Chapter 1

My story starts from my teen age time when I was in tenth class at the High School, which was three kms away from our small town, off Kanpur- Delhi Highway, which was about 30 kms away from Kanpur, the major city in Uttar Pradesh.

We were a small, lower middle class, orthodox Brahmin family, consisting of my parents and we two sisters; i was the elder one, then 15-year-old, and Prabha was 13-year-old, studying in fifth class in the Primary School, which was a co- ed school, about half a mile away from our two- room house. There was no other school in the village.

My father was a lean guy with average height; he worked at a construction material shop in the city. He was 42 years, but mostly got sick because of the nature of work and shop environment. My frail mother had developed some retinal problem and was fast losing her vision, she already was having hearing problem since birth. They both were very worried about their two daughters’ marriage.

Unlike Prabha, I was introvert, very fair, beautiful, filling out faster, with perky 32” breasts, 29” waist, 34” round, soft, sensuous buttocks, and though I was popular among boys and staff, but I dared not mix up with anyone; on the other hand, Prabha was not as fair as me, but had beautiful features, budding lemon sized breasts, which looked prominent through her chemise, which she did not want to hide, so she had did not wear bra yet. She had proportionate buttocks, which swayed seductively. She mixed up more with boys and other male staff than girls her age.

After passing my sixth class I had moved to the high school and used to commute on bicycle bought by my parents, while Prabha would walk down.

One day when I returned home, I found an elderly rich couple sitting with my parents. I was introduced to them by my mother, who told me that the gentleman had slipped while getting out of the car they were travelling in and fell on his hips, which might have resulted in minor fracture. Since the pain was unbearable, my father had advised him to take rest in our house until he felt better. Prabha was also introduced when she came home in the evening. There was no doctor or a hospital in our town, so my father had called a Vaidya, who gave some Ayurvedic cream to apply on the injured area, and some oral medicine for pain. The couple were very appreciative of the help offered by my parents.

Fortunately, there was no fracture and the medicines were effective. By next evening, the rich gentleman wanted to continue their journey further, but, on my parents’ insistence, they agreed to postpone their departure to next evening. Before departing, the elderly guest wanted to exchange addresses etc. (we did not have a phone). My mother gave them home cooked food for their onward journey, which they accepted happily.

About a month later, there came a man carrying fruits, sweets, clothes for all four of us, and an envelope, containing a letter from the elderly couple thanking my parents for all that my family had done for them. But the main surprise was the photograph of a good-looking young man, Akhil, of around 25- 26 years. In the letter, the elderly gentleman had expressed his desire to take me as their daughter- in- law. My parents could not believe their fortune when they read that all the expenses for the marriage will be borne by them. In our social scenario, we Brahmin girls were married off before we turned eighteen. My parents consulting me for the match was a mere formality, my parents had already decided to accept the God sent offer. I too was happy to see the young man’s photograph and his family background.

My parents sent consent letter to the boy’s family, and in next few days my marriage was fixed barely twelve days after my exams. I was excited and anxious about inevitable sex with my soon- to- be hubby. For the first time I looked for girls in the school, who had experienced sex. There were quite a few, and I hesitatingly tried to know how it is really done, and how should I participate in it. Different girls gave their individual versions, but I understood a few things- it is the male who must initiate with loving and foreplay to make the girl comfortable, then encourage the girl to participate, telling the boy what would pleasure her and knowing from him what he would expect from her that would give him maximum enjoyment. I found these girls willing to share their experiences, once they learnt that I was getting married after exams. In certain cases, they did not disclose who they had sex with.

I started imagining about sex, and on some occasions, I masturbated even, but never penetrating my finger inside, because I wanted to give him the pleasure of deflowering me.

I was married off on the scheduled date and I cried leaving my family. I knew I was going to miss them all, especially my younger sister, Prabha, with whom I was very close but was shy to share some of my personal secrets. Unlike Prabha, I was a shy, timid and introvert; despite being younger to me, she was always there to rescue me in difficult situations. I owed her large numbers of favour done to me.

