Chapter 22: The Text

BEN

FRIDAY, APRIL 16, 2004, SOPHOMORE YEAR

I breathed shallowly while forcing myself not to panic. If Dawn was in trouble, she would have either said so in her text, or the text itself would have been much shorter. Still, she said to hurry so I was walking pretty fast. Dawn's apartment was only a couple of blocks away and it didn't take me long to get there.

I was about to knock when I realized the front door was cracked open just a bit. The sense of panic set in again. Something was off, and very cautiously I pushed open the door and went inside, trying to be as quiet as possible like in the movies.

The living room lights were on. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. But a very obvious moan fluttered out from the direction of the bedroom. I knew the moan instantly. It was Dawn; and she was sexually aroused.

What the fuck was going on?

Walking slowly, I headed across the living room and over to the bedroom. And once I saw inside, I came to a dead stop in utter shock. Dawn was kneeling on the bed, face down on the mattress with her hands reaching back to spread her own asscheeks wide. I could see her pretty pussy and winking rosebud even from here. I started to gasp but Ryan saw me and held a finger to his lips, directing me to remain silent. I don't know why, but I obeyed and stifled myself. Clearly, he'd been expecting me.

With a smile at me, he told Dawn, "Ben's here, babe." And then he leaned forward and whispered something into her ear.

A moment later, she said softly, "Fuck my ass, Ben. Fill me up, baby."

"Louder, babe." Ryan directed. His fingers were coated with Astroglide and he trailed them over her dilating anus. His left hand took hold of a thin vibrator already lodged in Dawn's pussy, and pumped it slowly.

Good freaking lord Dawn looked hot. Her skin glowed and glistened with sweat. Her every breath was an arousing pant. And the pure majesty of her naked body would have gotten a dead man hard.

"Fuck my ass, Ben," Dawn repeated, a little louder. "Please, Ben. Please? I want it."

Only now did I realize that she was blindfolded and still holding herself open for me. This whole thing was set up to get me to fuck her, but was it a test? Was she serious? Was RYAN serious?

"Again, Dawn," Ryan encouraged. "Mean it. Tell him how long you've gone without getting sodomized. I don't think he's convinced to do it."

"Please, Ben. I've missed you so much," Dawn whimpered, clearly lost to her pleasure and craving the sexual contact. I knew the tone in her voice. Dawn wanted to CUM. She hadn't cum yet for some reason and she was waiting for me. Ryan waved me forward, and despite all my hesitations, I stared at her naked body and involuntarily began walking forward. My dick was throbbing in my jeans, straining to get out as I remembered her text saying: I NEED you.

"Please, Ben! I haven't felt a cock in my ass since the last summer when we were together. That's almost two years!"

I gritted my teeth, torn with indecision. I wanted to do this. DAWN wanted me to do this. But could I do it in front of Ryan? I looked at him, concern etched across my face.

"I don't think he's sure he can do this to you," Ryan intoned, staring right at me. "He's worried about upsetting me."

"Ryan's right here, Ben," Dawn pleaded. "He's approving and he's watching and I need your cock, Ben! We've done this before ... I NEED this. I NEED you. Please!"

Oh, freaking GAWD. I loved her. I'd always loved her. It could never just be casual sex between us, and I had no idea why Ryan and Dawn were setting this up, but I just couldn't resist. Dawn wanted to be fucked. I wanted to fuck her. We'd both wanted this since Robin's Swingers Party. We'd stopped ourselves from crossing this line back then, but with her naked and needy and HOLDING HER OWN FUCKING ASSCHEEKS OPEN FOR ME, I realized then that nothing was going to stop us tonight.

"More Dawn," Ryan growled. "Tell him what you want, the same way you told me how to please you just a few minutes ago. Tell him, Dawn! Tell him!"

"Please, Ben! Please! Fuck my ass! Grab my hips and grip them tight! Use your hand to fist your dick and press it against my little rosebud! Hold me and yank me back against you! I surrender to you! Don't you remember? Take me! I surrender to you! It's yours! I'M yours! Take my asshole and fill me up! Hammer my poor body and- UGH!"

