Chapter 24: Maybe Someone Should Have Told Me

“Excuse me? Who are you married to?”

“I am married to Erin Hogan.”

I looked at Erin and Lynn. They were looking at each other and at me. I could tell that something had just happened that was never supposed to happen.

“Well, that is a surprise. Now would you like to explain this to me, or should I let Lynn shoot you?”

“No Paul! We need to talk.” Erin almost screamed.

“Same question Erin, can I talk to you?” James asked.

“No, you cannot. I wrote you off when you blamed me for the death of our son and then left me. That’s why I divorced you. Fuck you.” Erin finished with her voice as close to a scream as she could get.

“Relax Erin.” I looked at my two wives. “Lynn, the cat is out of the bag. Let’s take the kids home and talk about this. Erin, if you want to talk to this guy, get his phone number and you can call him after we talk.”

“Kids?” James asked.

“Yes, James. Kids. Paul has given me kids. A lot of them. And when our oldest was killed he was there to support me and didn’t run away like a pussy.”

Lynn let out a whistle and the girls came running. The three little blonds came running to their mother. Erin picked up each of her three babies and put them in their stroller. Two redheaded girls ran to Lynn as she put her two little ones into their stroller. Blossom’s little dark haired boy and girl giggled as she put them in their stroller and the Herd began to head for the house.

“Wait a minute! Erin, you have to talk to me. You have been cheating on me!” James said.

“You left me, you piece of shit. My son died! And you left me. I divorced you. I should shoot you myself.” Erin was getting angrier.

“Nobody is going to shoot anybody.” I raised my voice to command level. “Now calm down. James give me your number and at worst, I will call you.” I said.

“I don’t want to talk to you. I want to talk to my wife.” James insisted.

“Well, it doesn’t look like that is going to happen, does it. If I was you, at this point I’d take what I could get. It’s obvious that I didn’t know anything of this. I need to have a talk with at least two of my wives before we can address this.” I explained.

“Your wives? What the fuck?”

“It is a long story and you aren’t going to hear a word of it if you don’t give me some method of contacting you.”

I held out the notepad I always carried and a pen. James took it and wrote down a number and an email address.

“As soon as I know what is going on I will get back with you. Don’t expect anything tonight.”

I looked at my family and nodded to Lynn, who had put her pistol back in its holster inside her purse.

“Let’s go O’Dells.”

The three women led the girls and pushed the strollers with me in the rear. As we put some distance between us and the angry man, I tried to imagine what was going through his head. He thought that he was still married to Erin and to see her with six babies and pregnant must have shaken him.

The only thing that stopped me from being shaken was the idea that I could not have committed bigamy because none of us were married in the eyes of the State of Idaho. Now I had to figure out what was going on with Erin and how much Lynn knew, since she obviously knew something. Lynn was not the type to draw a gun on just anyone. And her warning to James to watch what he said meant that she knew something that would interest me.

The wives walked quietly in front of me as our little daughters chatted about girl things. When we got home, Margaret punched in the gate code and it rose to allow the herd to enter. When we got into the house, the girls went upstairs to get undressed and my wives put the babies in their play pens in the family room. Then they went upstairs to undress, and I went to the family room to sit on the couch, watch my wonderful babies and wait for my wonderful wives.

Several minutes passed before a group of naked little girls came into the room and set up the Scrabble board.

“Daddy, do you want to play Scrabble with us?”

“Penelope, I think I have to talk with Erin Mom and Lynn Mom first. I am sure that Blossom Mom will be happy to play, and I can come into the game later. Ok?”

“Ok, daddy. I love you.” Penelope kissed me on the cheek and I smiled really big.

Paula had the board set up and the five girls played rock, paper, scissors to see who would roll first, second, third and so on. Genevieve ended up winning and rolling first. The girls were intently into the game by the time Blossom came down and sat on my lap.

“Baby, you have two very scared wives upstairs.” She said to me quietly.

“I can’t imagine why. They have no reason to be, I mean other than the lying to me thing.”

“They explained it to me. I understand the whole issue. I think that you will too, once you get past the not telling you the truth thing. Actually, the truth is not what you think it is. Why don’t you go upstairs and talk to them?”

