Chapter 7

Over the next couple of days, I was in a quandary, at least mentally. I had a hard time sorting out my feelings about the things that Cindy and I had done together. I was also somewhat shocked by the things we saw Kathy and her brother doing, not so much what as who.

For some reason, I felt that my sexual education was like a tornado, screaming along out of control and sucking everything in its path. My mind was in a state of overload and when my raging hormones were added to the mix, well, it was almost more than I could handle.

I still masturbated when I could and wondered if that in itself meant there was something terribly wrong with me. When I first discovered the pleasures of touching myself, I didn't require any stimulus other than my fingers. As time passed, I found that when I imagined certain things, I reached more intense and gratifying orgasms. At first, my fantasies were of faceless boys, but after being with Cindy and watching Kathy and Brad through the window, the faces took shape.

Something else that caused me worry was the fact that I didn't need to be touching myself to get those funny feelings in my vagina. I would catch myself daydreaming and the next thing I knew, my crotch was tingling, not to mention my nipples. There were several times after Cindy and I fooled around that I found my panties soaked just from my thoughts.

Cindy and I talked about these feelings on the telephone, but it seemed she always changed the subject to the next time we could be alone. "Oh, you're just horny, Jen," Cindy would tell me. "Come over and I'll take care of you."

It wasn't that I didn't want to be with Cindy, I did. It's just that I was trying to sort things out and she wasn't helping. She would never admit to having the same feelings or thoughts that I was experiencing. Again it made me wonder if I was normal or if I was becoming some sex crazed girl that could never be satisfied.

On the Tuesday evening, a day before my cousin and aunt would arrive, I found myself alone at home. My parents were shopping and Eddie was at a friends. Because our computer was in the kitchen, it was hard to surf for the things I wanted to, without getting caught.

The minute my parents' car was out of the driveway, I was signing on. I went to a chat room called 'Bi-teen4Bi-teen' and joined, reading the different users posts. Most of the things in the chat window were a bit unbelievable, but then a private message popped onto the screen.

"Hi, Amber here. 18f Michigan. ASL?"

I stared at the message for a few minutes and then typed.

Jen, 13, f, Florida

"Hi Jen, whatsup?"

"Not too much, just surfin."

"LOL, me too. Why this room? u bi?"

Again I found myself staring at the screen. Was I bisexual? Was I gay? After all, the only sexual contact I'd had to that point was with Cindy. I was lost for a real answer to the question, but didn't want the exchange to end.

"I don't know?" I typed.

"LOL!!! Well do U like girls or boys?"

"I've never been with a boy."

"IC, but you have been with a girl."

"Once, but I don't know if that makes me bi or not."

"Like it?"

"Yeah."

"Do it again?"

"Maybe, I don't know. How about U?"

"I have a bf."

"Cool. Do U guys do it?"

"Sure do! All the time."

"Like it?"

"It's GREAT!!!"

"What do U like to do?"

"EVERYTHING!!!"

"LOL"

"I like girls too, Jen. I really like doing it with my bf, but..."

"IC, U don't feel like you're different?"

"No, not at all. The first time I did ANYTHING was with a girl, I was twelve."

"U weren't much younger than me, I just turned 13 last month."

"The first time I did anything with a boy was at my 13 bday party."

"Really? Who was he?"

"Rather not say, not right now."

"Oh, ok. What did U do?"

"We kissed and I let him feel me up."

"Like it?"

"Yup! Still do."

I wondered if the things the girl was saying were true. It's easy to lie on the Internet, no one can see you. I'd heard the stories about men acting like they were younger and arranging to meet younger girls from the paper. Mom always warned me not to give anyone too much information when I was chatting.

"Same guy? Is he your bf?"

"No, he's not my bf, but I still do things with him."

"Does your bf know about him?"

"Oh no! No one knows about him and me, except us."

"IC"

"Do U have any brothers or sisters?"

"Brother, a year older than me."

"Cool, I have a younger sister and an older brother. Kinda puts me in the middle, LOL."

As we chatted, I found out that Amber lost her virginity at 13, a few months after her birthday party. I guessed she was being somewhat truthful and decided to ask her a few questions that I should have really asked Mom.

"Did it hurt the first time U did it with a boy?"

