Losing Myself - Cover

Losing Myself

Copyright© 2009 by StephanieB

Chapter 3

"3... 2... 1 ... and you're awake."

My eyelids flutter for a second and then open to the familiar face of Dr. Mills looking over me. I smile at her and try to remember what we would have been talking about during this session, but I can't. This is standard for these sessions and I'm starting to wonder if she's trying to keep something from me. It's not like I don't trust her, I do. She's the only person I've ever met in my life who even tried to help me. It's just that I can never remember the sessions and I guess I'm getting paranoid.

"How do you feel Tracy," she asks after my eyes are completely open and can focus on her.

"I feel fine," it's the answer I always say after I wake up. "Was I able to remember any more details this time?" One of the reasons that I agreed to the hypnosis was to get more details for the police to help in the case.

"No I'm sorry you didn't," Dr Mills tells me and I try to hide my disappointment. "But the good news is that the information is the same without any lose of details."

I smile and say, "Maybe we can stop these sessions then. I mean, if I'm not able to recall any more details I shouldn't need to be coming here three times a week."

Dr. Mills raises her eyebrow at my comment and I know what's coming next. "What about the dreams you keep having? Are you still having the same one?"

I suddenly become interested in my shoes and quietly say, "Yeah." I seem to be having the same dream each night. I'm a teenage boy in high school who goes through MORFS and becomes a Hispanic girl. No one believes who I am, including my own mother, and I'm forced into a life of prostitution. There are so many things that are completely wrong with the dream that it just doesn't make sense. I've never had MORFS so I've always been a girl and my mother died when I was ten years old.

"But I still don't know what it means, if anything at all," I say. The dream is really bothering me and I just want it to go away.

"That's what we're trying to figure out," she explains. "I'm sure when things settle down it will make more sense or just stop. But until then we should keep working on it. Since you're having it so often it's clearly important to you somehow."

I just nod and say, "Okay, I guess you're right."

"So how's your new apartment?" Dr Mills asks. I can tell she wants to change the subject, but I don't mind. There a few other things that I want to talk about as well.

The apartment is actually a small suite in a downtown hotel. "It very nice and the cleaning staff are really friendly." They are, but they're the only people in the whole place I got to see much of, other that the waiters with room service. "I'm just getting a little stir crazy in there. I'm not comfortable with being indoors for this long."

"I know this is hard on you, but it is for your own safety," she says, for the hundredth time.

I try not to roll my eyes while I say, "I know, but I've been taking care of myself for a long time now." I've been living on the streets since I ran away from my slime ball of a dad when I was sixteen. Has it really been six years already? "I just want to go out dancing, or have a nice meal with a cute guy, instead of being stuck in that place all the time. It's like I'm the one in prison."

"Well it won't be for much longer," she tells me. That's news and I look hopeful. "I understand that detective Walsh is getting close to making an arrest and then you can go back to your home, or where ever you'd like to go."

"That's wonderful!" I reply, unable to hide my excitement. "Do you know when?"

"No, he just said it would be soon." She closes the file on her desk and I know that we're out of time. The pattern is always the same. It's been this way for four weeks now. I stand at the same time that she does and we shake hands.

"Thanks Dr Mills, I appreciate what all of you are doing for me." I really am thankful but I just want this to be over so I can move on with a new life. "I'm sure I'll be able to deal with this until then." The alternative was not really a life that I wanted to go back to. It's been six years of working the streets with most of the money going to someone else. It was filled with too many men to remember and too many degrading acts for one person to have to deal with.

"Don't forget, I'll see you tomorrow at the court house," Dr Mills reminds me. It's not like I would ever forget tomorrow.

"Don't worry," I reply. "I'll be there." Tomorrow would be the interview with the assistant district attorney. She wants to talk to all of us to see if there was enough evidence to proceed with the case. There must be if A.J., detective Walsh, is about to make an arrest. I pause for a second before I open the door to leave. Then I mentally shake my head and go out to the waiting room area of the doctor's office to see A.J. waiting for me.

