I've never written for one of these websites before but I thought I just needed to get this off my chest. It's not that I'm ashamed of what happened, no, I've become quite at peace with that, maybe it's more that I want other mothers to trust their instincts when there's little else to go on and do what their heart tells them.
So, here goes.
My name is Natalie and when this began I was thirty-nine. I lived with my son, Tom, who was sixteen at the time. His father, well, his name is not important, he left us for his secretary about ten years earlier, so it was Tom and me.
Being a single mom and trying to raise a male child as well, I've always tried to keep the lines of communication as open as I could, especially about sex.
Sure, his schools had some form of sex-ed, they all did now but I'd told him years before to come to me if he wanted any information about sex and he did on occasion. I also initiated some of our conversations like the time I found dried, crusty, yellowed handkerchiefs wadded-up under his bed.
That was when I bought him a large bottle on fragrance-free body lotion for him to use on that one special part of his body. And I positioned a box of tissues on his bedside table for cleaning up after. I also told him it was perfectly fine to masturbate, even if it was multiple times a day. I'd had a brother growing up so I had some idea of how boys were.
The next night I looked on the internet at some porn sites to find some videos of guys masturbating. Actually I found them quite arousing myself and got off twice on my own. Then the next evening I let Tom watch them himself while I cleaned up the kitchen. I positioned the lotion and tissues next to the computer and told him I'd leave him alone for an hour. I also left a second browser window open with a video of a nude beach with girls playing volleyball.
He certainly looked happy when he came back into the kitchen after. I asked him simply if it had been helpful to him and he gave me a big hug and told me he loved me.
What else would a mom want?
So, this is how I tried to keep our communication as open as I could, especially about sex, a difficult topic for most parents and their children but particularly difficult for a mother and son or, I imagine, a father and daughter.
Now, I've told you about my son masturbating, how I talked with him about it making sure he knew it was fine to do, that there was nothing wrong with it, even helping him in certain ways.
But what about me? What about my sexual needs and desires?
Well, they were there, all right. I was a grown woman with all the libido you might expect, I'd always been horny since puberty.
So, I had to provide my own relief just as my son did his.
I didn't date anyone, well, there had been a UPS driver that I went out with once about a year ago but that fizzled quickly, so I, like lots of women, found ways to pleasure myself including a small collection of toys to help things along. It wasn't perfect but, well, it got the job done well enough.
I did use my laptop sometimes looking at porn though so much of it was just so fake looking. There were a few that I would find that were in the 'amateur' or 'homemade' sections that weren't too bad though sometimes the quality of the video wasn't quite as good.
So, I got myself off mostly every night after going to bed, it felt nice and helped me get a good night's sleep.
Then, one day after I got home after work and was opening the mail, Tom came in and sat down next to me.
"Mom, you always told me I could ask you anything I wanted and you'd try to answer me, right? No matter what it was about?"
Well, that made me wonder what was coming but I told him to ask away.
"Um, I've kind of heard you at night, like after I go to bed. And it sounds like you're, um, getting off, masturbating, you get a little loud sometimes."
"Oh, my. Well, as you know it can be fun, yes, I guess I do."
"I was wondering, well, I was wondering if I could, um, like come in and watch, watch you do it? See how you do it."
I felt my face flush as I sat there with the envelope slitter in my hand.
"I ... you want to watch? I ... well, I..."
If you think I was rather dumbfounded, I was for sure.
"Oh, Tom, I just don't think I could do that, I'm sorry. Maybe I can get you a video to watch on the internet. Maybe that," I choked out.
"Yeah, okay, I was really kind of wanting to see how you did it after hearing you but ... well, okay," he said looking rather disappointed.
"I've got to get started on dinner, okay?" I said wanting to put this behind me as quickly as I could and was soon busy in the kitchen.
Watch me, I thought. He wants to watch me masturbate. Well, I'm not an old bag, I'm thirty-nine, still weigh what I did in high school. My boobs, well, they're not bad, actually. I was never real big, B-cup, and, okay, they don't quite have the lift they once did but I can wear a bikini and feel good about it. And my legs are nice, I look good in shorts and skirts.
