Chapter 2: Kissing with your Eyes Shut

For three months, I kept fantasizing Tabby might change her mind and I'd get a call on my cell, an e-mail, even a surprise visit. On my trips to Pittsburgh, I avoided indulging and focused on my consulting work instead. Anyone I met from Tabby's service would just remind me that I wasn't with her. At home, I spent time with my twenty-two-year- old daughter, Cheryl, who was leaving for graduate school three states away. My relationship with Jodie was so good that the three of us would go to dinner as a family twice a month. For most of the dinner, my daughter and ex-wife kept insisting that I seemed sadder than usual. I finally broke down and mentioned that I'd stopped seeing someone.

"Dad, I didn't even know you were dating."

"Well, she doesn't live here."

"I don't know Dad, if you were serious about her, I'm hurt that you never introduced her to me. I thought we were closer than that.

We were at Charley's, Jodie's new favorite restaurant. The irony of the name wasn't lost on me.

"Well, that goes for me too Cheryl. Your mom and I would expect to meet whoever you got serious about."

"Don't worry, Dad. I promise, but I want you to promise that you won't get serious with another woman without my knowing her some first. I can't let you run off with just anyone. Mom always introduces me to the guys she dates."

I winced.

Jodie spoke up, "Cheryl, you know I'm not serious about any of them."

"I know Mom. You always tell me that."

"Sorry about that Jerry."

"It's okay, Jodie. I wouldn't expect you not to date. You're a beautiful-affectionate woman. You always have been. Whoever dates you is a lucky guy."

"Mom, could you tell me why Dad and you split up again? You're nicer to each other than my friends' parents who are still married to each other."

"Just parent stuff, I guess. Your Dad and I were different in certain ways."

Cheryl's cell phone beeped. She started texting.

"Cheryl, you were asking us a pretty important question."

"Sorry Dad, I was listening."

"Like your mom said, we were just different."

"So Dad, if you were so serious about this out of town lady, why didn't you ever bring her home for a weekend?"

"That's a really long story."

"I have time.I'm not even going to text."

"Cheryl, I don't think your Dad wants to talk about it right now. I'm sure he had his reasons."

Cheryl's phone rang again.

"Would you guys mind? Emily's in town and she wants to go to a movie."

Jodie and I looked at each other.

"I thought we were going to have dessert. Who's Emily?" I said.

"You've met her. Remember we came over to use the pool at your house."

"I guess so."

Cheryl may not have noticed my eyes go wide, but Jodie gave me a knowing look. For the last couple years, Jodie had been the only woman in a monthly poker game. Apparently, she was a terrific poker player, Cheryl kept saying that her mother kept coming home with hundreds even thousands of dollars from the games.

"She's the dark-haired one with the big eyes. You remember when Cheryl was in that play? Emily's the one you said could be on Broadway now." Jodie said.

"Really smart too. She's getting her masters at Carnegie Mellon." Cheryl added.

"Jerry, I tried to set you up with Emily's mom until she started dating some guy. For a change, you were actually really interested."

I hadn't forgotten the girl in the red bikini who caught me looking at her that afternoon.

"Oh right, that Emily. Is she still doing theater stuff?"

"She always asks how you're doing, Dad."

"Well, say 'hi' for me and that I'm glad to hear that she's still pursuing it."

Cheryl kissed and hugged us both, thanked me for dinner, then went out the door. I hadn't been alone with Jodie in a year.

"Can I bring dessert, sir?"

Jodie and I looked at our waiter, each other, shrugged, and then ordered one dessert with two forks.

"Jodie, you know I miss this."

"Me too, Jerry. Sorry, Cheryl had to bring up the guys I date. She still doesn't know why we broke up."

"Well, what good would it do for her to know that her mom's a nympho?"

"Very funny! But, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Was the woman you were seeing married or something?"

"Of course not."

"She wasn't by any chance an escort?"

I gulped.

"Jesus Jodie, why would you ask something like that?"

"First, it occurs to me that one of the first things you would do would be to introduce any woman you were dating seriously to our daughter. It's just the way you are, Jerry. I couldn't think of too many scenarios where you wouldn't. Those are pretty much the only two."

