Chapter 14

I had to get to Beaverton to see Julie and Greg had to take me. We'd promised Mark and David though, no more fooling around, but what our older brothers didn't know ... And if it seemed weird, me trading a blowjob with a boy for an opportunity to hook up with a girl, well, that's me all over, ain't it?

"Okay!" I hissed. "Alright, I'll do it. I'm gonna change clothes, then we'll go."

"Good." Greg grinned and started putting his books away while I ran to my room wondering what I should wear.

I didn't have a lot of time to worry about it, so I just put on some decent brown corduroys and a clean white t-shirt that said 'Hyperformance' on the front with a big piston on the back. I ran wet fingers through my hair, but there wasn't much I could do with it anyway, and grabbed my Mariners warm-up jacket. I looked pretty much like I had the first time I'd met Julie two days before — a fourteen year old boy. I hoped she'd still like me.

"So what's the deal?" Greg asked me.

We were riding in his '71 Barracuda that he'd just gotten a month before on his 16th birthday, the same day he'd gotten his license. I'd be 15 in a month and a half and I couldn't wait, at least I'd be driving then ... Under adult supervision, of course, but that was better than nothing.

"What?" I looked at him. "I met this girl, Julie, the other night when I was out with Kyle. She thought I was a guy and gave me her phone number."

"But I thought you were a guy!" He laughed. "Inside, right? But you only like guys so ... Never mind," Greg teased me, but he had to be curious too.

"Well, yeah. But I dunno, I sort of liked her too, so..." I shrugged.

"You think she's queer?" He looked at me for a second.

"Not really."

"Sooooo..." Greg scratched his head. "Why are you going all the way to Beaverton to see a girl who isn't queer?" He glanced at me again, "If you're not queer either?"

"Uh..." I made a face.

"You are queer?" He looked at me so long I almost yelled at him to watch where he was going. "Jesus, when did you turn queer? I thought Kyle was your boyfriend now. Does he know about this Julie chick?"

"He is my boyfriend," I sighed. "And no, he doesn't know ... Well, he met her, but he doesn't know I'm meeting her. And ... I don't know. I guess I'm sorta bisexual or something." I didn't really feel like talking about all this. "I haven't figured it out yet."

"Figured it out?" He laughed. "What's there to figure out, Ann? You either like girls or you don't. Christ, Dad's gonna have a fit!"

"What?" I stared at him. "You can't say anything, Greg. Not ever, to nobody!"

"I ain't gonna say anything," he said defensively, "But what? You think you can start picking up girls in Beaverton and nobody's gonna know cause it's so freakin' far away?" He started laughing again and it actually made me smile, just a little.

"I don't know." I gestured uselessly with my hands. "I'm not picking up girls either, okay? It's one girl and we met by mistake. We're just friends, not girlfriends. She probably doesn't even like me very much."

"Right." Greg nodded. "This chick's gonna meet you at the root beer stand cause she found out the cute guy she likes is really a girl and she doesn't like you very much ... Okay, I get it."

"Really?" I looked at him hopefully, wondering for a second if he could explain it to me.

"No!" He laughed and I just tilted my head back, looking at the dark nothingness of the car's ceiling.

We pulled into the parking lot just a few minutes efow eight. The A&W was like a drive-in hamburger stand, but they had seating inside too. Greg said he'd hang out in the car while I went in and he could tell I was nervous.

"First time you ever met a girl?" he asked me as I sat there taking a few deep breaths.

I nodded. "Sorta."

"Don't worry, you're the coolest guy I know." He squeezed my leg gently. "And remember, she likes you already, so just be yourself."

"Okay" I smiled at him, but I wasn't so sure.

I slipped out of the car and walked across the dim parking lot and into the neon lights of the A&W. There weren't too many people in there, a couple parents with their little kids in one booth, and Julie sitting in another all by herself. She looked exactly like I remembered, with her long black hair sort of tangled, but nice, and her dark almond eyes and soft pale skin that reminded me of porcelain. She wore a pair of jeans and a gold colored blouse with a sort of white lacey collar that opened at the neck. It looked cute. Julie had her jacket on the seat beside her and she smiled and waved, just a little one, when she saw me.

"Hi." I sat down opposite her in the booth, looking around a little, but looking at her too. She smelled nice.

"Hi." Julie smiled and looked at me a little funny, sort of tilting her head.

