Version 1

"My dear fans, this will be my last post ever. I've decided to follow my fantasies in real life. I've found someone willing to help me carry them out. I'm already committed, I've sent him my personal information which he'll use to find me and there is no way for me to call it off. Soon, I don't know when exactly he'll find me, kidnap me, rape me, and murder me. Farewell to you all..."

Well, turns out this was not her last post. This one is. She gave me the password and such so I can post for her, as she is quite dead now.

I grew up an atheist. It made no sense to my parents that an infinitely old being could have chosen to create a universe and populate it with mortals at some arbitrary time in the finite past. Infinity is not easy to truly grasp. It's not really a number. Imagine someone has been counting seconds for an infinite amount of time. What number would they be at right now? "Time" is hard to define. Even Albert Einstein had trouble. It's been defined as what clocks measure but this is not very helpful. It's like asking, "Why is that car black" "Because it's not red." Put another way: What had God done before He created the Earth? The snide answer: "Preparing Hell for people who ask such questions." really get's on my nerves. It's a perfectly valid question! Even if you can answer the question, Say he made and destroyed a universe before he made this one. What did he do before he did that? Has God been making and destroying an infinite number of universes forever? So either God does not exist, or He has created and destroyed an infinite number of Earths, Heavens, and Hells. I have a hard time seeing a God as something like Sisyphus, condemned to push a large stone to the top of a hill then have roll down, where he has to start over. Don't know about you but doing the same thing over and over forever sounds very boring to me. Even for a God. Even the greatest joys would get boring after several trillion reputations. Yes even sex! Imagine having to do it over and over forever! Even manipulating things in every possible combination to see what happens would become boring. After all, there are a finite (but very large) number of states you can make a universe in. Eventually you will have done them all, and in "forever" you'd do them all an infinite number of times. This goes for people too. How can a person exist forever? I felt life after death simply does not exist.

I began writing stories and posting them on the web. Always first person. Usually ending with my death. Soon I built up a fan base. I was getting several of hit's a day on my stories and maybe six or seven e-mails Then one day I got an e-mail to my secret Yahoo! account. I was terrified by death and this fear was the biggest turn on for me. I loved danger and kept putting myself at great risk of death. My most powerful orgasms happened when I was almost sure I was about to die. When you take the risks I did, it's just a matter of time before you lose. I started writing stories about women who allowed themselves to be kidnapped rapped and usually murdered, though sometimes they escape through incredible luck, only to do it again. Never in my stories did the women get another lucky break. Then one day I got the e-mail that changed (and now has ended) my life:

"You seem to really get off on being kidnapped and murdered. If you want to do it for real send me the following information:

"Your personal address, where you work, time you get off work, and send me a picture of yourself. If you wish, you can also give me times you'll make yourself vulnerable to being kidnapped. It's not necessary, but would be helpful. Either way if you send the information I will find you and kill you. I've already done this several times, and not one girl has gotten away. Don't be scared, I won't come after you unless you send me the information. But if you do send it I won't quit until I have you even if you change your mind later."

I re-read the message several times. My God this guy wanted to kill me in real life!!! Should I respond? I called up my mail writer and typed the information he requested. I told him what time I got off work and where I would park my car, in a very dark parking lot. Then I set up my camera and took a picture of myself naked and uploaded it. I moved the mouse pointer to the "send" button and placed my left hand on the mouse. I pictured myself clicking the button, but didn't really intend to do it.

I began masturbating myself reading the letter over and over. I slammed into an explosion of orgasm, closing my eyes, throwing my head back and crying out. When I cum I lose all control of my body for several seconds to a few minutes. This orgasm was incredibly powerful and wave after wave of pleasure flooded my brain for a long long time. After it was over, I looked at the computer screen. The e-mail was gone, instead the message, "e-mail sent" was displayed. I had no memory of clicking the button. The realization I was committed caused another climax. I'd been doing dangerous things to get off for a long time, including masturbating to orgasm while driving at high speed twice. Both times resulted in the car crashing. The first time I'd stolen a car then left myself stranded 20 miles from my own car naked. The second time I'd had help and we made a video of it. Now it looked like I'd taken one risk too many. Oh God what have I done!

