Chapter 51: An Unplanned Guest

Marilyn and Suzie were over at one of the guest tables, talking to Anna Lee and Tessa. I am sure that Suzie was pestering Anna Lee about nursing stuff, and Anna Lee, the obstetrics nurse, was talking to Tessa about her pregnancy. I was over on the other side of the room, talking to Joe and a few of my frat brothers. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Marilyn, Anna Lee, Tessa, and Suzie all stand up and head out of the room. I commented to Bruno Cowling, one of my frat brothers, a fellow soldier (2 ^nd Lieutenant, Fort Lewis, 9^th Infantry Division), and the only Dreg I invited, “What do you think they’re doing in there all together? Having a union meeting?”

“It’s one of the mysteries of life,” he replied. “Sort of like how you can put two socks in a dryer, and only get one out.”

I drank some more of my gin and tonic, and we discussed other mysteries, such as how come you always end up with extra coat hangers in a closet, when one of the waitresses came up to me and tapped me on the shoulder. “Excuse me, sir, but they need you in the back room.”

I looked at the others and shrugged, and then followed the waitress across the dance floor and into a side room. I looked around. This room looked like a small lounge, with a bar along one wall, and a bunch of tables and chairs in storage. Over to the side, the four women were in a gaggle. “What’s up?” I asked, walking closer.

It was then that I noticed that Tessa was sitting down on a chair and looked awful. She was starting to sweat, and Anna Lee was sitting next to her and obviously tending to her. Suzie was standing on the other side, and Marilyn looked stricken. “Tessa’s having the baby!” she exclaimed.

“What?”

“She’s having the baby!” she repeated. I looked at Tessa, who just then groaned loudly.

“You’re shitting me, right?”

Anna Lee answered, “Her water just broke, and this baby is getting ready to join the party!”

“Holy shit!”

Marilyn asked, “What do we do?”

Both Anna Lee and Suzie tried to answer, and Tessa groaned some more. Well, thank God I knew the answer to this one. Maggie was damn near born in our bedroom. “Has anybody called an ambulance yet?” The women all stared at each other. Even Anna Lee, the nurse, had missed that one. “Well, unless you want to deliver the baby here, let’s do that. You all stay here; I’ll take care of this.”

I turned on my heel and left Marilyn to join Anna Lee and Suzie caring for Tessa. The first thing I did was barge into the kitchen and find the banquet hall manager. “We need to call an ambulance,” I told him.

He looked alarmed. “What? Why?” he stammered out.

“One of the guests is having a baby.”

“She can’t do that here!”

“I agree, so call an ambulance.” The manager continued to sputter, so I pulled a telephone off the wall and punched a 9 in. Like most such systems, this got me an outside line, so I called 911. I gave them the information, and then hung up.

I turned back and faced the manager. “Where’s the clean linens?”

“You can’t use our clean linens!” he protested.

“Okay, fine, when the baby dies, you can tell the cops that we couldn’t use the clean linens! WHERE ARE THEY?” I hustled him to the linen storage and grabbed an armful of clean napkins and a few tablecloths.

I took the linens back into the side room, and delivered them to Marilyn, and then went back to the dance floor. By now, a few people knew something was going on, but not what. Tusker came up to me after noticing Tessa had disappeared. “Where’s Tessa? What’s happening?” he asked.

I grabbed Tusker by the elbow and steered him into the side lounge. “Guess what? You’re about to be a daddy!”

He looked over at Tessa, now lying flat on the floor on top of a clean tablecloth. She noticed him there, but then grimaced and groaned. Anna Lee and Suzie were in the process of helping her out of her party dress, a nice if gargantuan, outfit. This was more than I needed to see, so I flipped around, even though Tusker continued to stare in disbelief. Marilyn came over to join us. “I have an ambulance on the way. Give them five minutes or so, I guess.”

“What happened?” asked Tusker, although it wasn’t clear to whom he was asking the question.

I tapped him on the shoulder, and he turned to face Marilyn and me. “Focus, Tusker, focus!”

