Chapter 12

"Oh my," Shelly quietly gasped. I looked up at her, and the expression on her face was a mixture of shock and anguish. She wasn't looking at my face, though. She was looking back and forth between her naked body and the steel rod beneath my shorts. "What am I doing?" she stammered. I clearly wasn't the only one who had suddenly returned to lucidity.

"Shelly?" My questioning voice was unsteady.

She looked up at me, her eyes welling with tears. "Oh my God," she said. "I ... I didn't mean ... I just, I didn't expect it to go so far. I thought I could control the situation." A lone tear trickled down her cheek. "Oh, Brody, I'm so sorry!"

"Hey, it wasn't just you," I said, as I stepped towards her.

Her eyes widened and she backed up a half-step, bumping up against the wall.

"No, don't." She shook her head. "I mean, I need to get some clothes on. You need to..." She shook her head and nearly jumped to her suitcase, which was sitting in the corner of the floor. "I'm awful, just awful."

"Shelly..."

She vigorously shook her head as she bent over and frantically rummaged through her bag. "No, this is all my fault. I knew your rule; yours and Tracy's. I knew how you felt about keeping your relationship unique and separate from the ones you shared with other people."

She obviously didn't think about the fact that she was giving me a fascinating view of her ass and the glistening folds of her labia as she pulled clothes from her case. My cock throbbed once for good measure. Go down, you fucking traitor.

"It's not your fault, Shelly. I'm as much to blame."

She straightened and whipped around, a wife-beater t-shirt and shorts in hand. "No! No, you're not. I'm the grownup. I should have known things could get out of control. I just ... I was so caught up in teasing you and ... and it felt good to get that kind of response from a good-looking, younger guy who..." She nearly started crying again. "Oh, my God. I almost cheated, didn't I? I almost cheated on John and Tracy. I've never cheated before! John's always known..."

Her voice trailed off. I raised my eyebrow. John's always known what? She stepped into her shorts and yanked her shirt over her head.

"I have to tell Tracy. Fuck! What a lousy way to start a marriage!"

I thought she was overreacting, especially since we stopped ourselves, and I also didn't know what was going through her head a moment ago.

"Shelly..."

"I have to tell John, too," she said, "And poor Mia! How will..."

"SHELLY!" I finally yelled. She jerked like I'd slapped her, and another two tears slipped down her cheeks. I softened my voice. "Please calm down. We're both at fault here. I knew perfectly well what I was getting into. We didn't do anything that I didn't want to do. I mean, it's not like I WANTED to do this." I shook my head in frustration. "I'm just saying that I was a willing participant. Don't take all the blame because you're the adult and I'm the kid."

She seemed to deflate. I'd never seen Shelly look so vulnerable. She was normally so self-assured and vibrant. She now seemed nearly despondent. I reached to console her with a hug, but she held up hand to stop me.

"I ... I can't hug you right now, especially not here. Can we go to the kitchen, maybe get a drink or something?" she sighed. "I could really use a drink right now."

"Um, you know we don't have THOSE kinds of drinks, right?"

"I know. Why don't you go put some coffee on and I'll be out in a minute?"

I did as she asked, putting the pot on to brew, then pulled a Mountain Dew from the fridge. I sat at the table and sipped until she came in a few minutes later. She slid into the chair opposite me and we sat in silence, each lost to our own thoughts.

I hadn't really dealt with my own emotions in my efforts to calm Shelly. Left to my own thoughts, though, all the guilt and disappointment in myself came flooding in. I was pretty sure Mia and Shay didn't mean their mothers when they said they didn't care if I had sex with other girls. I think Shay might be little perturbed that I took the flirting this far, but she would ultimately brush it off. She thought Mom and Shelly were hot, and had already said that she'd jump in the sack with either one if the opportunity presented itself, though that might have just been talk. I had no idea how Mia was going to react, however. I tried to imagine what I would do if one of them came to me and said they'd kissed and flirted with Mom the way I had with Shelly, but that was hardly the same. They were all females. When I imagined Jeff doing to Mom what I just did to Shelly, I felt my blood begin to boil. Even that was different, though. Jeff wasn't my boyfriend, for which I was grateful.

