Chapter 2: Queens, Kings, and Princes

Something was striking Cat. It was harsh, violent, and incredibly unpleasant, so at first, she mulishly refused to respond to it. However, the angry something persisted, and in the end, she had to relent and offer it her attention. She realized after a few moments that it was not a physical blow that was accosting her; rather, it was a sound, and a very rude one at that.

"Wake up!" the sound commanded, the brusqueness and ire of the voice becoming clearer and clearer by the second. "In the name of the queen, I order you to open your eyes, wretch!"

This time she did feel a blow, and it was much worse than the unsavory voice. Something hit her hard in the side, and she let out a sharp cry in response to the sudden pain. She realized all at once that she was lying down, and it felt like earth and grass beneath her. She could smell the familiar smell of earthy growth, and it bewildered her, as she couldn't remember going outside. Wait a minute; where was she?

She opened her eyes - hesitantly at first - and she squinted as the brightness of a midday sun shone down behind a dark silhouette before her vision. Her hands involuntarily clutched at her side, which was still ringing with the sharp ache that remained of the pain from before, and she made a grimace when she found it tender to the touch.

"Wha'ss goin' on?" she mumbled, shutting her eyes again and groaning. "Dad, is that you? I could report you to the police for belting me like that! Lemme alone, already!"

"On your feet, you stupid girl," the voice growled, this time much more clearly and much less easily mistaken for that of her father's. "I'm no father of yours, and if I were, I'd be sorely tempted to 'belt' you much more than I have. You are trespassing on the property of her majesty, Queen Mary. By order of the queen, you are to be brought before her majesty immediately! Now get up!"

This time, Catherine finally comprehended how bizarre her situation really was. She opened her eyes again, and after sitting up rather unsteadily, she stared at her surroundings in utter amazement. She was lying in nothing less than the most beautiful garden she had ever seen. It was ornately decorated, verdant, and filled to overflowing with flowers of various shapes, colors, and sizes, as well as fountains and paved walkways everywhere in between. The sheer size of the place astounded her, as it was difficult to see the boundaries at all at first, thanks to the rose vines and ivy coating the far walls. It would have taken her hours and hours to walk the paths in that place, and at first, she could only stare at it in wonder, forgetting about the surly voice and its unsettling words.

Cascades of blossoms and greenery flowed over trellises and hedges. Vast beds of lively stems and bulbs snuggled down amongst these taller fixtures like geometrically regular ponds of pink, yellow, and white. The paths were cobbled in white and gray stones, and the symmetry and precision of their design was simply amazing and glorious. Every twist and turn of a path took you to new wonders and beauties of color, scent, and flowering life. Everywhere she looked she saw sculptures, ornate fountains, and such explosions of flowers as she had never seen in her life. Cat had never been enthralled by a garden before, but she was utterly spellbound by this one. What an enormous, verdant place! It was like something out of a fairy tale!

At the far end of this menagerie of plant life was a palace, and it was just as amazing as the garden, if not more so, being the singularly most unique structure she'd ever seen with her own eyes. It was a grand palace several stories tall, and it was made of stone of the purest alabaster. There were over a dozen towers strewn across Cat's view of it, as well as more parapets and friezes than she'd ever have thought possible on one building. It had holds, battlements, and innumerable sentries marching dutifully nearly everywhere that could be guarded. It had everything else she would have expected to find, but its odd, elliptical shape confused her. Its odd geometry was of a design she had never read about, and yet, it was very lovely. The whole place was beautiful, and it would have been the most wonderful location she'd ever found herself in, had she not noticed all at once that she was surrounded on all sides by tall, angry-looking men wearing strange, silvery armor.

Every one of these armored men was glaring down at her, and most of them were holding their gilded spears at the ready, as though they thought she might attack or something. The nearest one was brandishing a sword, which he had pointed right in her face. Crying aloud in alarm, Cat flinched away from him, and she glanced wildly from one angry face to the next as she tried to comprehend her overwhelming and alarming situation.

"What the? Where? How did I get here?" she demanded, staring wildly about for some promising breach in this circle of animosity that had enveloped her, but finding none. "What am I doing here?"

"Peh. Feigning ignorance won't save you from me, nor will it grant you a reprieve from the queen's justice," he snarled at her. He drew his sword back a bit and lunged forward, seizing her braid in his hand and giving it a harsh yank, which elicited an angry yell from Cat. "You're certainly welcome to try it on her if you like, though. On your feet, wench, or I'll rip your hair out by the roots!"

