Chapter 1

Introduction: Modern Family is an American TV comedy series revolving around three families that are interrelated through Jay Pritchett, his son Mitchell Pritchett, and his daughter Claire Dunphy. The families meet for family functions (usually around their three neighborhoods or while traveling during vacations) and cross-family bonding. This story is told from the perspective of Alex Dunphy (Ariel Winter).

I suppose it is an open secret that my mom wears the pants in the family. My mom is the one who makes all the rules and keeps everyone organized. My Dad is the fun one who takes us out for Ice Cream and is everybody’s cheerleader. He is kind of a clown which is ironic since his greatest fear is actually clowns. I mean he literally has a severe case of coulrophobia. It could be the most severe case anyone has ever admitted to having.

“I am brave. Roller coasters? Love ‘em. Scary movies? I’ve seen Ghostbusters, like, seven times. I regularly drive through neighborhoods that have only recently been gentrified. So yeah, I’m pretty much not afraid of anything ... Except clowns. Never shared that with the fam, so ... shh. Do have an image to maintain. I am not really sure where the fear comes from. My mother says it’s because when I was a kid, I found a dead clown in the woods, but who knows?” Dad once told me.

Father’s Day in our family is unusual in that we traditionally do not buy my dad presents. Dad always says his present is the look of appreciation on our faces when he makes his famous “Phil’s Chicken and Pancakes” for Breakfast for us. He still doesn’t understand why his dish hasn’t become as popular as Chicken and Waffles. That hasn’t dissuaded him from making it ever since I was a little girl on Father’s Day.

This father’s day was different. I awoke to the smell of my father’s cooking and singing joyously in the kitchen. My sister Haley was groaning she wanted more sleep, but my mom angrily kicked her out of bed. “That goes for you too, Luke! Its Father’s Day”

“I know, I can smell him cooking” my brother Luke stumbled out of bed wearing nothing but underwear. Ever since he started working out and developing his muscles, he has been less shy about walking around in just underwear. Haley and I told him it was gross because he was our brother, but our goofy little brother is an extrovert and said if we didn’t like it, we didn’t have to look. We used to be able to boss him around and play tricks on him, but now that he is in High School, he almost never does what Haley and I tell him.

I was still in my PJs, and my sister wore a frilly nightgown that was nearly see through. I thought my mom was going to make her go upstairs and put something else on because anyone could see her pert nipples through. Haley and I couldn’t be any different. She is the shallow extrovert who loves to flirt, and I am the shy introvert who loves to study. I suppose it is ironic then that as we got older, I am the one who got all the curves and huge boobs. The fact that I love to lord over her and pretend I don’t even want.

“Oh, I wish I didn’t have these big huge tits! I could never get away with wearing a nightgown like that! It’s lucky you are flat chested,” I teased my sister as we walked down the stairs for breakfast.

“I am not flat chested,” Haley took my bait and cupped her b-cup tits with her hands.

“We can all see you aren’t flat chested, Haley” mom snickered and pointed upstairs for Haley to change.

“I will after breakfast, Mom. I am just so hungry!” Haley complained. My mom could be a pushover for Haley because she was the oldest and allowed it. I couldn’t believe she’d let her come to breakfast in nothing but a skimpy see-through nightgown. It wasn’t the first time she had done it, but this one was so short that the bottom half of Haley’s butt cheeks were utterly exposed.

“Is that my nightgown?” Mom asked Haley rhetorically.

“You wear something that skimpy to bed?” I asked.

“Well, obviously I wear bottoms with it,” Mom looked embarrassed but said nothing else as she blushed.

“Good morning Family, who is ready to give me my favorite Father’s Day present ever and enjoy Phil Dunphy’s Famous Chicken and Pancakes Breakfast!” Dad asked enthusiastically as he always did on Father’s Day. He started this tradition when we were little, but now that we were older, we could have gone to the store and bought him something. My dad liked his traditions, though, and who was I to deny him? I smirked as I sat at the breakfast table with my brother and sister and waited for him to bring the food to the table.

