Chapter 2

Summer 1991

The final year at high school ushered in a lot of hard work as I laid the groundwork for the sixth form and possible attendance at university. I developed a passion for the beauty and structure of Maths and Physics, mapping out my educational career for the next five years, and possibly beyond. In contrast, David was more practical and spent hours crawling underneath his dad's car, helping him perform essential maintenance and once even replacing an entire gearbox. He told me that he couldn't wait to leave school and that an uncle had guaranteed him an apprenticeship at the local Ford dealership.

Alice flitted between the pair of us, never letting things stray too far one way or the other for fear of fuelling jealousy that would upset the delicate balance of our relationship. True to her beliefs, she maintained a tight hold on her chastity and I respected her for the courage of her convictions. She featured prominently in my dreams however; I felt slightly guilty about the slightly debauched activities she indulged for my benefit.

Summer 1992

I took 'A' levels in Maths, Further Maths and Physics and devoted much of my time to intense study. David left school and followed his vocation into the motor trade. At seventeen, he was taking driving lessons and had a small but steady income from his employer.

Reliant on handouts from my parents, I couldn't compete; but fortunately Alice was not one that was impressed by wealth. Like my own parents, hers had grown up struggling to make ends meet. Only now that their business flourished did they begin to enjoy a few luxuries such as a new car or holidays in the Balearics.

A round of university visits soon attracted an invitation to read Physics at Manchester, a city located close enough to allow regular visits home in order to keep in contact with everybody. The requested 'A' level grades were well within my capabilities, provided I continued to progress at my current rate and not get distracted.

I admired David's ten year old Escort XR3i, a vehicle that his father insured on his behalf. It was white with a prominent red stripe down the side, mandatory wide alloy wheels and large rear spoiler. Alice and I took turns settling into the Recaro seats and screaming in terror as he practiced his skid manoeuvres on Asda's car park.

Summer 1993

With my final exams out of the way, I spent the summer hanging around the house and patiently saving my pocket money to purchase something significant for Alice's sixteenth birthday. I settled on a gold heart-shaped pendant and chain. After carefully wrapping it, I impatiently decided to deliver it the day before. Her parents were out shopping so I raced up to her bedroom to present her with it, giving her a day to contemplate what was inside.

I opened the bedroom door and it took a second for my mind to accept what I was seeing. David and Alice were naked on the bed. She screamed and dived under the sheets whilst David attempted to cover himself with his hands. I placed the present down on her dressing table.

"Happy birthday," I muttered, backing out of the room.

I walked down the stairs in a daze, wondering how I'd missed the signs. Heavy footfalls chased after me and Alice caught up just as I exited through the front door. She'd thrown on a t-shirt and short skirt. Her face was still flushed from her earlier exertions. Tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Paul..." she gasped.

"I should have knocked." My words barely made it past my lips. My stomach churned and threatened to vent its contents.

"I'm so sorry," she whimpered. "I never intended you to find out this way."

"It's your life," I replied sadly. "I can't tell you how to live it."

"I'll come over and see you later. We need to talk about this."

"Whatever," I mumbled, retreating out of the door and fleeing to the sanctuary of my own abode.

I locked myself in my room and wept, the first time I'd done so in many years. It all seemed so grossly unfair. I loved and respected her, but through inaction had allowed David to achieve what I desired most in the world. I tried to block the memory of them together but it haunted me, in much a similar way as the time when he kissed her that fateful Christmas.

Mum and Dad commented on how quiet I was over dinner but I couldn't bring myself to reveal my discovery or how I felt about it.

"Are you looking forward to Alice's party?" Mum asked.

I pushed my plate away. "I'm not feeling very well," I excused. "I think I'll go and have a lie down."

I reclined on the bed staring up at the ceiling and wallowing in self-pity. I heard the door bell and a short time later, a timid knock disturbed my sorrowful contemplation. Alice slid tentatively into the room and sat down on the chair facing me.

