Episode 4: Headphone Mania

Kristen Flint listened to Aoi with rapt attention as they pulled into the parking spot in front of a very large mall. “So I accepted the teaching position as a linguist Camdon South Eastern Institute. Now, I teach Japanese, German, and they have the option to add Mandarin and Urdu to the curriculum.”

“That’s great, so you get to stay here now, like legit and not deportable?”

“Yes, Kristen-chan. And here I will be until we defeat the Dark Trickster.”

“Wow, and so this language thing is that a superpower, or are you just like, some kind of genius.”

Aoi put the car in park. “Sadly, I am no genius, I believe that it does have something to do with the Goddess. You see, I first became a Magical Girl when I was 12. Afterwards, I noticed a talent with learning these forms of speech. Your connection to the Goddesses manifests in different ways, and yes, even when you are not transformed.”

“How many languages do you know?”

“Six at present.”

“Wow, and you have like zero accent in American, you know, American English, not British English.”

“Well that is a different story.”

“Did you learn from a boyfriend?”

Aoi laughed, “Nothing so exciting. I learned by listening to episodes of a very nice classic television show. I think it may be before your time, the Bill Crosby show. I listen to it in my headphones all the time and practice.”

Kristen stifled a laugh.

“What is it?”

“Oh, nothing, just I would move on to listening to something else. And if you really want to know, maybe yoogle him sometime.”

Aoi ignored the cryptic response. Perhaps there was some local context she was missing, but she wasn’t going to worry about it now. “So why have you brought me here?”

“I’m glad you asked, Aoi. Now that you have a job, and you have money, I figured it is my duty to show you one of America’s Greatest Past Times!”

Aoi got out of the car and looked around excitedly. Seeing the Stadium off in the across the parking lot on the other side of the road she exclaimed, “I love baseball! We love American Baseball very much in Japan!”

“Oh Em Gee, you’re so presh! No, it’s not even game day. We’re here to go shopping!”

“Oh, well that can be fun too.”

“Heck yeah it can, come on!”

Aoi shook her head at her young friend. She wondered, ‘Was I ever so young and carefree?’

Earlier that morning, around 4 AM, in a condo in a very swanky area, a very pissed off demonic entity was yelling inside the mind of a young man.

‘HEINRICH.’

The Dark Trickster sat at the dining table in his condo fiddling away with some plastic and a screwdriver.

‘HEINRICH!!!’

He ignored the second scream coming from inside his thoughts and kept working.

‘HEINRICH, YOU WORTHLESS HERNIATED CODPIECE!!!’

“What! What is it?”

‘LET US GO FORTH AND WREAK HAVOC AND CHAOS IN THIS NEW LAND!’

“Yeah, that worked out great for the last guy.”

‘BUT WE SHALL BE SMARTER! WE CAN CRUSH THE MAGICAL GIRLS!’

Exasperated, the Trickster dropped the screwdriver and looked up, “Alright, you know if I’m going to talk to you, let’s just have it out, cause I want to be able to look you in the eye and explain this to you.” The trickster reached up and tried to take off the helmet/mask, but it wouldn’t come off. He heaved a sigh, then pulled it away from his face, but instead of it coming off, the mask replicated so there was a copy in his hand. “Well good enough I guess.” He set the copy of his mask down in front of him, but when her turned it to face him he jumped back, “Holy smokes, that is one scare fucking ugly mug you’ve got, crap do I look that nuts?!”

The mask was contorted into a murderous rampaging scowl with glowing red eyes. It looked like something that definitely always left the caps lock on. The Trickster rushed to a mirror and breathed a sign when he saw the goofy smiling mask. It wasn’t his face, but at least it was more him.

‘SOW CHAOS!’

“Okay, look, I’m going to explain this really slow. If I start going nuts and stabby-von-stabberschmidt, I’m going to have those magical girls on me in no time and not in a good way. I have read a lot of Japanese manga and seen plenty of anime and you know what? Japanese Magical Girls always pull out the victory.”

‘SO CRUSH THEM!’

“No, crushing them doesn’t work, but do you know what does?” He turned back to the object he was fiddling with while explaining. “Corrupting them! In the hentai mags they can get beat, by brainwashing them or corrupting them. See, you set traps and you get them weakened and you slip past their defenses and eventually, you turn them into your rutting little fuck puppies. Ooh, I like that, I’m going to have to remember that. Anyway, given the choice between being burned and frozen then burned again or getting my wiener polished by two devoted sex slaves, I’ll choose the wiener polish every time.”

The red lights in the contorted mask died down a little. ‘SO ENSLAVE THEM?’

“Yes.”