I could not believe my eyes when I reached my in-laws’ house; they were really very rich, and I had to learn their ways of living. I was dreaming of my life with the handsome man, who I had married. I developed goose bumps thinking about our first marital night, when I might lose virginity, if he was eager for going all the way. But if he gave me time to feel comfortable with him in the bed, he might make efforts by going slow.

Around mid- night he entered the room and politely asked me, if I had any problem in the house. I got off the bed and touching his feet, replied in negative. We sat on the bed but was not talking for a few minutes, while I shyly waited for him to make the next move. There was complete silence for more than ten minutes, and I realised it was his first time also, so he must be hesitating or trying to figure out how he should break the ice. He very sheepishly that a serious ailment in his teenage had resulted in irrecoverable impotency, which my parents were never aware, because the doctor had told me after some tests and examinations. It was a shattering news for me and I started crying; he tried to calm me down with his polite persuasions, but I was inconsolable because the news had ruined my life for ever. He confessed that he did not tell his parents about his situation and kept their suggestions for marriage on hold for all these years. Since parents were getting old and were not keeping well, they had insisted for his marriage at the earliest, and this time, they had given word to my parents leaving no option for him. He assured me that he would give me complete freedom to have an affair with any man of my choice, and if I bore children from the alliance, he would give them his name and will ensure that neither they will ever know that he was not their real father, nor they will ever feel not wanting in his fatherly love. He promised to give me all care, love and attention; and that he will ensure that all my needs are fulfilled. He paused for two minutes, then in a very low tone with helplessness on his face he merely said, ‘except the most important thing that you deserve’. “Arti, main tumhe dhoka dena nahin chahta tha, mere mata pita ko bhi meri kamjori ka pataa nahin hai; unki health bhi theek nahin rahti isliye wo meri shaadi ki jaldi karte rahe hain, jisase wo ‘meri santaan’ apni zindagi mein dekh lein. Mere paas koi aur tarika nahin tha unki bhavnaon ko poora nahin karne ka; tumhe dekha aur tumhare baare mein jitna suna to mujhe lagaa ki ye gareeb ghar ki ladki shayad meri madad karegi. Maine ye bhi nirnay le liya tha ki tumhari har ichcha poori karne ki koshish karunga aur tumhe har tarah kki freedom doonga, jisase meri kamjori ki bharpayi ho sake”(‘Arti, I did not want to cheat you, my parents also did not know about my impotency, they were not keeping good health, so they wanted to get me married soon, and get them to see my children. I had no option to fulfil their desire; when I saw you and learnt about your nature, I felt that you being from a poor family, you will understand and help me. I had decided to ensure that you I shall take care of all your needs, including your physical needs, I shall give you all the freedom, to compensate for my physical inability.) I could not believe my ears that a man could be so honest and understanding not only to allow his virgin wife to have sex with another man but promises to take care of her children from such alliance. I decided to observe his behaviour for a few days, until I found some other solution. I could neither tell nor go back to my poor parents. I told him that I did not want any affair and that I would not be comfortable having sex with any other man, but he persuaded me and convinced that it would be nice for our family to have children. I agreed with him and gave my consent thanking him for his magnanimity. Seven months passed without having sex but behaving like a normal happy couple. I did all my duties as a daughter-in-law of the family. This period confirmed me that he was a nice and honest man. Although he had given me all the freedom, I dared not start an affair, despite my desperation for sex, with a man in this small town where my husband’s family had high reputation.

My mother-in-law had been suffering from a chronic disease, which was getting worse. One day she expressed a desire to go on pilgrimage with a group, and my father-in-law too wanted to join her. I requested them to postpone the idea in view of her present condition, but it was argued that condition was likely to get worse only, so it was probably the right time for the pilgrimage with the group.

Finally, they left for the tour in the next week, which had been planned by a luxury bus. Unfortunately, only four days after there was a news that the driver was taking a nap while driving and he lost control of the bus, and there was head- on collision with a trailer coming on the wrong side. There were 13 causalities, and my father-in-law was one of them. Me and my husband rushed to the place to claim my father-in-law’s body and to pick up mother-in-law, who had been badly injured, losing her, already poor vision, to almost blindness. Her ear drums were damaged leaving her completely deaf. It was a very big shock to us all. My parents visited us after hearing about the incident to attend my father-in-law’s funeral.

