Chapter 3

I was very pleased when escrow finally closed on my new house in Rialto. For one thing, living in the house meant, for the first time, that I was now living outside Hesperia. Don't get me wrong though, Hesperia was a long way away from being a bad place for people to be living. What was wrong about it was that I'd lived there my entire life, up until the time of this move.

Living in Hesperia, being someone from Hesperia, tended to say something about a person. This something was not what I wanted being said about me. I no longer wanted to be thought of as a small town person. This was a little bit amusing, I believed, in that Hesperia had a much larger population than Rialto did.

I'd bought all new furniture for my new home. Naturally, I'd bought it at a bankruptcy liquidation sale, for mere pennies on the retail dollar. I liked it that my new home was much smaller than my other one. It was following the pattern of my own life, which I now believed was shrinking itself back to a more manageable level.

I started out by spending all my weekdays in Rialto, followed by my spending all my weekends at my Hesperia house. It seemed like a very sophisticated thing for me to be doing, weekending at my high desert "cabin" retreat. The Hesperia house had more than twice the Rialto house's square footage. The master bedroom and bath alone in Hesperia was larger than the combined size of all three bedrooms, as well as both baths, in my new house.

I hadn't been in my new house more than a few days when three of my new neighbors came over to introduce themselves to me. I guess they thought they were the Welcome Wagon ladies. Angie and Crystal were married, but Jennifer was single, my age, or near enough to it, and a deputy sheriff with the San Bernardino County Sheriff's office. Just my luck she remembered my brother, Danny, having been one of the deputies called out on the morning Kaitlyn had let him have it with that skillet. I didn't deny that he and I were related, but I also didn't volunteer any details about how close our relationship was.

I had a close eye on Jennifer, right from the time the three women first came walking up to my front porch. She was something of a looker, although I could see that sitting in her patrol car, shift after shift, was starting to pack a few extra pounds on her. I'm pretty sure she was able to tell that she was the guest I was finding most fascinating. I wasn't attempting to be rude towards the other two, but I sensed far greater social potential in Jennifer, primarily because of her good looks, and the fact that she was unmarried. Angie and Crystal probably sensed my interest, since they excused themselves early, claiming the need to prepare for their children's return from school.

Jennifer had no children, never having been married, and seemed in no hurry to leave with her two friends. The two of us were sitting at my kitchen table, drinking our iced teas when her friends left us alone. We sat there, smiling at each other. I knew Jennifer was waiting for me to take the lead and set the tone for what, if anything, was to follow. I decided quirky was the way to go, so I began speaking to her with that in mind.

"Are you armed, Jennifer?"

"What kind of question is that to be asking?"

"On the cop shows, on TV, off duty police are always armed. Isn't that a requirement of the job or something?"

"Well, no, I'm not armed. Are you going to try to search me to make sure?" She laughed, standing up as she did so.

"Not this time. For some strange reason, I find myself trusting you." I took full advantage to take in her full body as she stood there, a big smile on her face, posing herself for my benefit. I liked what I was seeing. Maybe an extra ten pounds, but she still was carrying it well. Medium breasts, shortish dirty blonde hair, and the shape of hips that boded well for easy future childbirth's. Her legs were her best feature, and I could tell she was aware of this from the way she was posing for me.

"Big mistake, I have an ankle holster under my pants leg."

"You're wearing shorts, Jennifer. I can see both your ankles, and there's no holster attached to either of them."

"Are you always so observant?"

"Only if there's something worth observing. Fortunately, you are."

"Thank you, kind sir. Tell me, what did you think of Angie and Crystal?"

"They seemed friendly enough. I'd be willing to bet that Angie drinks too much for her own good, and that Crystal has been known to stray from her marital vows a time or two."

"Wow, you are very observant. What about me then?"

"You have too much stress on your job, you hate having to exercise, you also don't like to fraternize with your coworker's. You also have this secret wish that you could find someone who was very clean, like you obviously are, and who could be as discreet as you are about any intensely private things the two of you might do. It would help you with your preference for privacy if this person also had someplace he could take you, far away from all those prying neighbor's eyes you worry so much about.

"He would have to be the type of man who'd instinctively know when he was supposed to leave you alone, and when it was the right time for him to take you away for very short periods of extremely intense, but still purely recreational, sex. I have this strong feeling that you would count it as a big plus if this individual were also exceptionally well endowed."

