Chapter 1: "Then It Begins"

The luscious Asian bounced atop the man's body, squealing in muffled contentment. Her smooth tanned skin was covered in perspiration and her breasts bobbed up and down as she ground her ass against him.

I quickened my pace, my wrist starting to burn from sheer exhaustion. The hottie on my computer monitor came up for a breath and the video shot to the dude's face. "Aww, Jesus man." Why the fuck do they always have to show the close-up of the dude's face? Is this really fucking necessary? It's not like scores and scores of women get off to the wonderful looking men of porn every night. It's debatable, but I'm fairly certain. And even if they do, I'll put money on the fact that they're not looking at the dude's "face" either. His features were contorted in what I guess was ecstasy, although it looked like she was biting his dick off rather than sucking it. I tried to forget about it and keep my groove but this guy was so damn ugly. He kind of looked like a leprechaun.

"KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!" What was left of my boner leapt back into the safety of my boxers with frightening speed. Goddamn it, who was it now! I was about to start cursing the little prick, no pun intended, for cowardice, when my mother's booming voice came from the hallway. "Cam, isn't it time for bed?" Oh God, here we go again.

First of all, I was 18. She had no right telling me when to go to sleep. Secondly, it was 9:30 on a Tuesday. The woman was going senile. And thirdly, lastly, and definitely most importantly ... actually there is no third reason. She shouldn't be knocking on my door. However, arguing with stupid people is a useless venture.

"I'll go to sleep in a few minutes mom, just finishing up some homework" is what I said. What I thought was "Jesus Christ you Nazi bitch, can I not have ten minutes to do my thing in peace?" Just then the Asian onscreen got stuffed and let out a nice shrill "Oh yeah, fuck me!"

"What did you say Cam?" Shit, she must be pressed up against the door or something.

"I'm studying mom, please go away." I paused the video temporarily and waited to hear her footsteps retreating down the hallway before resuming. My little buddy slowly came back to life and after a few more minutes of ahem studying, I rubbed one off into a wad of tissue paper. How depressing...

My name is Cameron Blake. Yes, I realize that I have two first names. Yes, I am OK with that. I live in White Prairie, Pennsylvania, also known as boring ass place in boring ass state. I live on Franklin Street, third house down, the one with the red fence. I'm the guy next door, your ordinary teenager, an average Joe in every sense of the word. I have brown hair and brown eyes, am 6 feet tall, and have finely chiseled cough semi-chiseled abs. Most importantly however, I'm a guy that isn't getting laid and should be. This is how I've come to know my existence.

I collapsed on my bed. Work was hell tonight. It was another grueling night at Jolly's Video Rental and Sale. If I have to tell anyone else to have a "jolly jolly day" I'm gonna vomit all over them. Breathe in; breathe out. Relax Cam. I stared at the white plaster ceiling above me. For some reason I thought of the sex scene from Basic Instinct where Sharon Stone and that guy screw in the room with the mirror on the ceiling. I wonder if I could sleep in a bed with a mirror right above me. It'd probably scare the hell out of me whenever I woke up. I could probably fuck in one though, especially one with Sharon Stone in it.

"This sucks ass," I said aloud, referring to life. Actually, I was referring to beating off. Life was not that bad. I just wanted a little poontang. I don't know, I wasn't bad-looking by any means but I was just so god-damn ordinary. You could practically rename me John Smith and stamp "WASP" on my forehead. I closed my eyes and began to drift off to dream world. Circles began swirling round and round, and then those crazy sheep starting jumping around ... and then I had to piss. I hopped out of bed in my boxers, unlocked my door, and scratched my ass as I walked to the bathroom. I drained my lizard and stood in front of the sink washing my hands. I stared hard at my reflection in the mirror/medicine-cabinet combo every house in the country has. That's when it happened. I looked down at the sink to splash some water over my face, and when I looked back up at my reflection, I saw a black man with a purple hat standing directly behind me. My reaction was normal. I screamed like a girl and swung around falling on my ass. But as I looked around the room, I realized that there was no black man. What the hell is going on? "Are you okay Hun?" My mother's voice could reach me anywhere I went in this damn house.