Chapter 1

I grew up in Philadelphia and went to college at Rutgers, majoring in Finance. My grades were good and, of course, Rutgers is quite highly regarded, so I landed a job with a large insurance company back in Philadelphia, in, surprise, surprise, their Finance Department.

I was single, had dated more or less continuously since seventh grade with a wide variety of girls, three of whom, I was pretty serious with, especially one I went with the last two years of college.

But, that ran its course and now I was just another working guy trying to find someone nice. Well, nice and, you know, I'm a guy, nice and sexy, both.

I'd dated a couple of women at work, one a year older than I am, she was twenty-five, and the other, thirty-four. Can you guess who was the best sex? Well, the older one was great in the sex department but she only wanted sex and didn't seem to desire a long-term guy.

There was a new-hire in our department, a girl who'd gone to Penn State, Eve Mascotti, obviously Italian and very pretty. With dark, olive skin and about five-four, she was very friendly and seemed to make friends quickly. We had met, of course, it was a good-sized department but not huge, and we had soon even worked on a couple of projects together.

So, I was looking at Eve as a possible date, when at lunch one day, one of my coworkers mentioned a new movie she said was good and Eve, sitting across, had said she'd hoped to see it.

I took that as a possible move and made sure we walked back to our department together.

"So, you're interested in the movie Marcie mentioned?" I asked.

"Oh, yes, I read a great review and then Marcie loved it."

"I want to see it, too, maybe we could see it together?"

Okay, maybe you have hundreds of better lines than that but it was me who was walking with her.

"Yeah, that would be nice. When would you want to see it?"

I really didn't know if she was seeing anyone at the time but barged ahead with, "Oh, maybe Friday night. Like a bite to eat after work or something, then see the movie?"

"That would be nice, I'll check the movie schedule and we can plan on supper somewhere near the theater," she said brightly.

I was captivated; her smile, her demeanor, oh, she was just perfect. I agreed, of course, and the date was set. I was more excited than I'd been in a long time.

She sat next to me at lunch on Friday, that was a first and it really made me hope that this young woman would turn out to be very special.

We met at the elevator after work and went to a local Italian place, I figured that would be safe, for sure, and we had a glass of Barolo, then ordered. The movie was starting at seven-forty which gave us plenty of time.

She was absolutely charming over dinner. I was quite captivated by her open smile and cheerfulness, she was just fun to be with. I didn't commit any obvious mistakes and by the time the movie was over, I knew I wanted to see Eve Mascotti again.

We had a drink after the movie, then walked back to our office building to the garage where I escorted her to her car. I didn't kiss her goodnight as I'd wanted to because when we got to her car she put her hand out so we shook. Boy, did I want to kiss Eve Mascotti. I dreamed of it all the way home that night.

On Monday, I was on the alert to see her, looking around as people came in and, finally, there she was. I made it over to her cubicle and said hello, telling her once again how much fun I'd had on Friday.

She said she did as well though I couldn't quite tell for sure she was feeling the same enthusiasm I was. But, at lunch, she came in and sat in the chair that I'd tried to keep empty by placing a looseleaf binder on it and we had a nice conversation. On the way back to work, I asked her out again for Friday and ... yes, she said yes. My heart did a flip.

Well, we found another movie to see after a nice dinner, this time at a favorite Thai restaurant of mine. The restaurant she liked very much, it turned out that she, too, liked Thai food as much as I did. The movie, however, well, it was marginal but at least I was with Eve, that was what I really enjoyed.

I had the nerve to ask her out for the next Saturday evening, this meaning that I would pick her up at her place, wherever that was, rather than leave together directly from work.

Taking her back to her car was nice, the evening was warm and lovely as was the girl I was with. We got to her car and again, she put her hand out but at least I gripped it with both hands and held it for a bit.

On Monday, she asked me if I was planning anything yet for our date on Saturday and I told her I hadn't. Then, she asked me if I'd just like to come to her place and she would do up a nice Italian meal if I would bring the wine, preferably a nice Italian wine, she said with a dimpled smile that melted the edges of my heart.

An evening with Eve, just the two of us at her apartment. You know I agreed.

I put her address in my GPS and headed there listening to the directions using the sexiest female voice the system had and walked up her steps with two bottles of Barolo and the largest bouquet of flowers I could find. Yes, I this was becoming more than just casual, much more.