Jennifer was laughing very hard as I ticked off these different qualities and preferences to her.

"I'm impressed, you got all of it right, and all this after only this one short chance for you to see and evaluate me. You are really very good at reading people, and I'm very impressed. Would you also happen to possess all of those qualities you claimed I was either wanting or needing, the ones you just got finished rattling off to me?"

"Alas, no. I seldom bathe, unless It's on a Saturday, and only then if I'm going out somewhere really fancy for the evening. I always brag about any of my conquests, real or imagined, and always tell all my many internet friends everything I've ever done. I will often include pictures of these conquests, pictures covertly taken, I might add, with my trusty little cell phone camera. I do it mainly to brag, but it's also to prove to them that at least some of my stories are actually true. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I must confess I also have a tiny, one we would almost be forced to call it, miniscule, dick. I do, however, have a very nice cabin overlooking Hesperia Lake, where I like to take pretty girls, like you, ply them with booze, and then use them shamelessly for my sordid sexual pleasure."

"I'm very nearly sold, Jimmy. The only question I have left is about what your definition of miniscule is? Here in Rialto, miniscule means less than four inches, even when fully erect."

"I'm not from Rialto, I'm from Hesperia. In Hesperia, miniscule means tiny, and tiny means something no fully grown woman need ever fear. Tiny means there is absolutely no risk of sustaining any permanent physical disability from having a dick of that size being used on you. If a lady of the evening doesn't take one look at it and then ask you for a lot more money, then, in Hesperia, we refer to that sized dick as being miniscule."

"I see. I happen to be a fully grown woman, and one not unduly given to experiencing that particular kind of fear. In my formative years, before ultimately choosing my current career in law enforcement, I was what is commonly referred to as a "size queen". Do you even know what that term means?"

"Of course I do. Most of the women of my acquaintance usually refer to themselves as size queens. Knowing my own shortcomings in that regard though, I seldom pursued any of those women. My brother has a much bigger dick than I do. Hell, his must be nearly to that four inches you were bragging about before. His wife ain't hardly worth the plugging, not now that he's got her so loosened up with that big tallywhacker of his."

"Please stop. I don't want to have to pee myself from standing here laughing at all your jokes."

"Jokes? Madame, surely you're jesting? I can prove each and every single one of my claims."

"Okay, I believe you. I believe all of it. Now what?"

"Now you go back to your other lady friends, and you tell them everything you and I talked about while we were all alone here by ourselves. You can all then have a good laugh, at my expense, then this whole Welcome Wagon thing will be done and finished. Isn't that how these things usually work themselves out?"

"If you did happen to be all those things you mentioned before that I wanted, you wouldn't have to ply me with liquor to have your cruel way with me. You were right about my not liking to fraternize with any of my coworker's. I've been there, and done that. That doesn't mean I don't have sexual urges though."

"Unfortunately, I'm just coming out of a badly failed relationship. Even if I was so inclined, I doubt whether my equipment has recovered sufficiently to do anyone else any good. Since the break up, I don't even bother playing with myself anymore. I know that sounds pitiful, but all of it is the gospel truth."

"When did you and this other woman have this break up that has you so upset?"

"It first started when we were both in Summer recess, back in the fifth grade. We had something of a truce for years after that, but then we got back together, and she ended up wanting to go out and fuck some other guys. Now she's getting married to one of those other guys, one who I strongly suspect is actually gay. While she was breaking all this to me, she also told me that he wouldn't mind a bit if she comes over here, whenever she has an urge to, and sleeps with me. Did I forget to mention that she's in a wheelchair, and that it usually takes me over an hour just to bring her close to the point where her having an orgasm is possible?"

"For some strange reason, I'm inclined to believe that a good part of this last story of yours is actually the absolute truth."

"You, my dear, are too dangerously smart for little ole' me. I told you about this other woman, just so you'd be on the alert, in case she ever drives by here. She drives an old white van, with one of those wheel chair lifts in the back. You can't miss her if she comes by."

"What do you want me to do if I should happen to see her?"

"Arrest the bitch. Put her in the pokey, then throw away the key. You can charge her with felony heartbreak for starters."