“Ok. Will you please stay down here and play with the girls? Genevieve is on a roll.”

“Really? Not Margaret?”

“A day of surprises, huh?”

“Oh yeah. Go.” Blossom kissed me and patted me on the seat of my pants.

I stood and walked up the stairs and into the bedroom to find two naked, crying women sitting on the bed and holding each other. I pulled up a chair and sat next to the bed.

“Aren’t you a bit over dressed?” Lynn asked.

“Nope. When we got married, we did it naked to symbolize that we came in completely open and with no secrets. That doesn’t seem to have worked, does it? So, I’m going to sit here with my clothes on to find out if I need to keep them on around the house from now on. Having said that, where would you like to start?”

My statement seemed to shake them up a bit. They looked at one another before Erin spoke.

“There seems to be so many places to begin.”

“Well, Erin, why don’t you start with the basics. Are you married to James Hogan?”

Erin took a deep breath and let it out.

“I don’t know.”

“Lynn, did you know this could be an issue?” I asked only to see Lynn look at the floor before answering.

“Yes.”

“Ok, the next question. Erin, why did I not know?”

“That is a good question. I really didn’t know I wasn’t divorced, if I’m not.”

“How is it possible to not know if you are or are not divorced, Erin?”

“I filed, but I’m guessing that he never signed the papers. My lawyer was handling everything, so I never even thought about it after we filed and sent James the papers. I told James that all communications had to go through my lawyer. I walked away and that was that.”

“Your lawyer never contacted you after that?” I asked.

“No. Since I told him to handle it, I stopped paying attention once I paid my legal fees. I moved in with Lynn and started a new life with her.”

“Lynn, do you have anything to add to this?” I looked at the one who seemed to be hiding something.

“No! That is pretty much the way I remember it all happening. I was as shocked as anyone when James walked up to us today.”

“I guessed that by the fact that you drew down on him and had a shell chambered and the safety off.”

“Yeah.” Lynn admitted.

“One thing though, you said that you would kill James if he said the wrong thing. It leads me to believe that you knew more than you were letting on. Did you know more than Erin just told me?”

Lynn looked at me and then at Erin. She played with the corner of the pillow she was hugging.

“Lynn? Did you know something more?” I tried to sound very serious, but I was scared of the answer.

“Erin, I’m sorry. You were in so much pain at the time. You got a letter from your lawyer. He said that James refused to sign the papers. I threw the letter away and didn’t tell you. We hadn’t seen or heard from James in almost 6 months. I figured he was gone. Then Paul showed up and changed my life, and then I kind of brought you along with me. We were so happy, I just forgot about the whole thing.”

“LYNN! How could you?” Erin screamed.

“Erin, calm down.” I said. “I think Lynn did it out of love for you. Right now, she is worried that she is going to lose you for not telling you the truth, and she is scared that she is going to lose me for the same reason. You two sit here and talk this out while I go and take a shower.”

I got up and walked into the bathroom and closed the door before I took off my clothes. I showered and took my time, hoping that Erin and Lynn were having a heart to heart. When I was done, I dried, slowly, and finally took a deep breath and opened the door.

Erin and Lynn could have been at each other’s throats, but they weren’t. They were in each other’s arms. And, of course, they were crying. Things looked hopeful. I walked out, naked as they were and sat on the bed.

“Ladies, where are you two at and what have you got to tell me?”

“I’m sorry, Lover, that I didn’t tell you the truth. I apologized to Erin while you were in the shower and she accepted. Will you?”

“Of course, I will. Like I said, I don’t think you did it out of trying to hurt me or Erin. I think you did it out of love for her and I believe that you didn’t even think of it when we got together. Had ours been a traditional marriage I think you would have brought it up in order to stop Erin from breaking the law.”

“And Erin you couldn’t tell me what you didn’t know, so I don’t see a problem there. Now, what do we do about James and your marriage?”

“We haven’t gotten to that part yet. We just made it past the apology.” Erin said, quietly.

“Ok, well first things first. It would appear that you are still married. I guess we should call your lawyer and talk to him.”

“He’s dead.” Erin said.

“He’s dead?” I replied, a little surprised.

“Heart attack a few years ago.” Erin added.

“Was he a part of a partnership or on his own?” I asked.