s5e4: Kathy

Series 5, Episode 4: Kathy Regis

We open with our beautiful shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment, a little longer than normal, then our cartoon Charley arrives, a little out of breath, giggles, then beckons us to follow her as she falls toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the North Sea, off the north-east coast, in just a few seconds.

We chase Charley all the way, looking up her skirt as we race toward the coast, past cartoon fishing boats bobbing on the real sea, then up the Humber estuary to a huge cartoon Humber Bridge, then a sharp right turn and whizzing along above the road into a low-rise city. Welcome to Hull.

Then we’re racing toward suburban shopping centre – a large branch of a popular supermarket (their logo digitized, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out which it is). Cartoon Charley turns to face us, flying backwards as we race through the car park, mixing through from the animation to the real-world. Charley holds her arms out to present us with our next guest – a not too slim, middle-aged woman standing in the entrance in a staff uniform. We come to a sudden halt infront of her.

Short reddish-brown hair frames a round face. She’s got bright eyes and a friendly smile. She’s nowhere near beautiful, but she’s not unattractive either. She possibly would have turned heads a decade, or two, ago.

She speaks in a well-practiced but nervous manner, “Hello and welcome to the United Kingdom of Zoo ... My name is Kathy Regis, I’m 46 year old, I work in customer services, and ... I think I want to have sex with a dog!”

We cut to a montage of her serving customers inside ASDA. This is intercut with footage of her being interviewed in close-up at her home, and occasional photographs of her ex-husband, her wedding day, her family, children, etc.

She monologues her story over the top of these clips.

“I married Michael when I was still quite young, and I think it’s safe to say I made a bit of a mistake. I stuck it out for over 20 years, but he wasn’t really a nice man at all. He used to beat me, shout at me. Nothing I did was ever good enough. We had two kids, he never hit them, but he shouted at them all the time. They didn’t even cry when he died ... I don’t think they’ve ever been to his grave ... I only went so I could spit on his coffin when they buried him ... That was 3 years ago, and I haven’t looked back.”

“My sex life ... Well, I only ever had sex with him. I won’t lie, he wasn’t bad in bed, although I’ve got nothing to compare him to, but, you know – he got the job done. It was pleasurable while it lasted, but afterwards there would always be some criticism from him about how I looked or what I did ... He was just this fat hairy bastard, but he complained about me putting on a little weight, or not shaving my legs ... Any little complaint, he always made them.”

“I’ve never found dogs attractive. They don’t turn me on. I’ve never watched dogporn or anything like that ... But I was talking to a friend of mine about sex, joking that I didn’t want to have anything to do with men after Michael, and she said I could do better than him - that even a dog would be a step up ... And I don’t know why, but the thought stuck in my head. I’d seen your show a few times, never been a big fan or anything like that, just seen a couple. Thought the women were a bit desperate and that ... Then I thought ... I’M a bit desperate ... And suddenly I was a convert ... I wanted to have sex with a dog, just to see how a dog could compare to Michael...”

We end of a wistful smile, he clearly wondering how sex with a dog will compare to sex with an abusive husband.

We cut to our studios in Manchester ... At the moment it’s the standard empty double bed, carpet/matt rolled out underneath to make this look more like a bedroom. Lights and cameras are in place, and our crew seems ready to film. There’s no sign of any of our ‘talent’ though.

We cut to the street outside and see a car pulling up at the entrance our carpark, pausing, Kathy in the driving seat, peering out as if she’s not sure she should drive in, then reacting to being waved in by our cameraman, and pulling in. As there aren’t any empty spaces, she pulls up carefully behind the last car in the row, right up to its bumper, almost touching.

The driver side door opens, and she gets out, looking a little unsure of herself, then straightening up and taking a deep breath, before stepping away from the car and shutting the door, then heading into the studios (apparently following a direction from off camera).

Inside, we see Kathy signing in at reception, joking with Riley that she hopes she’s on time. Riley calms her, saying that she’s only a few minutes late. Most weeks we don’t show the guest signing in, but this week we didn’t have time to film a separate walk-in for Kathy. Our staff is only paid until 5 and it’s already after 4!

Signed in, Kathy is lead through to the studio by Riley, and wished “Good luck” as she heads down the corridor to meet Charley.

This week Charley is wearing a low fronted top – her cleavage on show but only half of her tattoo visible, a mess of letters that says “LD’S BIG” over “GWHO” ... This could be confusing for anyone who’s never seen the show before.

“Hello ... Finally ... We’ve been eagerly awaiting your arrival ... I’m Charley Ozvik...”

Kathy gives Charley a polite hug and cheek kiss, introducing herself a little shyly as, “I’m Kathy ... I’m sorry I’m late, I hope I didn’t cause any problems...”

Charley is full of niceness, “Of course not, you’re the star today – we’ll always wait for our star!”