“Actually,” mom cleared her throat and said that the family had a different Father’s Day present for him.

“Oh? Do I get to make my famous breakfast next weekend too?” Dad asked my mother with his goofy grin. He was wearing a light blue apron that was very effeminate as he served the food to the table.

“No, we are going to give you our presents. I assume none of you bought a present for your father this year?” Claire asked us.

We hadn’t, and Luke reminded mom that we are going to enjoy Dad’s breakfast for him.

“We are going to do more than that for him this time. You are all getting older and more mature, and this is a Modern Family after all, so it is time you learned the truth,” Mom paused for dramatic effect. We could hear Luke chewing bacon with his mouth open during the quiet pause that was intended to build up suspense. A wintry smile passed across my lips as I dug into my breakfast.

“Your father and I have a female led relationship and have since college,” Mom explained. None of us were shocked by this fact because we all knew Mom called the shots around the house. She was CEO of my Grandfather’s closet business now that he retired. Mom was very controlling and pushy by nature. She micromanaged everything and obsessed to be the perfect daughter and mom. We didn’t know there was a sexual component to what she was discussing.

Haley shrugged and said that we all already knew that.

“See? I told you they would accept it,” Dad said and started removing his purple shirt and pants while keeping his apron on.

Our eyes got wide because we didn’t expect that at all.

“No, Phil, I said to wait for the demonstrations,” Mom said to him, but it was too late. Dad had already taken off his pants.

“Are you naked under that apron? Gross!” Haley said. That was ironic since my sister’s nightgown revealed more about her body than Dad did with his apron. When I mentioned that to her, she told me that Dad had a “Dad Body,” which is why it was gross if he did it.

“No, I have on panties,” Dad turned around and showed us his pink panty bottoms. They said “Katy Perry” across the ass.

“Even worse!” Luke scrunched his nose in disgust, and we were all in shock.

Mom calmed us down and said that Dad would be wearing just panties around the house from now on, and that was our present to him.

“In private, Phil wears just panties and sissy maid outfits. He wears panties under his clothes when he leaves the house. His present is that we are going to accept him like that!”

“OMG! Why? That isn’t a present I wanted to get him,” Haley protested.

“In addition, you two don’t have to do any housework from now on. Phil will clean your rooms, do your laundry, and all your chores. Your allowance has been doubled, and you won’t have to do anything he tells you,” Mom explained.

We were both on board at that point.

“Obviously, since you don’t have to listen to your dad, then you have to listen to me twice as much,” Mom always had to add a downside to everything.

“What about me?” Luke spoke with his mouth full.

“It is a female-led household, Luke” Mom looked at her son sympathetically like she was sorry it had to be this way. “Your closet has been cleaned out. You will wear panties around the house and help with chores. You will do what your sisters and I tell you, and you will refer to them as Ma’am at all times,” she explained.

“Does my allowance double at least?” Luke didn’t protest. He was gullible and goofy.

“No, you don’t get an allowance. Your father has to ask me for every penny he spends outside the house. You will do the same,” mom said. Luke seemed very disappointed.

“Your mom loves it when I beg,” Dad said excitedly and told Luke it would be father and son bonding time.

“No, it won’t!” Luke protested.

“Luke, this will be good for you,” mom explained that he was a mess. “You don’t wash your hair or even comb it. You are a slob, and you eat with your mouth open. That is just the first three things I can think of that you do wrong. Your sisters and I will teach you how to behave yourself so that when you get a wife of your own, you can obey and respect her like your Dad does,” Mom explained.

“Just like my Dad before me,” Dad admired his father, Frank. It didn’t surprise me that they were both in female led relationships now that I thought about it. The signs were all around us. Dad has always been a push-over around me, and he is the one who cries at movies even when they aren’t sad.

