s4e12 - Linda

Series 4, Episode 12: LINDA

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home ... Then a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags.

Now we’re on a country road, there’s a building 50 yards away in the distance – high fences all around and a security checkpoint barring access. A sign near the entrance reads, “HM Prison Lowdham Grange”.

In the foreground, Charley steps infront of camera. She’s looking as sexy as ever in a pretty/sexy summer dress, low cut at the front to show off plenty of shiny fake cleavage and the black ink outlines of a new tattoo – so far it’s just the outlines of the words “WORLD’S GREATEST” and under that “DOGWHORE” in large letters right across her chest, with the lower line running over the top of her boobs – it’s distracting and the thought of what it might look like when finished is both amazing and depressing. She smiles as she talks, showing off freshly capped white teeth – coupled with the new tattoo, the white teeth make her even more of a caricature than she was before.

She speaks directly to camera, with that wide, white toothed smile, “Welcome to the United Kingdom of Zoo. I’m Charley Ozvik, and I’m travelling around the country, seeking out sluts with secrets – and helping them make their dreams come true...”

The title, “THE UNITED KINGDOM OF ZOO” flashes up on screen over a graphic showing the UK, with little pins appearing, each pin representing a location we’ve either visited, or will be visiting in our current series. Right now, a pin is flashing in the middle of the country, near Nottingham.

We cut to a long shot of the prison gates, shot from about as far away as our cameras can handle. We weren’t allowed to film any closer. A silver AUDI A3 pulling up to the gates, from the inside, being checked out then waved out by security. The driver giving them a wave and a smile as she exits.

Charley stands in the foreground as the Audi drives along the narrow road toward our camera position. She continues talking direct to camera. “This week we’re in the midlands, just outside Nottingham, to meet a woman with a very interesting motivation to do the dirtiest of dirties...”

The car slows as it approaches, pulling to a halt opposite us – driver’s side window rolling down so that we can get a clear look at the driver. She seems pleasant enough to look at – strawberry blonde hair and freckles on a round middle-aged face.

“Hi I’m Linda Thorley, I’m 43, I work at this place,” she indicates over her shoulder, “and I think you guys are waiting for me.”

“We certainly are.”

“Great!” Linda continues. “I’ll see you at the hotel.” She says confidently, and with that we watch as she pulls away.

Cut to a sign outside a two-story pub/hotel. A sign indicates that this is the “Springfield Hotel”. Behind the sign, a small carpark surrounded by trees.

Then we’re in a hotel room. Charley walking Linda through the door. This longer look at her confirms that she is a reasonably attractive woman. She’s not so tall, about 5’ 3” at the most, with a snug fitting white blouse that suggests either fake boobs or an incredibly well fitted bra, and a pencil skirt that highlights her curvy thighs and rounded hips. Full figured rather than fat. Her hair is fashionably straightened and shoulder length, her face pretty, always smiling, with just the right amount of make-up. Altogether she’s an entirely fuckable older woman.

The next shot we see is of Linda in a hotel room, sitting on the end of the bed, with Charley sitting across from her.

Charley conducts the interview, still looking back and forth from camera to interview subject, but her focus and timing seem a little better now. It’s a more natural interview.

“So, tell us a little bit about yourself...” Asks Charley, pointing the microphone over to her guest.

“Ooo, I’m not very good at things like this...” Linda pauses, thinks through what she needs to say, and then speaks again “Okay, here goes ... I’m from Beeston in Nottinghamshire, I’ve just turned 43 ... I’m divorced ... I have two teenage daughters who live with me ... And as you already know, I work at the HMP Lowdhan Grange!” She smiles, a smile that shows off a set of very white, very square teeth.

“And what do you do at the prison?”

“I work in the administration block. Processing paperwork, mainly regarding supplies and maintenance.”

“On your application you said you had a very special reason for wanting to do this on television rather than in private...”

“Yes. It’s quite a long story but I’ll be as brief as I can...” She takes a deep breath, then launches into her backstory... “Basically, when prisoners maintain levels of good behaviour they are rewarded with better jobs. Some of these jobs are in the administration block ... And ... Well ... I’m a single lady, they’re all single men ... Everybody has... ‘Needs’ ... And one thing leads to another, and I fell for one of the prisoners that worked in my office.” She explains thoughtfully, telling us just enough but obviously holding a lot more back.

Charley shows deeper interest. “So how does an illicit relationship with a prisoner bring you to being in this hotel room with us?”

“As I said, it’s quite a long and difficult story ... But briefly, the prison director found out about me and Kyle, well, actually she caught us in the act ... On her desk ... And, I think to avoid the scandal as much as to save my job or whatever, she had Kyle transferred to another prison and forbid me from even talking to any other inmates. Kyle and me weren’t supposed to communicate anymore either, but I really do miss him, and him me ... And we stayed in contact by mobile phone.”

“Inmates are allowed mobile phones?”

“No. Not at all. But they all have them anyway. Hidden away in their cells, or wherever – I don’t want to know, if you know what I mean...” She takes another breath. “So I can’t see him. I definitely can’t touch him ... But I can talk to him ... And...” She seems nervous now, for the first time, “ ... and I obviously send him pictures, and videos, of me ... You know ... To entertain him.”

We cut to a different angle, indicating that we’ve edited her story down ... Which we did, because it took her forever to tell it all.

“So he came up with this plan, for me to show him my devotion, and for him to have something to really entertain him ... And that was for me to, you know ... Come on your show...”

“But how does he even know about our show ... Are the inmates allowed to watch it in the prison?”

“No, they are definitely not ‘allowed’ to watch it, but that doesn’t stop them!” Linda says, laughing. “They watch your show on their mobiles ... Sneaking around, downloading episodes, swapping them ... All of them talking about their favourites.”