"Let's change the subject, since you already failed to pick up on all of my not too subtle hints. I find you to be interesting. If you ever want to go out somewhere, either for a few drinks, or somewhere to get something to eat, I'm usually over at my house whenever I'm not working. I'm working mid shift this week, and then I'm on day's the week after. Come over if you're interested, or even if all you want to do is banter back and forth like we've been doing now. Welcome to the neighborhood, Jimmy."

I had enjoyed myself talking to Jennifer. I had her marked down as a definite probable. I was fairly certain that I'd take her up on at least part of her offer.

Later that same afternoon, Leslie decided she wanted to talk to me. I was nicer to her on the phone than I had been the last time we'd met in person, but I didn't give her any encouragement when she talked about wanting to come over to see my new house. I finally had to tell her that I didn't want to see her soon, and had no interest in the two of us getting together anytime in the very near future.

I didn't feel any desire to make love to her again. I finally ended up giving her my new address, but only after I first told her I'd appreciate her not ever showing up at my house unannounced. It sounded to me like she had the idea that she'd eventually succeed in wearing down any resistance I had to us resuming our prior physical relationship.

I finally concluded that it would probably take another confrontational face to face meeting with her to really make her begin to understand that I probably wouldn't ever be changing my mind. My opinion of her character was steadily dropping. She had often complained about how my brother, and most of my friends, only wanted to use me for whatever they could get. I wondered why she couldn't recognize that same motivation in what she was now attempting to do.

It took me two more weeks before I finally went over to Jennifer's, to ask her out for a meal. We drove along the 10 freeway, until we saw a place that looked like it might be interesting. The lone other appeal it had was that it was very close to a convenient freeway exit.

"Are you still pining away for your long lost love?" She certainly was direct with her questions. There was not any hint of humor in the way she'd posed her question either.

"Nope, I'm totally over her. I tend to be very fickle about that sort of thing. By the time I can't smell their scent on my bed sheets anymore, they're no longer the focus of any of my thoughts. I just washed those sheets last Wednesday, and after that, she was merely a faint memory floating somewhere inside my subconscious."

"Is that unusable appendage of yours once more among the useful?"

"For very limited use, like when I feel the need to urinate. Other than that, I doubt it."

"I don't believe you."

"Believe it or don't. It won't make any difference to "Little Luther".

"Little Luther? Where'd that name for it come from?"

"My brother's wife, if you must know. She refers to his joint as "Big Luther". After seeing mine, she coined that name for him."

"This is at least the second time you made a reference that would lead one to believe that you've been on intimate terms with your brother's wife. What is that all about?"

"She was my first. You never forget your first, especially if she happens to be part of your close family."

"You're serious about this?"

"Sure, but don't get too excited, the statute of limitations has run out on that particular felony."

"Did your brother ever find out what she did?"

"I'm not sure. He isn't very bright. I did give him some hints about it though."

"Hints? What kind of hints?"

"Let's see ... Well, once I told him that I'd just got done fucking Kaitlyn, that's his wife's name. This was one time when he'd stolen from me and then went ahead and sold it. As I remember it, he ended up using the money he got from that to go play some poker. Of course, not being much of a poker player, he promptly lost it all. Another time was when he saw her coming out of my house holding some money in her hand. He knew I wouldn't just be giving her any money, not unless I had a very good reason for doing it. When he asked me about it, I told him that I'd just finished fucking her, and then had gotten her to clean up my cock with her mouth. He didn't like that either, but I'm pretty sure this time he believed me. Those were the two best hints I can remember."

"He didn't beat you up after you told him those things?"

"He knew he couldn't afford to do that. My brother and I have long had this help/help relationship, I help him out with things when he's desperate, and he lets me help him. I'm usually his only hope for avoiding repeated periods of incarceration. He hates the thought of being put in jail or prison, even more than he hates knowing that I'm fucking his wife. Truth be told though, I've pretty well tapered off from doing anything to her over the past few years. I can't remember the last time I actually did anything like that with her."

"This is a much darker side of yourself that you're revealing to me tonight. I'm not sure I like hearing most of it."

"You asked. Don't ask if you can't deal with any of my answers."

"I never said I couldn't deal with them, just that I wasn't sure I liked hearing it."