Unable to think of anything she could say to explain herself, she did as he asked, and she allowed herself to be half-dragged, half-pushed through the garden and into the large, green metal doors that led into the palace. She was far too focused on her own pain and confusion to care at all about the garden now, and she kept weighing in her mind the benefits and consequences of raking her fingernails across the face of this obnoxious jerk. She didn't like the way he kept such an unrelenting grip on her hair as though it was a handle, but since she knew that he still had the sword, and he had all his spear-wielding flunkies flanking them on all sides, she decided to just do what he said for now. All the same, she'd never been so scared, angry, and indignant in her life.

After marching through what seemed like an endless sequence of hallways and rooms, they came into a large room with vaulted ceilings and huge stained glass windows. The windows were impressively decorated with images of stately individuals slaying odd-looking monsters, being crowned, or sitting on thrones and looking magisterial. She had little time to admire anything else, however, because she was harshly spun around and kicked behind her knees, causing her to stumble forward into a kneeling position.

"Is this the naughty urchin who lay sleeping in the royal garden?" she heard a softly sweet, feminine voice ask. She looked up to see a petite, elegantly clothed woman smiling coquettishly at her. She was decidedly beautiful, with a soft, wavy mane of flaming red hair, adorned by a golden circlet which wrapped around it and culminated in a delicate crest on her forehead. Her gown was an emerald green, and it shimmered with an almost mystical liquidity as she leaned forward to get a closer look at Cat. She held a bejeweled scepter in one delicate hand whose fingers were practically dripping with rings. The other hand rested leisurely on the arm of the throne. She leaned back again and sat erect and proud as she surveyed Cat with a cool, almost smug expression, and the image she presented left little doubt as to her identity. This was surely the queen Mary she'd heard her aggressors mention.

"Yes, your majesty," the gruff leader of the group of armored men answered immediately. "She did not awaken easily, either. She may be under the power of drink."

"How vulgar," the pretty, queenly woman laughed into the back of her dainty, unencumbered hand. "We should very much like to hear her explanation, regardless. What have you to say, insolent one? Would we be justified in sentencing you to life imprisonment for your transgression against the throne?"

Cat was confused, achy from the harsh treatment she'd received, and understandably quite angry. After glancing distrustfully at the brusque man who had dragged her in by her hair, and subsequently finding him watching her every move like a hawk, she thought it best to remain on her knees for the time being. "I don't know who you people are," she began, flashing her brown eyes angrily at the queen and balling her hands into fists, "but you have a lot of nerve dragging me around by my hair and treating me like I'm some sort of gate crasher. I'm not 'under the power of drink, ' as your lackey here put it, and I'm certainly not vulgar either. I'm not even sure how I got here. One minute I was looking at a book, and the next I find myself being yelled at and kicked by Sir Grouchalot over here." She jerked her thumb at the guard behind her and planted her hands on her hips. "Now what is all this? Some sort of elaborate play or movie set? Maybe I dreamed up the part about being sucked into the book, but I'm sure you people can be explained rationally somehow. Your accents are strange though; are you even American?"

"She speaks nonesuch, your majesty!" the gruff man chuckled. "I retract my surmise from before. I now think she's quite mad!"

"How delightfully novel!" the queen cried, laughing again. "Her antics are comical, to be sure. Tell us, girl; you claim to be a ... what was the term you used? Merrycan? Just what is a merrycan?"

"You must be kidding," Cat groaned. "Now I know you're not being serious with me. Okay, I give. Where are the cameras? I'm on some sick TV show, aren't I?"

"Her majesty asked you a question, fool!" her buddy the grouch snarled, slapping the side of her head and making her ear ring. "Don't answer her with such babble! Respond truthfully, or my next strike will rattle that tiny brain of yours all throughout your vacuous skull!"

"You're so forceful, Captain Plothole," Queen Mary sighed, making a "tsk" sound at him. "Kindly leave the questioning to us, if you cannot control your temper."

The guard, whom Cat now knew to have the almost humorous name of Plothole, bowed low and laid a fist against his chest. "My apologies, your majesty. I will not act without orders again."

Cat was on the verge of losing all control of her temper. "That hurt, you jerk in a tin can!" she hollered at him. "You've got real nerve, smacking around an unarmed girl! I'd like to take a can opener to you and kick you in the kidney beans!"

"She's so charmingly comical!" the queen laughed, forgetting to cover her mouth and actually bending over with the force of her laughter. "Tell me, o lady of great standing: what is your title and parentage?"