So, I think most any male would get his jollies watching me but, well, we both know he's my son. But, still I took his request as a compliment, one that I kept to myself. But it did make me feel good.
For the next few nights, I tried to keep a little quieter when I went about pleasuring myself but, well, in the heat of an orgasm, that's not high on your 'to-do list.'
Then, the next night, I had one of those gentle, sweeping orgasms that just slowly spread out covering your whole body with exquisite, sensuous delight and I laid there just enjoying every second. Until my full bladder began to take over.
I got up and went to the door and opened it to slip down to the bathroom. There was Tom, his cock in his hand, his briefs puddled around his ankles and splashes of his semen on the hardwood floor. And I was naked.
"Oh, my ... Tom, pull up your underpants and go to your room. I've got to go to the bathroom but I'll be down to see you in a few minutes," and I ran to the bathroom, luckily holding it in until I collapsed on the seat and let my bladder run empty. I sat there, somewhat upset at what had happened but even more ... rather aroused at what I had seen. My son, at sixteen, was every bit a man, a handsome, virile man.
I hadn't seen Tom's penis, well, since he was about nine, I thought, and what I had just seen was the penis of a man, a grown man, a man with a strong erection. I tried to put the image out of my mind to focus on what I was going to say to him and after I flushed the toilet, I got up and headed to his room.
I'd just taken a few steps when I realized I was still naked and made it back to my room and slipped on a nightgown and a robe.
Now we were going to talk.
His door was open but I rapped anyway, announcing my arrival and went in.
He was in bed and I went over and sat next to him.
"Well, I'm not angry, Tom, I mean what you did was supposed to stay private. It was me that had to go to the bathroom and caught you there rather, well, not red-handed, exactly but, well, you know."
I couldn't believe that it was coming out a bit humorous, I had intended it to be a serious talk.
"I just ... well, I've heard you, you know, um, getting off, and it really turns me on, I just can't listen without, um, doing it myself."
"I can understand that you, being male, at your age, have plenty of urges that you need to take care of, we talked about that a long time ago. That's understandable, that's human. As you know I have those urges as well."
"That's what I mean, Mom, why can't we do it together? You and me? I've dreamed and dreamed about you doing it, it really makes me ... well, it makes me want to do it with you, the two of us. I don't see what's wrong with that."
"Moms and sons aren't supposed to be sexual with each other, that's what's wrong with it."
"We'd just see each other. Not even touch, Mom. I just want to see you do it. I won't even do it myself. I won't even take my clothes off. I just want to watch you, watch you have an orgasm. I've heard you, I want to watch you, Mom. It sounds so wonderful."
"But, that's so personal, Tom. You're asking me to be naked in front of you."
"I know. I know. You are a beautiful woman, Mom, You hardly even look thirty. All my friends think you're really hot."
"Oh, god, don't tell me you talk about me with your friends."
"No, no, Mom, but they've mentioned you, they're young guys, Mom, they like pretty girls and women. You're a MILF, Mom, they all think so."
You probably won't believe this but I asked him.
"MILF, what's that?"
I knew when he turned crimson that I probably shouldn't have asked.
"You really don't know? It's for a mom I'd like to, well, F, you know what that means, right?"
Oh, my. Now I knew I still looked pretty good, never went to any lengths to hide my looks, I've rather enjoyed being attractive, even when I've gotten some looks from men, that's always felt pretty good. But I never thought teen boys would be ogling me. Shows you what I know.
"So these boys tell you that they would want to have sex with me?"
"Yeah, some do. Sorry, does that make you mad?"
I laughed and said, "No, in a way it's kind of funny, in another way, I guess it's kind of a compliment, though perhaps not one I'd pass on to my mother."
"Well, Mom, you're a very attractive woman and one that, well, when I hear you, you know, getting off, I realize how sexy and hot you are."
"Tom, I'm your mother."
"I know that, of course you are. But that's not all you are. You're a sexy, hot woman, too. You, well, you'd turn on any male who saw you including me."
"I suppose I can tell you what I do, would that be enough?"
"I'm not asking you to have sex, Mom. Just let me watch while you do it. I won't even do myself, I'll do that later."
"But, Tom, I'll be naked, that's not right."