"U mean fuck?"

"Yeah"

"No, I broke my cherry before I did it."

"Really! How?"

"Hairbrush"

"?????"

"LOL I used a hairbrush handle to break it."

"Ouch! Did it hurt then?"

"A little. I must have been kinda stretched out from using my fingers."

"IC"

"I have a vibrator now, it's not as good as the real thing, but better than nothing."

Once again my mind was in overdrive. My vagina was twitching as I chatted with the stranger.

"How about oral sex?"

"LOVE IT!"

"Giving or receiving?"

"BOTH LOL! Nothing like having a hot cock in my mouth"

"Do you let the guy cum in your mouth?"

"Yes, it's yummy."

"U like to have guys lick you?"

"Yeah, but girls are usually better at it, at least my gf is. Have U ever done it?"

"Once"

"Cool isn't it. I love going down on my gf."

"It was ok."

"U just need more practice, LOL"

"I guess so."

"Is your brother cute, Jen?'

"I don't know, I don't really think about him like that."

"IC, my brother's a hunk."

"Did U ever do anything with your bro?"

The screen remained still for several minutes, my last question lingering in my mind. What was this stranger going to write back? Was the thing between Kathy and Brad a fluke or was incest more widespread than I thought it could possibly be. I stared blankly at the screen until I heard the chime from the speakers.

"My brother was my first. We've been doing it together ever since I was 13. I know it sounds sick and all, but I really love him and compared to the two other guys I've been with, he's much better."

"Better?"

"Yeah, he never seems to hurry and always makes sure I'm happy... if U know what I mean. He's the greatest!"

"Wow, it never really occurred to me that brothers and sisters really did it."

"U'd be very surprised. I'll email you with a link to a site that talks about it. It happens a lot!"

"Doesn't it make U feel funny, having sex with your brother?"

"No, in fact most of the time we make love, but we have sex too."

"What's the difference?"

"There are many differences, but sex is fun, making love is special. U can do both with the same person."

"IC"

"U will someday. U'll find out that you can have sex with anyone, but only make love with someone you love and loves U."

"Do you ever wish U waited?"

"To have sex? No, never. What is there to wait for?"

"I don't know... Marriage?"

"LOL, I guess for some people. For me, if I got married at 21 it would mean I wasted 8 years of good sex."

"IC"

"Look, I'm not telling U to go out and get laid. Don't do anything U don't want to do. When you're ready, go for it, but not until. My little sister, she's 16, is still a virgin, as far as boys go."

"It all seems so confusing."

"Yeah, growing up sucks big time."

"Yes it does."

"Got to run, Jen. Nice talking with U. Maybe some other time, OK?"

"Ok, thanks."

"Bi for now."

"LOL - bye."

I shut down the computer and went to the living room to think about want the girl said. Maybe I wasn't as strange as I though I may be. Maybe I'm just a normal teenager with normal desires and questions. I decided to talk to Mom.

Wednesday came and I was up early to help Mom clean the house. My dad and brother were out in the yard, mowing the grass, cleaning the pool and cleaning up the flowerbeds. Mom and I finished in my room and began the unpleasant task of cleaning my brother's.

I heard Mom mutter something, turned around and watched her pull a tee shirt from between the box spring and mattress of Eddie's bed. She held the stained garment between her fingertip and thumb at arm's length. Mom carried the shirt to the hamper and dropped it in on top of the other dirty clothes.

"Boys!" she said as she continued to clean.

Mom's next surprise was in a box she pulled from under my brother's bed. She flipped the top off and began to chuckle. I went over to see what she found so funny, but she put the top back on and slid it under the bed before I could get a look.

"What was that, Mom?"

"Just some junk your brother has."

"Can I see it?"

"No, it doesn't belong to you."

"Okay, Mom."

We made short work of Eddie's bedroom and only had the sheets to change before we were finished. I took the hamper out to the garage, where the washer and dryer were, and dumped the contents on the floor. As I sorted the colors and whites, I found the shirt Mom found so disgusting. I looked at the yellow stains on the white tee shirt, wondering what they were. I touched one of the blotches and found it was hard. When it dawned on me what he must have used the shirt for, I quickly dropped it into the basket of whites.