Chapter 4

"Our relationship is supposed to be based on honesty and you were not honest with me if you had all that bottled up. I swear to God, it's like the nuns put me in a soundproof room and announced to the world that I had a vocation and anyone who said anything to ruin it would be stricken from the earth. I even asked my mother about it, and she said, 'don't be silly; no one thought you were going to be a nun. My cousin Clarice took you on a retreat once when you were 12, when she was a novice. You liked school so much that we thought maybe you were interested in teaching and all. Clarice wanted to be a teacher. Apparently the nuns got wind of this and blew it all out of proportion. But, I have no idea where your parents got their weird ideas."

"Oh, I do", he interrupted. "We used to have nuns to the house all the time for Sunday dinner and my mom would mend their nun clothes."

"Oh, my God, it was a conspiracy", I said as I smiled.

"Look Bill,... and that's all I am going to call you from now on, Bill. Billy is a boy. Bill is a man. And, I really think you are a man, now that you have stood up for me, and for yourself.

Look Bill, you are the only guy I have ever really known, but I know what I like. We are two peas in a pod. People would tell us that we don't know what anyone else is like, but I don't want to know. You are what I want. I want to spend my life with you too.

Things may happen in our lives that will change everything, and the way we feel about each other. But, that's what makes the whole trip so exciting. Right now we want to be with each other, and no one can change that but us, OK?"

With a tear in his eye Bill said "Ok,... umm. I love you Carree"

I looked at him and said, "I know, I love you too", and we both smiled and leaned over the table to kiss. It was a real Kodak moment.

Bill looked down at the menu for a second and then looked up at me. "You know, on Monday when you put my hand on your breast, I really knew that all of my dreams about spending my life with you would come true. That's how much that meant to me. And don't think I haven't wanted to touch you, I have. I was afraid."

"I know", I said. "but you should have been more honest."

"Let me ask you a question", I began as I leaned forward with my elbows on the table.

"Do you masturbate thinking about me?"

Shocked by my question, he answered, "No, I don't do that."

"Now BILLY, let me ask you again, because I think I already know the answer that BILL would give if he were going to be honest.

Do you masturbate thinking about me?"

Bill looked around and said, "Yes I do, this embarrassing me."

"Well, it shouldn't, Bill, everyone does it. It's natural. I do it thinking about you". I revealed.

Bill was bug-eyed at my words. "Those nights when you would rub your erection against me got me excited too, you know. I want you as much as you want me. But, I should tell you right now; we cannot have intercourse, we can't do that. Pregnancy would ruin everything. But we can certainly get more intimate than we have been, OK."

"Ummm, OK. We wouldn't want to get pregnant, and we need to worry about diseases too.", Bill said authoritatively.

"Bill", I countered, "No we don't, as long as we are the only people we have been with. We are worry free about that. That is why it is so important to have a trusting relationship where we are exclusive to each other. If we have sex with another person, then it is a problem."

"And now Bill, let's clear the air about things we say to other people. What little fantasy of yours had me masturbating you in your car, and then me sticking my finger in the cum and tasting it, huh?"

Bill was devastated to hear me say that. He wanted to get up and walk out. He couldn't look me in the eye. He knew I had him trapped in his lie.

"I am so stupid. So stupid sometimes", he began to cry. "Carree, I am so, so sorry for saying that and even sorrier that it got around."

"Honesty, Bill, honesty", was all I had to say." Don't you know how that made me feel? What would be worse would be if it was true and you told someone. Things partners do intimately with each other is private. If you do share it with anyone, for the purpose of getting advice, or just to express personal joy, make sure it is someone who you can truly confide in. Not with locker buddies. Luckily for me, everyone thinks I'm Sister Carree and they believe the other story you told."

"Other story?", Bill asked.

"You know, that I was frigid", I told him.

"Oh God, I am so stupid", Bill lamented again and began to well up again. "Where do you get this stuff?"

"Bill, when couples get intimate, they tell each other things they normally wouldn't, I guess. Whoever you said these things to, told their girlfriends, and they got back to me. If they thought they were true I probably would not have heard them.

Bill, you hurt me awful to think you would say anything about our intimate moments. The only thing that saved you from me wanting to not see you again over it is, I was told all guys do it to show their machismo. You have to club your prey over the head and hang their hide at the cave door. I hope that our relationship is deeper than a high school romance played out in the front or back seat of a car. I want to have intimate moments with you Bill, but they are not for broadcast, OK?"

"Bill, I am not telling you that we are going to make up for lost time in our relationship. What I am telling you is that you should be honest in your feelings for me. If you want to touch my breasts, or anything else, make a move. If I am uncomfortable, I'll let you know. Don't be afraid to express yourself to me. I am not saying I will like,... or go along with your advances, but; We will both be 18 before you know it, grown-ups. We are both entering our sexual prime time, and its natural to have those feelings. What's not natural is to repress them without letting your partner know how you feel. OK?", I lectured.

