Chapter 19

With Mickey and Donald in love and having made the big move, and Melanie and Andrew married and madly in love, and with my daughter and my ex-wife, Stephanie, also happily married; there remained me, unhappily single. My wife number three, my second wife having died of cancer, was working at Sam’s and that really frosted me. Why couldn’t she have been a faithful wife. Why was I always the one being bitten in the ass!

There was no damn justice, fairness, in the game for me. Was I bitter, still bitter? Hell yes, I was. I was getting along with Stephanie, the love of my life: the woman I would have done anything for and had; she was actually working for me, but there was not a night go by that I didn’t dream about her being in my bed, not Herbert Halstead’s! So, what was I doing here, at Sam’s? Well, I was watching my third wife working for a living, and I’d okayed it, her job!

I had a booth, but I wasn’t eating. I was drinking. Watching the old waistline. She was headed toward me. She swallowed. I could see she was nervous. What can I get you, sir?” she said.

“You can call me Jack, Leah. I guess we know each other well enough for that. Right?” I said.

“Yes si-Jack,” she said, correcting herself in mid-word.

“Just a JD double, no ice,” I said. She looked like she was going to say the unsayable. I needed to short shank that.

“Leah, one thing. Do not in any way, manner, or kind apologize to me whatsoever. If you do, I will have you fired and with prejudice. Got it!” I said, and I was not smiling.

“Huh? Okay, I mean I guess so; You’re the boss,” she said. I nodded, and waved her to go get my drink. I needed my drink.

Over the next couple of hours, I put down two more doubles. Well, with the woman touring the floor, and me torturing myself watching her, I needed the reinforcement.

It was pretty close to midnight when I rose to go. “Jack, you really need a cab or something,” she said. I was tipsy, not blown away drunk, but definitely tipsy. “I get off in ten minutes. If you want...” she said.

“A ride?” I said. “A ride from you?” She looked down.

“I just meant ... it would be no problem. I mean if you wouldn’t feel funny. I mean you know,” she said. I looked at her hard.

“Okay,” I said, “but only home, and no...”

“No, no, I understand,” she said. I nodded.

The ride was short, fifteen minutes worth. She made no attempt to do the undoable. “Thanks,” I said as I waddled up to my condo’s entrance.

I looked back to the parking lot where she’d dropped me off just a moment before. I opened the entrance door and went inside. She was gone, but the smell of her still hung in my clothes or whatever and I remembered how much I’d been into her when were together. Well, that was old news now, for sure old news.

She’d just arrived for work. I heard her come in and set up shop at her desk. My door was open and she came to it, rapped once officially announcing her presence.

“Got some time?” said Stephanie. I looked up at her. Well, someone who looked like her was going to get a look by any man in the vicinity including me, actually especially me. I nodded.

“Yeah, I guess, sure,” I said.

I stopped at Sam’s this morning to get coffee, and okay, I admit it, a donut too,” she said, and kinda smiled.

“Yeah, well I did too,” I said. “One of my true pleasures anymore.” She frowned as what she saw as my pretty much clear expression of depression. She nodded.

“Mark was on duty, we talked for a minute or two,” she said.

“Okay?” I said.

“He said he still can’t believe that you backed your ex’s application to work there,” she said. I shrugged.

“Yeah, well, what really stopped him was the fact that she drove you home last night. He saw you get in her car,” she said. I could feel my face flush.

“I was a gnat’s eyelash from being drunk. She happened to be going my way. It was no big deal. I don’t hate the woman; she just disappointed me, kinda big time,” I said.

“And me?” she said.

“Huh?” I said.

“You seemed to get over your hurt, anger, angst, what all pretty fast in her case,” said Stephanie. But me, not so much,” she said.

“Hmm, that should tell you something,” I said, and I wasn’t kidding. My ex-wife frowned.

“Question, Jack,” she said. I shrugged.

“Why did you save me from going to prison?” she said, and she was serious.

“Uh, well, you were my wife,” I said.

“So, I was also a killer. There, I’ve said it. You weren’t a killer; I was. Guilty as hell. As you said at the time. I was going to be behind bars for life if I didn’t get the death penalty. I would have lost you, my daughter, my life to all intents and purposes even if they didn’t actually strap me to a gurney and execute me,” she said, and she was beginning to cry.

“I wanted you to be happy, safe. Also, I knew that as much as I needed to be near my baby that she would likely need you, her mom, even more. I knew the worst I would get was second degree, which is what I did get. And, I knew you’d be there for me when I got out.

“I knew things would be tough for you on the outside while I was on the inside. But the only thing I could do I had to do: make damn sure you weren’t on the inside, not ever that. That’s why I didn’t want you to come up to Winslow more than once a year. It would have destroyed you to see me in there knowing, well, what you’d know,” I said.