"I suppose."

"It's true isn't it? You've always had your thing for bad girls."

I sighed.

"Busted, I guess."

"Jerry, it's not like I care. To be honest, I took money from older guys a few times before I met you. You sort of knew that didn't you? I didn't exactly have the best reputation back then."

"Well, I had a feeling but I never wanted to put you on the spot."

"I'll always love you for that, Jerry. I guess we've gotten to the point where we can be totally honest with one another."

"But how did you know I was seeing a call girl?"

"You know I still help with the books for your company."

"Of course, I wouldn't trust anyone else."

"You were going to way better hotels and restaurants in Pittsburgh than anywhere else. People normally don't do that in Pittsburgh when they also travel regularly to Miami, New York, and Honolulu."

"Guess, I should be more careful."

"Jerry, I'm just glad you were having fun, but this one must have really gotten to you. I don't think you were even this sad when we got divorced."

"Jodie, I'd rather not comment on that."

"It's okay Jerry, I was a terrible wife. You deserved better, but falling in love with call girls is dangerous. It never ends well."

"I've heard the stories. Besides, you and I did okay, not that I knew at the time."

"And had you known?"

I looked directly at Jodie. She still looked great. Blonde hair, blue eyes, same figure she had in college. Our waiter kept looking at her legs.

"I wouldn't have cared and now that I do know I don't have any regrets. We wouldn't have Cheryl and you're maybe my best friend still. In some ways, it's a turn on. You know, winning the heart of a woman other guys have to pay to see."

Jodie kissed me on the cheek.

"You're the greatest guy Jerry. Look, I've wanted to tell you this for a while now."

"Tell me what?"

"I know we shouldn't get involved again, but if you need a blow job or something, I'm here for you."

I laughed. "Wow!"

"You're not supposed to laugh, Jerry. I remember you used to be rather fond of my mouth. It wouldn't be like we were dating. I wouldn't expect you to reciprocate, unless you wanted to. I could be like your sex toy. I'd do a strip tease. I remember how much you loved those. I'd go to my knees..."

My cock was surprisingly hard. I felt Jodie's fingers brush along my knee.

"Aren't you seeing someone, Jodie?"

"So, you can think of it as my making amends for being such a lousy wife. I just want to see you smile again, help you pull out of this sad business."

"What if Cheryl found out we were uh "dating" again? She might get the wrong idea."

"She doesn't have to know. I can be very discreet."

She dipped her finger into our ice cream and slipped it into my mouth. She reached for my hand. I dipped the tip of my index finger into the vanilla and fed her. The feel of her tongue on my finger sent a familiar jolt of electricity through me.

"We can go to your place, maybe pick up some whipped cream on the way. It'll be fun, Jerry."

"Jodie, you're sexy as hell and I never thought I'd be turning down one of your blow jobs, but I need to think about this. I'm just afraid that I'll start wanting to get involved with you again and before you know it, I'll be wanting you all to myself. We'll be back where we were only it'll really hurt our daughter if we go through that again."

"Dammit Jerry! Do you have to be so sensible?"

"Jodie, I really am flattered and I do have a very painful erection right now, but tonight's not a good idea."

"It's okay, Jerry. Just know that my door or should I say my mouth is always open for you. Just call my cell and anytime, anywhere, I'll get on my knees for you and show you the time of your life. You deserve to feel good."

"I'll keep that in mind, Jodie."

Jodie reached for my cheek, but instead pulled out the chain around my neck and my mother's wedding ring.

"Whoever you give this to next is going to be the luckiest woman in the world."

I took her hand and kissed it.

"I'm glad I gave it to you once. You know I'll always love you Jodie."

The check came back. I signed the bill and we got up to go to our cars.

"Tell me something else, Jerry. If Emily had asked you what I just asked you, what would you have done?"

I turned bright red.

"Oh my god, Jodie! How could you ask me something like that?"

She smiled.

"Well first, I've met Emily and seen her in a bathing suit too. I wanted to seduce her myself and I'm not even all that into girls, especially young girls. Second, I know your taste in women Jerry. We both like those flirty little brunettes with tight bodies. And number three, I saw the way you squirmed when Cheryl said Emily was in town. I was offering to suck your cock, something I'm damn good at by the way, and your head was at some movie theater."

