04 Wanderer
Chapter 7

Copyright© 2009 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia

Present - Erast (Ben) - On the road

When I bought the bus ticket, I made sure to give myself enough time so I could be the first on the bus. I grabbed a discarded newspaper off a bench and waited for the driver to show up. He finally shows up, takes my ticket and stows my pack under the bus. But I still have my small daypack and in it is my ten-millimeter, my recharged Wasp knife and my Ka-Bar. It is great to be travelling by bus because you can still carry on board most of the time. Occasionally the TSA does random screenings which mess things up, but not today. Plus I am sure Ms. Donaldson has the airports watched, if not by professionals than by all the fucking bounty hunters out looking for me.

I go right to the back of the bus by the head and take the whole row of seats. I want to make sure I can profile everyone as the get on the bus and from here I can see everyone as they board. Plus, these are the second best seats on the bus if you don't mind the smell of shit. I've been through enough shit already so a little bit more doesn't matter.

I hold the newspaper I grabbed in front of me and I about shit myself. It's a fucking tabloid and the bastards have cooked up some crazy-assed story about me being abducted by aliens and being anally probed. If I ever find the bastard that wrote this piece of shit poor fiction he is going to learn about anal probing with a Ka-Bar.

The bus is slowly filling up and I make sure to check each new arrival. It's an eclectic mix as usual. Some are older adults that don't have the money to fly and don't want to drive - they always have some fear when they get on the bus and are easy to spot. There are the normal young people looking for a cheap way to travel as they explore the country, their youth and each other. A couple of Arabic guys get on the bus which attracts my attention since they will bear some watching just in case.

But the last couple to get on the bus stroll all the way to the back. They are way outside the normal profile and now have my full attention. They are the wrong age (late twenties to early thirties), their clothes are too nice (high end designer labels), and they both have too much jewelry. But the most obvious problem is that she doesn't have a purse and he doesn't have a backpack or messenger bag.

At first I worry they might be looking for me, especially when he walks up to me and requests, "Pardon me we were hoping to have this row, would you possibly mind moving?" He then gives me a perfect smile. There's no way in hell I'm letting these two behind me so I lower my paper and reply with an accent, "I am sorry, but I need to have this row to be close to the toilets. Sometimes I get sick when I travel." Anger briefly flashes across his face, he roughly yanks the hand of his partner and they take the seats right in front of the head - the worst seats on the whole bus.

The driver climbs aboard, closes the door and we finally leave the station. Heading west and away from this God forsaken city I fold the fucking tabloid and put it on the seat beside me. I watch as we leave Washington DC, hoping this will be the last time I ever see this place again. I'm glad to be leaving the city but even happier to finally be leaving Ben Blaine and my old life behind me. Now Ms. Donaldson and I can get on with our own, separate lives.

Present — Liz — Plane flight to Tajikistan

The twins are really taking such good care of me. I am worn out from all the drama today: First fighting with Jens about the hospital, then the total destruction of my office, next Jens' huge fight with Maria and then her taking Maria and flying like a Ben-batty bat out of hell to see if he is still at 'the shop'. I had hoped I could just head back to my apartment and crash, but the twins assured me we still needed to go to Tajikistan to pick up the two girls just in case Ben wasn't at 'the shop'. And I knew they were right. Anyway, they made all the arrangements while I rested. Now Ira is rubbing my feet with lotion after she first washed them. I complain, "Ouch Ira that's a little too hard."

She smiles and answers, "Sorry Ms. Morgan, sometimes I do not know my own strength." That is certainly an understatement. Since Jens healed her she has been like a superwoman and I'm glad she was because she was able to control an uncontrollable Jens on our flight back from Germany.

Mira hands me a drink - a nice rum and diet coke. I take a sip and I believe there's much more rum in this drink than there is coke. But hey, it's a long flight and it won't matter if I get a little drunk since the twins are here to keep me safe. Mira sits beside me, smiles at me and starts to sing — well I guess she's trying to sing but it is truly terrible and when Ira joins her, it's not any better. Wow, finally something the twins don't do well!