At night, my husband talked to me in presence of my parents. He proposed to dispose of the family’s agricultural land and buy a piece of land at a little distance from my village, so that I could keep meeting my family, and take care of my parents and my younger sister, Prabha, who was less than 14 years then. I was happy that I shall be able to meet my family often, especially Prabha, who was very close to me. It was after about two months when my husband came and insisted that I go along with him to look up a few properties short listed by him a little distance away from my home town. I agreed and after two days we saw all those short-listed properties. I approved one of them, which was a single- storeyed old house on a huge plot of land, measuring around 2000 sq metres, in a new gated colony coming up nearly 35 kms from my parents’ house on the other side of the Kanpur- Lucknow Highway. Kanpur was almost 28 kms from our plot, but it was 30 kms from my parental house. The huge colony had very spares houses as yet; only three or four were under construction, but they too were far away from our plot. He said he would get it renovated completely at the earliest and then we shall shift there. He had rented a house about 200 yds from the plot, so that I too could keep a watch on the construction work and suggest changes to the contractor. The new house was going to be with a one bed- room independent unit on the terrace, where we could keep a tenant or a servant, if we desired. A car was also bought for me, so that I could visit my family as and when I wanted and even Kanpur, if I needed anything from there. He had arranged a middle- aged driver to teach me driving; the driver used to come for my training on a bike and five me three hours of lessons. It took me nearly two months to be able to drive independently, on highway as well.

