Chapter 5

While Philly Flowers did reports and paperwork on her laptop, Selena Johnson slept calmly after an injection of Xanax and a sleeping agent. Her mind had been put in the proper position to dream about her past life and the joys she knew. She wouldn’t remember the dream specifically, but it would fortify her resolve to face up to this mental monster and defeat it. She would steel herself to defeat the fear and erase the horrors of the reality of 9/11.

It had been 4 hours since Philly subdued her and she had finished her reports on her other patients, eaten the small lunch she had brought, made a cup of coffee in the Keurig, and freshened up in the bathroom. She was about to go and stroke Selena’s cheek to begin to rouse her when she heard the mail signal from her laptop. Her new email was from Abby Strong and she was anxious to read it.

Phyllis: I just spent nearly an hour on the phone in conference call with the group we met with on Wednesday. The tone of your report and conclusion showed me that you may have a bit too much of an emotional tie to this patient to give a well thought out response to some of the questions that might be asked. I am not surprised or displeased with your emotional tie, as you have been involved with this patient for over 6 years. Your personal approach with all of your patients has certainly brought out the best possible conclusions for any client you have closed out. For that reason, despite your prejudice to her personally, we take your findings at your word. With little dissent this forum has agreed with your diagnosis and pathway to recovery. I will be the first to admit that if we had known her connection to the 911 Tower attacks from the start this may have been an easier case to diagnose and solve. The error in transposing the EMT notes from that day was a tragic oversight.

We should begin by moving her to another hive to begin an accelerated transition. If she doesn’t immediately respond we will all be surprised. She seems the perfect candidate.

After dinner this evening we will move her from Sharpe Hive to Burdette Hive. There she will have access to TV News and more of a look at the outside world. There are only 4 others in Burdette, all female. We think it would be best if you facilitated the move tonight. Be sure she knows it is a move forward.

Tomorrow after breakfast you should accompany her on a one on one video seminar on 9/11 and help her answer questions and handle any “bumps” in her road to understanding what happened that day. Before the day’s close, while she is still excited (hopefully) from learning what the outside world has done over the last 9 years, you should explain about Dissociative Fugue State. When you think she has grasped that, tell her that is what Joe has dealt with over the time she has been here. Do not let on that he seems to have beaten it; she may figure out that it’s the reason why we were able to facilitate her breakthrough. Stay with her until bedtime and before she retires, let her know that her parents are excited to see her. Give her something to help her get to sleep. Hopefully she will dream and we think she will open a lot of doors to her former life.

We think, and I think you will concur that, evidenced from past breakthrough experiences, her brain should flourish during dream sequences with mostly positive thoughts. We don’t expect nightmares from her experience getting to this juncture, but thoughts of getting out and back to her life.

If there is any part of our prescription plan you do not agree with please refer back to me as soon as you can. Be sure you detail all phases of her recovery in your notes and reports. We think this will be just another example of the brain healing itself without the use of harsh drugs and electronic therapies.

Dr. Avis Strong PHD, MD, Psy.D, M.S.

Philly smiled and sighed in relief that she was taken at her word about Selena. She couldn’t wait to start her on the road out of Hampden. No sooner had she thought of her that she began to stir. She heard her moan and shift her legs. She would still be a little dopey but naturally you fight that off as you try to wake, similar to post surgical “hangover”.

“Selena, Selena, are you OK? Wake up and sit up so can talk more.” She said as she rubbed her cheek to rouse her.

“Ohh, you put me out! You hurt me with the needle!” She immediately protested, already talkative.

“Selena, you were overwhelmed with things happening around you and I thought it best you calm down. I’m sorry if I stuck you too hard. I just didn’t want you to hurt yourself. Now sit up so we can talk more. You’ve said more today than in all the years I’ve been with you.” Philly said as Selena sat up and Philly pulled her chair close so they could be face to face.

“I’m feeling more alive, and I’ve got a sore butt to prove it.” She said rubbing her upper buttock.

“See? You are alive! You’re so alive Selena. You aren’t dead or in Purgatory, you are Selena Johnson, a very pretty young woman who has so much to live for. We still have a few walls to knock down but, do you understand what I’m saying?”

“Yes, I think so, but I have so many questions. I...” She started to say.

“Wait, let me begin to fill you in on a lot of things and you can ask questions later unless there is anything that is just eating at you.” Philly said knowing there might be a distraction she cannot avoid.

“Is my husband dead, or moved on to someone else?” She asked with a brave face, knowing she might have to fight off tears.

“No, he is not dead, nor has he moved on. Let that answer suffice for now until we begin to fill in blanks. Be brave and trust me.” Philly said with a hopeful smile on her face that Selena answered with a smile herself.

“OK, I trust you. Now, one more question. Are my Mom and Dad still alive?”

“Yes, they are. Their search for you brought all this about.”

Selena lit up like a Christmas tree with a smile and deep relieved sigh.

Philly opened her brief case and took out an envelope of photos. She pulled the coffee table behind her over and began to lay them out, one by one. They were pictures of, in order; Her parent’s home, her room, her parents, Joe’s home, Joe, Joe and her together, she and her colleagues at Wall Street Global.

Selena stared at the photos and then picked up the picture of Joe and ran her hand over it and then kissed it, crying, then picking up the parents photo and clutching both of them to her heart. She cried hard, happy, tears for a few minutes and then calmed down with no words, no prodding from Philly.

