Chapter 7: Jessica

It was a gloomy afternoon as Roger pulled the rented Ford Taurus up to the curb and parked. He reached over to the passenger seat and grabbed the three bundles of flowers: a dozen roses, a bunch of tulips, and some carnations. Roger stepped out of the car and pulled his grey wool trench coat tighter as he walked slowly over the lawn. He passed several rows of grave markers until he reached his destination near the tree.

Looking down Roger saw the three markers he came to visit. He squatted down and flipped open the metal cover on the in-ground vase next to Stacy’s headstone. He placed the roses inside. He then repeated the process, placing the tulips with Elizabeth’s headstone and the carnations with Gregory.

With all the flowers in place, Roger bowed his head and contemplated his lost family and the current state of his life. Stacy’s death had really altered the course of his life. It had been two years since that fateful day. Before, he was a happily married man living an ordinary life in rural northern Virginia. His wife stayed busy in the community – working on the parent teacher association, volunteering for the League of Women Voters. Elizabeth and Gregory were happily making their way through school. Elizabeth was a real go-getter on her soccer team, where Roger was the coach. Gregory had been looking forward to playing Little League in the spring, without the T, for the first time.

Now, Roger had a new job and lived in a different state. Work was going well. Clients regularly returned with new assignments for his team. While Roger enjoyed the beauty of his house, it just felt empty. Kind of like his life. Mandy was a good friend who kept him occupied. But Roger missed waking up next to a warm body and smiling children. And The Plan was not working.

Roger had met and dated many women over the last few months, but none had made his heart race. They were attractive women with curves in all the right places. While a few had been pushy and demanding, others had been immature. Some were just dull, barely able to keep his attention through dinner. And the rest just didn’t give him any spark. Although, he was optimistic about Jessica. Just to make it more of a challenge, Roger was starting to think more about his conversation with Stretch, and whether Roger wanted to be part of a dom/sub relationship.

After dwelling on all this for a few minutes, Roger shook his head and spoke silently to Stacy, ‘I’ve missed you so much. You were the light of my life. Your smiling face and loving companionship gave me joy and hope every day. I hope you have peace wherever you may be now. I carry you in my thoughts every day. I still love you.’ As Roger finished his silent plea, he choked back his tears.

Having paid his respects and said his piece, Roger stood up and returned to the car. He started the car, and with one final look back at the gravesite, drove away.

A week later, Roger was back in Dr. Franke’s office again.

“Roger, how have you been? It’s been over a year since I saw you,” Dr. Franke started cheerfully. He sat with his pad, ready for the session.

Roger started off slowly, “It’s been a busy year.” Then, in a more somber tone, he continued, “After our last session, I went to visit Stacy’s grave; I went again last week.” He paused for a moment, before continuing softly, “I read the books you recommended. They helped me put my family’s death in perspective. They showed me that I’m not alone. I even joined a support group for widows and widowers. That gave me a chance to talk about Stacy and feel less alone.”

Roger leaned forward, and his voice perked up, “I also followed your advice and started getting out more. Mandy and I started taking dance lessons. Last summer I went on a couple of dates. For different reasons, those did not turn out well.”

Roger sat up again and got a stern look on his face, then said, “In the fall I figured I was really ready to date again. I had pretty much stopped crying about Stacy and the children. I was also able to get intimate with one of the women I mentioned before without getting upset. So, I created a plan to meet and date more women. That’s actually what convinced me to come see you again.

“I’ve gone out with about twenty women in the last few months. But I haven’t connected with any of them. Most I only date once or twice. I just don’t relate with them.” Roger finally stopped and took a breath, after filling Dr. Franke in on the highlights of his life for the last twleve months.

Dr. Franke hid his reaction to Roger’s revelation that he had dated so many women recently. He took a moment to consider his response to everything that Roger revealed in the last few minutes. Dr. Frank took a breath, then started, “It sounds like you made good progress in the last year. I’m glad the books helped, and you even found support groups that have helped.” He paused for a few seconds and asked, “Can you tell me about this plan to meet women.”

Roger thought for a few seconds and answered, “Sure. It starts with the support groups. I have joined a few single parent support groups. I spend a few weeks getting to know the women in the groups. Then I ask the ones I’m interested in on dates. I take them on a series of pre-determined dates – first dinner and coffee, then dinner and dancing, third is an outdoor date, the fourth date is a formal dinner. I have ideas for a couple of dates after that, but I haven’t liked anyone enough to go on a fifth date, yet.” Roger rattled off all the date activities very quickly and excitedly.

As Roger described the dating process, Dr. Franke raised his eyebrows a little. He took a few notes and said, “Tell me about these dates. When you’re having dinner, what do you talk about?”

“I think we talk about typical date stuff – where we grew up, went to school, family, favorite TV shows.”