I take a big gulp of my drink and try to enjoy the song as it slowly starts to grow on me. It's in Tajik and has a haunting and soothing melody so I ask, "Mira, what is the name of this song you are singing?"

Ira continues but Mira stops and replies, "It is called The Mother's Song and our mother used to sing it to us when we were little. I will tell you what it is about."

The song begins by addressing a child who is not yet born. "Here you are, your motherland, your motherland, dear child. Listen and I'll tell you about your kishlak." Then it shares about the life of an ordinary mountain village, how it is full of such care and tenderness and love for the people there and their customs. Then comes the culminating moment: the festival for the birth of the child. "It is a shame that you will not remember this day, dear child!" Indeed it is because Ira and I have seen the ritual procession of women ringing bells and the whirling dance of the old man is quite captivating, beautiful and harmonious. Then the festival is over and the mother is rocking her baby in the cradle. At the end, the words are repeated exhorting the baby not to forget his motherland.

Ah so it's a lullaby - that explains why it's so soothing even with their poor singing abilities. Shoot that reminds me of something. I'd totally forgotten what I asked Sam to do for me last time I was in Tajikistan and I need to call him ASAP. Shit I sure as hell hope he doesn't want to train me. Damn, I'm beginning to sound like the twins. I sure hope he doesn't expect to fuck me for the information as I promised him I would. The last thing I want is that bastard's baby in my belly! I snap myself out of the impending stupor and announce, "Mira and Ira, thanks I feel much better. But I need to make a few very private phone calls before we reach Tajikistan. You two need to go to the back of the plane, and Ira because of your sister's super hearing I'm going to ask you to cover her ears until I finish with these calls.

Present — Mira and Ira — Plane flight to Tajikistan

I reply, "Ms. Morgan I have lost almost all of the super hearing I had before and Ira has lost most of her strength. In fact I am very worried my hearing will diminish to the point it was before Ms. Donaldson helped since that was almost intolerable."

Ms. Morgan crosses her arms and orders, "Mira I can tell you're not lying to me otherwise I'd be very upset. Okay you do not need to have Ira cover your ears, but you both still need to go to the back of the plane. In fact I want you two to go into the toilet until I come and get you."

Ira complains, "Ms. Morgan, please! Do not punish us and send us to the stinky toilet."

But she will not relent and explains, "Ira, I'm not punishing you two. There is just some very private information, which if it comes back the way I expect, will be a very big surprise for the both of you. Now scoot and get those asses of yours in the toilet."

We both slowly walk towards our bathroom banishment. Ms. Morgan gets impatient and says, "I said scoot and I mean it! Now stop wasting time and get moving."

We speed up just a little, get into the tiny toilet, then Ira looks at me and says, "Mira, Ms. Morgan has become very wise to most of our tricks and we need to come up with new ones."

I answer, "Yes she has. I think she might even know we sometimes can read her lips. I wonder what very private phone calls she needs to make."

Ira grumps, "I bet they are to that evil Ambassador Clark. I think she promised him training for his help to get us out of the country. If she did I will kill him before I let him train her since she could become impregnated with his baby and that would ruin our plans."

Suddenly my vision of all three of us with big round bellies from Mr. Blaine's babies leaves. I frantically say, "Ira this time you are right. We cannot let Ambassador Clark train Ms. Morgan. You know him best because you were with him the most. Could one of us distract him with training so he would leave Ms. Morgan alone?"

Ira giggles, "Mira he is a very perverted man and even Baba Yaga1 would distract him. I fear however it will be a most odious duty. Shall we play our game to see which one of us it will be?"

1 Baba Yaga is a witch-like character in Slavic folklore. She flies around on a giant mortar or broomstick, kidnaps (and presumably eats) small children, and lives in a hut which stands on chicken legs. In most Slavic folk tales she is portrayed as an antagonist.

I dread playing the game with Ira because somehow she almost always seems to win, but it is part of what we do. I do briefly remember the one time we played the game and though I lost, it was really a big win because I met the young and so handsome L.Cpl. Blaine. Ira clears her throat and adds, "Mira stop wishing that when you lose it will be like the time with L.Cpl. Blaine. You were very lucky that time. Let's play!"