"We need to clear the air," she announced, her expression one of deep concern.

I nodded but felt disinclined to reply.

"Do you hate me?"

"No. I don't hate you."

"I really didn't mean to hurt you. What happened between David and me..."

"I don't want to know," I lied.

I wrestled with my feelings before continuing. "How long has it been going on?"

She hesitated. "A couple of weeks. I didn't mean for it to happen; it just did."

"I see."

"You know David. He was always the more forward of the two of you."

"I guess so. My loss I suppose."

"Paul, I..."

"You don't need to justify yourself. You chose him over me and I just need to accept that."

"I love both of you. You've both been my best friends since I was a kid. I don't want to lose you as a friend."

I looked at her severely. "You'll always have me as a friend, Alice, no matter what happens."

She wiped away the beginnings of a tear. "I was so scared I'd lost you."

"Is it serious ... you and David?"

"I don't know. It's still early days."

"Why him?"

"I suppose ... I knew you were going away to college ... David is here ... I know it's not a proper reason but..."

"I hope the two of you are happy together."

"You're too polite for your own good. Why didn't you make a move on me? I gave you plenty of opportunity."

"I didn't want to risk offending you. I thought that as soon as you were ready, you'd give me some sort of signal."

"I did, all this year."

"I guess I didn't know what to look out for."

"I was hardly going to jump on the bed and shout 'fuck me' was I?"

Her words affected me deeply. I turned away to prevent her seeing my distress.

"Sorry. I didn't think," she sniffed.

"My fault too. I guess it was just not meant to be."

"Are you still coming to my party?"

"I don't know..."

"Please. It wouldn't be the same without you," she pleaded.

"Okay," I relented.

She stood up and for a second I thought she was about to leave. Instead she settled beside me and took me in her arms. I reluctantly embraced her. It seemed somehow inappropriate now that she was with David. We kissed but it was in a brotherly sisterly way rather than passionately as we'd done previously. My cock made its presence felt. I knew there was no way she'd be unaware of it.

"I can't do anything with you," she sighed sadly.

"I know," I admitted.

After a tender few minutes, she slipped away. "I'll see you tomorrow night."

I nodded and watched her leave with deep sadness.

I tried my utmost to get into the swing, but my anguish prevented the party spirit from entering me. I told everybody that I was sad to be leaving for university in a few weeks but the real reason was known only to myself, Alice and David. He tried to keep out of my way and refused to return eye contact whenever we were in close proximity.

Alice dragged me to one side. The pendant hung prominently around her neck.

"It's lovely," she sighed. "It must have cost a fortune."

"I've been saving up."

She gave me a quick kiss and I pulled her into a more passionate embrace, hoping to elicit a change in heart. She blushed and disengaged, dragging me back towards the party.

Her dad had set up a portable disco. Towards the end of the evening when the songs mellowed, David dragged Alice into a slow dance. A few onlookers cooed as they admired the couple and I used the distraction to sneak away.

Over the next few days, I'd wistfully watch the pair go out in the car. Alice did come over to visit me a couple of times and we listened to music together.

I was soon filled with excitement at the prospect of obtaining my exam results. I rushed into school and was delighted to learn I'd achieve straight 'A' grades. It went some way to relieving the disappointment of earlier. I relished the prospect of living away from home, meeting new people, and advancing my education.

Mum and Dad started taking me on shopping excursions, buying me everything I'd need to survive. Mum also provided a crash course on cookery, and I learned how to iron a shirt for the first time in my life.

On the week before I departed, David knocked on the door and dragged me out of the house. We took his car into the hills and he opened the boot to reveal a crate of beer. It was only after about three bottles that we were able to talk openly.

"I'm sorry about Alice," he stated.

"Me too."

"You realise that I was her second choice."

"What?"

"She wanted you but you never took the hint."

I took a long pull on the beer, literally trying to drown my sorrows.