I don't have any clue when I dropped my pants and freed my cock. I don't remember how I got from five feet away to standing right behind Dawn's perfect ass. All I really know is that at some point, I'd caved to my desire and slammed my cock into the greatest love of my life.

I wish I could remember more of what followed. It was Dawn's and my reunion fuck in a way, the first time our hips were joined together so intimately in almost two years, an eternity for the both of us. But I was too caught up in the moment to really form lasting memories. All I really have are snippets of pleasure.

I remember holding and squeezing Dawn's tits while grinding my cock at full depth inside her bowels.

I remember reaching around to pump the vibrator in and out of Dawn's cunt, flipping it to the highest setting along the way.

And I remember wrapping my left arm around Dawn's waist, holding her in position for me to pump my way through her stretched backdoor while she screamed at the top of her lungs, "I'M CUMMING!"

It was all automatic. My brain was turned off and I simply fucked her on instinct. But somehow, Dawn and I moved so well together that our orgasms were perfectly timed. I filled her rectum with spunk just seconds after she started her detonation, spurring her into an aftershock orgasm as well.

And in the end, I collapsed right on top of her, kissing and rubbing and caressing while I told her how I felt from the bottom of my heart. "I love you, my Dawn. I've loved you always and I'll love you forever." I took a deep breath, and then told her what I truly wanted to say. "I'm yours. I'll always be yours. Please take me back."

Dawn tensed up for a moment, and then spun around, dislodging my prick from her asshole as she ripped the blindfold off her face and looked at me in utter and complete shock. "Ben!" she exclaimed.

I blinked. Who else did she think was buttfucking her? "Uh, yeah..."

"Ohmigod!" Her eyes lit up and she wrapped her arms around me, hugging me tightly to her and pressing her nose deep into the crook of my neck. "What are you doing here?"

I blinked rapidly again. Was she serious? "Uh, you texted me to come over," I stammered.

Dawn frowned and said, "I didn't text ... Ryan!" Her eyes went wide and she darted her head around the room. Ryan was gone. He was nowhere in sight. Without another word, she slipped off the bed and hurried naked to the doorway, looking around the apartment living room and finding it empty as well. Then she darted to the bathroom and the spare bedroom. And finally she went over to the front door, just as I was following her out from the bedroom.

There was a note on the front door and Dawn raced over, snatched it in her hand, and brought it back over to me. I looked over her shoulder and silently read:

Dawn —

I wish I didn't have to be this drastic, but I just HAVE to know. I love you, but I can never truly be comfortable until I know how you really feel about Ben. I want to believe that you'd be happy with me forever, but I just see too much between the two of you. So I'm going home to Hayward tonight. I'm going to spend the night with my family and talk to my mom about us. And I'm expecting that you'll stay in the apartment with Ben tonight. I realize that you two might talk each other into staying away from each other out of concern for me, but I assure you that what I really want is for you two to spend the night together. To help illustrate that point, I rigged the front door to be locked from both sides, so you can't get out. You're also on the second floor, so I wouldn't recommend going out a window. Of course, I know Ben's pretty handy so he could probably undo the lock before I get back, but I'm hoping he won't. Spend the night together. Talk things out. Because if we really have a future together, you'll have to get over Ben, first.

—Ryan

P.S. I'll be back at 10am.

Dawn finished right around the same time I did. And at the exact same time, we turned to look at each other and remarked, "Now what?"

Both of us needed to come to grips with what had just happened. But I didn't want to leave and thankfully, Dawn didn't ask me to. By agreement, we took separate showers to get cleaned up. And when I emerged from the bathroom, Dawn had already changed into a comfortable pair of pajamas.

We found Dawn's cell phone on the coffee table and then settled onto the couch together, a couple of feet between us. I sat straight, leaning against the backrest with my feet on the coffee table. Dawn sat sideways so that she could face me, her left leg tucked beneath her. Neither of us spoke for the first couple of minutes.

"You didn't know I was coming, did you?" I finally asked softly.

Dawn closed her eyes and shook her head.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I asked, "So why were you pleading, using MY name, to fuck you?"

Dawn bit her lip and wrung her hands together. "It was a fantasy Ryan cooked up. He had me reliving the first time HE had sex with me, when the two of you double-teamed me at his parents' house."