"Like most people, I do have my crueler side. I also like to tease my sexual partners, getting them all worked up, then getting off myself, before they're anywhere near close enough to being ready. Most women won't go out with me again, not after the third or fourth time I do something like that to them."

"That I refuse to believe. If you really did that, you'd never tell any woman about doing it."

"That's why my confession is so diabolically clever. You said it yourself, woman never believe a man would drop the dime on himself like this."

"Drop the dime, that's jail house slang. Have you ever been inside?"

"Only a few times, and I was only there those times because I was posting bail for Danny. I don't like doing things that could cost you your freedom. Are we going to go somewhere and see what we're like in bed together? I'm only asking you this, because if we are, I vote that we skip having any dessert."

"Tonight you're asking about? I start on my shift in about an hour and a half. Do you think that will give us enough time?"

"Plenty of time for me, but I'm not so sure about you. It should be, unless you're one of those freaks who always insist on having some foreplay?"

"Not me. I prefer two play. Although, if I'm going to be completely candid, I've been known to allow some three play too."

"Now who's lying?"

"Not me. You've never had a threesome?"

"It's very possible, but I'm afraid I can't recall any particulars. Do you like anal sex?"

"Giving or receiving?"

"Can you deep throat a Big One?"

"Do you know where I can find one?"

"I could call my brother. His is at least eight inches long. Is that big enough?"

"I was asking about "Little Luther". How big is he?"

"On a very good day, about an eighth of an inch shorter than "Big Luther", but he hasn't been seeing any good day's lately. He's going to need a lot of tender loving care to once again take his place in that pantheon we all lovingly refer to as "Big Ones"."

"I believe I could wrap my tonsils around a fully restored "Little Luther", if given the opportunity."

"This few minutes we'll be driving before we get all the way back home might, that might be a great time for you to audition for a place in my affections. You don't mind giving head in a moving vehicle, do you?"

"That depends on whether you mind reciprocating when I'm the one doing the driving?"

"No, I'm very cool with that. We're not talking Sheriff's cruiser though I hope? I couldn't concentrate like I should, not if you turn on all those flashing lights, and then start playing with your siren. I could give it a try I guess, but I'd rather keep all my munching confined to when we're in private vehicles, especially when we're out in traffic."

"I think I should drive us home tonight then. Are you willing to let me drive your truck?"

"Afraid not, but only because of all my insurance exclusions. I could eat you in my truck okay, but if we were going to be moving, I'd have to be the one doing the driving. That could end up being a little dangerous I think. Sorry about that. You know what sticklers these damn insurance company's can be. In your private vehicle, if you have the right kind of insurance, I'd be all over doing it, I promise you."

"I've only got another hour and a few minutes before I have to leave for work. As regrettable as it is, I'm going to have to take a rain check for tonight."

"Your loss. Affection auditions don't come around very often. People almost never get a second opportunity after they've passed on taking the first one."

"I'll just have to chance it. Sorry, if I'd known earlier I'd have that chance, I'd have called in sick for tonight."

"Not to worry, I was lying outrageously about my having a big one anyway. I'd like to think the whole of San Bernardino County will be a much safer place tonight, if only because I somehow failed to give you sufficient notice that I would be holding one of my audition's today. We live and we learn, hopefully growing from the mistakes we all make."

"What mistake did I make?"

"I could show you, but then I'd have to recommend you be put on suicide watch, and that couldn't possibly be good for your law enforcement career. I care for you too much to put you through something like that."

"You said you lied about it being a big one?"

"I did lie about that, but I didn't tell you it was as thick as a beer can, did I? Big is a measurement of length, not width. Width is measured in terms like skinny, normal, fat, and Oh my!"

"Which term best describes you? Oh my?"

"No. Mine isn't big, not as you measure length, but it makes up for that lack by also being rail thin as well."

"I'm really going to need to see the evidence with my own eyes. It is becoming increasingly apparent that you haven't been honest about any of this."

"Oh, but I respectfully beg to differ with you about that. I've been completely honest with you. To prove it, I'm prepared to send you one of my baby pictures. Extrapolating from that picture, you should have no problem at all with estimating my current size."

"I'm getting off work at seven. Why don't I sneak over to your house and we can separate fact from fiction. I'm getting seriously curious about knowing which one of your lies wasn't one."