Chapter 15: Cin Expanded

I am pregnant.

I am eighteen years old. I have been married five years to my husband and I am carrying his child.

I am a woman now in every sense of the word. There is a sense of freedom I have never felt before. I am no longer a junior partner. I am not diminished by age anymore and now I will give my husband a child. Maybe his first daughter!

I am happy.

It is true that my husband and I love each other. But now there is life in my womb he and I share. That is a connection that is greater than any marriage certificate. My husband and I will be connected forever now, through all time.

I am joining my mother in the club of mothers.

I am now across a divide from Lily and Rose who will have to wait some years to that divide. Nic2 has yet to join me, but I am sure she will soon.

I am happy.

I snuggle into Jake and his arm holds me to him. It is warm and safe under the comforter on our bed. Mom/Gel spoons against me on the other side. I am encased in love. It is an early Winter morning. There is snow outside. It is quiet here in the dark. On these days when the clock informs of morning before the sun can, it is the playful exuberance of my bed-mates that gets me moving.

Jake gets up to get ready for his work day and Nic2 gets up with him and will get his coffee prepared. She has classes this morning at the local college, I am taking the year off from school and will start college next year. I snuggle more emphatically into Gel who then turns towards me and takes me in her arms. She kisses me on the lips. We haven't been like this since Mindanao.

I kiss her back with emotion and need. Her fingers entangled in my hair, mine in hers, legs entangled in each other's, our kissing goes on the on. Nipping at each other's lips, exchanging whose tongue is in whose mouth, our passions mounting, we egg each other on. Gel is still with milk and I slide down to suck on her breasts. As I do so I also start fingering her clit. Her milk is warm in my mouth and I suck harder to get more as Gel explodes in a very loud orgasm, her pussy shooting juices. I give her no relief as I continue to suck and frig her clit. Her orgasms continue as she screams, weeps, moans and spasms. Finally... Please Cin, please, [pause] I am yours, [pause] you know that. I have always been yours. Now give your love some rest.

And I do, allowing her to curl up in my arms and sleep.

As much as I worried about stability on the family when we added Lily to Jake's bed, no problems have surfaced. For the first time, Lily is not always on edge. She is however no longer dressing like a fourteen year old. The rest of us do wear jeans on occasion. Lily is wearing dresses. We do wear flipflops as slippers in the house, Lily wears slippers too but prettier ones. When it is cool she is wearing hose with garters which the rest of us only wear when it is really cold out and some stockings are really needed. She is often the one making Jake's coffee in the morning and she is often in his office helping him keep things organized. What she is not, is as often with me. But that works out just fine. Things are re-balancing a bit but they are in balance. Gel's time is more with Abe. Lena isn't making it home every weekend as she gets more engaged in her work. Nic2 is assisting Gel as much as ever but that also takes her away from Jake quite a bit. Rose, Lily and I are filling the void with Jake and we are surely not complaining. I am aware that once my baby is born, I will also spend less time with Jake.

Jake and I have talked about these changes and it seems like he just decides to like whatever life throws at him and decides to believe it's just what he wants. He's happy with Abe and happy that Gel spends as much time with him as she does. He's happy that Nic2 is there so that Gel does not feel isolated and alone in the process. He thinks it also gives him time to grow his new relationships with Rose and Lily. He thinks that our conversations about the changes will provide for a smoother transition for me when it comes about.

As to Nic2 not being pregnant, it's not an issue for Jake. He loves her whether or not she gets pregnant. But he does think it is good she has the family's support if it turns out she cannot. So for Jake, all is good. And for now, he is sleeping each night with a pregnant eighteen year old, a sixteen year old and a fourteen year old. He says he's the luckiest man in the world.

Lily is rubbing lotion on my belly every day. I guess I'm pretty lucky too.

Since I have time and Lena hasn't been able to join us for two weekends straight, I am going to spend some time up in her apartment. I was just about to pack my bag when I found Lily already doing it for me. When I asked her why, she looked at me like I was crazy and answered in a "I'm sorry your brain isn't engaged" manner: Because I am your wife, idiot!

Lena gets off work at 5:30pm so I will leave here at 4:00pm. This is the first time any of us has spent time with her, in her town. She seems to be looking forward to it.