"You could do it in the dark, just the light that would come in under the door?"
"You really want this don't you?"
I had to admit that the idea was a turn-on. I knew I was resisting it all the way but, truth be told, my pussy was on fire at the thought. I know ... my own son.
"More than anything, Mom. It's so incredibly hot to listen to you, I just want to be there when you do it."
"Even with the lights off? With maybe just a little light?"
"That would be great, I'd love that."
"This is crazy, you know that, don't you?"
"I guess, but I really want to be there."
"I don't think I can talk about it any more tonight, Tom, we need to drop it for now," I said and leaned over and kissed him goodnight then went back to my room.
Back in bed, as I pulled the covers up, I realized that I'd kissed him pretty hard on the lips. I laid there thinking back to pulling my door open to see him standing there holding himself. The image had burned into my mind and I couldn't rid myself of it.
Then I realized that I had a hand down in my panties. I was turned-on for sure. My own son. Well, I thought, if he was someone else's son there would be little doubt that I'd take him to my bed. He was young, sixteen, yes, but he was also a very handsome and solid young man who, naked, was very difficult to forget.
I lay there, so stirred by all this, as my fingers rubbed back and forth. I knew I shouldn't be fantasizing like this but I was also telling myself that it was just a fantasy.
But then I got up and went into the hall and down to his room, stood outside his door, there was no light coming from underneath, as I softly said, "Are you still awake?"
"Yes," he answered to my asking him if he was still awake.
"Would you come down to my room?" I asked and turned and went back to my room, took off my nighty and panties and got in bed and pulled the sheet up over me.
He came in and I asked him to turn on the hall light then close my door most of the way.
I could see him standing there, a black figure framed in the dim light coming in, as I pulled down the sheet and leaned back spreading open.
I couldn't say a word, I just licked my fingers and began rubbing my labia slowly, pressing inward, making myself feel good as I shivered with taboo pleasure.
My eyes were closed, trying to concentrate solely on the pleasure I was feeling. My fingers broadened the circle I was rubbing, including my clit which was feeling really tingly and good. I might have been trying to block out the fact that my son was in the room watching me masturbate but I couldn't escape it entirely. The other thing I couldn't escape was the naughty feelings I was having that were making it all the more delicious. I was being bad and it felt so good.
He was motionless, standing rock-solid with the light filtering in around his torso's silhouette as I began putting a finger inside as I wet my other fingers to rub my clit. I wanted it to be good, good for Tom; he'd wanted this so badly.
"Mmm, uh, huh, huh," I panted as I saw him shift a bit. I couldn't tell exactly but I thought he might be rubbing over himself. I found myself hoping he was, that he was finding this erotic and sensual. I certainly was; it was one hell of a turn-on.
I lifted my knees and slipped a second finger inside to rub the inner walls of my vagina, not wanting it to end too quickly, now, really getting into masturbating for my son, it was what he'd wanted and now it was what I wanted as well.
But I also decided to not hold back, I wanted to let him hear me like he might if I were just doing it on my own. That's what he wanted, after all.
"OHHH, yes, so good, feels so good," I moaned as I gave myself such wonderful pleasure. "Mmm, oh, oh."
The outline of his body was stark still as he watched me in the faint light. I wasn't exactly sure what or how much he could make out and I began to have the oddest, most unexpected feelings like I didn't really care if could see me fully. The thoughts surprised me they were so unbidden. I even now wanted him to see me, to see me orgasm ... just for him.
"Mmm, oh, oh, it feels good," I whispered softly as I rubbed and stroked in and out, my eyes fixed on the manly shape in my doorway.
I really can't tell you exactly why I reached over and turned on my bedside lamp but I did.
He stood there, naked except for his boxers which were obviously strained outward by his erection. I smiled at him as I continued pleasuring myself now with the added edge of openly and boldly doing it in front of my son.
He just stood there totally silent, not moving in the least, his eyes fixed on me watching as I went on.
I was so turned on at that point I knew I was close to a huge orgasm. I pressed more firmly over my clit and began to feel tremors coursing through me. Then, I exploded.