Shelly was sitting back down with her cup of coffee before I got out of my head. We looked at each other as she sipped her hot drink.

"I have to tell Tracy," she said, when she'd set the cup down. "We've already crossed one or two lines too many; we don't want to compound it by keeping it from her. Then I need to tell John. I should probably tell Mia, too."

"Is this really something worth making a big deal over?" I asked. This seemed pretty mild compared to the mistakes I made with Kristin.

Shelly gave me a pointed look. "We saw each other naked, stripped in front of each other. We almost..." Her voice faltered, and she cleared her throat. "We touched and kissed with the intent to arouse, and it nearly ended in disaster. In a way, this was emotional cheating."

What could I say to that? I didn't really understand 'emotional cheating', but I knew she was right on that other stuff.

"I'll tell Mom," I finally said, "And Mia, too."

"I'll tell your mom," Shelly argued. "In this case, I think erotic love trumps storgic love."

"Huh?" I didn't have a clue what she meant. It was like she was speaking Greek all of a sudden.

"There are several different words for love in Greek," she clarified. Bingo. "In its simplest form, Eros can mean romantic love, like between husband and wife, or wife and wife in this case. Storge can mean familial love, like between a mother and child."

"Oh." I thought about that for a second, then chuckled. "What do you call it in my case since my love with Mom is both storgic AND erotic."

"Oedipal love, I guess. After Oedipus from the classic story." She smiled, but her smile didn't reach her eyes. "You can tell Mia, but I plan to talk to her when I get back. My actions were unconscionable. God, I hope she doesn't hate me. I would have had a conniption if my mother had stripped in front of my boyfriend and rubbed her body all over him."

We worked in separate parts of the house for the rest of the afternoon. We weren't necessarily afraid we'd have a repeat, but our separation did ensure it wouldn't happen again. We just had different tasks. I finished moving what I could to the garage, then started stacking the boxes that were going with us out in the living room so that they'd be readily accessible when John brought the U-Haul.

Thinking of John bummed me out more. I had the greatest respect for the man, but my actions sure didn't show it. Sure he laughed about some of the good-natured flirting that Shelly and I had previously engaged in, but we'd kind of escalated from flirting to foreplay. I hated to think that he'd be disappointed in me, or worse, that'd he'd loathe me, and now I was moving into his house. This was really a fucked up situation.

I was in the garage when Mom pulled into the driveway. My heart nearly stopped when she smiled and waved as she got out of her car. She went to the trunk and got her briefcase and a small box, which I assumed held the personal items she'd had at her office. I went out to take the box from her.

"Hey, Baby," she said, leaning in to give me a motherly kiss—we WERE in the driveway, after all. She leaned back with a concerned look on her face. "What's wrong?"

I never could keep a secret.

"Hi, Trace," Shelly said, from the front door of the house. She must have been watching for Mom to come home. "Come in the house so we can talk."

Mom cornered us once we were inside with the door closed. "OK, what's going on? You two look like someone died." Her eyes widened, "Did someone die?"

"No, no," Shelly quickly calmed her. Then she took her hand. "We..." Shelly glanced at me. "I ... made a mistake."

"A mistake?" Mom asked.

Shelly took a deep breath. "I was flirting with Brody all morning—you know how I do—and I, uh, I kind of let things get out of control."

Mom's expression hardened. "Out of control," she repeated, "What exactly does that mean?"

Shelly fidgeted. "I, uh, I exposed myself to him, uh, nude. I seduced him into drying me off after my shower."

"Did ... did you have sex with my son?" Mom asked, with a slight tremor in her voice.

"No, but I almost let it go that far." Shelly glanced at me. "If Brody hadn't stopped himself, I wouldn't have been able to stop him. I—I didn't want to stop him." She grasped Mom's hand with both of hers. "Oh, Tracy, I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean for it to go that far."

Mom pulled her hand free of Shelly's, which made Shelly's face fall.

"But you just said you wanted it to go farther." Mom put her face in her hands, and I almost expected her to burst into tears. She sighed instead and looked up at us. "I can't believe you would blatantly let it get that far after everything we talked about. You KNOW how Brody and I feel about our various relationships." Her brow furrowed. "Did you think that because Brody and I are intimate that you had a right to be intimate with him, as well?"