"What?" I asked, feeling really self-conscious and wondering if I had something on my face. I could feel myself blushing under her scrutiny and I guess she caught herself then.

"Oh!" She giggled and looked down. "Nothing. I'm sorry."

"Uh..." I was too nervous to push her, so I asked her what she wanted.

"Just a float? I guess ... Yeah..." She blushed too and it really showed on her snow white skin.

"Okay." I took a little breath and got up to get our floats. I wondered what I was doing there and even worse, I figured Julie would be asking herself the same thing.

When I sat back down, setting Julie's float carefully in front of her, she finally told me what she'd been looking at. "You really look ... I mean, um ... I thought you were a really cute guy, you know?" She leaned across the table and I did the same so that our heads were almost touching.

"Okay." I smiled and shrugged, like that was no big deal. We were both speaking quietly. "What about now?" I asked her.

"You still look like a guy, a little, but yeah, you're a girl too." She giggled. "I mean, you're a girl. Period. Not a girl too. Sorry," She blushed again.

"I'm sort of a guy." I didn't even want to try and explain myself to her, but I had to say something. "Like a tomboy, I guess. I play football and fix cars with my brothers, and dress, well ... like this." I looked down at myself and we were both smiling.

"And look for girls?" Julie asked, raising her eyebrows playfully.

"Uh, well, no ... Not really..." I laughed nervously. "I mean, you're the one who gave me your phone number, remember?" And it was my turn to raise my eyebrows.

"Yeah." She nodded, biting her straw a little. "But that wasn't my fault."

"Oh yeah?" I stabbed my ice cream with my straw, which had a tiny spoon molded into the bottom. "Whose fault was it then?"

"Yours!" she said like it was obvious and laughed at my look of innocence. "You didn't even tell me your name; you just took my phone number and smiled."

"Well, maybe I didn't want to embarrass you in front of your friend," I countered.

"Yeah!" Julie giggled, "You didn't even know she was there!"

"Who?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"My friend, Den..." Then she caught the joke. "Oh you!" She dipped one red fingernail into her float and flicked ice cream at me.

"You know why I didn't notice her?" I asked, wiping a spot of vanilla off my cheek.

"Why?" Julie took a sip and waited.

I leaned even closer, looking around like I had a secret, "Because, you were there." I said with a smile, but my eyes were serious and she looked into them for a long count of five before she looked down. I sat back in my seat feeling warm all over.

When Julie looked back up she was biting her bottom lip and her face had taken on a soft pink color. I thought I'd never seen anyone so beautiful in my life.

"Really?" she whispered.

"Yeah." I nodded. "Really."

We didn't kiss or anything, but we talked a lot. Sometimes really serious, sometimes really silly. She was smart and funny and interesting and everything I liked, Julie liked too, or at least she seemed to. And anything she could tell me about herself and her family and her friends seemed fascinating to me. I wanted to know everything and it was hard letting her go at nine o'clock. The hour had flown by, for both of us I thought, and I felt warm and giddy and a little breathless, like I'd just run a mile. It was exhilarating.

"I really gotta go," Julie said for like the third time, but she didn't want to leave any more than I wanted her to.

"Hey, wait..." I touched her hand, and believe it or not that's the first time we'd touched. It was a like a little shock went through me, seriously, and I almost jerked my hand away with surprise. But I didn't, I held my hand on hers, not daring to move it even slightly.

"What?" She smiled, but she was looking at our hands too.

When she looked up, into my face, I asked her, "Do you believe in fate?"

"I don't know," Julie said very seriously and then giggled. "Call me tonight, after you get home. Then I'll tell you if I do or not."

"Really?" I smiled. "It might be kinda late though."

"I don't care. You can wake me up!" She grinned and then she really did have to go. "Bye."

"Bye," I said as Julie slipped her hand out from under mine and I just sat there until Greg came in five minutes later.

"That was Julie?" he asked me when he sat down. "She's a fox, man!"

"Yeah." I nodded, smiling like I didn't have a care in the world.

"No wonder you're turning queer. Shit!" Greg chuckled. "So how about it? Is she a lesbian or what?"

"Huh?" I'd sorta drifted for a second, thinking about how she liked to play with her earring, the left one. They were gold dangling things, and she just flicked it a little with the fingers of her right hand sometimes. I doubted that Julie even noticed she did it.