The rented accommodation was on the first floor, while the ground floor was occupied by an elderly couple. The couple had a son and a daughter, both married. The son lived far off in Assam, while the daughter lived in a town near Lucknow. The son hardly visited once in a year, but daughter used to visit once in 3- 4 months. I was really happy that my husband treated me so well, taking all care of my comforts and material needs, and I had started really loving and respecting him. It saddened me that I might start an affair, which was a vital need of my body, though I tried to convince myself that I was doing it for my husband, who wanted children to be known as his own. My husband planned to start some business in Lucknow from the huge amount received from selling the agricultural land, so he could keep visiting the new home, which would justify my impregnation in future. I asked him if I could visit my family while he organized construction and setting up his business; he readily accepted the idea. My first visit to my family was the very next day after my husband left to discuss the renovation of the building with the contractor and the architect. I had lots of talks with younger sister, Prabha, and she took me to our school, which was about half a kilometre away from our house, and recently major renovation work, uplifting with a front garden and I was told by Prabha that construction of some independent quarters for Grade III staff had been planned. Two of the quarters had already been constructed, and had been occupied by an elderly watchman and a young maintenance guy. Four more quarters were to be constructed after the other renovation work had been completed and some lower grade staff was appointed. We excitedly roamed around in the school while Prabha gave me details of the completed renovation work, and undergoing remaining planned renovation work. A boundary wall had been constructed with two gates for security of the school building and furniture etc. Prabha did not want me to leave in three days; she said she had lots of things to talk about. I promised her that I shall be back soon, and had to return because my hubby was expected to be back from Lucknow, where he was setting up business, the very next day. I was happy meeting my family and my younger sister, who has been more of a friend than merely a sister. My next visit to my family was after two weeks. I was satisfied with the pace of construction. This time, just a day before my departure, Prabha suddenly asked about my husband, Akhil, and my life with him. Though I tried, but since it was an unexpected question during our talks on entirely a different matter, I probably could not hide my expressions. I merely said, “Sab achcha hai” (“All is good”). Maybe it was an unexpected and indifferent reply; her immediate question was, “khushkabari kab suna rahi ho” (“when is the good news from your side?). I could not stop a few drops of tears rolling down my cheeks. Prabha was really concerned, “Didi (Elder Sister), sach sach batao ... sab kuch” (“Please tell me the truth ... everything”). “Kuch nahi hai. Bata to diya ki sab theek hai” (Nothing more to tell; I have already said that ‘all is well’). “Didi, tum mujhe apna nahin maanti?” (“Don’t you consider me your own?’). “Paagal hai kya? Tu abhi bahut chhoti hai ... bachchi hai ye sab ke liye’ (‘Are you mad? You are too young to understand ... you still a kid to understand all this”) “Didi, main bachchi nahin hoon’ (“I am not a kid”) she challenged thrusting her tiny breasts. She had not yet started wearing a bra under her frock. The way and her tone stunned me. I could not utter a word for another five minutes. “Kya jaannati hai tu?” (“What do you know?”). “Aap jitna sochati ho uss sey bahut jyaada/ (‘Much more than what you think?”). I was very confused and shocked, but I wanted to probe her now. “Achcha bataa kya jaanati hai” (Okay tell me what do you know?”). This time she spoke in a low tone after waiting for two or three minutes. “Meri do shartein hain...”(“I have two conditions”). I looked in her eyes with a question mark on my face. “Pahli shart – aap mujhe Jijaji (brother- in- law; elder sister’s husband) ke saath aapke sambandh bilkul sach batayengi; doosari shart iss sey bhi jyada important hai- Isi waqt ke baad hum dono bilkul khule shabdon mein baat karenge. Iske bina na to hum sach bolenge aur na hi hamari baton ka koi faayda hoga. Ye mera promise hai ki agar aapne ye dono baatein maan li, to shayad main aapki kuchh madad kar paungi” (My first condition is that you tell about your relations with your husband clearly and truthfully; my second condition is still more important- From this very moment we shall talk openly and explicitly. Without fulfilling this condition, we shall neither tell the truth, nor our talks will mean anything. And it is my promise to you that if you adhered to both of my conditions, then maybe I shall be able to help you out”). I listened to each and every word with full concentration, wondering what this kid means about? She was still an innocent kid in my eyes, and I was unable to accept either of her conditions. We went to the terrace on the last day, on her insistence, and she picked up from where she had left the previous day. “Kya socha aapne”? (“what have to decided?). Playing ignorant I asked, “Kis baare mein? (“About what?”) “Theek hai, Didi. Jab samajh jao, tab baat karenge.” (it is okay sister. We shall talk wen you