I didn't sleep at all that night. By morning my hand and pussy were extremely sore. I was incredibly scared and even more horny. I wondered when it would happen. I had to masturbate 7 or 8 times a day. The first day was the most intense. The second slightly less so. After 3 days I started to wonder if I'd been "lucky" and it had been a bluff. After a week I figured it probably was a bluff. I didn't feel lucky, I felt disappointed. Then I checked my e-mail that shattered my calm and disappointment.

"Sorry it's taken so long to get back to you. I had to drive cross country to get to where you live. But I'm here now. You should put all your affairs in order if you wish. I'll see you soon.

"Oh here's the proof I'm really here." There was a file attached. It was a picture of me getting into my car out front. From the clothes I was wearing I'd guess the picture had been taken this morning. I began to panic a little. Should I call the police? Maybe I could explain it was a sexual game taken too far ... I decided to leave the police out of it. What could they do? I knew nothing about this guy, They'd want to see my e-mails and that would be far too humiliating. Besides did I REALLY want to stop him? I played the battle out in my head back and forth. I knew deep down the risks I was taking would get me killed. Now that it had happened did I want to chicken out? To do so would diminish the excitement of it forever.

Finally I crawled into bed and fell asleep. I woke with a jump when the alarm went off. God another day at work. I considered not going in, who cares about a job when you're just a few days from being killed? I finally decided to go in after all. I figured I should follow my regular routine, it'll look less suspicious when I disappeared.

The work shift was boring as hell, as usual. It was dark when I got off. Frank, the sweet security guard insisted on walking me to my car. It was a new policy of the company. All female employees will be escorted to their cars by security after dark. As I got to my car I saw a white van with out of state plates was parked next to my car. I couldn't shake Frank off until I was safely in my car. I was worried about Frank. Would this guy kill him to get to me? My heart hammered as I unlocked my car and climbed in. Nothing happened. Relived I watched Frank disappear, bathed in red light. Thinking the van was just a coincident I drove home.

"If you think some rent-a-pig will save you from me, your wrong. No matter what you do to protect yourself, I'll get you. I let you slip by tonight because I'd rather not murder anyone who hasn't asked for it, but I will. I've done it before. If you don't want that guy killed don't show up with him again! I'd rather you didn't contact the police, but all they will do is make the grab a little harder. I've dealt with the cops before. Have a ways to get them off my back."

The next day, which I knew was my last day of freedom, I decided to ditch work early. I told my boss I wasn't feeling well and needed to knock off early. He looked annoyed, but he called Frank to escort me to my car. That was going to be a trick. Instead of the elevator I took the fire stairs. At the bottom was a fire door but it was set to trip an alarm if opened. I figured I might get fired for tripping a false alarm. "Fuck it" I said, and pushed the door open. The alarm sounded and I ran like hell to the dark parking lot.

The van was back! My heart beat wildly. I considered running away, finding Frank, but Frank was just a sweet old man who was working for fun. (I think he liked looking at and flirting all us girls but he never EVER made a pass at us.) I put the key into the door. Just then someone grabbed me from behind and put his hand over my mouth to muffle my scream. Up to this point I realized my anxiety was just academic. I'm not sure if I completely believed it was going to happen. Now there was no denying it. I started to fight, but my attacker was much stronger than I was. Then a sharp pain in my butt, like a bee sting. Suddenly my brain got all foggy and I was rapidly getting weaker and weaker. A sedative! Finally everything went black.

I woke up naked on my belly in pitch black. I could hear the sound of the van speeding along the freeway and felt the slight sway and bump as the van drove along. I could hear country music playing. My hands were cuffed behind my back and my legs were folded at the knee, my feet attached to the hand cuffs. I realized the darkness was caused by something wrapped tightly around my head blocking my eyes. There was something in my mouth. It felt like rubber and it seemed to be strapped to my face around the back of my head. I was helpless, being taken who knows where. I was extremely frightened. After what seemed a long time I felt the van slow, then came to a stop. I realized we were off the freeway and on city streets.