"Is she queer?" Greg asked impatiently, leaning towards me a little. "Cause if she ain't maybe you could introduce us, you know? She's hot as hell."

I laughed at him, but I actually felt a little tiny bit jealous too, and that was new for me. "I don't know yet." I shrugged. "But I think she likes me."

"Well, you were in here long enough." Greg sat back and looked at Julie's empty cup. "If she wasn't interested before, she is now. No chick sits for an hour with anybody she don't like."

I thought about that for a second and decided Greg was probably right. "You want something?" I offered. "Drink or ice cream or something? I'll buy."

"Nah." Greg shook his head. "I had like three root beers while I was waiting for you guys. In fact..." he looked around, " ... they got a bathroom in here?"

I really owed Greg for driving me to Beaverton to see Julie, there was no doubt about that. It had been a great night, a thousand times better than I'd ever expected it to be, and I wouldn't have traded it for anything. Greg hadn't complained either, not once, even after he'd sat alone in his car for an hour waiting for me. Only a brother would do somebody a favor like that, so I didn't mind very much when it was my turn to do Greg a favor.

The Barracuda's a cool car, but like all cool muscle cars it had bucket seats in the front and a cramped back seat. I'd leaned over as much as I could, so I was practically sitting on the shifter, and had my right hand in Greg's lap, rubbing his penis gently through his jeans while he drove. I could tell he was getting hard and he'd wiggle his butt every now and then, trying to get some room for the growing bulge in his pants.

"Just find a spot to pull over," I suggested, feeling my own little urges building inside me too. Greg's cock felt really nice, even through his jeans.

"Where?" Greg asked, "There's no place around here. If the sheriff catches us we're dead."

I couldn't argue with that. If a deputy or someone saw us parked by the side of the road he'd definitely stop and then figure he caught a couple fags, until he checked us out. Then he'd find out I was Greg's 14 year old sister, which had to be a big no-no for sure. We'd be dead seven ways from Sunday and that's a fact.

"Well..." I tried to think, but the fact is that it just ain't that easy hiding in the middle of nowhere. Not like having a big movie theater parking lot handy.

"Just take it out," Greg suggested with a little grin.

"While you're driving?" I giggled, thinking he was joking. "Let's just go to the quarry." The old limestone quarry was like the local lovers lane and the cops didn't bother anyone much before midnight, or so I'd heard. I'd never actually been there.

"That's on the other side of town," he snorted a little and I wondered what the big deal was, it wasn't like we were walking or anything. "Just do it here, like this."

"What if you get in an accident or something?" I wasn't sure I wanted to be giving my brother a blowjob going down the road doing forty.

"I won't. Come on ... Take it out, sis!" Greg rocked his hips a little and I guess it must have been sorta uncomfortable, but he was excited too.

I shrugged and moved so I could get both hands down there working on his zipper and unbuttoning his boxers so I could free his straining penis. It felt hot in my hands and once again I was surprised at how good a real cock could feel, just the weight of it was cool, how it felt heavy and alive under my fingers.

"Yeah..." Greg sighed, " ... That's it." He seemed to settle back a little and slowed down to a few miles per hour under the speed limit. Route 29 wasn't much of a road anyway. I mean, it's pretty straight and smooth, but it didn't get a whole lot of traffic this time of day. Most everybody around there had farms of one sort or another, so they were getting ready for bed.

I stroked his cock slowly with my right hand. It was big. I mean, for just being barely 16 years old, Greg had a really long thick penis. It wasn't as big as Steve's, of course, but more than a little bit bigger than any of my friends' dicks, even Kyle's, and he was about the same age as Greg. Maybe it's in the genes or something, since all my brothers seemed sort of big in the cock department, at least so far as I could tell from casual and not so casual observation.

"I really like your cock," I said softly, rubbing my thumb over the smooth round head and feeling the wetness there. "It's so nice."

"You do?" Greg's penis was getting even bigger, I thought, if that were possible.

"Yeah." I really wished I could have kissed him then, that would have been so nice too. "I wish I had a cock like this." I rubbed the palm of my hand over his cockhead and then down the shaft, working to get him nice and wet all over with precum.

"Oh, that feels good, Ann." He looked down to see what I was doing in the dim light of the dashboard.

"Mmmm..." I agreed. "Watch the road, Greg," I giggled. "I'll watch this." I squeezed his cock harder, reminding him of what he was doing.