I grimaced and nodded. "Is fantasizing about me something the two of you do a lot?"

Dawn snorted and rolled her eyes, staring away. "No."

I felt guilty, as if I'd taken Dawn against her will. The fact was, she didn't know I'd actually be fucking her. She'd probably thought it was Ryan. And no matter what the situation or confusion or whatever, I still knew that my dick had entered her body — her asshole even — without her express permission for me to do so. "Dawn, I'm so sorry. I didn't know that you didn't know it was me. I feel like I... raped you or something."

She frowned and looked right at me. "What? No! You didn't rape me!"

I blinked. "You're not upset that I just buttfucked you without you even knowing it was me?"

"Absolutely not. Whether I realized it was you or not, I WANTED it to happen. You didn't rape me. If I had known you were really there, I would have been pleading just as hard. I wanted you. I've always wanted you." Her face softened and she reached out to me, taking my hand in hers. "I know this isn't what we'd talked about, but I've wanted to feel this with you for a long time."

"What?"

"Us. You and me. Nothing between us anymore." Dawn leaned forward, the loose neck of her pajama top hanging down to give me a glimpse of her cleavage as she crawled onto the couch and moved toward me.

"Dawn," I sighed. "There are a lot of things between us."

"Not right now. Not this moment," she insisted, now on all fours on top of the seat cushions with her face just inches away from mine. "Look at me, Ben. Look at me."

I looked at her. She still had the most beautiful face I'd ever seen, the face of an angel. Her crystal clear blue eyes sparkled as she stared at me. A smile tugged at the corners of her lips. And she whispered, "Nothing between us. Nothing separating us. Just you ... and me..." And then she kissed me.

My brain erupted in a volcanic explosion. I'd almost forgotten what Dawn's kiss could do to me. Every neuron in my brain felt like it fired off at the same time. And a bolt of lightning crackled up and down my spine.

But once the initial shock wore off, my conscience reared its ugly head again and I pulled away, "Dawn-Dawn-Dawn..." I patted her arms to keep her at bay. "What about Ryan?"

"This isn't about Ryan. Ryan's gone for the night. This is just you and me."

"But, but..." I stammered before Dawn cut me off by bringing a finger to my lips.

"Dammit, Ben! Stop thinking so damn much!" Dawn growled. "Ryan locked us in here until tomorrow morning. Ryan set you up to fuck me in the ass! Ryan sent me up to camp two years ago knowing you and I were going to fuck each other's brains out! He can handle one night! And this isn't about Ryan!"

I let my eyes soften and open up as big as they could get, my own version of my little sisters' puppy-dog eyes. And staring straight at Dawn, I said softly, "No, it's about us. I meant what I said before: I love you. I want to love you forever. I want you back, and I NEED to know if you want me, too."

I missed her. I missed Dawn. Everything in my life had made sense and just felt so ... perfect ... when we were together; when we were in love. I wanted that feeling back. And if it meant I had to give up Adrienne and Paige and all the Tri- Delts, then I would do it in a heartbeat.

But a relationship takes two. Dawn blinked and stared back at me, a riot of emotions behind her eyes: love and longing for me, fear of change, raw lust, and anxiousness for the future. These were all things I sensed through our connection, but I had no clue as to what decisions she was making.

She didn't decide right now. Brushing her thumb along my cheek, she leaned in and kissed me tenderly. Then she pulled back and stared deeply into my eyes. And she said, "Let me just enjoy tonight, okay? Then ask me again in the morning."

It was a bittersweet night for me. It was sweet because it was Dawn. We made love like we'd never been apart, sensing each other's moods and desires before we even had a chance to voice them. The passion was intense. The pleasure unimaginable. And it was both nostalgic and erotic to hear Dawn murmur "That's two" when she felt my cum splashing into her pussy, and then "That's three" after swallowing my last load of the night.

But it was also bitter because I didn't know what was going to happen in the morning. For one night, Dawn was throwing her cares and caution to the wind and pulling me along with her. We were two hot, horny youngsters who existed in our own little world for a couple of hours. It was like we were sixteen again, alone in our special clearing with the rest of reality left far, far behind.

