Chapter 3

Spring 1995

I returned to university in the New Year and was soon once more engrossed in study. On the last Saturday in February, my world was torn apart.

The first hint was when Joe burst into my room. "Your dad's at the door."

A million and one questions race through my mind. I was dressed and downstairs in less than a minute. One look at Dad's face confirmed the worst.

"Mum?" I asked urgently.

"She's fine. It's Alice."

"What! What happened?"

"We're not sure exactly. Phil and Jane are at the hospital. We think it was a car accident."

"How bad?" I gasped.

"You know as much as I do."

Dad dropped me off outside the hospital but didn't follow me in. "They probably don't want everyone descending on them, but I know how much she means to you."

"Thanks. Dad. I'll let you know as soon I can."

The receptionist took my name and had me sit down and wait. Phil appeared ten minutes later and led me up to the ward. Alice was laid flat out in bed, her face covered with bruises and scratches. A tube carried a clear liquid into her arm from a suspended drip.

My heart sank as I sensed how much she was suffering. She forced a smile then screwed up her face in agony, gasping with the sheer intensity of the pain. Jane looked up at me, her eyes bloodshot from crying.

"What happened? When?" I asked Phil.

"Late last night. David's car came off the road."

"David?"

"He's okay. They treated him for cuts and sent him home."

"Why isn't he here?"

"I think he's in shock. Give him time."

"Paul..." Alice groaned weakly. I rushed to the side of her bed and took hold of her fingers. They moved but there was no strength in them. "I hurt so much."

"I'm here," I sobbed. "What can I do?"

"Make the pain go away."

A young woman in a white coat appeared beside me. "How are you doing, Alice?"

"It hurts," she repeated.

The woman adjusted a knob on the drip. "I've increased the dosage. You might start to feel a little sleepy."

I squeezed Alice's hand to offer reassurance. Her face relaxed then her eyes flickered and closed. For a horrible instant, I feared the worst before realising that she was only asleep.

"It's probably best that we keep her sedated," the doctor informed us, "at least until the worst of the shock wears off."

Jane nodded glumly and pressed her hand against Alice's forehead.

"You should both go home and get some rest," the woman suggested.

"I'm not leaving her," Jane protested.

"There's nothing more you can do. She's probably going to sleep for the rest of the day. You're no use to her in the state you're in."

Jane stared into Alice's wan features, clearly willing her to recover. Phil tapped my arm and I followed him out of the ward and along the corridor into a waiting room. A vending machine offered a selection of hot drinks.

"Tea or coffee?" Phil asked.

"Coffee. Black one sugar."

He fed some coins into the machine and dispensed two drinks. We sat down at the table, staring blankly at the women's magazines scattered over the surface.

"Thanks for coming, Paul. It means a lot."

"Dad drove over and picked me up."

"I figured as much. I spoke to him briefly last night when the police came to tell us. We've been here all night."

"What happened? Had David been drinking?"

"The police breathalysed him at the scene. They'd have arrested him if he had."

"Then what?"

"From what we know, there was another car involved. It was on the wrong side of the road. David swerved to avoid a head-on collision and ended up in a ditch."

"Where was this?"

"The Cat and Fiddle road."

It was a notorious accident black spot.

"The car ended up on its side but he managed to climb out through the broken windscreen and summon help," Phil continued. "The police and ambulance were there within fifteen minutes but Alice was trapped inside. It took over two hours for the fire brigade to cut her out of the wreckage."

"She's going to be alright, isn't she?"

"She'll be fine," he muttered disconsolately.

"What aren't you telling me?"

He looked pained and it took an effort for him to explain. "Her left leg was completely crushed. There was nothing they could do. They had to amputate it just below the knee."

"No," I whispered in horror. "No. Tell me it's not true."

"We had no choice but to sign the consent form. There was a danger of severe complications if infection set in."

I struggled to come to terms with the news.

"Does she know?"

"Nobody's told her yet. I think she suspects something, but at the moment she's probably in no fit state to take it all in."

Tears streamed down my face as I imagined her spending the remainder of her life in a wheelchair.

"The doctor says there'll be a period of adjustment but that with the recent advances in artificial limbs, she'll live almost as normal a life as anybody else."