Cat turned back around and glowered at her. "Lady, I have no idea what you want from me. My name is Catherine Richards, and I'm from Cedarville, Ohio." When the queen shot her a blank look, Cat rolled her eyes. "U.S.A.," she snapped. "United States of America? Land of the free and home of the brave? Any of this ringing a bell for you? Honestly, I don't know what else I can tell you that I haven't told you already. Now could you please drop the act and just tell me where I am and how I can get back home? This whole idiotic situation is so darn confusing and frustrating. It's as though you people speak a different language entirely, for all you pretend not to understand me!"

"We shall play along with your elaborate charade," came her giggly reply. "You are in the throne room of Evenschille, palace of the queen of the Sues. You have met our captain of the guard, the good Captain Plothole, whom you have so lovingly dubbed 'Sir Grouchalot.' He is the chief of our Plot Police, and it was he who discovered you slumbering in our private garden. To expand our answer further, you are in Suelia, land of the Sues, which will soon become governing country of the world of Literra. Now that we have answered your question, we have another for you. You mentioned opening a book. Are you claiming to be able to read? You may indeed be quite mad, for only one stricken by insanity would dare claim to wield such power!"

"Suelia? Literra? What are these places? Did Russia break up again?" Cat asked with a bewildered stare. "I've never heard of any of this!"

"Now that's enough of that. You've made an admirable effort of entertaining us with your feigned ignorance, my dear, but even one as forgiving and amused as we have our limits. We asked you if you truly claim to be a reader."

"Well yes, I can read, but I don't see why that should matter in the slightest," Cat replied angrily. "Seriously now, can you please stop fooling around? If I don't go home soon, my parents are going to have a conniption fit and call the FBI or something. Just show me the way to the nearest airport and I'll send you a postcard when I get home."

The entire hall reverberated with mirth as everyone but her erupted into a fit of incredulous laughter. She stared blankly at them all as queen and guards alike howled with laughter and pointed at her as though she had just made some kind of incredible joke.

"She truly thinks herself to be one of the chosen," one of the guards cried. "This is rich! Your highness was wise to allow her to explain! Such a delightful bit of merriment!"

"What's the big deal?" Cat demanded. "You act as though reading is a difficult thing! Where I come from, children are taught the basic skills of reading and writing at a very young age! I've been reading on my own since I was four, for goodness' sake! This is all so ridiculous I want to scream. Will somebody please stop laughing at me and just tell me how to get home?"

The laughter subsided, and the queen held up her empty hand to ensure its completion. "We wish to humor her further," she announced with cheeks rosy from laughter. "Bring forth the royal texts. We shall give her a passage and let her try her hand at ... at reading!" she covered her mouth and made a very powerful effort at restraining a fresh wave of giggles and chuckles.

"Honestly! This farce is beyond the imagination of anyone I know," Cat sighed irritably as one of the guards trotted away to do his queen's bidding. "I find it hard to believe that the ruler of an entire country would be illiterate, much less the rest of her citizens. Do you mean to tell me that none of you knows how to read?"

"Illiterate?" the queen responded, arching her eyebrow amid gasps and a sudden hush. "You believe that we are illiterate? We? The future queen of Literra?"

"If you can't read, you are illiterate. That's the very definition of illiteracy. I'm not the one who dictates these things. Are you going to change your story and tell me now that you can read?"

"We most certainly can," Mary replied, beckoning forward someone behind Cat with her fingers. Cat turned around to find the guard who had left several moments ago, having now returned with a stack of loose parchment in his gauntlet-clad hands. He strode briskly forward and, after kneeling before her, handed the stack of papers reverently to the queen.

"These," she said after nodding to him as he backed away quickly, "are the royal texts of Suelia. They are only decipherable by one who has the powers of a reader, and as it so happens, we - the royalty of this land - have that power. If you also possess such abilities, you should be able to read them as well."

She thumbed through the pages, while Cat stared incredulously at everyone present. The men had all adopted grave, stern faces, and the queen's was definitely much less jocular than before as well. She selected one of the pages from the stack and held it up, smiling as she read it silently to herself.

"This will do nicely," she said, setting the stack at her feet and snapping her fingers. Captain Plothole came forward, and she handed the paper to him. "Give this to her and see that she doesn't damage it," she ordered, flashing a look of challenge at Cat. "We would like to see this thing once and for all. If we truly are not the only reader in Literra, it must be made clear at once."

"Yes, my queen," he replied, bowing low. He turned on his heel and marched up to Cat, handing the paper to her and shooting her a warning glare, as if to say that if she tried any funny business, a slap to the side of the head was the least she could expect from him.

Scowling petulantly, she snatched the paper from him and studied it. Unremarkably - considering the fact that they were already conversing with one another - it was hand written in neat, English print. As she silently read the short, poetic blurb contained on the parchment to herself, she had to wonder why on Earth such a leaflet was so important.