"Hi A.J.," I say as I open my purse and grab my mirror to check my make up. I want to look my best and know these sessions can make it run sometimes. After I'm sure its okay I put the mirror back in and throw my purse over my shoulder. "I hope you haven't been waiting long."

"Only a few minutes," he answers. "Are you ready to go?" A.J. has been my personal escort back and forth for the past month. I'm sure he has other things he'd rather be doing, but he never complains about it.

"Yep back to my gilded cage," I say in a jovial voice that I really don't feel.

"Do you need anything before we go?" he asks me. I know what I need from him, but he's turned me down too many times for me to try again.

Instead I just say, "No, I think I'll just head down to the pool and sauna this afternoon." At least the hotel has some nice features to keep me busy all day long. The sauna is one of my favorites.

Once in the car and on our way back to the hotel I ask A.J. some questions, just to pass the time. "So why do you always drive me to the Doc's office? I would have thought you had better things to do than to be my chauffeur." A.J. is really cute, for a cop, but he never talks to me unless I start the conversation. It's been hard getting to know him and I still have no idea why he avoids me so much.

"You're a key witness in my case," he explains. "I don't trust anyone else with your safety. This case is going to get me known in my department and I don't want anything to happen to you." Great, another man who only wants me for what I can do for them. I decide that's enough questions for today. I don't want to know anymore answers if they're going to be like that.

We get to the hotel soon enough. Once I'm back in the hotel room I get changed to go for a swim. A few laps in the hotel pool will make me feel better. The sauna always helps me relax too. I step out into the hall in my tiny, white bikini and sandals, my towel over my arm, and head for the pool. I like the attention I get from the people I pass as I walk nearly naked to the pool. There's no one in the pool area and I have the place to myself. "Oh well," I think to myself. "No one to flirt with, I'll just have to exercise."

After twenty minutes of swimming laps I'm tired and need to relax. I climb out and look around to see if there's anyone in sight. Since there's no one I can see I untie my bikini top at my back and wrap the towel around my upper body. Once it's in place I untie the top at my neck and pull it off. I then step out of the bikini bottoms and head for the sauna with my bikini in hand. I hate being in a wet bathing suit any longer than I have to be. The sauna is also empty and I turn the heat up as I step in. The system automatically turns it down to save energy when it's not used for a while, so I have to wait for a few minutes for it to head back up again. After only a about ten or fifteen minutes my head starts to get itchy and I guess I need a shower so I head up to my room. I decide that I'm going to eat in the hotel restaurant instead of having room service. A.J. and Dr Mills have said not to leave the hotel unless I have an escort, so that means I'm being watched here. I don't know any of the people that are looking after me, but I know that they're there.

In the room I have a shower and take a little longer washing my hair. The itchy scalp might mean that I need some better shampoo than what the hotel supplies. The conditioner is pretty good but the bottles are so small I use the whole thing each time I do my hair. I'll make a point to ask A.J. or Dr Mills for a few things next time I see them. I then change into a short black dress with a deep V neck and black heels and head to the restaurant for dinner.

"Will you be dining alone Miss?" the host asks as I'm waiting for a table.

"Yes, a table for one please," I reply. I know that he'll give me a seat near the front of the room. One that is likely in the window looking out onto the street. It happens all the time. Put the pretty woman in display for all the people to see, maybe get some of the single guys to come in for dinner too. I sit and drink some water, waiting for the dinner salad that I ordered to arrive and watch the city walk by outside.

The head waiter approaches my table with a glass of white wine and says, "Compliments of the gentleman at the bar." He indicates to a blond haired man in dark colored dress pants and a polo shirt sitting at the bar. When I look over I see him raise his glass to me and take a sip of his wine.

I take the drink and say, "Thank you. Would you ask him if he'd like to join me?" The waiter just nods and heads over to the man to tell him the good news. He walks over and stands at the side of the table and I indicate to the other chair, "Please, have a seat."

"Thank you," he says in a deep sexy voice that sends a slight shiver down my spine. "It's a 2010 California wine that I've fallen in love with. I hope you enjoy it." I take a sip and find it a little dry for my taste but smile.