Shelly was shaking her head before she finished. "No, of course not, Tracy. Believe me, I didn't start off with the intention of having sex with Brody."

"But you kept flirting shamelessly! What did you think was going to happen?" Mom ran her hand through hair. "I can't think right now. I ... I need to change clothes, and I need to sit down." She brushed past Shelly as she headed towards the bedrooms, then looked back at us. "We can talk in the bedroom."

Shelly and I both started to follow.

"Not you, Brody," Mom said.

I pulled up short. "What? Why? I'm as much to blame. I knew better--"

"Maybe you DID know better. But, maybe you didn't," she replied. I started to argue, but she talked over me. "I can't help but feel that I hold some fault in this. I've always worried that my unnatural need to have sex with you would mess up your sense of what's right and what's wrong, that you'd somehow feel a sense of entitlement when it comes to sex. Your attitude towards things sexual is ... cavalier. I'm partly to blame."

"Mom..."

"Regardless of whether you knew better or not, you're a sixteen-year-old boy full of raging hormones. If I was in your shoes, I probably would have caved if a sexy, older woman threw herself at me."

"Tracy, I didn't throw—" Shelly started to say.

"It wasn't like that, Mom," I said at the same time.

Mom shook her head and looked at Shelly. "Can we please discuss this in our room?"

Shelly nodded, but I could see the hurt in her eyes over Mom's last jab. They left me standing alone. I don't know how long I stood there, but their voices began to escalate after a few minutes of silence. I drifted to the closed door and leaned my head against it. I was ashamed at my lack of control and pissed that everyone was making excuses for me, like I was just a walking hormone-fueled erection with no ability to think or make decisions. It hurt that they treated me like I was too young to know better. It hurt that Shelly alone was getting reamed for something I played an equal part in. It hurt that Mom was blaming herself. I would never forgive myself if I damaged Mom's relationship with Shelly beyond repair.

Mom's comments hurt me, but I figured she had a right. My actions obviously hurt her worse.

" ... you promised..." Mom's voice carried through the door.

" ... I know, I just..." Shelly's excuse came a moment later.

" ... think about who you hurt..." I choked up at that one.

" ... I never meant..."

" ... I feel betrayed..."

There was a knock at the front door, followed almost immediately by Cassie calling, "Bro-deeee!" from the entrance. She spotted me before I could move away from the door. She got a smirk on her face. "Don't tell me you're listening to them have sex! How naughty!"

I opened my mouth to speak, but Shelly's anguished voice cut off my words.

" ... I overestimated his..."

" ... I WARNED you..." Mom cried back.

" ... I know, he just..."

" ... the effect he even has on ME..."

Cassie wasn't smiling now. "What did you do, Brody?"

Finally, someone who recognized that I had blame in the whole thing, even if she didn't have a clue what the 'whole thing' was.

I took Cassie by the arm and pulled her back out the way she came and closed the door behind us.

"They didn't sound very happy," she said. "Why are they fighting over you?"

I hung my head. "Shelly and I took our flirting too far."

Cassie covered her mouth with her hand.

"Oh, my," she said, in an almost perfect imitation of Shelly. "You had sex?"

"No, no. I never even touched her without her clothes on." I cocked my head. "Well, I dried her after her shower, but I only touched her with the towel."

"Start at the beginning," Cassie said.

So I did. I told her about the escalation of our flirting, the hot kissing, rubbing our bodies together 'accidently on purpose', and stripping in the hallway. I finished with the post-shower pat down.

Cassie dropped her hand and shook her head. "I thought you ravished me uncontrollably last night so that you WOULDN'T do something stupid." She hesitated. "What you and Shelly did, that WAS stupid, right? I mean, I just assumed with them arguing that it was, but, you know, with you and your mom..."

"Yeah, it was stupid, all right."

"Why'd you do it then?"

I started to give my reasons—that Shelly was so sexy, that her teasing was hard to resist, etc.—but I realized that I was deflecting blame and throwing it all on Shelly. Mom was doing that for me; I didn't need to help.