We have no straws this time so we do rock, paper, scissors. I chose rock and Ira chose scissors and loses. She pretends to be upset but I can really tell she isn't, "Shoot Mira, now I will have to do this terrible thing."

I hug her and whisper in her ear, "Thank you my sister, I know you lost on purpose."

As I hug Mira I think, yes my sister I did lose on purpose. I cannot risk you, now that we have stopped taking our pills, becoming impregnated by this beast. You have always held on to the 'secret' wish it will be Mr. Blaine and it would devastate you if it was anyone else. Besides, he will wear a tool cover if he wants to train me and he will also just happen to expire from a heart attack.

Present — Liz — Plane flight to Tajikistan

The phone rings three times and as Sam picks it up and I say, "Greetings Sam how are you?"

If I could see him I'm sure he'd be leering as he greets me, "Liz Morgan, as I live and breathe. I wondered if I would ever hear from you again."

I reply, "Hey Sam guess what, we're headed back to Tajikistan again."

He interrupts with, "Are Miranda and Irina with you?"

The fucking old letch still thinks he can bed both of them at the same time - shit that'd kill him. What is it with men and their constant obsession to take two women (even more so with twins) to bed at the same time. Like one woman can't easily wear out the horniest of men. Shit! Most of the time I still have to finish things myself long after they are 'worn' out and sleeping, I reply, "Yes Sam they are with me. You know they're my body guards and travel with me everywhere. And you also know they're still off limits to you."

He replies, "I have some information for you."

Damn, he's baiting me so I casually reply, "Oh really?"

He sounds puzzled as he replies, "You know, the information you asked me to acquire."

I yawn into the phone (damn I think Mira's cocktail has me a little tipsy), "Oh yeah I remember that now. So what did you find out?"

He bargains with, "I'd like to tell you in person."

Ah he's going after me now thinking I'm easy and that I'm going to fall into his bed again with my legs wide open. I counter with, "I hoped you would tell me now, but I'm sure we can discuss this and other things when we're all together. You know, me, you, your wife ... So how long have you two been married?"

He yells in frustration, "God dammit Liz, you've become totally unreasonable since you've met those two body guards of yours! We used to have a very mutually enjoyable and beneficial relationship."

I explain the truth of the matter, "Sam, not to deflate your ego, but being raped by coercion is never enjoyable and the benefits I got from you were marginal. Look there was a time when I needed to fuck men and women to get information, but those days are gone. I can usually get everything I need from the Internet or in other ways. I asked you as a friend to find things out for me, and you did. So you can either freely tell me, or I will find the information using other methods."

He asks with worry in his voice, "And if I don't tell you?"

I laugh at his concern, "Sam, I won't tell your wife. I'm embarrassed as hell at what you made me do and I'd just as soon forget it."

He sounds relieved and admits, "Thanks Liz, I guess I owe you."

I continue, "Yes you certainly do. Now, the information please..."

He says, "Liz, I've got several things to tell you, some great, some good, and some border on bad. The great - your reporter instincts we're correct, he certainly without a doubt is. The good - things were never formalized so you shouldn't have any issues. The bad is the government is sure your body guards know the location of two young girls who have a king's ransom in gold which was stolen from Kuwait. They are going to give you hell if you try to take the girls or the gold out of the country."

I think - yeah they do know where those girls are but I had no idea about the gold, I need to ask them why they didn't share that little fact with me. I joyfully reply, "Thanks Sam, in some things you're still the best. Now tell me, did you happen to get the paperwork done for the first thing we talked about?"

He says, "Liz, of course I did. Oh, there will be a little fight about it, but once they learn they're fighting those twins of yours, they won't give you any problems. Did you know this whole country is afraid of those two?"

I grin, "Yeah they can be pretty scary sometimes. See you in a few hours Sam." I end the call and want to jump for joy, but that's Jens job. I can't wait to give them their surprise. But how in the hell are we going to get those girls and the gold out of this country? Perhaps Sam can help with that too. You know he's been a good friend and perhaps I just might throw him a mercy fuck for all the help he's been. I have been really horny lately.