I like the drive up to Lena's. While I am traveling, my mind wanders back to the amazement of the girls in the Philippines that I was driving. I think nothing of it. My life is on such a different arc than it would have been if Gel and I have never met Jake. It scares me to think about it. We would have survived but life would likely have not been kind to us. I wonder what type of man I might have met. Would he have beat me when he learned I liked women/girls too? There, you can't have both. You are one or the other. Would I have ever learned I like girls? Maybe not. I would not be driving. Would I be living in a nippa hut? Would I be washing my family's clothes by hand in a big tub? In the future would I look older than I am quickly? How long would I live? But I don't have to worry now. I am with Jake. It is a commitment, not a boyfriend. And yet no one outside my home would understand it.

Lena's apartment is nice. It is twice the size of the condo Gel got in Cebu and we were, at the time, happy with that! There is a nice queen sized bed. I will be sleeping with Lena tonight. I wonder how that will go. We have never really been alone together before.

I unpack my stuff, get my bearings and Lena suggests we go out for supper. She isn't near the cook that Gel is (no one is) and I guess this is a response to that reality. We go to a modest little place called the Cowboy Cafe. Lena has the trout and I have a patty melt. Both of us have Sprite. We skip dessert and slowly walk back to the apartment. It is cold, but we are dressed warmly.

By the time we get to the apartment we are ready for the cozy warmth it offers. We remove the boots, coats, scarves, gloves and hats. Hehehe ... I never owned such things when I was growing up in the Philippines! Lena makes up two cups of hot cocoa. I hold onto my hot cup to gain its warmth. I am relaxed. I know and love Lena and she me. We are now family in many meaningful ways, just not on paper.

As I warm up more, I remove a sweater, and decide to get dressed for bed. Lena is doing the same. She says if we want to, after we get changed maybe we will watch some TV.

When Lena exits the CR she grabs the TV remote and turns the TV on as she climbs onto the bed. But no sooner than we are next to each other, we are kissing. Not a peck on the cheek kissing. This is raw sex kissing and we are moving our bodies in ways to pursue the sexual session that is about to take place. Sometime during all this the TV remote is grabbed; the TV turned off and the remote chucked on to a chair.

Lena is leaning into me, pinning me down and mauling my clit. I don't have a lot of options other than to allow her what she wants. As that doesn't seem like a bad thing, I give her my body without contest. I have no panties on. She has been playing with my clit for a while. I think she is going to eat me next but I am wrong. The next thing I know I feel a tug as a handcuff is attached to my right hand. Lena is handcuffing my left hand while I am complaining that this is unfair! Then she sits on my legs as she secures these. I am cuffed hands and feet!

I look at Lena and ask why. She smiles and licks the inside of my left thigh.

I have always wanted men who dominated me, and never thought I would ever be with a woman in my bed. Then Gel taught me ... I really could love a woman. I liked it but it took me a while to really understand that and how I felt about it. Slowly I realized I like to dominate women. I like to be in control. Sometimes that can be less obvious. Sometimes I want it to be complete. When Lily borrowed my cuffs, I was curious to see how you handled it. It seemed to go OK, so I had Lily send them right back to me in the mail. Your mother started as my owner, I am now her owner. Did you know that? Do you know that Jake and I tie her up and then have sex with her? Did you know that we tied her up and gave her to Rose one night last month? Tonight you are mine. Tomorrow you will be mine as well. You are mine until I decide to release you from my desires. That may never happen. You will always be Jake's. He is my boss, but in every other way you belong to me now. Do you understand?

I will need to hear it from Jake.

That is fine. You can talk to him tomorrow while I am at work.

Lena gets off the bed and stands by her night stand. She opens a drawer and pulls out a weird shaped leather belt and plastic penis she calls a dildo. She attaches it to the belt through a ring of sorts. Some of it sticks into her and the rest hangs like a man's heavy wood. Lena coats the dildo with KY jelly and climbs into bed again. She positions herself over me. She is going to fuck me! I have never been fucked by a woman. I guess there is nothing to be scared about but I am scared anyway.

The dildo is close to my pussy. She grabs it and positions it, moving it up and down in short strokes as it separates my pussy lips. Once she finds my entrance, she pushes gently. The large dildo starts to disappear inside me. God, it is big. Bigger than Jake and his is the only thing I have ever had inside me. This is maybe twice as big. Oh God, I am afraid of being ripped apart. But I am not feeling any ripping. It is going in me. All of it! And then the real fucking starts and the rhythm starts and my hips find Lena motions and match them. Oh shit, it feels good; better than good. My body is falling in love with this feeling. I want this thing pounding away inside me. I do not want it to stop. I need it. Lena's mouth finds mine and I kiss her with every ounce of my strength. I am screaming: Fuck me, fuck me Lena.