"Because I'm a stupid walking erection with more hormones than brains," I sighed, "And because I'm a selfish prick who doesn't think about how his actions hurt those around him."

Cassie took my hand and pulled me down to sit on the porch steps beside her.

"You're selfish if you don't care about how you hurt others, but you DO care. Your problem is impulsivity—not thinking before you act."

I didn't entirely agree with her definition of 'selfish', but I didn't have the will to argue.

"Are you angry with me?" I asked.

"No. I've already said you could screw every girl you see and I would still be yours. I mean that." Cassie hesitated. "OK, that's not entirely true. I'm a LITTLE upset, but only because I care a great deal for Mia, and I'm afraid she's going to be hurt."

My shoulders slumped. "Yeah."

"When are you going to call her?"

"I think I should probably wait until the moms emerge."

"Then why don't we go ahead and get started tagging items for the sale?"

"Mom's going to want a say on the pricing."

"Then let's clean or pack some boxes or something."

I shrugged and let her lead me back into the house. The voices from Mom's room were now too quiet to hear, so we were able to focus on our work. Mom emerged from her room after half an hour or so. Her eyes were puffy and red. She saw me first, but she didn't say anything. She tried to smile reassuringly and rubbed my arm as she passed. Only then did she see Cassie.

"Oh, Cassie! I didn't hear you arrive."

"Hi, Tracy," Cassie replied. She held up the bottle of Windex. "I'm here to work."

Mom went over and hugged her. "Thank you so much for all your help."

"Glad I can."

"Why don't you put the cleaning aside for now and let's put price tags on all the sale items?"

We set our stuff down and followed Mom into the garage.

"Um, where's Shelly?" I quietly asked.

Mom glanced at Cassie, who was pretending to be surveying the items in the garage. "She's finishing up a phone call to John. She'll be out in a few minutes."

"Is, uh, is everything OK?"

Mom looked at me. She must have seen something in my face, because her expression softened. "There's nothing to worry about, Brody. Everything will be fine." I could still see the sadness in her eyes in spite of her words.

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

We worked for a few minutes, with Mom directing us on pricing. When Shelly came into the garage, her eyes were also red and puffy. Things were a bit tense as we worked, and that made things awkward. We'd been working for an hour when the phone rang.

"Will you get that, Brody?" Mom asked, since I was closest to the door.

"Sure," I replied, relieved for a momentary reprieve from the tension.

That feeling of relief vanished as soon as I saw the caller ID.

"Hello?" I answered, not sure if I preferred for John or Mia to be on the other end.

"Hi, Brody," Mia said.

"Hi, Mia."

"What happened?"

"Happened?" I swallowed hard. I wasn't expecting her to already know.

"I overheard Dad on the phone with Mom a little while ago. He sounded a little upset, and he said something about you and Mom, and how I wouldn't be very happy. I couldn't ask him because I didn't want him to know I was eavesdropping, so I'm calling you. What happened?"

I took a deep breath and explained things like I did to Cassie, from beginning to end. I left nothing out, since there was no reason to. I'd have to deal with the consequences sooner or later. Mia didn't say anything when I was done. I could hear her on the other end, but she was silent. I waited as long as I could.

"Mia?"

"What?" came her terse reply.

"Say something."

"What do you want me to say? I'm trying to come to grips with my mom not only having the hots for my boyfriend, but actively trying to seduce him."

"It wasn't like that, Mia."

"Oh, really?"

"I was as much an active participant as she was."

"Yeah, but I know that I can't expect more from you."

I furrowed my brow. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just that you are what you are. You've proven time and again that you think with your dick and not your head." I heard her sniffle, and I knew then that she was going to cry.

"That's not true," I feebly said.

"Isn't it? Cassie last fall, Kristin this spring."

"We already talked about those. You said they didn't bother you."

"But you still jumped in the sack with them the moment you got a chance."

"No, I didn't!" I snapped.

"What about your own mother?"

My eyes opened wide. Surely, she didn't put THAT into the same category. I gritted my teeth to keep from lashing out. "That whole thing was different, Mia."