"Yeah." He looked back up and licked his lips.

"If I had a big cock like this, I'd jerk off everyday," I told him quietly, leaning over so my head was against the side of his seat, close to his shoulder. "Do you jerk off, Greg?"

"Yeah ... I do ... Uh-huh..." he said, breathing harder as I pumped him slowly up and down.

"Everyday?" I asked and he nodded. "Do you think about me?"

"Always..." he moaned softly. "I've been thinking about you since I was ... Uh ... Thirteen, I think."

"Thirteen?" I giggled softly. "Really? That's when you started jerking off?"

I moved my hand to my mouth, licking it and tasting his precum, which didn't taste like much of anything, but it was still good. I drooled a small puddle of spit into my palm and slid it up and down and around Greg's shaft.

"Yeah." He hunched his hips, trying to get me to move my hand faster, but I was being deliberately slow. Talking to him like this got me even more excited.

"And you were thinking about me?" I asked with a smile, slipping my fingers down to play with his hairy balls. I pulled them carefully free of his trousers."Do you think about fucking me, Greg?"

"Oh ... Shit, yeah..." My brother nodded.

"But I'm a boy, Greg," I teased him. "Don't you think I look like a boy?"

He swallowed thickly. "A little ... but I..."

"So you wanted to fuck me like a boy?" I wondered, getting hot all over by then.

"I ... Yeah ... Maybe..." His cock throbbed in my hand and I wrapped my fingers tightly around the base. He was so thick I couldn't get completely around it.

"You were thirteen so I was just ... What?" I whispered, teasing him. "Eleven? Twelve years old? And you wanted to fuck me, Greg?"

"Jesus, Annie..." He glanced at me and lifted his hips slightly, feeling the pressure of my small fist wrapped around his swollen cock.

"Did you think about fucking my ass, Greg?" I started breathing harder too and the windows were beginning to fog up a little. "Fucking your big hard cock in my tight little butt?" I felt his cock growing damp and sticky as I gathered more precum from the head. He was leaking like a faucet. "Fucking my ass like a boy, Greg ... Is that what you were thinking?"

"Yeah ... Uh-huh ... Oh shit, Ann ... I'm gonna cum pretty soon..." He reached for the dash and turned on the window defroster.

"If I had a cock like yours, would you still fuck me?" I asked breathlessly, moving my hand up and down his throbbing penis slowly, squeezing it every now and again. "Would you fuck me if I really was a boy?"

"Y-Yeah ... I'd ... Uh ... Fuck you..." He was so hot he would have agreed to anything, but it still gave me a rush hearing him say it.

"Would you play with my dick? Would you rub it ... Like this?" I moved my hand a little faster, pulling at it harder. "Would you jerk me off,? Would you make me cum while you fucked me?"

"Uhhh ... God, yeah..." he groaned and his body trembled. I could feel him grwoing tense and his foot went up and down on the accelerator, like he couldn't keep it steady.

"Do you want me to suck it now?" I wanted him to cum in my mouth then, to feel his thick heavy cock filling me.

"Oh ... Please, Annie ... Suck it ... Yes!" He had his eyes fixed on the road, trying to concentrate on driving, I thought, so that he wouldn't cum.

"Would you suck mine, Greg?" I moved my mouth close to his ear, leaning against him slightly so the car swerved just a little. "Would you suck my cock while I sucked yours?"

"Yessss..." Greg moaned and he was so close.

"Would you let me cum in your mouth? Would you eat it for me?" I felt my damp pussy quivering with little spasms of pleasure. Talking like this while I jerked Greg off was really getting me turned on. "I'm going to swallow yours," I promised my brother, taking a second to lick his ear lightly, swirling my tongue around inside it.

"I'm gonna ... I'm ... Oh shit, sis ... Hurry up!" he begged me and couldn't keep his eyes on the road anymore. He pulled onto the shoulder, locking up the brakes on the gravel.

"Tell me..." I squeezed his cock hard, trying to keep him from cumming. "Tell me you want to taste my boy cum."

"I do ... Yes ... Oh please!" Greg grabbed me around the shoulders, pushing my head down, desperate to feel my warm wet mouth around his cock before he exploded.

I almost cracked my head on the steering wheel as I let my brother pull me down, my mouth opened wide as his fat cock speared into it. The head rammed into the back of my mouth almost painfully and I gagged on it, choking and coughing when Greg's body seemed to go stiff, his legs straightening so his cock was jammed hard between my stretched lips.