I yell, "Mira and Ira get those sneaky asses of yours up here right now!"

Present — Ira and Mira — Plane flight to Tajikistan

Ms. Morgan yells for us and it sounds like she is angry. I look at Mira and say, "She sounds angry to me. Do think she discovered one of our plans?"

Mira replies, "She is very smart but I do not think she discovered them."

We hear her yell again, "Don't make me come back there and drag your sneaky asses out of that bathroom."

I say, "We need to see what she wants and pretend to be totally innocent and sad."

Mira agrees, "Yes those are some of the things we do the best."

We exit the bathroom and slowly walk towards Ms. Morgan with our heads hanging and with very sad looks in our eyes.

She takes one look at us and laughs, "You two remind me of puppy dogs. Now quit the melodrama because I have an important question to ask you."

We raise our heads but still have the sad looks on our faces. She ignores the looks and asks, "Why didn't you two tell me the two girls also came with some extra baggage?"

Mira gives her a puzzled look and responds, "Ms. Morgan, we had to buy them some clothes because all they had were old rags. If it is a problem we can leave the nice clothes we bought them and replace them in America."

Ms. Morgan shakes her head, "Mira and Ira I do not mean literally extra baggage. I'm asking why you two never told me about the gold!"

I think this is very good she is distracted by the question about the gold. I reply, "Ms. Morgan we did not think it was an issue."

She raises her voice and declares, "Not a fucking issue! Sam just told me your government is sure you two know where the girls are and they are serious about getting the gold."

I look at Mira, "If Sam knows about it then it is true and this presents a problem for us."

Mira answers, "Yes this is a big problem. They will certainly try to follow us and then intercept us when we have the girls and the gold. We need another plan."

I repeat, "Yes we need a very good plan."

Ms. Morgan starts to stumble a little so I catch her and help her to her seat as she complains, "Mira, I sure hope you didn't drug me." Then she slowly falls asleep.

I look at Mira and she giggles, "Well, it was just a little bit of drugs added to too much rum."

And I start to design a plan for how are we going to get the girls and the gold out of our country.

Present — Zarika and Yasmeen — Tajikistan

I have been lying on my bed, facing away from Yasmeen pretending to sleep since I saw our husband on the television. While really I have been crying the whole time. Before I missed him very much, now I cannot tolerate the pain in my heart. I helped him to escape and then he saved me from the terrible things Hussein did to me but most of all he talked to me and helped me heal from those things and made me feel like he could forgive me and love me. I wonder why he has not come for me? I know he might be able to forget silly and childish Yasmeen because she was such a little sneak and tricked him into being his second wife, but how can he forget me and his promise to me since it still rings like a bell in my ears. It even drowns out the terrible noise Yasmeen makes when she sings.

'Yasmeen the annoying' (my new name for her) yells, "Zarika, wake up! The man with no tongue, who cannot speak is here and he is trying to tell us something."

I roll over and see he is all excited and is carrying luggage. I jump up and say, "Yasmeen, he is carrying luggage. Do you know what that means?"

She jumps up excitedly and says, "Does it mean he brought us more new clothes?"

I swear the television has totally rotted what little mind she had so I reply, "No Yasmeen, I think he wants us to pack all our clothes in the luggage."

He nods his head and Yasmeen grumps, "I knew it was too good to be true. The nice ladies are going to take back all the clothes and leave us with filthy rags again."

I am tired of her stupidity so I punch her as hard as I can. She falls on the floor and I yell, "No 'Yasmeen the annoying', it means our husband is coming for us."

She yells, "I may be 'Yasmeen the annoying', but you are 'Zarika the zit-face'!"

I am not sure at first what she means but then I realize she's teasing me about the temporary blemishes I have on my face because of my age. It makes me miss Mama because she would know of natural treatments which would remove all my blemishes. But Hussein tortured and killed my whole family and other than Ben I am all alone in the world. I insult her with, "Well you sing so badly I am amazed the television has not exploded!"