"Are you from California then?" I ask. His accent sounds like Californian but I'm not good at picking up very many accents. I haven't traveled very much and don't encounter too many of them in this city.

"Yes, I'm just here for the week on business," he explains. Out of habit I look at his left hand to see if he's married, but don't see a ring or any sign of him ever wearing one. "And you? Are you here visiting from another city as well?"

"No I live here, my house is under construction at the moment," it's the cover story that we had agreed on if anyone asked. "Are you eating dinner here tonight?" I was hungry and didn't want to have to wait to eat. I never liked to eat in front of someone who wasn't eating as well.

"Yes I am," he answers and nods to the head waiter. A moment later a teenage girl with flaming red hair brings my salad and his filet mignon to the table. I wonder of the red hair is natural, a dye job or the result of MORFS. We make small talk during dinner to fill the time. His name is Steve and he's an investment manager for a financial consulting company. He travels with work a lot and hates to eat alone. I think it's just an excuse to pick up strange women in bars or restaurants. I tell him a long series of lies to him about my life. He really doesn't need to know the truth and I don't want to scare him away. As we continue to talk and get to know each other I curse myself for promising to be celibate to Dr. Mills. She said it was best until my therapy is done, but this guy was so handsome and easy to talk to. After a few hours I say that I have a busy day in the morning and I'm getting tired. We agree to meet again for dinner the next evening and then say good night. As I walk to the elevator to head to my room, I notice my scalp is itchy again. It must be the shampoo. Maybe I'm allergic to it.

After I get to the room and get ready for bed, I lie in bed and think about Steve. I did agree to be celibate, but that doesn't mean that I can't still enjoy myself. And did I ever enjoy myself! Several times! I just hope that the walls are thicker than some of the other hotels I've stayed in.

I remember the fun from the night before as I sit in the hotel lobby waiting for A.J. to pick me up and take me to the court house. I'm not a patient person and my scalp is itching again. It's driving me crazy and I vow to get some new hair supplies before I come back to the hotel.

A.J. finally arrives and says, "That's what you plan to wear to see the A.D.A?" I'm wearing four inch heals, a short skirt and short sleeve cross over blouse with a deep V neck.

"Well, it's not like I have a lot of options for clothes," I explain. "Besides, this is what I've become comfortable in." A.J. shakes his head as we head to the car. After a short drive to city hall and an elevator ride to the Assistant District Attorney's office, a secretary greets us and shows us to one of the conference rooms. Dr. Mills is already there as well as a very dark skinned woman who looks to be in her mid or late forties. She is dressed very well in a knee length navy blue skirt and matching jacket over a gold colored blouse.

She stands and holds out her hand for me to shake it, "Hello, I'm Assistant District Attorney Katherine LeBlanc. Thank you for coming." She had a firm hand shake and a pleasant sounding voice, but her eyes where the same color gold as her blouse and had pupils like a cat. When she smiled I could also see her canine teeth were a little longer than normal as well. I imaged a large cat, or a panther with her dark skin.

"Hello Ms. LeBlanc. I'm Tracy Williams," I said as I shook her hand.

"Are you sure?" she said. "Are you sure your names not Cameron McMichael?"


The whole world seemed to spin and I felt dizzy. I had to sit or I would fall down. I looked around to see all the people in the room and I can't remember how I got there for a few minutes. I knew all three people in the room, Linda, A.J. and Katherine. We met each week with the A.D.A. to give her a progress report and hope that she would be able to make a case so that I would be able to go home again.

Linda looked at me and said, "Are you all right Cameron?"

"Yeah," I answered as I took a breath. "I always get dizzy when the key phrase is used."

"So have you had any contact yet?" Katherine asked. "It's been almost a month now."

I smiled at each one in the room and said, "I just had someone scan me last night." I told them all about my dinner companion and about the three separate attempts to scan me. Over the last few weeks I had been exposed to a few more telepaths to see if the itchy scalp that I felt was consistent. I could always tell when someone tried to scan me, without fail. "I can show you what he looks like if you want."

Both Linda and Katherine nodded and I looked at A.J. I knew he would be reluctant to my telepathic contact and the reason I asked in the first place. After he still hadn't given his okay, I decided to push his buttons.