"I'm really happy to have her. I hope we can still be friends."

"We can," I replied dolefully, cursing my bad fortune. I wanted to blame my studying but deep down knew that it was inexperience that had led me to lose out.

With the ice broken, we chatted freely and I buried most of the animosity I felt towards him for stealing the love of my life. I concluded that I only had myself to blame.

Slightly inebriated, we staggered back to the car. "Should you be driving?"

"I'll be okay just so long as I drive in a straight line and keep the speed down."

Driving under the influence was still a crime, but pursued less aggressively by the police than it is now. At that time, many of the traffic cops were the biggest culprits, driving home after a dozen pints to relieve the stress of a long shift on patrol.

University was a revelation with thousands of students living away from home for the first time, free from parental supervision. Within a month, I'd picked up a lovely brunette in the student union bar. An hour later, I allowed her to take my virginity.

Naked on the bed, sweating profusely from our activities, I examined her body in exquisite detail. I slowly filled in all the gaps in my knowledge about female anatomy but in the back of my mind, I imagined it was Alice nestled beside me.

I skipped from girlfriend to girlfriend, religiously dodging any form of commitment. A diminutive blonde called Julie introduced me to the delights of oral sex and I was soon as proficient at satisfying her that way as she was with me.

It was a relief to finally return for Christmas and catch up with what everybody was doing. Alice was studying for 'A' levels in French, German and History whilst David had completed his apprenticeship and was studying part-time for exams relevant to his occupation. His car had failed its roadworthiness test and he'd replaced it with one that was even more powerful: a Cosworth Sierra that he obtained for a knock-down price through the dealership. It irked me that he had so much money to splash around when I was virtually penniless and living in Spartan student accommodation.

The three of us went for a curry on the first weekend of my return and we sat chatting and reminiscing about old times. There was no denying that the dynamic had changed but Alice and David did their level best to make me feel comfortable.

They'd settled into a steady relationship but I took comfort in the fact that there was no sign of an engagement on the horizon. In the depths of my subconscious mind, I harboured subversive thoughts that one day they'd argue and split up. If such an eventuality occurred, I knew I wouldn't hesitate for an instant to exploit the situation.

Alice's parents threw a party for New Years and I took advantage of a conveniently positioned piece of hanging mistletoe to draw Alice into a tight embrace. Emboldened by alcohol, my hands explored her body and she did nothing to discourage my actions.

A hand descended on my shoulder. "I'll take over from here," David informed me as I reluctantly abandoned my prize.

Alice was flushed. She flowed into David's arms but, unless it was my imagination, her eyes flickered in my direction as she rewarded him with a Christmas kiss.

All too quickly I was returning to college. My time became filled with lectures, tutorials and labs during the day. When not studying, the evenings descended into alcohol excess and a not insignificant amount of sexual experimentation. Occasionally, a relationship ended prematurely when whatever girl I was involved with took exception to being called Alice during a moment of high passion. It didn't escape my notice that the vast majority of my dates bore more than a passing resemblance to my childhood friend and that, in some ways, I was fucking her by proxy.

Summer 1994

The summer holidays sneaked up faster than I imagined. I breezed through my end of year exams and contemplated the return in October. Alice was enjoying college and also starting to consider attending university. I brought her home a prospectus from Manchester; the thought of her studying at the same place as me almost too much to hope for.

She smiled as she accepted it, the significance of the gesture not lost on her.

"You'd like having me around at uni," she stated. "I'm not sure David would though."

"It's a good place to study. Not too far from home," I justified.

"Right," she replied sardonically, immediately seeing through my pretence.

For her seventeenth birthday, the three of us took a picnic into the grounds of a nearby stately home. We walked around the extensive gardens and toured the house. Having revealed her inclination to study history, Alice revelled in the place's past, learning the story of the family that had owned it for generations before bequeathing it to the nation. David's boredom was obvious but I feigned interest for Alice's benefit.