‘THEN DESTROY THE WORLD?’

“Oh fuck, no, there will be no world destroying. But you know what there will be? Fucking, a fuck ton of fucking. Booby fucking and ass fucking; all the fucking you can drink. Auf jeden fall, there will be no destruction. There we go. And with my new plan, we should be able to wear them down quite nicely. Now, it’s time to follow the Crimson Spirit, because the Dark Trickster has a game to play!”

‘PERVERT.’

“I heard that.”

Kristen and Aoi just finished a light lunch at the food court. Aoi had a salad and a miso soup which was passable. Kristen has already finished her Greasebomb Deluxe from Oilcan Burgers and was nibbling on her chili cheese deluxe fries.

“See, isn’t this the best! You got a cute new outfit, now we have a whole other half of the mall to go shop in.”

Aoi smiled, “Do you like your new shoes?”

“OMG, yes they’re soo cute, thank you again for getting the for me!”

Aoi heaved a quick sigh and looked around. The mall bustled with life, teenagers meeting to hang out, new parents entertaining their children, an elderly couple walked together slowly taking in all the life and love. She looked on in wistful bittersweet appreciation.

“Aoi, earth to Aoi...”

Ms. Tendo turned back to her partner and smiled, “This has been fun, but I think I am ready to return.”

Her young friend relented and began to head back. On the way they walked by one store where there was a blue dinosaur mascot out front beckoning people in, “Don’t be dinosaur, get the latest and greatest gadgets around! High tech electronics to make your life easier! You two look like savvy modern customers, try us out! Come on in to One Step Beyond!” He beckoned to them.

Kristen looked at Aoi hopefully, and Aoi rolled her eyes, but nodded, “One more store.”

Kristen beamed and headed in asking, “Do you have neck massagers? Oh and hover boards?” She disappeared into the store. Aoi hung around at the entrance for a moment, then went inside and began browsing.

She was looking at various different headphones when the dinosaur who’d been out front approached her. “Looking for a high end pair of headphones, huh? Need any help?”

“Oh no, I think I’ll stick to my earbuds. They seem pretty pricey.”

“Maybe but the quality is something else, here try out these!” The dinosaur produced a pair of headphones from behind his back as if by magic.

Aoi shrugged and connected them to her phone and examined them. They seemed quite ordinary, perhaps a little bulky, but well built. She wondered at how odd she might look with such large headphone on her head. But they fit quite well and stayed on firm completely covering her ears.

“They Fit Well,” she said, a little louder than she had intended.

The dinosaur gave her a thumbs up.

A flick of her finger flipped on her music and she listened. The music flowed over her, and a familiar feeling swept over her. She couldn’t quite place it, but it felt ... good. Aoi sighed, her worries draining away. The music was just so relaxing. Inside each of the earpieces a purple light flickered.

“Oh ... this is nice.”

“I agree, sometimes it is nice to just lose yourself in the music.”

Lose yourself... The thought struck a chord in her heart that reverberated. She smiled for a beat then took the headphones off. “Honto ka yo. Ano - what I mean to say is, wow that was very impressive. I like them very much?”

Kristen glided up to them riding a hoverboard and wearing a neck massager, “Hey, what’ja find?”

Aoi turned to answer, “Headphones that sound wonderful. Here, try them.” The dinosaur behind her stiffened up and stood a bit straighter.

Inside his dinosaur costume head, the Dark Trickster was sweating, biting his lip, and holding his breath watching Kristen put on the headphones. He’d placed the broken halves of the hypnotic crystal inside them, hoping that they would have a subtle impact on the wearer. At their last encounter, he saw that Magical Girl Azure was still affected by her exposure to the full crystal. But the last time the Crimson Spirit came anywhere near the crystal it was shattered in two. Now he waited in silence.

Kristen listened, looked around, quirked a brow and shrugged, “Yeah, it’s great, you should get it. For languages and stuff.”

Aoi smiled and asked, “Did you want a pair too?”

Kristen had kneeled down and picked up a box of the same brand, “Uh, woah, not for $370 dollars.”

Aoi blanched, “Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t possibly afford these.”

The Dark Trickster panicked for a second, “Wait, we can do a deal for you!”

“Oh?” Aoi clutched the box closer, hoping to be able to take it home.

“Maybe not on this one,” he replied taking the box from her, “But if you want, you can have the display model for less.”

Aoi looked to Kristen who shrugged and replied, “Sounds good to me.”

“Come with me!” the dinosaur said audibly smiling.

Up at the front, the cashier was visibly confused and was protesting, “I know, open box, but I still need an employee number and an item number to scan. Where’s the box?”

