Epilogue

I woke up the moment the piercing morning sunlight hit my eyes. I rolled around, facing Chris. Snuggling up against his body, I recalled last night's wonderful romp. After we made love last night, we got to talking a little bit about our future, and of course that included marriage. He was all for getting married and to move somewhere far away where people wouldn't recognize us. The big lug actually thought that we should move to Argentina. Sheesh!

I shot the idea down immediately. I pointed out to him about Little Tell and how I couldn't just leave her alone now that I was the only family she had left. He then asked me how I was going to tell Tell that she now has a sister instead of brother. I was stumped, really. I thought maybe I would be able to think better after a good sleep. He actually had the cheek to tell me that he'd rather have my head at a rather specific place. He didn't mean the pillow. Yup, you guessed it. We had three more of those fun-filled moments after that. With me not needing to feed on him anymore, it was really a revelation to discover the maximum amount of times he could use his deadly weapon.

Thinking of Tell though, I got up and walked to the connecting bathroom. Chris stirred and for awhile there, I thought he was intent on not letting me leave his side, judging by the strength of his grasp on my wrist. I had to peel off his fingers one by one. My, he really didn't want to let me go, even in his sleep. I kind of wondered what dream he was having.

Well anyway, I was turning the tap to wash my face when I felt an extreme wrongness in my anatomy. I looked down and was shocked to discover that I no longer have my breasts. I touched my chest and confirmed that it really was flat. I splashed handfuls of water at my face, thinking that maybe I was just having a bad dream and that I didn't really lose my gorgeous, firm breasts overnight. After several splashes of water, I looked down and was dismayed to see that nothing changed. Then I thought of something and hesitantly reached my hand far down. My suspicions confirmed. I'm a man now! WTF?

"Calm down, Ilyse. There must be a very good explanation for this," I said to myself. I took a few minutes to calm down.

Just as my heart rate fell to normal levels and I could breath normally again, Chris said, "Morning, hon."

I turned around at his voice and without even looking at me (his eyes were half closed), he slid next to me and turned the tap. I was horrified, to say the least. I quickly ran out of the bathroom, closed the door and held the doorknob tightly.

"Honey, what's wrong?" he asked as I felt the doorknob turn.

I panicked and yelled at the closed door, "YOU STAY THERE AND DON"T COME OUT! I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU OPEN THE DOOR!"

Just then, I felt the doorknob being turned again from the other side, "I MEAN IT!"

"OK, OK. I'll wait. Wrong day of the month?" he asked from the other side of the door.

I quickly rummaged around in his closet for something to wear. Why does he has to be so big? Everything I tried on felt very loose.

Just then the door opened slightly and in a panic, I grabbed the nearest item in my reach, which turned out to be a bedside table lamp, pulled the chord in one swift move and threw it at the opening door. The table lamp shattered upon impact and Chris quickly closed it back with a loud, "Shit!"

I turned back around to the closet and managed to find something slightly smaller at the back of the closet. It was a greenish t-shirt with the words 'Cars Are For Wimps' and black pants that had to be used with a belt. With my attire taken care of, I fled from the house through the front door, locking the door before closing it. It appeared I forgot to tell Chris to lock the door last night.

I just kept on running. I didn't even care where I was heading, just as long as I could put as much distance between myself and Chris. As I ran, I kept asking myself what happened. My mind started rationalizing that maybe all those things about being a Lili, Yenne Velt, meeting Stephanie Mills and the duel with Dinah was nothing more than a hallucination or a dream, caused by not taking my pills. I wondered if maybe I was slightly gay in truth. By noon, I had ran for miles and my legs kept on running. When my legs stop though, I was freaked out at my surrounding.

I was in a cemetery! Not just any cemetery, but a fairly old one. With mausoleums and all.

"Greetings!" said an elderly voice behind me.

I turned around and said, "Hello, are you the groundskeeper? I'm sorry, can you tell me where I am at the moment?"

He rubbed his beard and said, "Why, you're in a cemetery, where else? Can't you see all the tombstones?"

"Okay..." I paused for a bit before saying, "where exactly is this cemetery?"

"It is on God's green Earth, that's where," he answered. I was starting to think that maybe this old man is a bit cuckoo.