Chapter 140

I was walking ok by the time I got to the golf course.

I told the boys to enjoy their morning, stay out of trouble, put at least eight loads each in Baby, Sweetcakes, Nosey and Grumpy - they were wearing the rubber jocks - and find some good souvenirs for Gloria and Dave.

It was a pick-up four-some. Me, a middle-aged mid-west, white guy, and two Japanese guys. By dumb luck, we were all attendees at the Adult Products conference.

"So, gettin' any tail?" JimBobJoeWhatever asked.

"Brought my own with me." I replied, making my shot. It was a small course but reasonably tricky. Me and the black-haired Japanese guys were tied for the lead by six strokes ahead of the dyed-blond Japanese guy. The white guy was trailing badly.

"I prefer being the tail." The guy I was tied with teed up. "Isn't that correct, Catchang?"

"Dude!" Both of them spoke pretty good English, but while the one was the stereotypical black-haired, smiling blank wall, the one called Catchang had the bad attitude of any New York street thug. He muttered something in Japanese.

"How rude." The dark one commented as he eyed his shot. "You know these gentlemen do not speak our language." He did a pretty straight line drive damn near on the green. "My companion thinks I am too open about our sex life together."

BillyJoeBob nearly choked. "You mean - I mean you guys are, uh, -" I let him sputter for a moment.

"Wait, you mean you're not queer too?" I asked him, trying to looked stunned not smug. "Well darn; and here I was planning to seduce you over lunch."

JoeBobJim looked a bit sheepish. "Now don't get me wrong; I don't have nothing against you people doing what they do. I just figured a pair of good looking boys like you wouldn't have to resort to, you know, that kind of thing. I figured the women'd flock to you."

"They do." The dark haired one gestured to JohnJimJoe. "I believe it is your turn." He waited until BobJohnJoe was in mid swing. "I have no trouble finding lovers of either gender. In fact, I-"

"Finish that thought, BB," the blond one said, "and I'll gut you." From his expression, I figured he was pretty serious. BB - the dark one - almost cracked a real smile.

JimJoeBob sliced badly, swore and stepped aside so that the blond could take his turn. The dark one stepped beside me.

"By the way, Mr. Jons, congratulations on your award." He said quietly. "I would relish the opportunity to discuss you current living arrangements. Your staff looks ... charming."

I had to do a double take. He totally caught me off-guard with that. Before I thought of a clever response, he began giving his 'companion' - probably more correctly 'lover' - some pointers and adjusted his stance. There was definitely more giggling than necessary in the process.

"Now that's just not necessary." JimBobJoe frowned. Then he looked at me sideways. "You were just fooling around with that stuff about lunch, right?"

I nodded. "Oh, of course. I'd never go after a guy like you - all my boys are 26, 27 tops. I don't fuck old guys."

BobJimJoe looked almost sick. "You mean you're one of them too?"

"I don't know which 'one of them' to which you refer. Keep this conversation going, and I'll be one of 'angry black man'."

He paled a bit and I was glad to see that I could still look like a hoodrat when appropriate.

"Now look, I don't mean all that." JoeBobJim made a gesture, probably meant to be conciliatory. "I was just trying to have a little conversation. No harm intended."

"Well then." I nodded, now that he realized who was in charge. "No harm done." I turned back to the other two. "We playing nine holes here or one, boys?"

Eventually, we got through the whole course. The lovebirds were more interested in each other than in golf and BillyBobJoeJim was just bad at it, so my winning didn't mean much.

"Mr. Jons, excellent game." Black hair more nodded than bowed. "My card and my companion's. If you ever come to Japan, do contact us. I would enjoy a re-match."

"With a few less distractions, huh?"

He almost cracked a smile again. "Or perhaps you could bring a few more with you. Do any of your staff play?"

I stuffed the cards in my wallet and gave them mine. When I got home, they'd be two more in a vast collection of people I was never going to call.