Chapter 26

I drove straight home from the Waffle House.‭ ‬It was too early for dinner, so ‬I loaded the laundry into the minivan.‭ ‬I drove to one of the two self service Laundromats in our little town.‭ ‬When I arrived, I lugged the two cloth bags into the chrome and glass fronted building filled with washers and dryers.

As I walked by I noticed what appeared to be a mother and daughter folding clothes.‭ ‬I don't speak Spanish, so I have no idea what they were saying, ‬but I could read the English lettering on the homemade sign.‭ ‬WILL DO YOUR LAUNDRY...

I do not know a soul ‬who likes to sit in a Laundromat for almost two hours ‭while reading old golfing magazines.‭ "‬Excuse me, ‭what do you charge‭?"

"What do you have‎?" ‏the young woman asked.‭ ‬I could tell that her mother spoke no English, ‭because she looked at the younger woman even though I was the one speaking.

‎"‏I have a load of white clothes and a load of colored clothes.‭ ‬I use a liquid bleach on the white and a dry bleach on the colored clothes.‭ ‬I have the detergent as well as both kinds of bleach.‭"

"Fifteen dollars which includes the cost of the machines.‎"

"How long will it take‎?"

"You come back in two hours to pick up your clothes.‎"

I was in such a hurry to close the deal that I almost dropped my purse getting the money out.‭ ‬After I paid her, I drove to the Wal-Mart store to buy the few groceries I kept on hand.‭ ‬I kept them just in case I got the urge to cook.‭ ‬After Wal-Mart I gave some serious thought to Helen and Topaz, ‭while I drove to the office to send that email to the Marshal.

I figured the best way to handle the situation was to just print the attachments from Bill the Marshal.‭ ‬I could just pass them along without any editing.‭ ‬My only concern was to keep Helen's name off any documents flying back and forth between us.

I got my grocery shopping done, ‭my e-mail sent, and still had time for a look around the dollar store.‭ ‬I bought a plastic box to store cans of soup on my metal shelves.‭ ‬In other words, other than finding the Mexican ladies to do my laundry, it was a typically boring evening.

After I recovered my clothes, I drove home.‭ ‬Once inside the house, I planned to stay right there until the next morning.‭ ‬Even though I never bothered to buy a TV, ‭I watched TV shows on the Net.‭ ‬It took a little searching, but it was possible.

I heated the steak dinner while I caught up on the world news.‭ ‬It looked as though Bush's plan to introduce democracy into the Middle East just might work.‭ ‬Of course, it would have its birth in blood, ‭but most governments good and bad were born in blood.

After my dose of world news, ‭I ran down the local news by tapping into the local TV station's website.‭ ‬The steak dinner wasn't bad, ‬when served with the world news.‭ ‬Neither left a good taste in my mouth, ‭but neither made me want to throw up either.

I settled in with a drink.‭ ‬I just lacked the desire to go out for a drink with the boys.‭ ‬Instead I found the dusty bottle of Canadian Club Liquor.‭ ‬Since all I had in the house was diet soda, I made the drink with that to cut the taste of raw liquor.

While I sipped the drink, ‬I dropped into a several adult chat rooms.‭ ‬Men always complained about the number of women who weren't really women.‭ ‬Since I am who I am, I didn't mind at all.‭ ‬I always had a grand time chatting with the other occupants of the sex chats.

When another chatter got too pushy, ‬I just moved on.‭ ‬At my age, I was supposed to have children, ‬so I spent a lot of time explaining that even though I had been married, I didn't have kids.‭ ‬It wasn't often, ‬but now and then, a real conversation broke out.‭ ‬On those occasions someone usually asked if I missed not having kids.‭ ‬I never could find a satisfactory answer to that.

I always considered sex chats interactive pornography and did what most people do to porn.‭ ‬Yes, I masturbated while chatting.‭ ‬I would try to do all the things I claimed that I was doing.‭ ‬There just didn't seem like much sense in not playing along since no one could see me.

On line masturbation was mostly about illusion and mental imagery.‭ ‬It was much easier to have a man shove his nonexistent ten inch penis up my butt there, than to have a man in real life shove his real ten inch penis up my butt.‭ ‬It also hurt a lot less on line.

I have to admit a finger to simulate a man or even woman's tongue on my vulva or clit, just wasn't the same, but it still wasn't bad.‭ ‬Especially if the mental image was strong enough.‭ ‬It was also exciting to relive some of the things I had done, through chat.‭ ‬I told one guy about the rocky horror show experience and I think he came before I finished the story, ‬because he disappeared suddenly.

It was about midnight when I finally found the man who could do it for me.‭ ‬He managed to project a strong sense of being in control even through the ether.‭ ‬The orgasm I had was almost as satisfying as the ones I had in real life.‭ ‬It took me several minutes to recover.‭ ‬I think he liked that I was still around after.‭ ‬He demanded my phone number so I blew him off in the end.‭ ‬The net is about being anonymous to me.‭ ‬It is about not having to deal with baggage, ‭mine or the guy I am chatting with.‭ ‬If I wanted someone real, ‭I would have gone to the Cop Out Club.

I fell onto my small bed and easily slipped into the arms of Morpheus.‭ ‬I should have slept peacefully all night, ‬since I had an orgasm.‭ ‬I usually didn't even turn over after one of those, ‭but the terror came to visit.‭ ‬Now and then I relive events in dreams.‭ ‬Dreams that cause me to wet the bed.‭ ‬Cold sweats that soak the sheets are a price one pays for surviving I suppose.

That night, I was standing behind the driver of a Humvee with my hands gripping a M249‭ ‬machine gun.‭ ‬I never planned to use it, since we weren't even going through Indian country.‭ ‬It was just a drive in the country, so they said.‭ ‬My Hummer was running escort for a dry stores convoy from the air field to the forward detachments.‭ ‬None of them were outside the supposed secure area.‭ ‬I wondered who decided what the fuck the definition of secure was on any given day.

The first truck in the three truck convoy took the charge of a radio detonated IED.‭ ‬Then rocket grenades started to come in.‭ ‬I tried to do some damage with the SAW, but I didn't even get one complete belt off before the RPG blew my hummer over.‭ ‬I got tossed clear but not without a piece of metal in my belly.‭ ‬I awoke in the bed with wet sheets.

I prefer my sheets wet for a different reason.‭ ‬Terror, as well as good sex, literally stinks up the room.‭ ‬I knew there was no sense trying to return to sleep so I didn't.‭ ‬Instead I got out of bed and went over to the kitchen area of my one room cabin.‭ ‬I found the bottle of Benadryl inside a plastic storage box, sitting atop a metal shelf.‭ ‬I took one of the capsules washed down with a swallow of fake orange drink right from the bottle.‭ ‬I kept a bottle of it in the fridge just for that purpose.‭ ‬I took a lot of aspirin and other over the counter meds.‭ ‬I tried to be my own doctor, since I didn't really like the real ones.‭ ‬Even Ed's son was a pain in the ass in my opinion.‭ ‬The Benadryl helped me get back to sleep.