"Was it, and now MY mother, too? I kind of expect this from you, like I said, but I should be able to expect more from my own mother. She knows better, or at least she always seemed to know better when she was preaching to me about relationships, consequences, and responsibility for our actions." She gave a rueful laugh. "She's a hypocrite."

"Don't say that, Mia."

"I ... I don't know what to think, Brody. I just ... I'm upset, OK? You don't think about the consequences before you do something. You had sex with Cassie and Kristin; you did it even though in your mind you felt like you were betraying me."

"But you said—"

"It's not about what I said! I know you. You felt in your heart that stripping in front of my mom was wrong, but you did it anyway." She paused, "I can't deal with this over the phone. I'll talk to you when you get here, I guess. Maybe it'll all be clear to me by then." She sniffled again, "I have to go."

"Mia, wait—"

"Bye, Brody."

"Mia ... don't..." The line was dead. I slammed it down on its base. "Fuck." I made a fist to punch the wall, but I caught myself just before I let it fly. I dropped my hand in defeat. "You're a fucking fuck-up, Brown," I muttered to myself, as I headed back to the garage.

"Brody?"

"I'm awake," I said, then rolled my head to face my bedroom door. Mom stood there looking beautiful. She was dressed only in jeans, a t-shirt, and little white tennis shoes, and her hair was back in the ponytail she always wore when she was doing housework, but I thought she looked as beautiful as ever.

She smiled at me. "Why don't you get dressed and come to the kitchen for some breakfast before you start moving things out onto the driveway?"

"OK."

She hesitated like she wanted to say something for a second, but then turned and left.

I took stock of my aches and pains. I'd slept like crap the night before, tossing and turning for hours before I fell asleep, only to wake up and go through it all over again. I was sore from all the heavy lifting and cleaning of the previous few days, but the ache that hurt the worst was the one in my heart. I'd hurt the ones I loved the most. I let them down and I let myself down. I was now filled with apprehension instead of looking forward to our reunion with excitement.

Mia's words from the day before still hurt. I tried to tell myself that they were said in self-defense, used as a way to strike out in order to protect her emotions. I tried to tell myself she'd soon get over it and that she didn't mean those things. The problem was that most of what she said was true. It didn't seem like I could control myself. I succumbed to temptation. It didn't matter that my relationship with Cassie ended up being a good thing, just like with Mom. I'd still acted even though I felt like I was being unfaithful to Mia and Shay. Regardless, it still hurt when Mia said she expected me to screw up, like I couldn't be a better person than that.

Her comment about Mom was a different matter. She knew how I felt about that situation, and she'd not only been accepting, but encouraging. That sexual relationship wasn't driven by horniness; it was driven by a deep-rooted need. Sure, horniness sometimes played a part, but not all the time. Our relationship went deeper than that. I thought Mia understood that. For her to use my relationship with Mom in this context was hurtful and upsetting, not that I really had room to talk.

I hadn't really been able to talk to Shay about it. A quick call to her before I went to bed had been enough to know she was disappointed in me, but not angry. She said she loved me, something Mia hadn't done before she hung up, and that she would talk to Mia. I wasn't sure what that meant, but I prayed that it was good.

I went to the kitchen after taking care of my morning stuff and throwing shorts and a t-shirt on. I could actually hear Mom and Shelly laughing about something as I came into the room. Those simple laughs lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. Maybe I hadn't totally ruined their relationship.

"Finally," Mom said, winking at me.

"Sit and eat," Shelly said, as she slid a McDonald's bag across the table.

I sat, but I needed to say something before I started eating. I cleared my throat.

"I wanted to say something to you guys," I said. I looked at Mom. "Mom, I'm sorry I made such a bad decision yesterday. I knew what I was doing, and I ignored the consequences of my actions. I'll do whatever I have to do to make it right with you, John, and Mia. I'll also do my best to learn from this. Oh, and please don't say anything that sounds like an excuse for my behavior."

Mom smiled as she reached over and took my hand. "OK, I won't excuse your behavior. I accept your apology, but I need to say a few things, too. Whether you agree or not, I still feel like the ambiguity of my relationship with you is something I need to apologize for. I've already gotten over feeling guilty for having the feelings for you that I do, as well as for doing what we do. However, I take some responsibility for not helping define how our relationship fits into the relationships we have with other people. We've talked some about it, but we never really clearly defined it."