There was candlelight at the table though other lights were on as well and we had a nice time chatting about growing up, college and work. She was just so nice.

Then, after a lovely meal and my helping her clean up, we took our wine into her living room and she turned on the classical music station. It turns out that she got pretty serious about the flute when she was growing up but, in college, realized that a music career was just out of reach.

It was just effortless to talk with Eve, she had even travelled to Europe several times; of course, Italy was one of her main destinations, and she talked about it so enthusiastically that I was wanting to go, especially with her as my guide.

We were on the same sofa, she was on the end, facing me, and there was a lull in our conversation when I leaned over to kiss her. It was to be a gentle, nice, friendly kiss but she pulled right away.

Her face reddened a bit as I said, "Oh, sorry," not quite knowing what else to say. There were lots of girls I'd known in high school and college who would have taken my pants off by this point so I was rather flustered as to her reticence.

"Um, I just ... um, we should get to know each other better, I think, Alan, if you don't mind," she said and I brought our conversation right back to Europe and such, not wanting to linger on the subject of my spurned kiss.

The rest of the evening went fine, though, there was a trace of coolness now. I decided not to push a goodbye kiss and, like the times before, I got a handshake instead.

Driving home I was wondering if Eve and I hadn't drifted into the 'let's be friends' category which, if so, was certainly not what I was wanting. I felt sure that our future held much more than just friendship. But I also knew it takes two to make it that.

Well, this is how our dating went, we always had a great time, it seemed enjoyable to us both, we got along well, had many of the same interests and I could feel our relationship deepening but only on the intellectual and emotional side, not the physical side.

After four months, I got a quick goodnight kiss that finally made me hopeful of more.

So, the next time we were out, I had brought her back to her place and we were again on the sofa as I leaned over to kiss her. Almost without thinking my hand reached over to her breast and settled there.

She jerked her head back, pulling my hand away suddenly, saying, "Alan, please don't," leaving me wondering what was going on.

"I really do care about you, Eve. I didn't do that just to be doing it, I really care a lot for you."

"Well, if you do, then you'll find a better way to show it. It's late and I think you'd better be going home now."

There was no kiss when I left her place, I was wondering if it was over. I went over everything that happened that evening in my mind as I drove home. It all seemed so odd, so strange. Okay, I'd made a bit of a move but we'd been dating exclusively for nearly five months.

Was I involved with a woman who was asexual, just didn't like sex or want sex? She was brought up Catholic but didn't go to church and really never talked about it so that didn't seem to be the problem. She really never explained it and I didn't, somehow, have the courage to ask.

The rest of the weekend, I wrestled with the thought that perhaps I'd found a girl who didn't like sex, I knew that long-term that would be difficult, well, really impossible to deal with. I certainly did not want a celibate marriage.

To say I was depressed, didn't really get to the heart of it. I was in a real funk, thinking that somehow, we'd reached the end of the road as a couple. Maybe, I wondered, this was her way of pushing me away. Then, on Sunday afternoon, she called me and was her usual cheerful, outgoing self. She ended our call with how much she loved me, all that, those words that are so wonderful to hear but I was still left wondering where we were at. Confused? I was way more than confused.

At work on Monday, I was reviewing a project with one of the other financial analysts, someone who'd been with the company longer than I had, when she asked me, "You seem down today. Something wrong?"

I didn't really want to get into details so all I said was that I wasn't sure where my relationship with Eve was going.

"Well, she's had a hard time since the rape."

"What? Rape? What do you mean?"

"Didn't you know? Eve was raped about a year ago, maybe a year and a half now. I just figured you knew."

I just sat there, my mind spinning, as I tried to process her words.

"I'm sorry, Alan, I thought you knew. Um, I think maybe I'll give you some time," she said softly and got up and left me in the conference room, surrounded by work sheets and an aching, confused heart.

I just sat there for maybe a half hour, then got up and went down the elevator and walked the downtown streets of Philadelphia in a daze.

"Raped," I thought. So violent, I really didn't know any details and didn't want to know them. Whatever happened, it must have been horrible. No wonder she so mistrusted men. Who wouldn't? It was such a simple yet, terrible explanation of her avoidance of any physical, sexual contact since we'd started dating.