understand). After a pause she added, “Main aapko khush dekhna chahti hoon, aur aapko Ma bante huye dekh kar mujhe khushi hogi” ((“I want to see you happy, and shall feel happier becoming a mother). I wanted to postpone my departure to explore her mind, but not wanting to open up with my sex desire so soon as I was not convinced about what she had said, I returned home. Her call barely four days after, about my father’s sudden death, had shocked me. I informed my husband and we both rushed to my home town for funeral. Four days later, he returned to Lucknow, asking me to stay back and look after my mother and younger sister until they needed me. After the rituals, I asked my mother if I could return home, but she insisted that I stay at least 3- 4 days more. We two sisters had always spent some time on terrace for our girlie talks, and the routine still continued. I wanted her to reopen the topic we were discussing during my last visit, but she would not, and I was getting impatient by the second. Finally, I took the initiative and asked her, “Kya tumne kabhi kisi se... ?”(“Have You ever... ), but I felt it stupid to complete the sentence. “Chudwaya?” (Fucked?) “Haan.” (Yes). Haan Didi, pichhle kareeb ek saal se chudwa rahi hoon” (“Yes sister, for almost a year I am fucking’)., she replied with a smile and winked. “Chaaron ladkon se!”(All the four boys!”) “Ladkon se kabhi nahin. Unhen to ye bhi nahin pata ki main chudwa chuki hoon.(‘“Not with anyone of those boys. They don’t even knowthat I fuck”). “Fir?’ (Then?”), I was surprised. “Poore mardon se ... jo mujh se bahut bade hain umar mein” (“With grown up men ... they are much older to me”). “Kaun hain?” (“Who are they?”) “Tum chudwaogi unse?” (“You want to fuck them?” “Maine ye to nahin kaha” (“I did not say that?”). I said with embarrassment. “Fir tum ye sab jaankar kya karogi?”(“Then why you need to know that?”), she teased. “Waise main bataa doon ki Babuji (father) ke kriyakarm ka intezaar tha, ab main to kal apne ek yaar se chudwaane jaungi.” (“Let me tell you that I was waiting for daddy’s rituals get over, and tomorrow I am going to fuck one of those lovers”). It was really shocking and embarrassing to hear my younger teen sister talk in such explicit dirty words. I wanted her to insist that I fuck one of her lovers; I did not know how many lovers she had, or whether she really had fucked anyone yet. “Theek hai, chali jaana, lekin ye to bataa do kaun hain aur kitne hain?”(“That is okay, you may very well go, but you can at least tell me about them, and how many lovers you have.”) “Dekho Didi, maine ab tak teen apne se kaafi bade mardon se chudwaya hai; wo teeno bahut mamooli log hain, lekin, mujhe khush kar dete hain”. (“Look sister, till now I have fucked three grown up men; all three are from ordinary background, but they all try to please me”) “Aur ye kaam tum kahan karti ho?” (“And where do you do with them?), I asked hesitatingly, not sure if she would care to reply. “Tum khul kar kyon nahin poochhati ki unke saath kahan chudwwati ho?” (“Why don’t you ask clearly that where do I fuck them?”) “Haan, wo hi” (‘Yes, same.”). “Do logon se to unke ghar par hi chudwati hoon; teesara mahine mein ek ya do baar aata hai aur uske time ka bhi pakka nahin hota, isliye uss se chat par chudwaati hoon. Ye teesara abhi teen- chaar mahinon se hi shuru hua hai, aur ye kareeb 30 km se aata hai apne rishtedaar se milne. Koshish kar rahi hoon uske rishtedaar ke baare mein jaanane ki, lekin jaldi karne par kahin ye bhi haath se na chhoot jaaye” (“With two of them, I fuck at their home. The third one, is irregular, even he does not know when he will be able to come. My affair with this guy started barely 3- 4 months before, and he comes from a place around 30 kms from here to meet a relative. I am trying to get his relative’s details, but not showing my anxiety, lest I should lose him too”) Hearing about her mature lovers, I, felt my pussy moistened, and could not control my sexual longings; I wanted to ask her to get me one of her lovers, but I was not sure if it would be safe to expose myself to the local people for sex, since many in our colony knew about my marriage in a rich family. “Prabhha, tumhen dar nahin lagta apne chhote se shahar ke logon se... ?” (“Prabha, are you not afraid of doing with people from our small town?”). In my mind, I was planning to meet them, but it was risky that in our small town, it was not possible to keep such affairs secret for long. “Didi, wo log apne shahar ke nahin hain; aur agar hote bhi to kabhhi kisi ko kuchh nahin bataate kyonki unke parivaar bhi to yahin hain”, she said winking with a smile. After a minute’s pause, she continued, “Doosari baat unmein se kisi ko mere baki logon se sambandh ke baare mein nahin pataa. Mera kahana maan lo Didi, tum kab tak apni choot ki aag dabaogi?” (“Sister, none of them is from our town; and even if they were from this place, they dare not disclose the affair, because their family too would be here. Secondly, none has any inkling of my affair with others. Listen, you better accept my offer; how long can you supress the fire in your pussy?”)”. “Main chahati hoon, lekin dar lagtaa hai. Tu bataati bhi nahin ki wo log kaun hain”, I told her the truth. (“I want to accept your offer, but am scared. You don’t even disclose their identity.”) “Tum aam khao bas. Abhi tum kuchh din rukogi hi, to itne din ka fayda uthao”. (“Why don’t you just enjoy the fruits, rather than counting the trees? You are here for at least a few more days, make the best use of the days”). I was really getting restless. My pussy was feeling sensation, thinking about possible sex for the first time. ‘Theek ... theek hai. Tu madad karegi na.”