“Okay, but do you try to get to know the woman? Do you ask questions that help you understand her, and what makes her tick?”

Roger thought about the question for a minute with a somber look on his face. He then answered, “I guess not. We usually talk about factual things, but not about our feelings or interests.”

Dr. Franke then offered his assessment of Roger’s dating system. “A couple of observations. First, it’s not unusual to go on a lot of first dates. Second, if I understand correctly, you’ve turned dating into an assembly line process. You date the women and have superficial conversations with them. Then, when you find you’re not connecting with them, you give up and move on to the next woman. I suggest you try a more relaxed approach to dating these women. Enjoy getting to know them. Ask them about their interests. How did she get into her job? What is she interested in or passionate about? Try not to be so methodical and business like about it. Have fun!

“You’re an engineer, right?” Dr. Franke asked.

“That’s right. I’m an aeronautical consultant,” Roger said, with a little sigh.

“Your approach to dating sounds like a process. Let’s call it an engineering solution. Dating is not a problem for you to solve. In many respects it is a process. Meet a woman. If there is a mutual attraction, go on dates. Get to know her – what she likes, what are her goals. Develop intimacy, perhaps including physical intimacy. Ensure that your goals and approach to intimacy are compatible. Develop trust. Make a commitment. All through this process, and especially as you’re building trust, you’re making sure your expectations are matched. While there is a certain pattern to this process, it differs from one relationship to the next. You can’t pre-program the relationship and expect each woman to fit into it. Do you understand what I’m saying?” Dr. Franke finally concluded his dissertation on relationships with a question.

Roger sat for a moment while he absorbed Dr. Franke’s words. He answered, “I get it. I need a less rigid and formulaic approach to women. If I want to find a partner, I need to let each relationship develop on its own timeline.”

Dr. Franke smiled. “Yes, I think you get it. Think back to how you and Stacy got to know each other and try and apply those lessons to your new relationships.”

With Dr. Franke’s advice in mind, Roger went home and reevaluated The Plan.

The Saturday after meeting with Dr. Franke, Roger had his third date with Jessica Carlson. But instead of going for a sweaty hike with expectations of sex afterward, Roger took Jessica to the beach. He had checked the forecast before suggesting the beach, and the temperature was expected to get up over eighty degrees.

Roger came over at about eleven on Saturday morning. When Jessica opened the door to her single-story house in Atlantis, Roger’s smile grew so big, Jessica could barely see his eyes. She was wearing a seafoam green jungle print wrap. It had a single strap around her neck that connected to a two-inch gold ring right below her neck. While it modestly covered her, it couldn’t conceal the swell of her chest. Jessica’s soft brown hair extended past her shoulders and was styled with a flip curl at the base. She was so lovely and elegant that Roger didn’t even try to contain his smile of appreciation.

Jessica picked up a picnic basket she had ready by the door and the pair headed off to the beach.

At the beach, they laid out a blanket. Jessica pulled the neck strap of her wrap over her head and dropped the cover-up next to the picnic basket. While not a skinny teenager, Jessica had a pleasantly slender build with a well-defined waist and womanly hips. She had a small swell on her belly that no amount of crunches could dissolve. Roger just stared.

Jessica caught Roger staring. With a smirk, she said, “Take a picture it lasts longer.”

Jessica gently lay down on the blanket and handed a bottle of SPF 30 sunblock to Roger. She looked at him over her shoulder, smiled and in a sweet sing-song voice asked, “Roger, be a dear and put this on my back please.”

Taking the bottle from Jessica, Roger responded, “My pleasure.”

Roger poured a dollop of the lotion on his hands and rubbed his hands together to warm it. He slowly kneaded the slick lotion into Jessica’s shoulders and back. Every few seconds, Jessica would let out a soft moan. He spent a little extra time on her lower back and even slipped a couple of fingers below the strap of her bikini bottoms. Once he finished with Jessica’s back, Roger got another dollop of lotion and spent several minutes working it into the back of her legs.

When Roger was done applying lotion to Jessica’s back, he kneeled beside her and gave her a firm smack on the ass. “Shall we do the front?” He said in a firm tone, with just a hint of a question.

“Just a second.” Jessica was clenching her thighs as she tried to contain the moisture from leaking out of her pussy. Roger leaned back to wait for Jessica, unaware of what she was experiencing.

After taking a few moments to calm down, Jessica turned over. Roger started the process of applying lotion to her front at her neck. As he worked his way down her body, he took a few liberties to touch her breasts and slip a finger under the waist band of her bottoms. Jessica didn’t complain. Once Roger moved down past her thighs, Jessica visibly relaxed.

When Roger was done with Jessica’s feet, he put the lotion down and said, “My turn.”