The van came to a stop then started up again. I heard the "tinka-tinka-tinka" of a turn signal and felt the van turn, then another turn and a bump, like pulling into a parking lot. The van stopped and the engine shut off. I felt the van rock and hear a car door slam then the chirp of the doors locking. I lay there for maybe 10 minutes when he came back and we drove a very short distance then stopped again. I felt the guy climb out then heard the sliding door open. I felt jerky movement as he pulled my box out of the van then I tipped feet down. I figured there were wheels on one end of the box and he was dragging me someplace. He opened a door and wheeled me into a room. The box was set down and I heard fumbling, like with a lock. I heard a lid open and felt a warm hand on my feet. Then my feet were unattached from my hand cuffs.

"I'm sorry about putting you in such discomfort but it's necessary. I had a girl once who changed her mind and tried to escape. Nearly got away too. So now I don't take chances." He left my hands cuffed but helped me to my feet. My feet were cuffed together with a short chain between. I could only walk with steps about 6 inches long. Running would be impossible. He led my into what I guessed was the bathroom and he guided my to the toilet. Oh what a relief. I let my water flow into the toilet as I heard the shower start. He pushed my legs apart when I finished then wiped me, front to back, as all girls are taught but guys never think about. I was never into toilet fetishes. They are discussing!! I was hoping this guy wasn't into them. I realized I hadn't established any rules in this BDSM game.

He guided me into the shower and began to wash my body. It was strange to have someone's hands on your body, helpless as he washed you, know these hands are going to kill you fairly soon. As he washed me, touching me all over he told me what was going to happen. He said he wouldn't hurt me any more than was necessary and he would not make me so uncomfortable once we got to his ranch house. But the bindings and gag and blindfold would stay on for about a 2 weeks. He told me there was only two fairly painful things he wanted to do to me. He said it would hurt, but he'd do all he could to minimize the pain.

Once clean he dried me with a thick soft towel. The blindfold was wet but it would dry soon enough. He told me he had some food for me. He could not remove the gag to feed me but the gag had a hole that could be used with a straw to suck up liquids. The stuff I drank wasn't the greatest tasting stuff, but it wasn't horrible and it filled my empty belly. After that was finished he gave me water. It tasted wonderful and cleaned out the food from the gag tube.

He laid me on the bed and began sucking my nipples. My God he's going to rape me now. Of course I had no choice but to submit. It was the best fucking orgasm I'd ever had. I say orgasm, as in 1, it started with the first stroke of his cock in my pussy through feeling him cum inside me at which point I passed out. (Yes I know most women can't feel the guy cumming, but I had an extremely sensate pussy) The muffled sounds of my cries drove me crazy.

He woke me early, packed me into the box again and then we were on the road again. This repeated every day for 15 days We stopped once each day to allow me to use a chamber pot as I wasn't allowed out of the van in public. Then it felt like we left the freeway, then I heard gravel crunching under the tires. 30 minutes later we stopped. This time I was let out of the box still in the van. He told me we had arrived at his ranch house. I felt hard pack cool earth under my bare feet. It felt strange but good, standing in the warm sun, naked, with a light breeze caressing my body. The guy lead me inside where he undid the cuffs. My arms felt had very little strength after two weeks of disuse it took a huge effort just to lift them. I'd need to build their strength back, if he'd let me. He sat me on a chair then lifted my limp arms onto the armrests of the chair, he strapped them down. Then he strapped my legs to the chair legs. Then I felt something hard clamp both side of my head and my head was secured with straps. I could not move at all. I was trapped! I was starting to breath heavy. He's going to kill me right away! My fantasy had always been me getting killed only after weeks and weeks of being raped over and over. True I'd already enjoyed 15 days of it, but I wanted more, much more.