Bill was still reeling over the fact I knew he had lied to his friend or friends. He realized he had done me wrong, probably for the first times, and probably the last, too. He had wanted a life relationship with me and thought he couldn't get it, because I was supposed to follow a vocation. Now, with that lifted and seeming agreement from me about the kind of relationship we should have, he would be more protective of lives, our private moments and us.

The waitress came back and asked if it was a better moment now, understanding we had to talk. We smiled and thanked her for the few private minutes. Bill hid his face in the menu so she couldn't see he had been crying.

We both ordered big Italian pasta dishes and ate them rapidly, using our appetites to satisfy some of our frustrations with sex and each other. Bill was proud to push my hand back when I went to offer to pay part of the check. He said not to worry; he had it all taken care of, trying to be dashing. By the time we left the restaurant we figured the game must be close to over and if we got to the dance afterwards, no one would have missed us. Our plan was good as, when we got to the school the game was just letting out and the students were milling to the school hall for the dance.

After-Dances stink because they are so short, but it did give us some time to mingle with friends and hold each other for a few minutes Being 17, we both had a curfew of midnight. The school encouraged that curfew and therefore only allowed school sponsored functions to last until 11:15. At 11:10 the lights went up and everyone started heading out. Those of us that came as couples seemed to straggle the most. Meg and Jim asked us if we wanted to go grab a bite and coffee at a local diner, but I think Bill and I were looking forward to being alone. If we left now and headed home, it gave us a half hour before Bill should deposit me at the door.

I think my parents knew we parked at the bottom of the hill leading up to the house. When Bill pulled in he turned off his headlights and let the last streetlight on the city's string light our way to a spot where I knew Mom and Dad could see we were there, but could not see into the car at all, it WAS a long driveway. Whenever we got long out there my Dad always turned on the porch light, and that usually was a silent hint that it was long enough. Tonight was no different. Bill pulled in and switch the lights and killed the engine right away.

"Well", he said, "here is the end of the line young lady. All passengers must alight here. But, before you do, why don't you give the driver a little kiss?"

"Don't be such a jerk Bill, I don't kiss the bus drivers on the first date, um... its usually the second", I said, smiling at his try to be cute (and he was).

"Wow, pretty good", he said as he leaned over and kissed me full on the lips, then pecked twice there again, and then wrapped his arms round me and hugged and kissed me deeply. After some tongue battle he sought to push me back onto the seat.

"Wait a minute Bill, my Dad will turn the light on in 10 minutes, do you really want to get all involved and steamy?", I asked.

"I just want to hold you and feel against me Care. I always thought I was going to lose you and now... " he paused and I took the chance to jump in.

"Now, you want to be sure you don't lose me. I know. I'm HERE Bill. I'm with you and I want to stay with you. We are an US. I love you", I said as I began to tear up.

With that Bill pressed his lips hard against me and I slid back and eventually laid on the seat. He pawed my back as he held me tight in our kiss. His knee was right between my legs as I felt him put both hands behind me and lift me. He pulled me straight up and then back to where I was laying on him as he was propped up against his door. I looked down at him and smiled.

"Do I have you where I want you, or do you have me where you want me?", he asked.

"It depends", I said pausing to tease, "on what you had in mind."

"I just wanted to feel you against me and see your face lit up by the moon and streetlight. You're in the dark when I lay on you the other way. You are so pretty tonight, every night, umm...

all the time", Bill said as he pressed his lips to mine and pulled me close in a bear hug. In the middle of the hug I felt his hand slide down my back to my ass and give my buttock a squeeze.

"Wanted to see my face, Huh?" I said as he kneaded my jean clad cheek.

"Yup", he said as he pressed his lips to mine and bent up a little to put his other hand on my left buttock. He pulled me to him as I crushed my breasts against him and reveled in the feeling of his hands squeezing and rubbing my ass. There was definitely something going on in his pants too. I felt his erection push right against my crotch. Our kiss became deeper and he began pulling my ass to him in a humping motion.

I broke the kiss and said "Hold on big fella, you're getting yourself, and", I said blushing, "ME... all worked up here."

"I know", he said, "but I have wanted to hold your cute butt for so long that I couldn't wait any longer. I'm surprised you haven't said something about the way I watch you when you walk away from me."

A little coquettishly I said, "Gee, I never noticed."

"I bet", he said as he pulled my lips to his face, and my hips to his, to continue our grinding kiss.

After a few minutes of this most enjoyable interplay, the big sodium light on the front of my porch went on. My Dad was calling me in. It was midnight.

"Damn, Bill. You see?", I said as I pulled myself off him. "All worked up with no time. You would think he would go to bed. But, he says he can't go to sleep till he knows I'm home safe. Being in the driveway is home, but in the house, is what he calls safe, I guess."