But come morning, I didn't know whether Dawn would return my desire to get back together. And not knowing tinged everything we did together with a bleakness that made me wonder if we'd ever be this intimate again.

Was this night just the first in rediscovering the greatest love of our lives?

Or was this night just one final fling before Dawn followed through on her commitment to Ryan and left me in her past?

I was glad that Dawn didn't want to keep fucking until we'd thoroughly exhausted ourselves. If we had, I might have believed she was getting as much as she could get before the clock chimed and Cinderella's carriage turned back into a pumpkin.

As it was, we made love until we were both happy and then fell asleep cuddled in each other's arms. I drifted away into dreamland hoping that meant she knew we had all the time in the world to resume. I thought that meant she was going to break up with Ryan and get back together with me in the morning.

I thought wrong.

SATURDAY, APRIL 17, 2004, SOPHOMORE YEAR

"I need to think about this."

It was nearing 10am, and fully dressed, Dawn and I were sitting on the sofa. In another few minutes, Ryan would return and our fantasy night would be over. I had hoped we would be reunited, and together tell Ryan that Dawn was breaking up with him. But clearly I underestimated the strength of their relationship.

"What's there to think about?" I complained. "I love you. You love me. We belong together, Dawn."

"Says who? Our parents?"

"US," I said emphatically. "You and me. Can you really tell me you've ever felt as in tune with Ryan as you did with me last night? Can you really tell me he's ever made you feel like I did last night?"

"That's sex," Dawn shook her head. "Sex was never our problem. And you have an unfair advantage in that department over every guy I've ever known."

I canted my head and implored her to understand. "It's more than sex and you know it. You told me that satisfaction for a girl was more about the connection than about orgasms. Last night was really something special."

She sighed. "Last night doesn't erase the reasons why I chose Ryan in the first place. He's stable. He takes care of me. I'm not sure I'm ready to throw all that away."

"Not even for me? C'mon, Dawn. Don't you feel it? We need to be around each other like we need air to breathe. Our bodies scream to be with each other, as if our pheromones are specially-designed. The mere thought of you moving away again was enough to put me into a deep depression two weeks ago, and having you this close to me again is driving me CRAZY. C'mon. I thought this was supposed to be our chance to be together again? No longer 500 miles apart. No longer apart, period. You and me ... Ben and Dawn ... forever."

"It was a dream."

"Not a dream; it's our future. Look, I know we got things really complicated with Adrienne and Ryan. And I know I was messed up after breaking up with Adrienne. But this is what we always wanted, wasn't it? I know it took me a while to come back to you, but I'm coming back to you now. Isn't that what YOU always wanted?"

"Ben..."

"You promised me you'd wait for me. That last night at camp, you surrendered to me. You told me you were already mine."

She sighed and put her head down. "I was young. And I was in love."

"And now?"

"Now? I'm just not sure anymore."

A noise at the door interrupted me from saying anything further. It was Ryan, working at undoing whatever he'd done to jerry-rig the lock.

It was over. The carriage was really turning back into a pumpkin. I sighed and looked back at Dawn, who simply stared at me apologetically. "I just need some time, okay?"

What choice did I have? I let out a long exhalation. And then I nodded my understanding.

Being girls, Adrienne and Paige started pestering me for details the instant I walked through the door. And even though I was usually a very open and sharing kind of guy with the girls close to me, today I was just a plain "guy", not really giving anything away. I explained that yes, Dawn and I spent the night together. No, we weren't back together. And I didn't give them any more details beyond that.

I didn't tell them about Ryan setting us up or locking us in the apartment. And I didn't explain what was going to happen in the future. How could I when I didn't have a clue?

Adrienne took the hint that I wasn't ready to talk just yet. Paige was a little bit more annoying, but eventually she left me alone. I simply took a shower and changed into fresh clothes. And then not wanting to deal with more questions, I left the house to go for a walk.

There are really only two things you can do when killing time by walking: either cruise around the campus, admiring the architecture and greenscapes; or go window shopping down Telegraph or College or some other trinket shopping areas.