I understood that, so I nodded my acceptance. She continued.

"I also need to admonish you, Son, to be cautious in your relationships with other women, no matter their age." She glanced at Shelly. "For better or worse, you are a handsome, charming, young man, and females seem to not only be drawn to you, but give you a HUGE amount of latitude regarding your actions. You need to put more thought into how you interact with each of them. Set some boundaries up, or you will find yourself in these situations with regularity. The measure of a man is what's on the inside, Brody, not what's on the outside. You don't want to hurt people. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I thought about it for a bit and realized she was right on, as she usually is.

"Yes, I do. Thanks, Mom."

She smiled again. "Now eat."

"One more thing." I looked at Shelly. "I'm sorry for my part in this. It took two to get to this point, and I feel awful that I might have been the cause of tension in your marriage, and in your relationships with Mom and Mia."

Shelly gave me a warm smile. "Thank you, Brody. I apologize, as well. I should have been more in control of things. The only thing I can say is that while I'm an adult and a parent, these unique relationships are new to me, too. I'm just as prone to mistakes as you are. That's not an excuse, just a stark realization on my part." She chuckled, "I'll probably still flirt and tease, since that's my nature, but I'll be more guarded in the future."

"Thanks for the warning," I said, and she winked at me. "I'll be more careful, too. Um, how did John take it?"

"He was a little disappointed, but he's fine. We—John and I—are a little more open-minded about sexual things than a lot of parents."

"I noticed that; I just hope Mia is as understanding."

Shelly sighed sadly. "I hope so, too, Brody."

I flipped the light in the office off and dragged myself to my bedroom. I was exhausted and looked forward to a good night's sleep. I paused at Mom's closed bedroom door and leaned in close. Sure enough, the sounds of Sapphic lovemaking could be heard. I wasn't surprised.

We did the whole yard sale thing after the apologies that morning. As the day progressed, the tensions from the day before became less and less. Shelly was being honest when she said she would still tease me, and since Cassie came over to help, that meant that I got teased from three sides. However, by the time it was just me, Mom, and Shelly at the dinner table, teasing me had been replaced by furtive looks and suggestive touches between the two of them.

I was happy that my screw-up hadn't ruined something so good for my mother. Shelly's climactic cry through the door made me smile. I readjusted my swelling erection and went to my room, privately leaving them to their make-up sex. I had no sooner climbed into my sleeping bag on the floor when the phone rang.

I leaned over and grabbed the cordless that was beside me, not bothering to check the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Big Papi."

I smiled. "Hey, Shay."

"You sound tired."

"I am. It was a busy day, and I'm pretty exhausted."

"Well, you need to make sure you get your rest, Bucko. You're going to have to satisfy two horny girls when you get here next week."

My heart hurt at the thought of Mia. "Are you sure it's two?"

"I'd be lying if I said she wasn't still upset, but she'll get over it, especially if you can show her you learn from your mistakes. Those are her words, by the way, not mine."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

I sighed. "It shouldn't have to be that way, though. I should have been stronger."

"Maybe. OK, yeah, you should have been, but Mia fell in love with you, flaws and all. We both did. We don't expect you to be perfect. Just be honest with us and respect us."

"I try," I said, but it sounded a little whiny, so I took a deep breath and tried again. "I promise to always do that."

"Mia feels bad, too, about what she said on the phone to you. She didn't mean most of it."

"Yeah, well, her words stung a little, but there was truth to them. I want to be the kind of guy who deserves to be with you two. That means I need to be a better person."

"We all do, Lover," she said. Then I yawned, which made her laugh. "Go to bed, Stud. Get plenty of rest. Drink lots of fluids. You're going to need it."

"I will. I love you, Shay. Thanks for everything."

I'd have said no if anyone had asked me at the beginning of the school year if I was going to attend the graduation ceremony in the spring. I didn't really have any senior friends at the time, but when graduation finally arrived, I found myself entering the school gymnasium for two reasons: first, Cassie, being a junior, had several friends who were seniors; and second, thanks to Kristin's interest in me for a lot of the spring semester, I now did too.