Roger lay down on his stomach and Jessica got up and applied lotion to his back. As she worked on his back, Jessica thought about Roger.

Jessica found Roger intriguing. When Jessica dated other men over the last couple years, they tended to fall into one of two categories. They were either such pushovers that she considered them wimps, or they were so boorish that they disgusted her. Roger was different. He was confident, but not arrogant. He was firm, but polite. And at six feet three, lean and a full head of light brown hair, Roger was easy on the eyes.

Jessica finished applying lotion to Roger’s back and had him turn over to do the front, noting the bulge in his trunks.

With the lotion applied, Jessica lay down next to Roger. He turned his head to face her and said, “Jessica, I’ve been wondering. How did a beautiful, intelligent, classy woman like you wind up a single mother?”

Jessica snorted and answered, “Well the single part is easy when the man you married turns out to be gay. Which is what makes Sadie, Astrid and Josh such a blessing. I’m not sure if Blake was just confused or trying to meet some familial expectations, but somehow, we managed to stay married for almost eight years. One day he just didn’t come home. The next day he called and he told me, quote, I can’t live the lie any more. He was moving in with his gay lover.”

Roger sucked in a breath between his teeth and said, “Ouch.”

“Yeah. That’s why I feel fortunate to even have the kids. As you can imagine we didn’t have a lot of procreative sex while we were together. But he knew I wanted a family and Blake did want me to be happy. So, we managed to produce three healthy children.” Jessica had a smile on her face as she mentioned her children.

“So, I gather his lifestyle didn’t have any other adverse effects on you,” Roger inquired.

Jessica’s smile sagged. “Yeah. I was pretty freaked out when I found out what Blake was doing on some of his ‘late nights at work’. I went to the doctor the next day and got tested for every STD under the sun. Fortunately, everything came back clean. But I was furious at Blake for a long time.”

The pair rested peacefully on the blanket for a while. Roger felt a soft caress on his shoulder and groggily opened his eyes. “Hello, sleepyhead. I thought you might want lunch before it gets too late,” Jessica’s soft melodious voice reached Roger’s ears.

Roger rolled over and looked at his watch, it said 1:30.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry about that, I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you,” Roger apologized.

“Not at all. I dozed off for a while myself.”

Jessica took out the spicy baked chicken, tomato salad, and French bread from the picnic basket. While they ate, Jessica started the conversation.

“What was she like?” Jessica asked in a soft plaintive tone.

Roger raised one eyebrow in question. He was pretty sure he knew who Jessica was asking about, but said, “Who?”

“Your wife,” Jessica responded, still with the soft tone.

Roger took a deep breath and released it. Quietly, he began, “It’s getting harder to remember the details. She was everything to me. She loved me and supported me and never had an unkind word for anyone. She took care of the family and all she wanted in return was our love. She was always thinking of others. One time she found out that one of Elizabeth’s friends wasn’t having a birthday party because her parents were getting divorced. Stacy didn’t think the daughter should suffer because of her parents. So, she organized a party at our house for the girl.”

“Wow, she sounds like a great person,” Jessica responded.

“You actually remind me of her, a little. You speak of your children in the same loving way and you clearly have a lot of compassion for other people,” Roger said with a gentle smile.

After lunch, Roger and Jessica walked along the beach for a while chatting amiably about Jessica’s children, Roger’s job and other items of interest. They spent some time by the water stealing kisses from each other. Finally, they headed for an early dinner, before Roger took Jessica home. She invited him in, but Roger declined. As he was about to head back to his car, he confirmed with Jessica that she was joining him for the American Heart Association dinner on Thursday.

On his way home Roger realized that he had a very nice day with Jessica. For the first time since he started dating again, he looked forward to his next meeting with a specific woman.

On Sunday Roger asked Mandy to accompany him to Francine’s Formal Wear to buy Jessica’s dress for the fundraiser. He recalled a gown he had seen when shopping for Kristi. He thought it would look stunning on Jessica.

“Wow Roger, you go all out when you take a woman to a fundraiser, don’t you?” Mandy commented when Roger showed her the dress.

“I figure it’s only fair, since I’m asking her to accompany me to this formal event.” He answered. “So, this is only like the second time I’ve seen you since Thanksgiving. How’s it going with the new guy? What’s his name?”

“It’s early still. Dennis and I have only been out a few times. But he treats me well and he’s a nice guy. He does have a daughter from his first marriage. I haven’t met her yet. I’m not sure how I feel about that,” Mandy said, with a bit of resignation in her tone.

“Well if you’re going to date guys who are almost forty, you can’t be surprised when they’ve been married before and have children. There probably aren’t a lot of guys over thirty-five who have never been married before. At least, not guys that you might consider marriage material. You’re going to have to decide what your priorities are,” Roger pointed out.