I'm not sure why I decided to go window shopping. Maybe it was because I didn't feel like being around the campus, seeing the other students and potentially the happy couples walking around the greenery on a Saturday. The campus would certainly be the prettier place to kill some time and lose oneself in thought.

But I ended up on Telegraph, moving in and out of random shops. I would pick up a couple of books in a bookstore, flip through the pages without really reading them, and then put the book back. I would scan through some clothing at a boutique, idly wondering if a particular shirt was more something Adrienne might pick out for me or something Dawn would appreciate better. I didn't have any real purpose. I was just stalling for time, trying to keep myself marginally occupied until Dawn figured out what she wanted to do. Or maybe I was hoping some brilliant flash of insight would hit me and tell me what to do.

But nothing concrete came to mind, at least nothing serious. One idea was to challenge Ryan to a fight to the death with the winner getting to keep Dawn. Another idea was simply to show up and demand that she choose him or me, threatening to walk away from her forever.

Or maybe I just had to give her the time she needed. I knew Dawn and I knew she wasn't one to be easily swayed by others. When she made up her own mind, she made up her own mind. Now that she knew I wanted her back and was ready to be with her again, I could only hope that she would choose me on her own.

But was I already too late? They say you don't know what you've got until it's gone. I hadn't realized how much I took for granted that Dawn would wait for me forever. And now that I didn't have that certainty anymore, I desperately wished I could have come to this realization long ago. And it was depressing to think that I may have missed out on the greatest love of my life.

I happened to be in a hippie store when that particular depressing thought struck me. I closed my eyes and tried to will away the negative thoughts; but the harder I tried, the more they stuck with me. When I opened my eyes again, I looked around at all the drug paraphernalia on the walls, and the idea of dulling my brain with some illegal narcotics sounded really, really good to me.

"Prince Charming? Never thought I'd see you in a place like this."

The voice was familiar. I stood up straight and turned around to see Carter Sheridan grinning at me while holding an expensive-looking, elaborate hookah. "Carter?"

"Wow, man. You look like shit," he smiled while reaching a hand out to shake. "Girl problems?"

I shook his hand and shrugged. "Something like that."

"Sleeping Beauty giving you a hard time?"

I chuckled at Carter's continued use of our Halloween character names. Thinking back to that party so long ago, I shook my head and replied, "Cinderella, actually."

He gave me a quizzical look. "Sleeping Beauty know about you and Cinderella?"

I laughed and waved him off. "Yes, yes. It's ... well, it's complicated."

"I'll bet. You know it's funny I've run into you. Elyse was asking me about you guys the other day."

"Really?"

Carter nodded and shot me a disappointed look. "You never showed when we invited you to my party last November."

I winced. "Sorry, man. Uh, had another girl-conflict."

"Cinderella?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

I blushed and looked down, thinking of DJ. "Ah, Cinderella's little sister, actually."

Carter whistled. "Man, you do get around, don't you?"

I shrugged. "It's-"

"Complicated," he finished for me. "I'm getting the impression there isn't very much that's simple in your life."

I held up my hands. "What can I say?"

Carter chuckled and shook his head. "Well, if your life isn't so complicated that you're busy tonight, why don't you come up to my place? We're having a little get together and someone with as ... complicated ... a life as yours would fit right in."

There was something else in the way Carter said that I would 'fit right in', and I arched an eyebrow. My curiosity piqued, I thought about it and answered, "Sounds interesting. When and where?"

Carter put the hookah down and whipped out a Blackberry. "What's your number?"

I gave it to him and a second later, I got a text message with the address and time. I nodded a confirmation.

"You gonna flake on me this time?" he asked with a grin.

I shook my head. "Naw, man."

He nodded. "And bring Sleeping Beauty. I'm sure Elyse would love to catch up with her. Or Cinderella ... or her little sister ... or whoever..." Carter couldn't help but start laughing as he kept going. But then with a serious look, he stood up and clapped my shoulder. "Or just come alone." His eyebrows made clear that this might be the best option for me. "Believe me, I'm sure you'll find plenty to keep you entertained. Why bring sand to the beach, right?"

With a head nod, Carter picked up his hookah and walked past me to pay for it, then headed out the front door. I just stayed back, looking around, wondering what crazy turns my life would take next.