“See? I told you could trust me. Now let me tell you what we are going to do. I’m going to move you to a smaller group, one where you can see television and learn what has been going on in the world. We are going to talk long and hard about the events that resulted in being brought here. We refer to that as 911. You refer to that as “the war”, and it was a war in the most direct sense. We were attacked, but not since that day. You were at the epicenter of it all. This is what you have to deal with to understand everything that brought you here. The sooner you come to grips with all of that, the sooner we can move on. Now I know you’re all excited by everything happening, and have much anticipation. But you’ve been here almost 9 years; I must ask you to be a bit patient while we get you up to speed. OK?” Philly asked her, hoping she might understand the reasoning.

“OK, but can I keep the pictures?” She asked

“Of course, you just have to understand that we may have to make things happen slowly for you, right now. Remember before, when you were overwhelmed? We don’t want that again. If all goes well we can get you home soon.” Philly said reaching to hold and squeeze her hands.

In Selena’s mind she well understood what Philly meant. Her panic attack of earlier had put her on the edge and until she put all the pieces of the puzzle together she would heed Philly’s words. It was, however, hard to keep from being too excited about her parents and now knowing Joe was alive. She felt more alive and in control already and suddenly felt there was a way out of all the hopelessness she had felt for so long.

Philly stood and opened the door and showed Selena the way out and the two of them went arm and arm up the hallway smiling.

“Do you want to sit in the social area with everyone else, or do you want to go to your room?” Philly asked.

Selena clutched the pictures to her chest and said “I would like to go to my room. Do I need to pack anything up?”

“No, they’ll move the furniture to your new room and transfer the closet rod as well. They’ll pick up your bathroom things too, all while you go out for dinner, I’ll be in to help you say goodbye to everyone. The move will be made then. After dinner you’ll leave with me, OK?” Philly said as they got to her door and stepped in.

“You’ll have dinner in a little more than an hour. I’ll be in the building if you need me, ask an orderly to page me. I’ll help you get settled with your move and introduce you to your new group.” She told her before leaving her.

Selena sat and stared at the pictures letting memories flow and remembering so much she was almost overwhelmed. Instead of panicking, she put the pictures aside and sat with her eyes closed taking deep breaths. She was so proud of herself, fighting off inner fears. The thought of going home scared her just a few hours ago, now she envisioned herself walking into the rear door and up the stairs to the kitchen, like she always did. Things were becoming clearer, but she still feared the times when she closed her eyes and saw bodies smashing to the ground. Could she get out and go home if that stayed with her?

As soon as Philly left the Sharpe Hive and was walking across the campus to her office she got a text message from Abby Strong. “Please come to my office ASAP. Selena’s parents are here.”

Philly knew it was much too soon for Selena to see them, too many blanks to fill in before that happened, but she knew they were determined to see her, if only through one way glass.

When she opened the door to Dr. Strong’s office Betty Hanson stood and greeted her by saying “I understand our baby is beginning to get clearer, can you tell me how she is doing?”

“Please sit and I’ll talk to you about Selena. She is progressing very fast, going from a very few words to quite talkative in just a few hours. I am a little worried about mental stress, but a large yoke was lifted from her this morning. It seems the time she spent here she thought she was dead and in Purgatory, like she was taught in the Catholic School by the nuns. Now, you may think that silly, but she knew she was dying when she lost the ability to breathe and when she came around she assumed she was on the other side. Even me, all dressed in white as I always am, she thought I was an angel. This brought about a lot of her fears that she might be sent to hell. This morning as everything was coming at her I had to subdue her with an injection, but she came around talkative again and she knows you’ve been looking for her. You shouldn’t meet face to face quite yet, we want her to know of Joe and how he is doing first, she needs to understand 9/11 and put those fears out of her head. I think there is something in her mind that tells her the falling bodies and glass were attacks on her or Joe. She needs to come to the understanding that these people chose a quick form of death rather than burn and suffer, they weren’t after her. This is what we will tackle in the next day or two. Now I know you want to see her and during dinner hour she will be where she can be viewed. Remember, this will be VERY emotional, be sure YOU are prepared.” She warned.

“I’ve tried to talk her out of it, even though I want to see her so much myself. But we decided it will be good for us, lowering some of the stress and anticipation this has all brought on.” Scott said.

The four of them got up and followed Abby Strong back across the campus to one of the “hives” buildings where she unlocked the door and brought them through a circular hall way that allowed access to all four “hives” in the building. She came to an unmarked door and opened it and all four went in. There was a four foot by 18 inch one way window that allowed viewing in one of the social rooms where meals were served. Kitchen staff was already setting places for the 12 clients, some of whom were milling close-by.

“If you were expecting something like you’ve seen in movies, it’s not here. The clients in this section are our most extreme. We don’t experiment on them; we study them and try to help them recover. You rarely see conflicts between clients. We don’t take on violent cases, just those who are confused by reality and unable to accept life at face value. We try to get them into a process where they see a routine for each day and have one on one with therapists who try to answer the questions they have and encourage them to understand their lives and move on. If we knew who Selena’s family was we would have asked she be placed in different care long ago had she not responded. Clearly, now we see she needed reinforcement of the fact she was alive and people loved her. Matrons and orderlies are beginning to ask the clients in for dinner, Selena should be coming in a moment.” Dr. Strong told them as they settled into their seats and saw the tables being set.

Suddenly Scott Hansons face turned bright red and broke into a big smile as tears began streaming down his face. He saw Selena in the hallway entrance to the room. Betty saw his reaction and snapped her eyes to her daughter and fell to her knees at the window crying.