Bill sat up and I noticed he had to adjust things a little to accommodate driving. It was probably 100 yards from where we were parked to my porch. That big sodium light lit up the whole front yard. Bill started the car and eased up the drive.

Knowing how hot I was, I knew I was going to get some relief once I got in bed. I looked at Bill and said, "think of me later, OK?", and I pecked him on the lips, then, without really thinking about it I patted him lightly right at the top on his bulge. With that, I scooted over and opened the door.

"Goodnight Bill. I'll be thinking of you too", I teased as I let him know my intentions as well.

I went to run the couple steps to the stairs and I heard the window come down and I turned. "Goodnight Carree, I love you", Bill said smiling.

"I love YOU", I said turning and going to the door. The car didn't move until I got inside, I knew he was watching my ass as I disappeared into the house. My Dad was not around but I saw their bedroom light go out under their door just after I switched the porch light to the "motion" setting.

This was the first night Bill had really become aggressive in his affection toward me and I loved it. I had been worried that he was afraid of it or me. I guess all he needed was my green light.

He certainly got me all hot and bothered in just a few minutes.

Besides the fact that I really loved him, he was a good-looking guy with rugged looks. He was slim, but had an athletic body...

and had a nice butt too. I couldn't really tell how big he was

"down there", but it seemed large enough from feeling it pressed against me. I was unsure if the ones I had seen in Kim's porno movie were normal or extra large. All I knew is that I loved to think about Bill and how might look standing there before me naked.

I went to the bathroom, urinated, stripped down to my panties and went across the hall to my room after depositing my clothes in the hamper. I took the super large t-shirt from the back of my bedroom door, slid it over my head and slipped into bed. Well, almost. I stopped as I began to get under the covers to remove my panties. They would just be in the way tonight.

I did not aggressively just "do" myself that night. I remember laying there thinking about what my sex life with Bill might be.

I know that straight intercourse was out. I had read about and knew too many girls who ended up pregnant using the "safe"

methods of birth control. The day or two following the end of a period should be safe, and doing it during a period should be safe, but both of those methods had a failure rate. Being on the pill, plus using a condom also had a failure rate. Any risk at all was too great. I remember hearing an analogy that said; Suppose there were a plane taking off with 300 people on board, and they told you that one of the 300 would not be alive when it landed, would you get on it?... and the answer is "of course not". If there were any chance that you might be the one, why take it. The same thing applies to risk of pregnancy. I would take no chances.

I wondered what it would be like to hold Bill's penis in my hand and stroke it for him, how would he use his hands to get me off?

Would masturbating each other be satisfying? I know that working ourselves up in the car and then going home alone to finish the job seemed stupid, when we could be "making love" by doing it for each other. How about doing ourselves in front of each other.

Oooo, that sounded sexy. It was about here, at this thought juncture that my orgasms took over my thoughts... and as I panted in the afterglow, I drifted to sleep.

The next thing I knew my Mom was trying to wake me. "Carree, you can't sleep all day. It's after 11 o'clock. Megan Parker has called for you twice already this morning. Your Dad and I are leaving to go to help paint at the Church for a while. I told your father you had to study and couldn't go. He thinks you should be there. So, don't have too much fun here. We will be home by 3 or 4. And, why do you leave your underwear lying around on the floor? Carree!! Are you awake?"

"Yes Mother", I groggily answered. " I heard you. I'll call Megan. I don't think I'll be going anywhere, and I really might study a bit. Thanks for covering for Dad, and I'll pick up my room. Bye"

Gee Mom, I thought to myself. Haven't you ever diddled yourself to sleep and left your underwear on the floor? My Mom and Dad were both still quite attractive, but the way they beat a path to the church, it's hard to believe they were as nasty as I had been recently, or maybe that's why they did go to church. Trying to save themselves.

What did Megan want? I jumped in the shower with the intention of calling her as soon as I got out. While showering I began to make extra sure my vagina... err... pussy was extra clean. It didn't take much to get off a little before I heard the doorbell ringing over and over. I look out the window and from the upstairs bath I could see Megans family car in our drive. I banged on the window to let her know I knew she was there and hoped she figured I was in the shower.

I did a quick rinse and dry, wrapped a towel around myself and went down to let Meg in.

"Your Mom saw me at the gas station and said you were home and that I should make sure you were awake.", she said.

"I was just going to call you when I got out of the shower. She said you called twice, what's up?", I asked.

With that Meg began crying and said something unintelligible about Jimmy.

"What is the matter Meg, calm down and talk to me"

"It's Jimmy. He wants me to go away with him again, and I told him that we couldn't fuck anymore. It was too risky. He's tried to get me to do it in the car every time we are together, it seems. I told him that I love him and I love to do it too, but I can't risk getting pregnant. He says I'm a big baby and maybe he shouldn't be going out with someone so young", Meg blubbered.