The dinosaur and the sales person went back and forth for a bit, with the girls looking on. Finally the dinosaur suggested that he just call the manager.

“Fine, I’ll do that,” the cashier replied with a victorious sneer. He pulled up the in store phone and dialed a number. “Hey, Sherry, I have the a couple customers up front with an open box item, but there’s no box.” He pause and nodded with a smile. “Ahum. Ahum. Yup, that’s the policy, and the dinosaur won’t give me his-” He paused again and the sneer fell from his face. “Okay. Right away ma’am.” He looked to the dinosaur, “Okay, I’m sorry, I didn’t know, uhm, sir, what’s the price on this?”

“Seventy dollars,” the dinosaur replied with his hands on his hips in a superhero pose.

The cashier hurriedly punched in a bunch of numbers and it rang up to seventy plus tax. Aoi and Kristen gaped, and Aoi quickly paid without question.

As they left with bubbling excitement, the dinosaur called back, “Here at One Step Beyond, we love teachers, and remember, don’t get left in the Jurassic Era, go One Step Beyond!”

Back in the manager’s office, two faceless figures in black spandex held down a woman in her blue One Step Beyond Uniform and a teenaged boy stripped to his shorts. The dinosaur stepped in and closed the door behind him, then shirked the entire costume off with a dramatic flourish as if by magic, “TA-DA! Thank you, dear boy, it fit like a charm and worked like a glove.” The dark trickster’s mask was flattened on his face giving the look of a featureless face to match the two other figures in black spandex.

Haltingly, the woman being held down at her desk pleaded, “Please, whatever you want from me, I swear, I’ll pay you anything, just, please let the boy go.”

“Oh, sure, you can go. Just remember to tell everyone about how the gropers groped you.”

“Uhm, what?”

“Groper, go grope!”

The black figure encased in latex immediately began groping the woman’s breasts, and she fought back screaming out. The second groper left the young boy who immediately scrambled away. No longer being restrained, just groped, the woman pulled herself away and ran. The gropers stopped at the door.

Behind them in the manager’s office, the Dark Trickster smiled. He grabbed at his own chest and yanked out a black shape that morphed into another faceless black figure. Then with a finger flick, his mask popped back out to the loony shape it usually took. “Ahh, much better. Now gropers, go out into the mall and grope as many adult women as you can!”

‘WHY ARE YOU GROPING? YOU SHOULD BE KILLING?’ The mask asked its host.

The Dark Trickster replied aloud, “Honestly, I don’t know, I just love boobies. Fondling them makes me feel good! Hoo-hoo!!! But it’s time for me to make a stealthy exit.”

The three black simulacrums burst out the door and ran straight for the mall exit of One Step Beyond. They set upon the denizens of the mall looking for breasts. One groped a botoxed, spray-tanned woman with huge fake ones and ran off, another groper got a mother of two, before her husband decked it in the head. It’s black head snapped back unnaturally. Then it stood up straight with it’s head hanging off the back then horrifyingly, the head lolled back up in place. The third groper came upon a group of teen girls, but just ran past them preferring to grope a woman with a big belly and a gelato. All over the mall, screams erupted and the scene went chaotic once they hit the food court. Mall security tried to tackle them, but they broke out of every grab with inhuman strength.

Aoi was about to get in the car when Kristen said, “You know, something felt kind of weird back there.”

Aoi frowned and thought, “Yes, I suppose something did.”

They turned to look back and saw a ruckus of people fleeing. Instantly both had the same thought, it was time to transform. A flash of light, bright even in the afternoon sunlight, burst forth and the blue and red Magical Girls of Light, flew towards the mall.

A groper’s hands were all over a hot dog vendor while she swatted it with a pair of tongs. Two others had just emptied out a lingerie shop sending women screaming through the mall.

Hovering in the air, the Crimson Spirit pointed at the hot dog groper and announced, “Watch out evil-doers, your time is up!” It looked up to her just in time to see the sole of her be-ribboned shoe fly into its face. It skidded on the floor and out of the hot dog stand, bumping into a pillar. “You’re down for the count!”

The groper had other ideas as it spasmodically pulled itself back up.

“Or maybe not...”

It’s arms twisted around and it’s head came up last in a decidedly freaky manner.

“Uhm, Azure, I don’t think these are human.”

Azure called back, “Understood!”

Crimson looked back to see Azure fighting the other two gropers in hand to hand combat. She moved her arms with blinding speed, blocking every grasp, then locking one of their arms in a bar and flipping it over. She kept her momentum going and somersaulted over into an overhead axe kick executed perfectly knocking the second one’s head down on its shoulders. If they’d been human they would have surely have been knocked out - or at least dazed.