"Oh, OH, UH, UUH, UUH, UMM, MMM, uh, oh," I cried out as my whole body convulsed with wave after delicious wave of ecstasy coursed through me as I threw my head back and pushed my hips up, now awash in the pure joy my body was giving me.
I think it was the strongest, longest, most wonderful orgasm of my life. Simply incredible. And I was sure that if I'd been alone it would not have been nearly the powerful orgasm that it was.
I just lay there, panting, warm-faced, my hands still between my legs, still soothing me as he stood there.
"Well, you got what you wanted. I hope it was all right," I said breathlessly.
"I never knew anything could be that beautiful. I'll never forget it, thank you, Mom," he said softly as he came to my bed, leaned over and kissed me softly on the lips, then rose up and left the room.
I lay there totally shaken by an enormous orgasm and by the most lustful feelings I think I'd ever had. I realized that even after such a luscious climax, my fingers were still rubbing. I had never been so aroused.
I got up from my bed, opened my door and slowly, purposefully walked down to Tom's room and went in. I didn't knock, I didn't say a word. He had quickly covered up when I opened the door but I did see for a second that he was stretched out and I'm sure was masturbating. I just went over and pulled the sheet up and got in bed with him, moved over him and kissed him sliding my tongue inside his warm mouth as my hand went down.
His hands moved over my back and down onto my butt as I held his rigid cock tight in my hand.
"I want to do it for you, let me, okay?" I asked him and I took the bottle of hand lotion that I knew was always next to his bed along with a box of tissues that always seemed to get used up faster than any colds or hay fever he had. We moms usually know what our boys are doing and now I wanted to do it for him.
I sat up, dribbled some lotion on him, then wrapped my fingers around his erection and began as he looked at me, a slight smile across his face. I couldn't believe how rigid and stiff and swollen he was.
"Mmm," he moaned as I moved up and down. Somehow I was feeling much more comfortable being naked in front of him, doing something so very sexual with him. I reached over with my other hand, took his and brought it to my breast.
His touch was electric. I knew then that this was a beginning, a new beginning, for the both of us. I was surprised by how calm I felt as my hand moved up and down his long, hard shaft. It had been years since I'd held one of these and now, truthfully, I was excited as a schoolgirl nervously, greedily holding her first boy's dick.
I sat there cross-legged feeling the warmth gather underneath me as I masturbated my son while his hand massaged my breast.
"Oh, Mom, I'm really close, feels so good," he groaned as I slid my hand up and down gripping him tighter to bring him to climax. My other hand slid underneath to softly rub his testicles while I stroked him.
Then, suddenly, his hips rose and spurts of semen flew up from him, raining down on my hand adding a new slipperiness to each long stroke.
"Oh, that was so good. I love you, Mom, that was the best, I'll never forget it," he said softly as I moved down next to him as we embraced and kissed. We laid there kissing, kissing in new ways that were so exciting to us both.
I really didn't want to leave his arms. I was just swept up in the moment, really consumed by the feelings that were engulfing me as we kissed and held each other tightly.
"Just stay here, Mom. Stay in bed with me."
I didn't answer; I just held him in my arms. He reached over and turned out the light and we slowly, gently, happily drifted to sleep.
I did awaken several times during the night, after all I wasn't used to having someone in bed with me, especially a naked male. Once I laid there thinking back to our masturbation experiences earlier that evening and carefully slid my hand onto his penis, now so soft and sweet, to rub my thumb around on the silken head, feeling him begin to lengthen and engorge.
I didn't want to wake him so I took my hand back, content that perhaps I gave him a bit of a dream to remember when he awakens in the morning.
Did I enjoy sleeping in the same bed with my son?
I couldn't remember being so happy and content.
As I opened my eyes, he was on his side watching me.
"Good morning, Mom."
I leaned forward and gave him a soft kiss on the lips.
"Good morning, Son, that was some evening we had last night."
His arms surrounded me and pulled me to him tightly as he kissed me, kissed me hard. His kiss was not the only thing hard in his bed that morning. What was pressing against me was inescapable, his erection was pushing itself with a mind of its own.
"I loved last night. It was what I've been wanting. And I love us sleeping together."
"It was nice. I haven't slept that peacefully or happily in a long, long time," I admitted.