I sighed.

"Okay, I'm a guy. Yes, I noticed Emily and maybe I had a little crush, but she's way too young for me and she's Cheryl's pal. How weird would that be? Besides she seems like a very nice girl and you told me yourself that I'm into bad girls. Do you maybe have her mom's number still?"

Jodie shook her head. We were in the parking lot. She was in a short skirt. Men kept turning their heads as they passed by. How crazy was I to be saying "no" to my ex-wife's offer?

"I'm afraid that Emily's mom moved out of state and she's a bit on the churchy side anyway. Besides, she might be a little old for you now. I hear you're into younger women."

"It's not like I'm some dirty old man. I just can't take any more talking about ex-husbands, college tuitions, kids' weddings, and whether to sell the house or go on cruises."

"Jerry, I get it. You're also not some guy who gained thirty pounds who hangs out watching football and obsesses about getting a better riding mower. You take care of yourself. Women notice, old ones, middle-aged ones, young ones. You just want a reset and fall in love again for life. After what I put you through, I don't blame you."

"Thanks, Jodie. I've definitely caught younger guys checking you out too. Did you notice how our waiter kept circling your side of the table? And a couple of Cheryl's guy friends definitely have crushes on you."

"Jerry, could we maybe talk about something else."

"You're kidding!"

"It wasn't like I raped the kid and Cheryl definitely wasn't interested in him that way. Look, we don't have to be honest about everything."

"Tabby, was early thirties, so she's younger, but not like Cheryl's friends younger. I mean, Jodie, what were you thinking?"

"Jerry, if it makes you feel better, you're a way better lover. Kid lasted about ten seconds."

I started to turn to my car.

"Jerry, can I say one more thing."

"It's not like you've been holding back tonight Jodie."

"Cheryl and I just want to see you happy. If it's with some call girl, one of my best friends, or even someone Cheryl's age, we might find it strange, but I don't think either Cheryl or I would care if she made you happy. You deserve to find the one. I only wish sometimes that I hadn't fucked things up the way I did."

"Thanks, Jodie. I just want you to be happy too, but if you're going to get it on with twenty year olds, maybe find them on your own."

We hugged. Before I knew it, Jodie was kissing me on the mouth. I felt her fingers brush along my zipper. I was kissing her back, but somehow I managed to pull away. For a few seconds, I didn't even realize that my erection was sticking out of my open zipper. I had very good memories of Jodie's special skills. It wasn't like we ever had a problem sexually.

"Jodie, honey, it's just a bad idea."

I kissed her on the cheek and managed to zip my pants.

"Jerry, remember it's an open offer. Call my cell and I'll show up even if I'm out on a date. Think about it. I miss the taste of your cock."

I managed to get in my car, drove home, and avoided my cell phone for a week.

I was relieved to have another trip to Pittsburgh on my calendar, so I could resist the temptation to backslide with Jodie. In the meantime, I lied to Cheryl about the pool being drained when she asked about coming over with Emily for a swim. I hadn't seen Emily in four years, but I knew that if she was wandering my back yard in a bikini, my interest would be a little too obvious. I couldn't tell Jodie not to mess with Jodie's friends then get tempted myself. I offered to take the girls to dinner that night instead, but Emily had to go back to school early and Cheryl was driving her to the airport.

Jodie's offer had helped in one other way. For three months, I'd masturbated to thoughts of only one woman, Tabby. I was now moving on from time to time to happy memories of Jodie sucking my cock and thoughts of Emily in red bikini by my pool. It was pathetic, like something out of Fast Times at Ridgemont High, but it helped. I got to my hotel in Pittsburgh, a Fairfield Inn this time, and found myself calling Tabby's Treasures for the first time in months. I figure that I needed some healthier fantasies than my ex-wife, my daughter's friend, or Tabby. Darcy answered.

"Jerry, are you in town? I'd been hoping we'd hear from you."

"Well, I finally couldn't resist. I kept wondering if you'd heard from Tabby and how she's doing in retirement."

"Not a lot other than business stuff. She sounds incredibly happy in California though. I can say "Hi" for you if you want."