"Come on Ashley, I promise not to look in places I shouldn't." He hated it when I called him by his real name instead of A.J.

"Fine just do it," he said. I concentrated on the three of them and gave them a good image of Steve from several angles and let them hear his voice from the long conversation we had. Then I cut the link and waited for them to process the information.

"Do any of you know who this guy is?" I asked. I felt that he was likely the telepath and was using the dinner conversation to get information since I didn't think he would have been able to get much through my shield.

Linda and Katherine looked at A.J. who said, "I have an idea, but I'll have to look in to the MORFS database. If he's the guy I'm thinking of, he's a contract telepath from California. He sells his services to anyone with the right amount of money, but has never done anything illegal." He then thumbed the access pad of his tablet and started flipping though the database.

I looked at Linda and asked, "Am I in that thing too."

"No," she answered. "Not yet. Once all this is done we'll need to add a record in there for you, but not right now."

"Oh," I wasn't to sure about being in the database. I've never been comfortable with people having information on me that I don't know about. It was like my high school records that I wasn't even allowed to look at. That got me thinking about school. "How much longer is this going to be? I've already missed a month of school now." My grades would have been enough to allow me to pass, but I wanted to go to college and I needed full credit and good grades for that.

"We have enough for a search warrant for his car and home," Katherine said. "As soon as we do that we intend to make you known to him. I hope that makes him nervous enough to confess or slip up."

I wasn't so confident. I asked, "What judge is going to give you a search warrant for the car and home of the District Attorney?" I didn't think we would ever have enough evidence to convince any judge that District Attorney Samuel Gerald Breyer was the serial murderer known as the Cadillac Killer. He was the son of a district court judge and the latest in a long line of judges and lawyers in his family. His great, great grandfather was even a Supreme Court judge.

"I got him," A.J. interrupted. He set his tablet down on the desk so the rest of us could see the image and the database information.

Name: Stephen Hunter DOB: Dec 18, 2021 Hair: Blond Eyes: Blue Height: 5'11" Power: 3 Threat: Yellow Physical Enhancements: None Specialty/Class: Telepath Notes: Works as a mercenary. He has been known to sell his skills to the highest bidder.

The picture associated to the database entry was Steve, my dinner companion from last night. Linda looked at me and said, "You don't have to worry about him getting through your shield. His power rating wouldn't even detect that you have one."

"Well that's good," I said. "I have another dinner date with him tonight." All three looked at me with concern. "Relax, it's just dinner. Tracy is taking your suggestion of celibacy seriously." I might have looked like the former twenty-two year old prostitute, but I was still very much an eighteen year old virgin. I had no intention of sleeping with him, or anyone, until I was ready for something like that.

"Do you think you'll be able to get into his head?" asked A.J. "Maybe you can find out who hired him." For someone who doesn't like telepaths running around inside his head, he sure is quick to suggest it for someone else.

"That is a bit unethical," I said with a grin. "But I think I should have a look around as well, for my own self interest if nothing else."

"There's someone here to see you," Linda said. For just a second I wonder who she could mean and then it dawns on me. "Send her in," she said into the phone intercom. My mom walked through the second door of the conference room just s few seconds later.

"Mom," I scream as I run to her and give her a big hug. It had been over two weeks since I'd seen her last but it seemed like a lifetime.

"I miss you too Sweetie," she said into my ear without breaking the hug. We sat and talked about nothing for a while. It was nice to be able to see her and tell her how I was doing. I knew she hated this cat and mouse game we where playing, but she never said anything about it.

"So you ready to have Tracy take control again?" Linda asked as my Mom left the room.

"Why not, she's kind of fun to live through." The Tracy personality was a carefully constructed facade. It was based on all the information that could be gathered on the latest victim of the Cadillac Killer, the person that I was an exact double of at the moment. Linda had spend hours layering the personality down within my mind during telepathic sessions and allowed it to take control and go dormant with keywords and phrases. The hard part was controlling my natural telepathic shield to allow people to see this personality and not me. That had taken almost as long to learn as all the other parts put together.

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