"Does David know?"

"I phoned him earlier."

"What did he say?"

"Not a lot."

"I'll fucking kill him."

"It wasn't his fault, Paul. The other car was stolen. The sergeant I spoke to said it was probably kids. If he'd not reacted and got out of their way then..."

"Have they caught the bastards?"

"The other car was found abandoned. Apparently, they've a fair idea who they were. They're well known to the police. It's only a matter of time."

"Shit. This is a fucking nightmare."

"It's only just starting to sink in." Phil started to sob. "She was talking about going away to university. She was so excited."

I put an arm around him, his distress distracting me from my own.

"I'll help in any way I can," I told him. "I can try to get back at weekends."

"Thanks," he sniffed. "You're a good lad."

The next few days passed in a blur. David looked like a zombie when I next saw him. Phil told me that he was taking prescribed medication to help counteract the shock and the intense guilt he felt at being in the wrong place at the wrong time. He refused to discuss things, instead bottled his feelings up inside.

Alice was sitting up in bed when I next visited, staring off into space.

"How are you doing?" I asked. She nodded absently.

"Can I get you anything?"

"My leg," she sniffed sadly.

I squeezed her hand unable to think what best to say. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault. It's just one of those things."

"You're alive. You're still beautiful."

"Who's going to want me in a stupid fucking wheelchair?"

"Your dad says there're lots of things they can do."

"A wooden leg. Shit! Is that the best I can hope for?"

"They've come a long way since then," I added, trying to make her feel better and failing miserably. "Have you seen David?"

"He came in yesterday. He took one look at me and had to leave."

"He's probably taking it badly. He feels responsible."

"I want him here. Why won't he come?"

"I'll have a word with him. You'll have to put up with me until then."

"What about your course?"

"This is more important."

"Don't be stupid. Of course it isn't. Don't fall behind because of me."

"I want to help."

"Mum and Dad are coming in. Your mum and dad are too. Go back to college and get on with learning."

I sighed.

"Tell me you will," she demanded.

"Okay. I'll go back but I'm coming home each weekend."

She smiled for the first time. "You're a good friend, Paul."

I kissed her on the forehead then turned to see her parents arrive. I left the three of them together then walked the mile or so home.

David sat on the sofa, still dressed in his pyjamas even though it was mid-afternoon. His eyes held a glazed expression from the cocktail of tranquilisers and anti-depressants that he was taking.

"I see it happen every night in my mind," he explained emotionlessly. "I ask myself what more I could have done. If I'd been driving a bit slower or not trying to show off."

"Were you?"

"There's no speed limit on that road. Everybody razzes around the bends and gets away with it. Except this time, this other car..."

"I heard."

"The verge looked soft but I didn't realise it fell away quite so sharply. The car rolled and there was nothing I could do to stop it."

"Don't blame yourself."

It was clear that he did.

"Alice wants to see you."

"I can't face her after what I've done to her."

"You have to. She needs somebody to be strong to help her through this."

"And you think that's me?" He laughed.

"She loves you." My heart lurched as I said it. "You need to be there for her."

He looked at me and nodded. "Thanks. I'll try."

I left him to his misery and returned home. After a quick meal, Dad ran me back to my accommodation.

After two weeks, Alice came out of the hospital with a nurse visiting daily to change her dressings. One weekend, I watched as she tried to put on a brave face, but it was clear that she was hurting deep inside.

I finished for the Easter break and when I wasn't revising for my exams, I spent every minute helping Alice. I would push her out in her wheelchair and do everything in my power to boost her spirits. David did his level best too, but he clearly had his own issues to deal with. Demons taunted him at night and he'd already lost over a stone in weight.

The kids involved in Alice's accident were involved in a high speed pursuit with police in Moss Side. They ended up driving headlong into a lamp post. One was killed outright at the scene and the other would remain paralysed for life. I had little sympathy.

I returned to university in a sombre mood. I buried myself in work and felt I made a fair impression on the exams. Alice's injuries started to heal nicely and I heard how she visited the hospital to be measured for a prosthesis. She was also undergoing a comprehensive physiotherapy regime and counselling to help her come to terms with the loss.