I think I realized then that Eve Mascotti was special to me, very special. That I loved her and wanted to be with her, yes, for a lifetime. I knew I wanted her to be my wife and I wanted to be her husband, I knew that now and could now understand so much that had been a mystery before.

That's also when I decided to let her set the pace for anything physical between us. I knew that if I really loved her I could do nothing else but let her determine how our relationship would grow in its physical side. But, I needed to tell her how I felt about her, how important she had become to me and where I wanted us to end up, married happily for the rest of our lives together.

I walked back to my office building and went up.

Chapter 2

Eve and I were often together each night after work. She still did see some of her friends, as I did as well, but mostly we were together. I think we both knew where we wanted our relationship to go but neither of us had especially voiced it to the other. That was about to change.

Over dinner, I had just topped-up our wineglasses as I reached over to take her hand.

"Eve, I've told you before that I love you and I do, more than anything. But what I want you to know is that you are the one I want to spend my life with. I want us to be married and be together forever."

Her eyes glistened as she softly said, "Oh, Alan, I'm so happy, it's exactly the way I feel, too. I want you to be my guy for the rest of my life. I love you so much," and we both leaned forward, almost tipping over her wineglass, to kiss.

It was the sweetest kiss I'd ever had, my heart was racing, my breathing heavy. Yes, we were in love, there was no doubt about that. And, I was leaving things up to Eve now, at least on the physical side of things. I'd decided that if we didn't have any kind of sex until we were married, that I loved her enough to make that work.

That certainly set the tone for the rest of our evening as we ended up back at her place for a second bottle of wine. That was okay as there were quite a few hours that had elapsed, I was certainly not affected by the wine though I was rather heady in love.

We sat together on her sofa, kissing and holding each other so wonderfully and we told each other how we loved each other and how much we loved one another.

Then, later, on my way home, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this was what real love was ... putting the other completely ahead of you. Now I saw that her reticence to engage in sex of any kind was due to an understandable reason, one that I was so saddened to hear about, knowing that she must have gone though a very horrible and traumatic time.

Not only that, I'd wondered if there might even be a trial or hearing she would have to endure. I was determined to be there with her and for her no matter what.

We had been together about eight months now and, this particular evening, I had made us a nice dinner, pasta and meat sauce, which Eve pronounced 'good for a non-Italian guy, ' probably as high praise as I should expect and we were back on my sofa this time with the room lights low and a little wine left in our glasses.

"Alan, I know I've ... well, I've kind of kept you at arms length, well, at hands length at least," she said softly with a slight laugh.

"You'll just have to trust me, I really do love you and want you to be mine forever. It's not that I don't love and desire you, please know that," and her hand went down and took mine to her breast as she kissed me.

I know now that my heart really didn't stop when my fingers felt her breast under them but it sure felt like my heart ceased beating. I kissed her as we had been, leaving my hand there, not doing much with it, just an occasional squeeze. I was not about to scare her away, not now.

So, it became pretty routine that when we were making out that she put my hand on her breast, on top of her clothing, of course, there was no nakedness in this relationship, at least not at this time.

Then, about a month later, we were at her apartment, it was getting late and she said, "Stay until I'm in bed, you can tuck me in, okay?"

So, I sat on the sofa until she called me into her bedroom. There was a small light on the dresser and I went over to her and knelt down beside her bed, leaned over and kissed her goodnight. Her hand came out from under the covers, took mine and pulled it back under and onto Eve's bare breast.

"I'll be thinking about you tonight, Alan. Dream of me?" she asked as I bent down and kissed her again, pulled my hand away, got up and left in a happy daze.

I was not about to push things, now that I knew what lay behind Eve's earlier resistance to my physical advances. No, I wanted her for my wife, I knew that now, I wanted us to be together forever and I was perfectly willing to let her set the pace if that's what she felt comfortable with.

But, that evening began me 'tucking her into bed' so I could have a nice feel of her soft, warm breasts. My hands memorized them, I could even visualize them from touching them. They were so soft on the outside, nice and firm and her nipples were erect, hard, just so suckable even though I couldn't, I wanted to so badly.

She was wearing a nighty, I could tell, each night, it was pulled up so I could feel her, then, after about a month, she asked me if I could stay a little while longer as my hand felt her under the covers.

"Sure, tomorrow's Saturday, no work, so sure," I told her, enjoying my hand on her smooth, bare skin.