"Sure. She's someone who deserves to be happy."

"Definitely. I have to confess that I had a huge crush on Tabby myself. We did a few doubles and the guys would always ask us if the two of us were real girlfriends."

"Darcy, maybe a little too much information there."

"Sorry, Jerry. I know she really enjoyed her time with you and the two of you were really close. I was just trying to say that I know how you feel. I'm such an idiot sometimes."

"You're not an idiot, Darcy. I know I was Tabby's client, not her boyfriend. It actually helps to be reminded of that."

"Jerry, that's definitely not what I was doing. I happen to know that you weren't just another client to her. She was very upset that day. Anyway, I'm the one who was just one of her business associates."

"Thanks, Darcy and I don't think you were just another business associate to her. She wouldn't have trusted you to run Tabby's Treasures, if you were."

"I guess we have to face it. The same woman broke our hearts."

"Well, we definitely have great taste."

"You know she told me that I was too much of a one woman woman for her. I remember she mentioned that you were too much of a one woman man. Kind of weird, don't you think?"

"Darcy, I actually didn't know you were gay in your personal life."

"Actually, I'm bi, very very bi, just like Tabby."

"I see."

"I know this sounds strange coming from someone who has sex with men for money, but it always gets me mad that when people find out that I'm bi, they assume it means that I'm really promiscuous. I've always wanted to be in a stable relationship."

"But what kind?"

"I think it would be with one woman and dating lots of different guys."

"Would you date them together or separately?"

"Both. I like being monogamous with a woman and maybe more experimental with men."

"Maybe you just haven't met the right guy?"

"No, when it comes to cock, I'm sort of a slut. I'm really well suited to this business."

"You should meet my ex-wife. You'd definitely get along."

"Speaking of wives, you know Tabby asked me to help you with your project."

"What project?"

"I thought that might be why you were calling, to help you find a bad girl who's going to love you."

"Uh, no. I was looking more for light entertainment. I realized that it's been a while. I'm not even sure I'm ready for anything serious."

"I can help you with that too. Is there any type you're looking for?"

"To be honest, I'd say someone like Tabby, but that would be a really bad idea for now."

"I understand that one. So we're talking like a voluptuous redhead or maybe a leggy blonde?"

"Well, I have been fantasizing about my ex and she's very blonde and blue eyed."

"Tell me more."

"Affectionate, kind, funny, smart has great legs, and a very tight body."

"Any uh, special skills."

"Just my usual."

"Meaning, you want a lady who gives blow jobs that make your toes curl."

"That definitely wouldn't hurt."

"Okay, let me put all that in our data base of associates. By the way, we don't keep any identifiable info on clients and we encrypt everything."

"You have a database?"

"I'm trying to modernize things a little. Tabby had this incredible memory. I'm blonde."

"Cool!"

"Uh oh!"

"What's the matter?"

"Jerry, I didn't rig anything."

"I wouldn't think you would."

"The best match in our system for you tonight turns out to be ... well it's me. I understand if you'd rather consider other choices."

"Come to think of it, when we met, it occurred to me that you were a younger version of Jodie."

"It's usually not a good thing for a girl to get told she reminds a guy of his ex-wife."

"Darcy, I'd love to see you tonight. I don't know why it didn't occur to me that you were the perfect girl for the job. How does 9:30 sound?"

"Do you want me to surprise you with the lingerie or do you want to surprise me?"

"Was that in the database too?"

"Jerry, virtually all of our associates have mentioned how excited you get when they're on their knees in sexy lingerie and heels in front of you. You're not the only guy like that."

"I guess I shouldn't be embarrassed."

"Embarrassed, it got me very hot when I did that for you our first time."

"Why don't I surprise you, I wouldn't expect you to have Jodie's taste in lingerie in your database."

"Mmmm ... let me check ... just kidding Jerry. Can't wait to see you!"

"I can't wait to see you too."

"Do you need my sizes?"

"Size 3 and a perfect 34 C is what I remember."

"Well, I remember your size too, sweetie. That's why I'm bringing lube."

"Darcy, you definitely know how to make a guy feel like a king."

"Jerry, honey, we're just getting started."