As it turned out, my best option for a wingman to Carter's party was Bert Kim. My first choice would have been Adrienne, but she had already planned to go schmooze at some modeling shindig in San Francisco. And pregnant Paige had no interest in going out socially. But Bert was single and still looking to stretch his wings socially; and he happened to be available tonight.

Bert drove up from his home and picked me up for the short drive into the hills southeast of the campus. It was a longer drive up Claremont than I'd expected, winding our way around smaller streets until coming to the address. The place was hard to miss, a relatively isolated mansion with a dozen cars already parked in the driveway and along the curbs nearby. Bert parallel parked and then we got out, looking down the mountain at the city lights of Berkeley spread out below.

Somewhere out there was Dawn's apartment. I wondered what she was doing right now. I wondered what she was thinking. She hadn't called me all day, and the longer I didn't hear from her, the more I started to believe she was permanently choosing Ryan over me. And I wasn't quite sure how to take that.

Dawn was the reason I was up here. Yeah, Carter invited me and it seemed likely that Elyse would be here. But neither of them were my friends and I certainly had no idea who else would be around. Like the aimless window- shopping, I only hoped to distract myself long enough to ride out whatever was to come. Whether Dawn wanted to get back together with me or not didn't really matter. I just wanted to survive this limbo before the decision. Once she made her choice, I could then move forward and deal with the consequences.

"You ready for this?" I arched an eyebrow at Bert across the car when we got out.

"Locked and loaded." He grinned.

"Does that mean what I think it means?"

Bert flashed me another smile and circled around the car, strutting with all the confidence of a preening rooster.

I chuckled to myself and shook my head. Ever since the night of the Swingers Party, Bert had been a changed man. It may have been a one-time thing between friends, but apparently nailing girls as hot as Dawn and Gwen and still surviving did wonders for a guy's self-confidence.

Then I remembered that I'd nailed them both too, and taking a deep breath, I let my own self-confidence shine through as I followed after Bert and headed for the house.

The front door was open when we arrived and stepped inside. The house was quite large, maybe not as big as Mizuho's dad's mansion on the Newport Coast, but it was still pretty damn big. People were out in the backyard, where an infinity pool built on a massive redwood platform looked like it dropped right off the cliff to the city below.

It was a very low-key party. Nobody was dancing, nor was there any dance music. Down tempo beats throbbed in the background while people clustered together in conversational groups. To my surprise and pleasure, there was a very high female-to-male ratio around, about 3-to-1. It was something I was familiar with after all the time spent at my own house stocked with Dayna's and Brandi's hot friends. But even with that history, I was amazed at the sheer beauty of many of these girls. Carter certainly had a lot of hot friends, many of whom would have looked right at home at some glitzy, celebrity-tabloid bash hosted by Paris Hilton. Still, I realized that I didn't recognize anyone, and neither did Bert. And feeling just a little bit out of place, we started cruising around looking for a familiar face.

Fortunately, Carter found me. "Prince Charming! You made it!" He appeared out of nowhere and clapped me on my back. Standing about three inches taller than me, the guy was dressed as if he was heading out to a nightclub, wearing slacks, a tailored shirt, expensive "bling", and a Rolex watch. His dark hair was messy and he carried himself with the comfortable ease of someone who knew exactly what was going on in his life.

Without missing a beat he turned to my companion and offered a hand. "Carter Sheridan. Welcome to my house."

"Bert Kim," Bert shook his hand. "Nice digs."

Carter waved him off. "This is nothing. You should see my parents' place."

Bert shrugged and we both looked at Carter. Almost smugly, our host scanned around us, his eyes lighting up as he looked over at the beautiful young women wearing flattering cocktail dresses around us. Bert and I automatically found ourselves doing the same. And along the way, I realized that they were a bit older than the girls I usually hung out with, although I did identify some that seemed college-aged.

A moment later, Carter leaned in conspiratorially and dropped his voice. "Let me introduce you. But first thing, I usually don't hang out with anyone younger than me. Some of these people are old friends and I don't want to ruin my rep. So if anybody asks, you guys are Seniors, like me. Capisce?"