"Ahhh ... Fuck! Fuck ... Fuck yessss..." Greg's penis erupted in my mouth and I was instantly overwhelmed with his hot sperm. It flooded me and I coughed on it, my cheeks bulging outward as I tried to contain it, but that was useless. It spilled out between my lips, running down the shaft of his jerking cock and over my fingers.

He came hard and fast and he was oblivious to everything but his orgasm. He held my head down with his strong hands, even as I tried to push myself away, feeling desperate for air. I choked and my lungs ached, but it felt exciting too. The soft gooey texture of his cum, strong and salty, filled my mouth and I could smell him, his musky man smell. My body tingled as I was caught in that strange exciting struggle.

At last I was able to get my mouth away, still full of Greg's sperm, but I could relax and breathe carefully around it. I didn't want to swallow, not yet. Greg had promised me and I was so hot for him. All of my talk had been feeding my needs, giving me what I needed and there was one thing left to do.

I moved close to my brother, putting my arms around him in that small uncomfortable space, sliding my body around the console and the gear shifter that separated us. I pressed my mouth to his, surprising him, but Greg didn't resist at first, not until I pushed my tongue into his waiting mouth, forcing his still warm semen from mine to his. He didn't know what was going on and then he suddenly grunted, and I felt him tensing, but I hugged my brother tightly, fighting to keep my lips sealed against his.

"Mmmpph..." Greg pushed at me, but as I moved my tongue around his mouth, exploring him eagerly, he seemed to relax slowly, surrendering to what I wanted.

I moaned into his mouth and soon Greg's hands were no longer pushing, but pulling at me. Instead of forcing him to accept my kiss, he returned it, his own tongue sliding over mine and between my lips. We were passing the creamy remains of his orgasm between us, sharing it even as it slowly disappeared in the little swallows we took between kisses and breaths. Perhaps ten minutes later, after we'd been reduced to licking each other's lips and smiling, both of us hot and sweating and breathing hard, we knew it was time to go.

I moved awkwardly back into my seat while Greg looked down at the mess in his lap. His pants were wet and stained with all the cum that I hadn't been able to hold in my mouth. He shrugged and gave a little embarrassed laugh and I giggled, apologizing to him and looking in the glove compartment for napkins, or a rag or something, but of course there weren't any. Greg would just have to live with it.

He didn't mention kissing me while my mouth had been full of his cum, and I didn't want to humiliate him or anything. Even if I'd told him how good and special that had made it for me, he would have felt a little bad, I thought. It wasn't the sort of thing a normal boy liked to think about, probably. I didn't think he'd want to remember the things I'd been saying to him either, or some of them anyway. So I sat there quietly, enjoying the warm glow in my tummy, and smiling while Greg drove us slowly home. At least I'd managed to have gay sex, sort of, I thought, and that had been really good.

Once back home I went straight for the kitchen looking for something to drink, while Greg did his best to disappear into our room unnoticed. Not just because of the big wet spot on his pants, but also because we'd basically snuck out and didn't want anyone to see us returning together. Mark and David especially, since they didn't trust Greg or Henry to be alone with me for much more than five minutes.

It was just after ten and I was drinking apple juice when David walked in through the back door.

"Hey, where you been?" he asked. "Kyle called a couple times. Said he needed to talk to you."

"I was down to Josh's," I shrugged. "His truck died."

"Again?" David snorted. "What was it this time? Carb?"

"Nah, a couple plugs were loose. He was running on 3 cylinders." I rinsed my glass in the sink and washed my hands.

"He's always runnin' on three cylinders." David thought Josh was pretty much an idiot, but that hadn't kept him from going to Josh's party the week before. "You're coming camping with us, right?"

"Yeah." I dried my hands on a dish towel. "I gotta call Kyle."

David grabbed my arm, "Hold on ... Mark said Kyle was gonna come too, did you ask him already?"

"No, not yet." I looked at my brother. "Why?"

"Uh, well..." He looked a little guilty, I thought. "Sherry said she didn't want to go if, uh ... if Kyle's there."

"What? Why?" I stared at David. "Who does she think she..."

"And Jane can't go if Sherry doesn't go, so..." he kept trying to talk over me.

" ... is anyway? I can invite whoever I want!" I suddenly felt kinda pissed.

