Chapter 5

When Samantha left, Henry only had a further six months to serve and began to look round for a job. It did not take him long. He wrote to the chairman of Rupert's old firm whom he had met once or twice. He admitted that he had no degree and no training but could offer the ability to think coolly and quickly under pressure. He hoped that the chairman would appreciate that he had benefited from three years commissioned service with time in Iraq and Afghanistan. He received a reply by return of post offering him a management trainee position in the investment branch. The starting salary was slightly more than he was earning at present. He accepted with gratitude and alacrity.

He resumed taking Alison out. There was no change to their relationship but Henry enjoyed her company and persuaded himself again to be patient. As he had prophesied to Samantha it was Alison who brought the subject up. They were having a quiet dinner in a restaurant off the King's Road.

"Henry," she said quietly, "I owe you an explanation and possibly an apology."

"What on earth for?"

"You've been taking me out for nearly nine months and I've never invited you in for coffee afterwards or given you more than a friendly kiss. I hope you don't think I've been taking advantage of you."

Henry shook his head. "No but I did wonder if I was missing out somewhere."

She smiled gently at him. "No, Henry, not at all. I've grown very, very fond of you and have been trying to psych myself up to show you but I can't."

She bit her lip and looked down twisting her hands nervously in her lap.

"Something awful happened to you," he said gently.

She nodded.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"I do. You deserve it but not here."

"OK. If I promise not to try and take advantage of you in any way would you like to come back to my flat and tell me there?"

She searched his face and saw only affection and concern.

"All right. Where do you live?" She managed a rueful smile. "There you are, you see, I don't even know that."

Henry smiled back. "About four hundred yards away. Are you happy to walk?"

"Of course, you silly."

They left the restaurant and walked back to the flat in silence. Henry let her in.

"Golly!" she exclaimed. "This is very smart for an impecunious army officer."

"It's my parents'. Would you like some Dutch Courage?"

She nodded.

"Brandy?"

She nodded again. He poured them each one. He offered her an armchair and sat opposite on the sofa.

She took a sip of her drink and looked up at him shyly and then decisively put her glass down.

"My father raped me when I was sixteen."

Henry stared at her in horrified silence.

She looked down in shame and humiliation. Henry longed to go to her and comfort her but he had promised not to touch her. He forced himself to keep that promise.

"Oh, Alison, you poor darling," he managed in the end. He took a pull at his brandy. "That's horrible. Rape in itself is bad enough but by your own father ... Oh, God!"

She nodded and picking up her glass took a hefty pull herself.

"Did you report him?"

She shook her head.

"Why not?"

"For my mother's sake. It would have broken her heart and I love her too much for that."

"Have you ever told anybody else?"

"No. You're the first."

"So you've never been able to get it off your chest."

She shook her head once more.

"Oh, you poor darling," he said again. "It explains everything."

There was a long silence.

"Do you think it would help to tell me?" he asked finally. "I promise never to tell anybody else."

"I can't believe you want to hear."

"I don't but if it helps you at all I'll listen."

Again she searched his face and again she was reassured by what she saw.

"My grandmother came out of hospital and needed twenty-four hour care. My grandfather was incapable of giving it and they live in such a remote area that the social services weren't really able to help. My grandfather needed looking after too. So my mother went up to Scotland to look after them both. It was the school holidays so I was able to cook and everything for my father. We'd always been close so I was happy to do that. One evening we watched a film on the box. We sat together on the sofa with his arm round my shoulders. Anyway we both went off to bed and I woke up to find him in bed with me. He told me he was lonely without my mother and only wanted to cuddle. I didn't think it was right but, as I say, we were close and I didn't think he'd do anything else. I drifted off to sleep again but was woken by him fondling my boobs. I told him to stop but he told me there was no harm in it and not to fuss. I argued with him and then tried to push him away. He's a big man." She gave the ghost of a smile. "I take after my mother. So that didn't do any good so I tried scratching his face. He tore my nighty off and tied my hands to the head of the bed. I couldn't knee him between the legs because he kept them closed. He then took me twice and he wasn't gentle either. Afterwards he untied me and went back to his own room. I was mentally and physically shattered and just lay there. I didn't sleep but in the end I managed to work out what to do. My aunt lived near where I was at school. There was only a week left of the holidays so I'd tell her that my father had to go away on business and ask if I could come and stay until the beginning of term as I didn't want to be alone in the house."

She was silent gazing at the floor. Henry said nothing. She took another sip of her brandy.

"The next morning my father tried to apologise. I told him that I would never forgive him but for my mother's sake I would not tell anyone as long as he never touched me again. If he did I would go straight to the police.

"So you can see why I'm not into the physical aspects of love."

Henry nodded. "Horrid! Horrid! Horrid!" he said. "I hope you don't blame yourself in any way."

"Well, I ought to have made him leave right at the beginning."

"Maybe but you trusted him. He was your father for Heaven's sake. Foolish perhaps but I bet you felt sorry for him and you trusted him."