Marilyn said, “From what Tessa says, Anna Lee thinks she started going into labor this morning, even before the wedding. She’s been having contractions for a few hours. Her water just broke, though.”

“What do we do? Do I need to boil water? They always do that on TV?” he said, dumbfounded.

“Only if you’re making soup, Tusker!” I answered. “What you need to do is go over there and hold her hand. She’s scared.”

“Uh, yeah, right.” He moved over to the women on the floor and Anna Lee directed him to sit down next to Tessa’s head.

Tessa immediately grabbed his hand and clamped down on it, causing it to whiten. “You sonofabitch! You’re never touching me again!” By now the girls had Tessa undressed and covered with another tablecloth.

I grinned at Marilyn. “Ah, the miracle of childbirth. Warms the cockles of your heart, doesn’t it?”

Tessa gave another groan, and Marilyn’s face got even paler. “You better not be so happy when this happens to us!”

“I hope you’re not trying to tell me something.”

That got a smile from her. “No, not that!”

“Good. You stay here and play traffic cop. Nobody comes in but me and the ambulance guys, got it?”

Marilyn gave me a salute, and I saluted her back and headed back out to the reception. By now several other people were milling about wondering what was going on. I just kept saying everything was fine and under control, not that anybody believed me. A few minutes later, although it seemed like hours at the time, a siren sounded in the distance, and you could hear the Doppler Effect raise the pitch as it got closer. I went out the front door to flag them down and direct them inside. By now, everybody in the room knew something was happening.

I followed the ambulance crew into the lounge. Tessa was moaning and groaning, and cursing Tusker to boot, but she didn’t look like she was about to have the baby on the spot. The ambulance crew brought in their gurney and dropped it down to the floor and took over from Anna Lee and Suzie. I grabbed Tusker and pulled him aside. “Listen, everything is going to be just fine. You ride with Tessa to the hospital. You can catch a cab from there back to the Sheraton later. You going to be okay?”

“Uh, yeah, I guess. This wasn’t supposed to happen, you know?” For such a big and tough biker, Tusker was totally bewildered by what was happening to Tessa.

If I was calm and cool, it was because this had happened to Marilyn and me, sort of. Maggie, who managed to do her own thing her entire life, even before that life started, decided she wanted to see the sights early. At eight in the evening, Marilyn announced we needed to call her parents to come and watch over the kids, because she was starting her contractions. Fifteen minutes later she announced, “Carl, call the emergency squad, we’re having this baby NOW!”

So, I called the emergency squad, and then I called some friends in town and got somebody to watch Alison and Parker. The first three people to show up were the postmistress, the garbageman, and the bartender. After that, about another dozen people showed up to look up Marilyn’s skirt. Still, I was holding it together, right up to the point where one of the eager young EMT types said, “Don’t worry, Mister Buckman. We’ve never done this before, but we’ve all seen the movies!”

That was when I started worrying!

That was then. Now I smiled. “Hey, shit happens. You’re going to do fine. Listen, Joe and Harlan and Anna Lee and I went over to ToysRUs last night and picked you up a few things for the baby. Make sure you get them from us.”

He looked a little stunned. “Wow! Really? Thanks, thanks a lot!”

I shooed him back over to Tessa, now loaded on the gurney, with a blood pressure collar on her arm. He hovered around while they worked on her, with Anna Lee helping and Suzie watching. She came over and stood next to Marilyn and me, and I put my arm around her shoulder. “Still want to be a nurse?” I asked.

“You bet!” she gushed. I just laughed and kissed my baby sister on her cheek.

When they were ready to transport her, I led the way out the door and we simply asked everybody to clear the way. We followed them out the door, and waved farewell as Tusker and Tessa were loaded in the back. I stood there with my arm around Marilyn, as Anna Lee and Suzie came up, with Harlan and Joe right behind them. “You two did great,” I told Anna Lee and her assistant. “I don’t know how to thank you enough!”