Chapter 7

I don't know what I expected ... bluster, perhaps? Outrage? Agreement?

What I got instead was a moment of silence ... and then her face dissolved behind the tears that started to pour from her eyes.

Now, it is easy to say that my wife was a large woman. She had, at the time we first met, been very thin. However, her entire family tended to be heavy, and she had constantly and consistantly gained weight over the years we were together, despite numerous attempts to exercise it away. The weight never made me love her any less.

Yet, as we sat across from each other at the table, she actually seemed to shrink. Her body sagged and seemed to be folding in on itself. The sight reminded me of a blow-up doll with its plug pulled; it was as if the air was slowly leaking from her body, causing it to lose definition as it sank lower and lower in the chair.

The only sound between was the hiccup noises of her sobs.

I would like to think I am hardened steel. But when faced with tears, my attitude softens to the consistency of oatmeal. I wanted so badly to reach out to her, to hold and comfort her. I could still feel how much I loved her.

Yet all it took to stiffen my resolve was thinking about that email, and that one line. "I will end this marriage soon" echoes through my head, and any thoughts of moving closer to her are quickly snuffed out. I wait for her to quiet.

Eventually, she pulled some napkins from her purse and started to dab the tear trails from her face. She kept peeking over at me, as if waiting for me to say something else. Finally, her voice stangling on phlegm, she managed to whisper, "Why?"

"You're unhappy. You've said it enough times. You don't like the status quo. You need something more than me, something I can't seem to provide. I've been thinking today that maybe I have it all wrong." I leaned forward in my chair. "Maybe I can't do enough to make you happy, so I should just let you be free to find it." I sagged back in my chair.

"But that means we need to divorce."

She shuddered visibly at the mention of the "d" word.

Her reaction puzzled me. I had not thought about how she would react when I flung it out there, but I was mystified by the tears. If she was already thinking about leaving me, why was she acting so disconsolate?

"There's ... there's no other reason?"

I looked at her without answering.

"Have you found someone else?"

For some reason, I found this uproariously funny. incongruously to the situation, I laughed out loud.

Tears started leaking from the corners of her eyes again.

When I finally got control of myself, I managed to say, "I promised I would never leave you. I married you intending to spend the rest of my life with you. And now you can sit there and ask me if I've found someone else? Have you lost your mind?"

"But the fiasco with Ian..."

I slammed my hand down on the table. "The fiasco, as you call it, is part and parcel of why we are here right now. You wanted a third in our relationship, but you wanted someone that would be dedicated to pleasing just you. When I instead found someone who was actually intent on pleasing both of us, you were rude, surly, and downright insulting. Do you know what he called you behind your back? Brunhilde! 'Sleep on the floor, ' you said. 'Fetch and carry, ' you said. But not once did you show him affection or true attention, and I was left to clean up the mess."

"You want what you want ... but what other people want somehow seems to be of less and less concern to you." I could see my tirade had her close to hysterics, but I couldn't help my next words.

"You stopped being a slave a long time ago."

This time the tears were accompanied by a wail of despair, as if I had just told her that her soul was doomed to damnation. I stood up, ready to end it.

"I will take my fair measure of the blame for the sorry state we find ourselves in. But I have never stopped loving you or stopped trying. Ask yourself," I said, and then paused for emphasis.

"Can you say the same thing?"

I went back to my office and closed the door.

She was gone when I came out again 15 minutes later.