“I don’t want to be turned into a girl!” Luke protested. He didn’t stop eating, though.

“You aren’t going to be turned into a girl, Luke,” Mom grimaced and assured him. “Girls rule in this house, but you will learn what we have to go through. The panties are just to emasculate you and take away your power,” mom said.

“I had power?” Luke asked as he took a big bite of his pancakes. It didn’t seem likely he ever had any. “Look, I am totally straight! why should I wear panties and do what you tell me?”

“Oh no, the Dunphy men are not straight!” Dad said. My dad had a habit of miscalculating his expression. I remembered when he said that before in response to someone saying he was a straight man in a comedy act. He also once said, “If you aren’t white, you ain’t right,” referring to a color of a team he isn’t playing on to a black person. I assumed he didn’t understand how it came across.

“Dad, we aren’t talking about Comedy,” Luke remembered my father saying that too.

“No, I mean literally I am bi-sexual. I suck cocks some times. All Dunphy men do, you’ll learn to love it,” Dad said.

“Phil, we weren’t going to talk about the sexuality part of our lifestyle,” Mom gritted her teeth and whisper-bitched to him. Whisper-bitching is where my mom complains about something through her gritted teeth, and we can clearly hear her, but she lowers her voice.

“The pussy is out of the bag, Mistress” Dad shrugged and explained that they had an open relationship. “Well,” Dad corrected “It is open for her. She can fuck whoever she wants. I can only have sex if she permits it,” Dad admitted.

“So disgusting! So you have to ask permission to suck other men off?” Haley shouted at the table. She seemed shocked but pleasantly amused by this fact.

“No, nothing like that, Ma’am,” Dad said and blushed. “I only suck cocks if she tells me too. That is the permission,” Dad clarified.

“I am more shocked that mom has sex with other men?” I said dourly while trying to stare into my pancake.

“and other women,” Mom admitted. She explained that is what is known as a “Hotwife”.

“Mom? You? Hot?” Haley giggled at that. Haley could be snarky and joke with my mom in ways I couldn’t.

Mom dismissed the barb and explained that Hot wives fuck with the permission of their husband.

“I thought you tell him what to do?” Luke seemed puzzled.

“I do. He gave me permission to tell him what to do,” Mom clarified.

“I had no idea you were into that kind of stuff! Dish!” Haley looked at my mom with newfound respect.

Mom didn’t want to talk about her sexual escapades and adventures. She wanted to talk about new rules around the house for Dad.

“Your Mom has an ace of spades tattoo! and underneath that is the letters BBC!” Dad said with pride.

“What does BBC stand for?” Luke asked.

“Well, it doesn’t stand for British Broadcasting Commission, I’ll tell you that,” Dad hinted.

“Where is your tattoo, mom?” I asked.

Mom blushed and said that it was someplace that she didn’t want to show us. I knew it was on the part of her anatomy that was intimate and taboo. Luke and Haley kept asking.

“It’s above my cunt? Still, want to see?” Mom asked after they continued to badger her, and she stopped. We didn’t want to see our mom naked. She is blonde and hot like a “MILF,” but she is OUR mom.

“You said I couldn’t get a belly button piercing and you have a tattoo!” Haley feigned mock outrage at my mother.

“You got one anyway,” Mom explained. We could see it through the mesh in her nightgown dangling.

“True,” Haley admitted and went back to eating pancakes. She had just wanted to seem outraged, but she seemed of all of us to be the one willing to accept Dad’s new position within the house without much question. She was bossy like mom in that regard, and since it benefitted her, I assumed that was the reason. Haley had always suspected Dad was in a femdom relationship or at the very least he was easily controlled. “I could bully him into doing almost anything but giving me money. I used to think he was just stingy when he told me I had to ask mom. I realize now he meant I literally had to ask her because he didn’t have control over the bank account,” she grinned.

“Okay, so the rules,” Mom sighed and got back on track while dad cleaned up the house.