“Exactly right in everything you said. You wanted me to be happy and safe and there for our baby. And you succeeded. I did get to be happy. I did get to be safe. I did get to be there for our baby. All because you did what, as you say, you had to do.

“But getting all of those things that you gave me, sacrificed for to make sure I’d have a chance at happiness, cost you the one thing you asked for, and should not have cost you—me. I found another man, and that very soon after you were sent to prison.

“That man is a good man, arguably a great man, and I know that you think he is those things too. I didn’t tell you early on because I didn’t want you despairing in that awful place. And, as you know, I did tell him the truth before I divorced you and married him. I still withheld the truth from you though to spare you, well, until I became pregnant with Jack Jr. I had to tell you then, and I did. And I destroyed you.”

“Yes, you did,” I said.

“Please let me finish, Jack, this is important.” I nodded.

“But Herbert and I had a plan. He made the trip up there to lay it out for you. The one thing that from the beginning, I mean after he went up to see you, that we couldn’t control on any level, was how you would react to our plans for Barbie, who of course did not know the truth about what really went down that awful day in that cheap ass hotel room.

“I will say here, that Herbert had to become her dad for obvious reasons, but never was there any idea of trying to cut you out of her life. But she was going to be an adult when you got out, and so we just couldn’t come up with a way to soften the blow on you. She would know you, of course, but really only vaguely. Your requirement that she be kept in the dark about it all was not a good thing, Mister. She should have been told sooner. You should have been the one to walk her down the aisle. You should have been recognized as her biological father from the gitgo. It would not have been easy, but it is what should have been,” she said.

“Hmm, but then I got out and all I got from you was an offer of money! Do you have any idea how insulting that was?” I said.

“No, at the time I didn’t. I was trying to find a way to do right by you. All I had to offer you was money,” she said.

“Or recognition of my fatherhood,” I said.

“That was considered by us, but she was twenty-four years old, and she didn’t want to know you in any significant way. She thought you were a killer, one who was justified because the story was you did it to save me, but a killer nonetheless. Had we told her earlier on, well, things would have been way different,” she said.

“Hmm,” I said.

“Now of course things are way different. Oh, and because things are different you should take the money. Herbert and I have a lot of it, and so do you; yours is just unclaimed and sure as shit not unearned!” she said.

“His support of me when I got out, I mean the job and all was enough. Money only means a lot to you and him too, I guess. I’ve got enough and the business is doing good now; that also at least in part because of him. Oh, and by the way, I appreciate the work you do here. I think it’s odd you doing what you do; but I appreciate it; you do very good work. And now, that we’ve added a new detective, things might get a bit busier around here. You up for that?” I said.

“Yes, sir, I am,” she said. I smiled.

“Jack there is one thing, you might want to consider or perhaps reconsider is a better way to phrase it,” she said.

“Oh?” I said.

“Leah,” she said.

“Leah? What about her?” I said.

“We all make mistakes, Jack. Hell, I’m an expert in that area. You should talk to her, and that without conditions. I know you haven’t so far,” said Stephanie.

“Talk to her? Without conditions? And why would I want to be doing that?” I said.

“Because you’re lonely and she will be, lonely that is, soon enough. And she’s a pretty good fit for you and you for her, her mistakes notwithstanding,” she said. I started to laugh.

“After what I’ve heard she said about me, and him too if it comes to that?” I said.

“You’ve not heard one word about what she said about you or him either, other than it was bad. And it was, because I’ve heard it, most of it,” she said. “But they were just words in the midst of selfish passion. She never looked down on you. She just wanted...”

“Yeah, something more than a crippled ex-con, murderer could give her. That about right?” I said.

“At the time, yes. But I can tell you from watching her and talking to others around her that she regrets every syllable,” said Stephanie.

I looked at my ex like she was nuts, but was she? I was fucking lonely, no doubt about that. But talk to my traitorous soon-to-be ex? I knew, or thought I knew, that even Stephanie had never talked smack about me even when it was the worst for me. But, Leah? She had. I’d taken the advice of several people and not listened to the recordings or watched the videos collected by Donald and Mickey. I guess I was glad I hadn’t. So ... I had to think. “I’ll think about it,” I said. My ex-wife smiled and went back to her office. And I did think about it, and I would be going to Sam’s that very night to maybe take my ex-wife’s advice.

I was sitting in my usual booth. They hadn’t engraved my name in it yet, but I figured that that was just a matter of time. It was just after 5:00 p.m.

“Jack,” she said coming up to me.

“Leah,” I said.

“Same as usual,” she said.

“Yes, and something else,” I said.

“Okay,” she said, her ballpoint pen at the ready. I snorted.

“No, nothing to eat, just the drink, and some conversation—with you,” I said, in my most serious tone. She gave me a look that was pure question.