The Crimson Spirit rose up 5 feet in the air, her aura glowing as she powered up, “Crimson...”

“No, don’t,” Azure called out, before ducking under a swipe.

Crimson turned, her eyes alight with flames red hair floating with power. Somehow between punches and dodges, Magical Girl Azure maintained the presence of mind to explain. “You’ll set the,” Azure grunted and punched a flying torso then continued, “mall on fire!”

“Aww rats,” Crimson complained as her aura dimmed, “Then what are we supposed to do?”

“This!” came the response. Magical Girl Azure’s hand glowed blue, glinting off the blue shine of her hair, she landed a punch in the center of mass of one of the gropers and a power wave pulsed through it. The dark figure wobbled with an eerie resonance, then imploded, disappearing in a puff of purple smoke.

The other groper that had come up behind her and grabbed Azure’s large breasts stopped molesting them and exchanged a look with Crimson’s groper.

Crimson looked back to Magical Girl Azure and gaped, “How’d you do that?”

“We’ll - hey!” Azure grabbed the groper by his arm and flung it to the ground again focusing her energy into a shining punch that wobbled it out of existence.

The last groper rushed the Crimson Spirit and grabbed her by the ankles as she floated, yanking her down.

“Woah!”

While the perverted simulacrum may have been trying to grope between the plucky heroine’s legs, it instead got a face full of cheerleader knee. The pair tumbled down with Crimson landing astride the groper where she announced, “I always come out on top.” She was smug only for a moment when she realized it had a hand up her skirt and starting to grope her privates. “HEY!” she yelled as she leapt off into the air.

“Baton SMASH!” She materialized a twirling baton infused with power and with the full force of anger into the hapless groper. It pierced straight through disintegrating the shade as if it had never been there. Unfortunately, it poofed so quickly that the baton met no resistance and the Crimson Spirit swung the baton down with full force. The baton smashed into the tile and concrete cracking the floor with a loud crunch.

Crimson bit her lip and smiled sheepishly at Azure who noted the damage.

Azure offered, “At least the enemy is vanquished.”

“You’re so going to have to teach me how to do that glowy punch thing of yours.”

Azure nodded, “I agree, but first, tonight, I think I should teach you some more of the basics. We have a lot of work to do.”

“Aww ... more basics?”

“Come on, let’s go before we have to answer any questions.”

Later that evening, Magical Girl Azure found herself having to answer questions after all. The Magical Girls of Light had flown out to a clearing in the swamp deep in the Everglades, and although they were miles away from anyone else, Crimson had plenty of questions to ask.

“So what were those things anyway?”

Azure explained, “I suppose you might call them shades. They are shadows of the darkness, servants of chaos. Beings of energy that manifest as an echo of the Conduit of Darkness.”

“Oh,” Crimson considered, “So they’re like, minions?”

“In a manner of speaking, but they serve as an extension of the will of the Conduit, in this case, the Dark Trickster.”

“How many does the big bad joker have?”

“Any number of shades could be summoned depending on his connection to the darkness. One does not run out of shades, much like we don’t run out of blasts and such.”

“Oh, alright. So why doesn’t he just make like, a billion shades?”

“If the essence of light were not here to hold him back he might and I will teach you how to fight them properly. But first, we must cover the basics. Tonight’s lesson is a fundamental lesson for an Mahou Senshi in training. It is called the ‘Forgetful Flash Transformation’. With it, when you transform, you call upon the goddess to create a forgetful field around you. Anyone who witnesses you transform will not be able to remember your true identity, they will just remember the flash of light.”

“Woah, that’s ... Actually, really useful. Why didn’t you teach me that before?”

Azure offered a smug little smile, “I was trying to teach this one to you in Germany, but you kept on wanting to go on trips with the exchange program.”

Crimson bit her lip, crossing her arms behind her back in sheepish shame looking much younger than her 18 years. “Oh, my bad.”

The sun had long set on their day, and Magical Girl Azure was back at her small efficiency studio adding the finishing touches to a lesson plan. What a long and strange day it had been indeed. She put her new headphones on and put on some classical music to sooth her mind after a day of shopping, training, and working. As she did, the music transported her back to her memories, and she leaned back in her chair and reminisced.

When she first became a magical girl at the age of twelve, she was a lot like Crimson was: light hearted, carefree, and full of boundless energy. By this time, she’d been a magical girl more than half her life, it truly did define who she was. She had faith in the gift promised to her by the link to the goddesses. She smiled remembering the last time she saw the ball of golden light that liked to refer to itself as “KiKi”.