Kathy isn’t used to people being nice and patient with her, so her face brightens up with a genuinely happy smile.

Charley continues, “And we’ve got a lovely big hairy animal through this door who is going to treat you like the star you are...”

Kathy takes a big breath as Charley mentions the ‘big hairy animal’, almost as if the reality of what she’s here for has just hit home. “Excellent...” She says, without too much conviction.

Charley takes Kathy’s hands and faces right up to her, face to face... “Now, I have to confirm with you ... Are you ready for today?” She pauses. “Because once you step through this door, your life will change forever ... Are you ready for this?”

Kathy takes a deep breath, looking very nervous, then nods. “Yes. I’m ready.”

We cut to the studio and find Kathy sitting on the edge of the bed wearing a white towelling bath robe. On the day of filming she was extremely nervous and self-conscious about her body, and we allowed her to undress off camera and wear the robe for the start of the scene.

Right now, the front of the robe is closed-up tight, right up to the neck and under her chin, she’s showing off less flesh than when she arrived in her street clothes. She’s got her knees together and her feet hanging over the edge of the bed – her shoe-less feet are visible, as are her hands, and her head, but everything else is pretty much covered up. She looks scared but forces a smile for the camera.

We hear the main loading door to the studio creaking open and see Kathy look away toward it – more fear, a gulp – then we cut to see what she’s seen...

Small, mean and muscly – heaving against the chain around his neck – a tan coloured dog, with a mean set of jaws. He looks like he would be as happy ripping flesh off a woman’s legs as he would be having sex on camera ... But we’ve seen this animal before, and we know he’s a performer! It’s Randall, Pit-Bull extraordinaire! We can see his owner’s feet, trying to walk slowly but being pulled along behind the powerful beast.

Back to Kathy, sitting forward, holding the top of her gown tight shut, looking distinctly nervous about the approaching beast.

“It’s okay...” Calls Thomas, the owner, in his cheerful cockney tones as he approaches, “He’s not as scary as he looks...”

Charley adds, “He’s really a very gentle lover ... Honestly...”

Kathy looks from Charley to Thomas, then back down to the approaching beast. She forces a smile, but doesn’t look convinced that she’s safe, or that she’s doing the right thing.

Kathy waits on the bed as the door as Randall approaches, letting him get all the way to the bed - one hand still clasping the front of her gown together to make sure she doesn’t flash the camera as she leans forward to greet him with the other.

As he sniffs and licks at her fingers and continues to fight against the chain to get closer to her, she tries to speak, but the words barely come out. “Is this Randall?” She asks, “I’ve seen his episodes but he’s bigger than I thought he would be...”

She continues to look nervous as the dog moves toward her, dropping his head under her hand so that her fingers run over the top of his snout and up over his brow as his chest pushes up against her knees and shins. As he pushes, he drops his head lower, trying to force it between her legs, looking for the join at the front of her gown. She takes a nervous breath, then closes her eyes, and allows her legs to open a little, letting the gown part enough for Randall to push his head inside, the sound of him snorting and sniffing her pussy smell. And he does.

He’s now face to face with her little slice of heaven ... And you know Randall ... He buries his snout in there, his tongue exploring her most private spot. Kathy grabs the blankets on either side of her thighs, bunching up handfuls in each fist and lets her head fall back, eyes still closed as the dog’s tongue goes to work on her pussy.

She manages to control herself, taking his best tongue action, opening her legs a little wider – angling her pussy toward the edge of the bed, offering up just a little more pussy. Letting him lick her on and on, trying to control her gasped little intakes of breath. Moving one hand to the back of his head – partly to hold him in place, partly just to have her fingers in his hair and remind herself that he’s a dog.

He keeps licking - and licking and licking ... Driving her on and on ... The more she relaxes, the more she leans back, the looser her gown becomes – and the less she cares about exposing her body ... Pretty soon she’s leaning back, her body following her head backwards, her gown just hanging open so we can see her boobs inside, not big, not small, a little saggy ... And she’s leaning even further, her back arching, her tits now in full view ... And ... She cumming!

Her face lights up – a broad smile, glowing, relief, joy. Her body shaking. No noises, not even a whimper.

It doesn’t take long before it’s too much for her and she has to push his head away to stop with the waves of pleasure. As soon as he is off her, she brings her thighs together and begins to catch her breath, pulling the front of her robe back together as soon as she realises she is exposed. She smiles shyly up at camera, clearing her throat, “Mmmm ... I can’t remember the last time I had my pussy licked!! That was bloody lovely, that was...”

Randall backs away, then stands side-on to Kathy. At this distance and from this angle she can’t help but notice the big cock hanging down under his belly. This dog knows how to make a statement!

Kathy looks from the dog to the camera, and to Charley. “Is he showing off, or what?” She laughs nervously, still trying to catch her breath after the licking she’s had.

“He’s definitely letting you see everything he’s got...” Comments Charley.