“You can tell your brother and father to fetch you things. You can give them assignments, but you cannot make them do your homework,” Mom clarified.

“Luke, do my homework? I want to cheat, not fail” Haley rolled her eyes.

“I meant that more as your Dad doing it,” Mom understood Haley’s point. Luke wasn’t exactly the brightest bulb.

“You can give him corner time if he is bad or spank him over the panties. I will give you a demonstration after breakfast,” Mom looked perturbed. She was the kind of person who made elaborate schedules and itineraries for unplanned, spontaneous family fun time. The fact that dad had blurted everything out had thrown her schedule of how to present this off.

“Newsflash,” Dad cupped his hand in front of his face and coyly told us “I am never naughty though,” as he flipped a pancake with his spatula to show off and watched it land flat on the floor.

“Get on your hands and knees and pick that up with your teeth. Crawl over to the garbage and eat it over the trash,” Mom scowled at him. Dad did as he was told. It was shocking to watch my father crawl in panties across the tile floor with pancakes in his mouth. He looked mortified and humiliated.

“See? It’s just that easy. It keeps your father happy, and he likes to serve and please. Your father’s day present is that you get to order your father around the house in non-sexual obedience,” Mom explained.

“Does this go for Luke?” Haley was already thinking of ways to make Luke’s life difficult.

“Yes, but Luke needs some basic training. I’ll take care of that,” Mom promised. Luke looked like he was really angry.

“Luke, look at me?” Mom looked sympathetic but not really as she told him, “This is for the best. I am not going to hurt you. Unless you disobey, then I am really going to spank the snot out of you,” Mom said sweetly.

“She will too,” Dad said with a pancake in his mouth as he knelt over the trash bin.

“Quiet Piggy,” Mom told dad not to speak unless spoken too and he answered her Yes Mistress. We quickly learned Dad’s secret nickname was Piggy.

“All you have to do if you don’t want to be spanked is to obey. This will be fun for you,” Mom promised, but it looked like she meant it would be fun for us.

I am one of the most liberal feminists you’ll ever want to meet, and even I felt uncomfortable. This wasn’t equality - we were the bosses. At the same time, my allowance would be doubling and no more housework.

Mom showed Luke how his closet had been cleaned out, and there were panties, baby doll nighties, even bras. A lot of them were our hand me downs. I was disgusted and annoyed at first my little brother would be wearing my old panties until mom took us shopping to buy all new things.

Luke seemed shocked, but my mom said that she had made this change three days earlier and assumed he would ask her about it.

“Have you been wearing the same underwear for the last three days?” she asked. Luke begrudgingly admitted he had worn them since Friday and hadn’t left the house. He had been on his PlayStation for most of the time with my Grandfather’s stepson Manny.

“Your sisters will make sure every day you change them,” Mom assigned us to be in charge of picking out his clothes and making sure he changed them. She also told us to inspect his room and make sure he sat up and didn’t slouch. It sounded like work, and we were both uninterested until Mom mentioned our allowances again and said we could punish him.

Mom did her demonstration after Breakfast. She made Luke come downstairs in powder blue tank top and a pair of matching baby blue panties. The tank top said “Piglet” on it and had a picture of the famous Winnie the Pooh character. Luke looked thoroughly humiliated which made it all the funnier walking him reluctantly walk downstairs that way.

“Piglet! Don’t you love it? It’s ironic. You are piglet, and I am piggy,” Dad smiled, but Luke didn’t think it was funny at all.

I have to admit Haley, and I did, and we laughed our asses off.

“You don’t have to call them Piggy or Piglet in public, but at home, I’d appreciate it if you reinforce their new names,”

She pointed to a corner. “Piggy, corner time!” Mom said.

Dad had removed his apron and was now in just a pair of pink panties. I had always assumed he was very hairy, but he had shaved his entire body below the neck and was completely hairless. He dutifully walked over to the corner she pointed at and stood in the corner with his nose in it.