She jumps up and yells, "Your mama!"

'Yasmeen the annoying' dares to insult my dead mother! This is too much! So I begin to hit her in the face and on her head.

I insult Zarika but I do not know why she reacted so badly since all I did was use a phrase I heard on television. She is hitting me very hard in my face and it hurts very much. I began to yell and plead, "Zarika, please stop! You are hurting me very much."

She does not stop and finally the man with no tongue, who cannot speak saves me from her. I hug him very tight because I am very afraid of Zarika right now. He give both of us a very big scolding - it is funny how he can still scold us even though he cannot speak and Zarika stops but still gives me very angry looks.

I apologize, "Zarika, I am sorry that I made you very angry. I do not even know what I said that was so bad. Please forgive me."

She looks coldly and threatens, "Yasmeen, you insulted my dead mother. If you ever do that again I will kill you!"

She scares me because I can tell she is serious. While I have killed by accident when I had to and it made me very sick, she has killed on purpose and I think even enjoyed it. I reply, "Zarika, I am sorry, it was a silly saying I learned on the television and I will never use it again with you."

Zarika seems happy for the moment and starts to pack her ugly clothes in the luggage. I go to my bed, pick up my mirror and I am shocked! 'Zarika the zit-faced', chewchemek suka has punched me many times in the face. I can tell already my eyes will turn black and I will have many bruises on my beautiful face. The worst of all is they will not be gone by the time I again meet my husband! Oh, I am very angry and I will find a way to make her pay for this!

Present — Jens — Headed to 'the shop'- Washington DC

The twins finally come through with some information about Ben's location and give it to me. I'm not so sure they haven't received other information they didn't reveal. Those two — well they have more going on than they normally do and I sure as hell don't know what the extra action is but I plan to find out. I need to ask Maria - now that's just too funny since my girl Friday just happens to have the name I chose when I almost seduced Ben for the first time. I have always wondered how my life would have been different if things would have worked out that night. I would have gladly traded all my many accomplishments just for the chance to go back to that night — I would take Ben into his bedroom instead of to the club, I know that's what he wanted to do and that was what I wanted and expected to do later that night. I sure as hell would do that now. Oh, if I would have been smarter and more direct back then!

Shit! I'd better get my mind back on driving since I almost hit a fucking car!

Present — Maria — Headed to 'the shop'- Washington DC

My princess boss had better get her head out of her ass or we're all going to fucking die! It was like she became distracted and forgot what she was doing then swerved so hard I swear the van was on two wheels. I was just waiting for it to tip over completely when it came crashing down on all four wheels.

Well someone shit his pants and it wasn't me, but the stench is filling the whole van. I look around and can't tell which bastard it is. I sure as hell don't want to sit where he's sitting on the way back, if there is a fucking way back. I need to tell my princess boss that one of the big parts of my job is being her driver and if she disagrees then we'll just have another little fight. She surprised me the first time but that won't happen again.

I need all the fucking help I can get so I grab the cross around my neck and start silently reciting the rosary. Something I never did in Iraq and had not done since I was a little girl. I suddenly wish I had about twenty Saint Christopher's around my neck! Then I think I remember they kicked his ass out of being the patron saint of travelers. Now that's got to suck being fired as a saint! But not as much as my princess boss's driving sucks! Oh shit! Why the hell did she hit the brakes since it tosses us around so badly in the back of the van. I think one guy's fucking arm is broken.

Present — Jens — Headed to 'the shop'- Washington DC

I see someone in a tree, realize it's a fucking sniper, slam on the brakes, jam the transmission into reverse and floor it. I hear Maria yell, "Hey you want to cut out the idiot driving up there. I think you just broke someone's arm."

I'm busy as hell driving backwards, slide around the corner, hit the brakes, stop and yell, "Sorry there was a sniper in the tree ahead and I didn't want us to get shot!"

Maria is beside me fast as hell and says, "No Shit! A sniper in the DC suburbs! Where the fuck is that bastard! I'll go get him and I'll only hurt him a little bit just in case he has any information about that bastard fiancé of yours!"