"Well?" the queen inquired with a polite smile. "We're waiting. Do read it, dear."

"I have," Cat replied. "I don't understand why this thing is so important, either."

"No, we mean read it aloud," the queen laughed, looking very self-satisfied indeed. "We're afraid you won't be able to convince anyone if you read it to yourself." The guards snickered among one another, and even Captain Plothole allowed himself a growling chuckle.

Cat rolled her eyes. This whole ridiculous situation was really getting on her last nerve. "Fine! I'll read this stupid poem if it's so important to you. But after I do, you'd better be willing to stop harassing me and let me go home already. Sheesh!"

She turned her attention to the paper, and this is what she read from it:

And lo, from the ether doth come, A voice to the spirit made dumb.

Cry out, fallen one! Your master commands, Sing lowly and slowly, and address all hands!

All at once, two things happened. The first was that Cat felt a brief but noticeable wave of unease wash over her. It was light, but at the same time prominent enough to make her wonder if she was getting a trifle dizzy. However, at the same time, something else happened which drew her attention away from the discomforting feeling. The very moment she finished speaking, a soft, piercing moan began to wail among them, and as the doleful sound echoed throughout the hall, it was apparent to all present that it was not a voice that belonged to any of them. It was shrill and menacing, and it was not clear whether it belonged to a male or female, though it was decidedly high in pitch. Cat was the only one who appeared to be without any signs of nervousness or fear, as she had almost expected some kind of corny parlor trick to scare her, and she'd read too many horror stories to be frightened by some spooky moaning. She suddenly found herself rather tired and irritable, so she rolled her eyes at the ridiculous antics of her captors, and she expelled an irritated sigh.

"Really predictable of you, you know," she grumbled. "Let's can the theatrics, already! Come on, level with me. You guys are from some kind of candid TV show, right?"

She didn't receive an immediate response, as the guards and even Plothole himself were brandishing their weapons and staring wildly about, as though they expected a foe to jump out at them from the very air. The queen was rapidly flipping through her stack of papers, and her face was no longer a vision of mirth; rather, it had fallen pale and anxious. She located that which she had been hunting, and she hastily withdrew it from the stack.

Without a moment's hesitation, she stood upright and began to read from it. "Let that which has been read go unread," she cried breathlessly. "The world's latest reading goes unsaid!" As if a switch had been flipped, the wailing stopped, and the guards began to relax. Cat gawked at them all as though she expected them to break down laughing at any moment.

"You ... you really are a reader," the queen gasped, sinking into her chair and clutching her scepter to her breast. "How can it be?" She stared at Cat for a few moments, quite visibly shaken by all that had transpired in the course of what she had thought would be a comical exhibition. Finally, she composed herself and directed a stern glare at Cat.

"Explain yourself at once," she demanded. "Why is it that you, one gifted with the power to read, have come to my palace? Are you here to destroy me?"

"Destroy you?" Cat repeated, so astonished that she didn't notice that the queen had finally dropped the whole "we" and "our" act in her flustered state. "What the heck are you talking about? I didn't come here on purpose! And even if I did, it certainly wouldn't be to destroy anybody. I don't know how I got here, and all I do know is that I've had it with this stupid place. I want to go home, and I want to go now. Are you going to show me the way or not?"

"Oh, I think not, my pet. You will never leave this palace alive if you don't answer my question truthfully. How long do you intend to continue to assume this false identity of a lost child? It would not go well for you if you continue it any longer. Now tell me; which of the clans do you hail from? If you tell me, I will spare the lives of your countrymen, but if you do not, I will begin taking random example prisoners from all of them and executing them in your name."

"Look lady, I really have no idea how I got here. I don't have a purpose here, and I don't like it here. This is quite easily the most inhospitable place I've ever been in, as a matter of fact. The sooner I can leave, the better. That's the honest to God truth, and if you don't believe me, then there's nothing I can do about it."

"I can see that civility and compassion are lost on one as stubborn as you," Queen Mary said stiffly. "No matter. A few days in the dungeons without any food ought to loosen your tongue sufficiently. Plothole! See to it that she is placed in the most uncomfortable cell we have. She can share her bed with the rats and mold for an entire fortnight if she must! I will have my answer by one way or another!"

"With pleasure," he laughed, seizing Cat by the arm and yanking her onto her feet. "Come along, you!"

"You've got to be kidding me! C'mon, enough is enough! Ow!" she protested, struggling against her surly escort and thoroughly losing her temper. "Have you all lost your minds?! I'm an American citizen! You think you can achieve anything by holding me like this? My country doesn't negotiate with terrorists! Darn it, let me GO!"