" ... if they're not going, then, uh ... We're not going, I guess."

"So nobody's gonna go because I want to bring my boyfriend?" I was practically grinding my teeth. "Does Mark know?"

"Yeah, he knows. You want to talk to him?" he suggested, probably hoping it would let him off the hook somehow.

"How come she won't go?" I crossed my arms. "Sherry. What's her problem with Kyle?"

"She, uh..." David lowered his voice, but we were totally alone. There wasn't even anyone else downstairs, I didn't think. "She doesn't want anyone to know about her and Jane. That they're ... You know..."

"Bitches?" I said sarcastically.

"No! Come on, Ann!" He moved closer to me, trying to be nice and explain. "You have secrets too. You know what it's like. Why do you think we're going camping?"

"So you can watch your girlfriends fuck me, probably!" I spat. "You guys aren't any different from anyone else."

"Ann! Jane really wants to see you. She likes you a lot, she told me so. Kyle can come another time, after you get to know them better. You can talk to Sherry, okay? She's really nice." David started rubbing my shoulders and back, whispering and trying to convince me.

"I don't like it." I shook my head. "It ain't fair, okay? Kyle's my boyfriend; he's my best friend too. I'm not gotta choose between them and him. I'm staying with him, you know? Have fun on your little camping trip."

"Annie, please ... Wait..." He held onto me as I tried to get away.

I didn't want to fight him. I wasn't that angry. Just disappointed, I guess, more than anything else. I could understand Sherry's point because yeah, I did have secrets, but it still wasn't right. Mark should have said something up front.

"Look, just call Jane, okay? She called tonight too, about half an hour ago. Just call her and then decide," David said, looking into my eyes. He was so handsome, so damn cute all the time; it was hard to say no to anything he wanted.

I sighed heavily, like I was really doing something I thought was a waste of time. "Okay. I'll call her," I promised. "After I call Kyle."

"Okay." He smiled. "Just don't say anything about..." I glared at him and he shut up. "Okay!" He held up his hands in mock surrender and finally dug a cigarette out of his shirt pocket. He lit it on the stove walked out the back door while I watched him silently, waiting to be alone.

I called Kyle, eager just to hear his voice. "Hi!" I said when he answered on the first ring.

"Hi." Kyle sounded a little less than eager though, more like anxious. "How are you doing?" He made it sound like I was dying and my mood was really going downhill fast.

"Uh, fine. Why?" I asked suspiciously.

"Um, I talked to Matt," he said. "And Lance..."

"Oh." I'd almost forgotten about that stuff.

" ... and John." He paused. "And your brother stopped by, uh..."

"Steve?" I closed my eyes really wishing a big asteroid would just hit the earth.

"Uh, Steve, yeah. The biggest one," he said, but Kyle wasn't making a joke.

"What did he say?"

"He, um ... well ... He basically said you were stressing out over me and the other guys. Cause we were making you, uh ... Do stuff and that you didn't want to do it," Kyle said, talking soft and low. "He said you had to see the doctor."

Great, I thought, now Kyle thinks I'm crazy. I was gonna kill Steve.

"Nah, it wasn't a big deal. My dad called the doctor cause I had a fever, that's all."

"What about that other stuff?" Kyle didn't sound like he believed me. "You called me in the middle of the night."

I ignored that. "What did the guys say?"

"They're pretty pissed at me," he said. "Well, both of us, I guess. Matt said you wouldn't go out with any of them. They all said that, and then they said that it was my fault cause we went out. John said I'm a backstabber."

John and Kyle were pretty close, like Matt and Lance were real close, so I knew that must have hurt Kyle a lot.

"I told them it wasn't your fault," I sighed. "I tried to explain that I changed my mind because I just want one boyfriend, not four. I want ... I don't know." I sat down on the kitchen floor, under the phone and hugged my knees to my chest.

Kyle didn't say anything and I was quiet for awhile too.

"You guys don't know what it's like, Kyle. I mean, everytime I'm with you guys I'm thinking all kinds of weird thoughts, like I want to do stuff, but I don't. I want to make everyone happy, but I think it'll make everyone mad ... No matter what I do."

"I don't know..." Kyle started, but he didn't have anything to say.

"I really want you to be my boyfriend," I told him, deciding all I could do was just tell him what I wanted. "I want to be friends with the other guys, but I want us to be ... different too. Okay?"