As soon as I got off the phone, I took the first cab I could find to Discretion, the city's high-end lingerie store. The storefront fit the name, it looked like a women's clothing store in an upscale shopping district. Dori, a slender redhead who used to work for Tabby's Treasures, greeted me with a kiss on the cheek and a quick hug.

"Mr. H, so nice to see you again. I trust your enjoying your stay in Pittsburgh."

"Dori, I'm always amazed that you know my name. I've been here maybe twice in the last year."

"You're one of our most valued gentleman customers, Mr. H, and I don't forget a tongue like yours.'"

"You know you can call me Jerry. How are you and the boyfriend doing?"

"Well," she said it so quickly that I wasn't exactly convinced.

"Good to hear."

"Honestly, it's a little confining sometimes. I miss the variety more than I thought."

She touched the sleeve of my shirt.

"Oh?"

"I thought there was nothing more I wanted than to settle down with some nice guy, but I have to confess I miss being pampered by gentlemen like you. Tabby was very selective about her clients. It really was a win-win sort of thing."

"Do you hear from her at all?"

"Just that she's happy and living in California."

"Good to hear."

"As always, if you'd like me or one of our other associates to try on anything for you, we're happy to oblige."

"Maybe I'll look around first."

"Of course, just call if you need me."

Someone told me once that the average male customer at Discretion spent something like a thousand dollars a visit which gave it a reputation for being a "mistress" store. While the lingerie was exquisitely erotic, it was also about the experience. The sales associates were all at least nines and they were amazingly skilled with the verbal subtleties. For example, they never mentioned "wives" unless the customer brought her up directly. They had little code words for the features of crotchless panties and push-up bras. They knew to never ask couples who came in to shop together how they knew one another.

More than anything, a visit to Discretion was artfully designed to heighten the anticipation which after all was the function of lingerie. The lighting was subdued, the racks left plenty of space between items. Everything came in elegant tissue-paper filled boxes and the store had every imaginable option for delivering the items. Once, Tabby had surprised me by making me take her shopping there right before closing time. She'd arranged with management to let us close the store for them and she tried on everything my eyes desired then had her way with me in the changing room. I can't remember how many pairs of stockings got either dragged lightly across or hung on my erection that night.

As I lingered over g-strings, stockings, and bra sets, I alternated between thinking about that experience with Tabby and how each would look on Darcy. I kept hearing Darcy's little girl squeal when she opened her Discretion packages the last time. She had the long slender legs, the rounded butt, flat stomach, and toned body that made anything look sexy, but in this quality level of lingerie, the effect was way beyond anything Viagra could do.

My reverie was broken by voices from the direction of the changing room. For some reason, the curtain was still open and I saw a spectacular pair of legs and a perfectly shaped rear in black stiletto heels and a red g-string. I overheard Dori say, "Just make sure your friend gets a cardiac checkup before he sees you."

The beauty took a step towards the array of floor to ceiling mirrors in the changing room and long dark hair fell below her shoulder. "Could Tabby be in the store? If so, what was she doing in Pittsburgh?" I didn't even pretend not to stare. My heart was pounding out of my chest. I knew it wasn't cool, but I took three steps towards the changing room.

Once I got closer, I realized this woman was smaller-boned and her skin was darker almost olive-toned.Just then, the two 34 C bras on hangers I had in my right hand slipped and clattered on the floor. I bent over to pick them up and at just that moment, the young woman with the perfect legs and ass turned in the direction of the sound.

"Oh my, I didn't realize there were any men in the store."

Dori moved quickly to close the curtain to the changing room and the multiple mirrored images of the two ladies inside. I recognized her immediately and it was clear from the look in her eyes that she recognized me.

"Mr.H?"

"Emily!"

She covered her chest with her arms. She had on a black bra, but it only covered the lower half of her quarter-sized brown nipples. I hadn't seen Emily in three years, but she was clearly a young woman in full bloom.

"Mr. H, I'm so embarrassed."

"It's embarrassing for the both of us. You're probably wondering what I'm doing here."

"Don't worry, I won't say a word to Cheryl."

"I'm sorry, do you know this gentleman?" Dori asked.

"He's the fa ... He's an old friend."