I like the hell out of her and she's a woman after my own heart, but I do need to have a little talk with her. "Maria, I'm the only bitch around here that gets to call my fiancé names."

She replies, "Yes prin- I mean yes boss. But if I can't call him names what the hell can I call him? Alfred E. Neuman?"

I almost giggle because she came close to calling me princess again. I guess compared to her my life probably looks like a fairytale. But I'm only one person's princess and I can't wait for the day he finally crowns me his queen. And her selection of the MAD magazine character describes Ben's action right now to a 'T'. He's fucking M-A-D!

Then it strikes me incredibly funny that I chose the name Maria Gonzalez as a whim, and now here she is helping me find my run-away fiancé. Sometimes fate works in mysterious ways. I reply, "When I'm not angry as hell at him I like to call him my run-away fiancé."

She answers, "You got it boss lady. Now where the hell is this fucking sniper bastard so I can go get him?"

I yell, "Matt or Jim, whichever one of you didn't shit your pants get up here and drive." Then I turn to Maria, "In the first place we're going to go get him. I'm sure as hell not letting you have all the fun. Besides, I still have on my body armor. Now that I've finally got a decent girl Friday helping me out I don't want to lose her."

Present — Maria — Headed to 'the shop'- Washington DC

My new princess boss floors me with her comment: She doesn't want to lose me? I'm a woman and I thought I pretty much understood my own kind, but my princess boss confuses the hell out of me. I fight back the tears and decide I need to give Millie a hell of a gift for getting me this job!

She opens the door and we slip out of the van as one of the guys, the one with clean pants, takes her place and she commands, "Listen Matt, keep an eye on us and when I give you the high sign hightail it to the shop and we'll meet you there." She's a smart little princess boss, because she doesn't even let him slam the door.

She turns to me, "Maria, he's in that tall tree right over there about a fourth of the way up on the right side." I look but I can barely see him. Damn, my princess boss has good eyes too! She continues, "I will give you two minutes to circle around the block and come up behind him. Since I have the body armor I'm headed straight towards his tree to draw his fire. Now this is important, do not fire at him unless he first fires at me. And then I just want him wounded."

I grin at her and ask, "Does shooting his prick off count as just wounding?"

She giggles and replies, "No Maria, I think that borders on total devastation."

Oh well, at least she has a good sense of humor. When I asked my squad leader that question in Iraq he chewed my ass off. It didn't matter because I still shot the bastards in the crotch whenever I got the chance. Let them try to get it up for one of their seventy-two virgins after that! Yep, five-point-five-six is the ultimate cock-block - keeping Muslim virgins safe for years.

I started my run around the block. As I approach the back of the tree I hear him cough, not once, but three times! Shit! If this guy is a fucking sniper I'm Mother Theresa. I walk right up under the tree but the pretend sniper doesn't even hear me so I wait impatiently for my princess boss. It's too bad I can't shoot just half his prick off because that would be so much fun (or maybe it would just put a nice hole through it) but orders are orders.

It's about time my boss finally approaches. I watch the shitty sniper move when he notices her - yeah, no way he's a fucking sniper. He moves his weapon and I ask in warning, "You ever been shot in the dick with an M4? If you make one more move, that's where my rifle is aimed and my trigger finger might just slip."

He jumps so I fire a round right between his legs and threaten, "Move again and this one's going to be three inches higher."

Present — Jen — Headed to 'the shop'- Washington DC

Shit! Maria just fired a round. I dodge and run towards the tree. As I arrive the pretend sniper (yeah I figured out he wasn't a fucking sniper) was sniveling, "Please Ms. Don't shoot me in the dick!"

I walk up and Maria says, "Sorry boss but he was taking aim at you. I was just protecting my boss."

I glance up and down the street and at least her shot didn't attract the attention it would have two months ago. The way the guy is sniveling, and the obvious smell of urine makes it funny as hell. I comment, "Good job Maria, if he doesn't tell us exactly what we want to hear, shoot his worthless dick clean off his body." I wink at her so she grins and returns the wink. Damn I like her style even if she is a little more cowboy than I am.

 
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