. There was a little more light this time, and the elephant didn't feel like it was holding up a black hole. I tried to move my head and I swear two elephants holding two black holes sat on me.

"Don't try to move," a soft feminine voice I'd not heard before said. "You had a pretty bad heart attack and if your neighbor hadn't been right there when it happened, you'd be looking at the wrong side of a daisy." That made the elephant sit hard on my chest again and the fuzzy light that had been seeping around its darkness disappeared.

"Johnny, Joe's been slipping in and out of consciousness for several days," the first female voice I'd heard while the painful dark occupied me said.

"Thanks for bein' there for him, Lori," Johnny said. The elephant only felt like it was holding up a gas giant this time as darkness swallowed my world.

I was aware of light and movement again as the bed I was laying on shook, then I heard the squeak of turning wheels. "We just got something here to try with our hardest cases," the soft voice that didn't belong to Lori said as I felt the variations of the floor as vibrations as I was pushed along.

The ride, thankfully, wasn't very long. In all I doubt we'd moved a hundred meters before the bed was stopped. I expected to have arrived in an operating room but that didn't seem to be the case. The room that I could see around the elephant that still had a foot on me looked more like a machine shop, albeit a very clean machine shop, than any place patients were normally cared for. I heard a grunt and realized that I'd been on a stretcher on top of the hospital bed I had been occupying as I was lifted in the air by four orderlies. I was swung over what appeared to be a large tub and lowered into it. When I was no longer moving it felt like a cool tentacle touched the side of my chest and the elephant stepped off from me. Pain free for the first time in since I'd fallen by the road when Lori told me I was having a heart attack, I had the presence of mind to ask, "What is going on?"

A very beautiful young (aren't all women beautiful when they're forty years younger than a horny old goat?) woman leaned over me and said, "Joe Giovanni, Johnny Samson presented a contract registering you as a sworn concubine. Because of that you're being treated in one of the few medical tubes available to the University hospital," in the soft sweet voice I'd heard before. I barely had time to wonder about that and think that now I had an angel's face to put with the angel's voice when I again passed into unconsciousness. I knew that this time it was not pain but rather a sedative that sent me under.

I had a vague recollection of a lot of harrowing rescues and interesting combinations of sex when I opened my eyes the next time. "The contract of concubinage that you signed with Johnny Samson is void," rumbled a giant of a man as a large hand reached out to me in order to help me sit up and move from the tub where I had been lying. "The reason for your contract being void is that you are eligible to volunteer for Confederacy service in your own right if that is your desire," the large man said as he assisted me in getting up.

I hadn't been expecting anything like what I was hearing or had heard. Evidently Johnny had used some sort of forged document to get me advanced medical treatment. I dislike lying but protecting the family came first in many ways. I answered instinctively saying, "I can't do that until I know what the terms of service will be and what sort of service will be expected," rather than ask questions that might point to what I suspected.

Now that I was completely out of the tub that they'd named to me as a medical tube, the giant handed me a sweat suit and said, "You might want to put these on, sir."

That was when I realized I was as naked as the day I was born. I hurried to get the pants on and discovered a couple of other things. Apparently my time in the gismo called a medical tube had shaved my weight down to about 75 kilos, which had been my lowest truly healthy weight. It had also eliminated the aches and pains that age had so unkindly heaped upon me. I couldn't have been happier if I'd discovered that my youngest sister, Mabel, who'd died three years ago had been returned to life and youth. She was my youngest sister as she was the last of my parents' daughters, though she was five years older than me, and I was the last and youngest of the brood my parents had raised. Before I'd left home for the army and for many a year after I returned she'd been a confidant and occasional lover.

"There are some folks who want to see you, and since you haven't volunteered for Confederacy service, the liaison officer for the hospital will want to see you before you leave," the giant rumbled in his ground shaking voice.

 
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