"With the accent on "old", " I quipped.

"Oh my!"

I was standing in front of the curtain, two bras hung from my right hand.

"Emily, I didn't mean to disrespect your privacy. I thought you were someone I knew."

"I thought I was someone you know." Emily winked.

Dori was about to close the curtain as I started to walk away, but Emily stopped her.

"It's so nice to see you, Mr. H."

She held out her arms to hug me. I did my best not to bump her with my boner, but Emily closed in too quickly. I felt my erection press against her bare belly.

"I think under the circumstances, maybe it's time to call me Jerry."

I'd never hugged Emily before or any of Cheryl's friends for that matter. She pulled me to her again. I noticed that her nipples were erect.

"It's a surprise, Jerry, but it's such a nice surprise to get to see you."

I took the opportunity to hang the two bras on the wooden rack.

"Well, it's great to see you Emily. I really didn't mean to see quite this much of you though."

I started to head towards the door to the street.

"Jerry, don't be silly! Stay and catch up a little."

I was staring at her nipples, both still very erect, and Emily noticed.

"Whoops!"

"I really didn't see that much."

Emily threw on a sheer flower print robe.

"It's okay. You've seen me in a bikini. It's not that different. Besides, we're obviously both here shopping at Discretions. I figure you're not here because you're a drag queen."

"You mean these bras might not fit me?"

"Jerry, I'm a dancer. I'm very comfortable with my body.It's no big deal."

"Emily, you're a beautiful young woman. I still feel like some sort of peeping tom."

"Relax, Jerry. I'm actually really flattered."

"You're just being nice to this dirty old man."

She looked down at my pants. I was so hard the pup tent was impossible to miss.

"Maybe we better hang out on the couch here, can't send you back out into the store like that."

I stepped inside. Emily motioned for Dori to leave and close the curtain behind her. Emily moved to the loveseat and patted the space next to her. I sat down, careful not to make body contact. I realized that this was the first time we'd ever been alone.

"You know Jerry. I never got to tell you this, but you changed my life."

"I did?"

"You were the first person who ever told me I might be able to make it on Broadway."

"Emily, I can't believe that. You were obviously really talented. I'm not a theater guy or anything."

"It meant a lot to me. I don't know that I would have come here, had you never said that."

"Certainly your mother must have told you things like that."

"Maybe, but she's my mom. You weren't."

"Well, I was glad to hear from Cheryl that you're still pursuing it. How's it going?"

"Good. I've had some roles in school productions, though no leads. It's usually something like pretty girl at the other table, female lead's other friend, and a lot of hookers and oversexed hookup."

She caught me sneaking a look at her perfect breasts and shook her head.

"I guess they're two pretty obvious reasons why you get cast as the sexy girl."

Emily playfully covered my eyes with her hand. "Hey, I thought you said you weren't a dirty old man."

"You know. I didn't make the connection between Carnegie Mellon and my being in Pittsburgh. Maybe, once you get dressed. I can take you to dinner or something. I mean you must get tired of eating like a student and I did mean to take Cheryl and you out that night."

"I'd love that, but tonight, I'm sort of tied up."

"Rehearsals?"

"Not exactly, I've got a date."

She gestured to a stack of sexy outfits.

"Oh right! Well, your boyfriend is a very lucky fellow."

I started to get up from the couch.

"Actually, I don't have a boyfriend, not a regular one anyway."

"Well, if this guy sees you in something like this, you're never going to be able to get rid of him."

"That's sweet, Jerry. Hope your date likes her gifts too."

"My date?"

"I was actually sort of surprised you asked me to dinner. I figured you were getting ready for a big date."

"Oh geez, can you maybe not tell Cheryl. I mean, not that you would."

"Jerry, do you think I want Cheryl to know that you ran into me here. By the way, I'm glad that you're dating again. Cheryl told me you broke up with someone recently. You must recover pretty quickly."

"She told you that?"

"Oops."

"No, it's okay. I didn't ask her to keep it secret or anything."

"Well, if you ask me, whoever she was, she's an idiot."

Emily winked at me again.

"Emily, if I could have one wish right now, I wish I were twenty-five years younger and your date for tonight."