(“Okay ... okay, but you shall help me, no?”) “Bilkul. Kaho too aaj shaam ko hi...” (“Of course. If tou want this evening itself... ), she said with a bigger wink. “Lekin Amma? Unko akela chhod kar hum dono kaise jaayenge?” (“But what about mom? How can we leave her alone here?”) “Wo mujh par chhod do. Amma raat ka khana kha kar apne kamre mein chali jaati hain, wahin kuchh der man hi man pooja karti hain aur das baje se pahle so jaati hain”. (“Leave all that to me. Mom retires to her room soon after dinner, that is around 8.30 p.m. There we prays silently, and by 10 p.m. she sleeps”) That night we got ready to leave home around 8.30 p.m., after Amma had retired to her room after dinner, and Prabha had assured that she did not come out of her room after that. She advised me to take off my saree and mangalsutra (traditional chain Hindu married women wear around their necks) and to wipe off vermilion from my hair parting (another traditional symbol of married women), so that no one would know about my marital status. I changed into a simple salwar suit, after removing all signs of my marital status. She also explained to me that she would tell the person (her lover) that I was her friend from Kanpur, who has been engaged and will be married within a month, but being inexperienced in sex, so I advised her to get some training in sex to please her husband, which she accepted after great persuasions. Before 9 p.m. we were on a cycle riksha and rode for my first sex lesson. Ever since I had agreed for this, I had shivered all the time with goose bumps all over my body, with a desire to rub my clitoris, and without inserting finger inside, reach my climax, which had been my practice when I was horny for release. I came out of my reverie when I found our riksha entering the school campus. “kahan jaa rahi ho? Ye to apna school hai”, (Where are you going? This is our school”), I whispered slapping her hand gently with shocking surprise; I did not want the riksha puller to overhear our conversation. “Mujhe pataa hai, tum chupchaap baithi raho. Main bahut baar aa chuki hoon yahan”. (“I know, you keep quit. I have come here hundreds of time”). ‘Kya tumne apne lover ko school mein bulaaya hai!” (“Have you called your lover here?”) “Nahin, wo yahin rahta hai” (“No, he stays here”). She surprised me. In another two minutes, she directed riksha towards a quarter. Before getting off the riksha, she told me to wait in the riksha and hurriedly moved towards that quarter and soon disappeared in it. She came out of the quarter in barely five minutes, and reaching the riksha, she grabbed my hand and pulled me to get off. She asked riksha-wala to wait for her and then pulled me towards the quarter. I knew, she had arranged meeting with her lover in that quarter, which could have been empty to be occupied by some staff soon. Inside the quarter I saw a lean guy of around 45 years, wearing a vest and pyjama, while my eyes searched for her lover. “Kaka, ye meri saheli hai jiske baare mein maine abhi bataaya, aur Didi, ye Chaudhary Kaka hain, school ke gardner. Aap inke saath baitho, main kuchh der mein aati hoon” (“Kaka, she is my friends, I told you about, and sister, he is Chaudhary Kaka, our school Gardner. You sit with him, I shall soon come back”). She rushed out, and I guessed, she had gone to get the lover and this Gardner would guard the quarter to ensure that I and the lover are not disturbed. My heart was already beating harder, but now my heart- beats were at a faster pace, as I was feeling uncomfortable sitting with this elderly man. I was shivering and sweating and regretting to have come with Prabha. The Gardner indicated me to sit on the lone cot in the room. I was dying to meet Prabha’s lover. I knew she was a smart girl, and the guy chosen for me would be a young and likable guy. I was offered a glass of water by Kaka, I smiled in his direction thanking him. Kaka sat next to me and with a shock I recalled Prabha having told me that all her three lovers were much older than her. Could this Kaka be one of them!! I was sweating profusely, my body had gone stiff with apprehension, embarrassment, fear and dislike. I was not prepared to sleep with this old and shabbily dressed man. I got up to leave the room, but Kaka caught me by my left wrist; he was old, but his grip on my wrist was strong. “Mujhe Prabha ne sab bataa diya hai, tum thoda ruko main kuchh bhi zabardasi nahin karunga” (“Prabha has told me everything, you just wait, I shall not force anything on you”). I realised that HE was, in fact, Prabha’s lover, and she had chosen him for me. ‘But why him?’, I was not able to understand. Though hesitant to fuck him, I knew, I desperate and wanted to feel a cock inside me, and I resigned myself to my destiny. I sat on the cot and lowering my eyes, told him that it was my first time with a man. “Tum bhi, bina sankoch ke, thoda saath dogi tab anand le paogi”(“You shall enjoy more, if you participate removing all hesitation”). He said placing his right on my left thigh, and his touch sent shivers down my spine. He waited for a minute, then he started caressing my thigh gently moving his hand from a little above my knee to just three inches from my seaming pussy.