“Their favourite girls or their favourite dogs?”

“Both!” Laughs Linda.

“Tell us a little more about Kyle...”

Linda draws a breath, the look on her face and her body language make her look like a teenager discussing her pop-star crush. “Kyle is a wonderful, caring man...”

A still image of Kyle appears on screen, his arrest mugshot – he’s a sharp featured, aggressive looking young light skinned but black male. He looks about as far from the kind of man you’d expect to see dating Linda as you can get... “He’s grown so much since he was sent to us. He’s gentle, loving, not a bad person at all – he just had a few bad breaks when he was a kid, made some bad choices.”

“What’s he locked up for?”

Back to Linda. “Well, he’s been involved with gangs and burglaries for a long time, but what they actually convicted him of was ... Well, they called it sexual assault, but really it was just a misunderstanding – he thought she had said yes and the struggle was an act ... They were play acting a rape fantasy and he got a little carried away. And also he thought she was older.” She can see that we aren’t convinced and adds, “I believe him, I really do ... But the courts just said, she’s 14, she didn’t consent ... You’re going to prison!”

“So, he’s a registered sex offender?”

Linda shifts on the edge of the bed. “Yes ... And to be honest, I hate to say this but, deep down I think that actually makes it sexier for me. When we’re making love, I’m never sure what he’s going to do, what he’s going to say ... I’ve got a picture of myself and my girls on holiday in Spain last year...” The image of Linda and her daughters, in bikinis, on the beach, comes up on screen. The girls are 15 and 17. Both fill out their bikinis well, as does Linda. All smiling. It’s not a sexual picture but it’s still sexy... “One time he asked me if he could look at the picture whilst I sucked him off ... Another time when we were having sex he told he wanted to fuck my youngest ... He’s said he’d like a threesome with the two of them...” We cut back to her, “But he’s just kidding – you know, saying those things to make it more dirty and exciting. He doesn’t mean it.”

“Perhaps he’s only joking about you coming on our show...”

“I actually asked him that ... Several times ... But this one is for real. He really wants me to do it. He wants to be able to show me off to the other lags... ‘My slut, who worked at my previous prison, and who’d even fuck a dog for me... ‘ That kind of thing. You know, so he can have bragging rights ... Which other lag can show everyone a video of his bird shagging a dog on television?” Linda says with a sheepish grin.

“And you like the idea of him showing you off to his friends ... Whilst you’re doing that?”

Linda grins even wider. “I’m not a young woman anymore. It’s a long time since anyone wanted to show me off ... I quite like the idea of being a sex symbol ... Even if it is only with locked up men, and just because I’m fucking a dog.”

“Do dogs turn you on?”

“If I’m totally honest, I must admit that they don’t really ... I mean, I quite like watching others when they do it ... And they seem to have fun ... I can actually be quite judgemental about it ... This one is filthy, that one is a natural, this one couldn’t do any better than a dog, why did that one even try ... That kind of thing ... But I never thought about doing it myself before I met Kyle. It didn’t take long for him to introduce me to the subject, and once he showed me the videos on his phone, all those women with all those dogs ... I realised how happy I could make him ... And there’s something about doing that for him that’s quite arousing.” Confides Linda, displaying that telling grin again. “So when he told me to apply, I didn’t have to think too much about it.”

“Your previous indiscretion was covered up, but they won’t be able to keep this quiet ... So, what about your job ... And your family?”

Linda sighs, she’s clearly considered the repercussions already... “I’ll almost certainly lose my job ... Less for fucking the dog than for having the relationship with Kyle ... Mad isn’t it? But I don’t care too much. Kyle gets out in three months and he’s got plenty of money put away for after he gets out. Apparently, crime does pay!!” She says with a smile. “As for my family ... My girls will be shocked, appalled probably ... Both by my relationship with Kyle and my appearance on your show. But I’m sure they will understand ... They know Mummy is just looking for love.”

“So, is this appearance for you or for Kyle?

“Oh, I might enjoy it – I hope I do ... But it’s for Kyle, 100% ... I’m following his instructions...” She takes out a piece of paper and hands it to Charley. “You see ... And these are all the things that Kyle wants to see me do...”

There’s a pause as Charley reads the sheet... “Yes, yes, yes he can do that, yes, oh, I think I can help with that last one ... That all seems very reasonable.” She smiles, turning to camera to note that, “Kyle is a very demanding, and VERY naughty boy!”

Linda grins back at her and is about to say something more when there is a knock at the door and she looks away in that direction. “Is this them?” She asks excitedly as we pan over to the door...

Close up of a big, heavy sheath under a dog’s belly. Close up of a big pair of dog’s bollocks, hanging heavy between a dog’s strong hind legs. Close up of big dog’s paws scrabbling on the hotel floor. Close up of a huge dog’s head, mouth open, tongue out, drool and slobber on the jowls. Close up of a huge, fully erect, purple cock with little blue and red blood vessels criss-crossing its surface – a clip from a previous show. Pull back to a wide shot of the whole dog – the biggest of them all ... No words are required to introduce ... Dino!

Back to the door of the hotel room - it opens and allows our new guests to enter ... Dino the Great Dane and his owner Bernard.

Linda’s eyes open wide when she sees him, she stands up with a mixture of fear and excitement. “Oh I’m glad it’s you Dino! Kyle has seen all of your episodes ... He’s a big fan!” There’s genuine joy in everything she says, but fear in her eyes now that she’s up close to this beast, tentatively reaching out to pat his broad head. We film the greeting for a few seconds, watching as the attractive older woman strokes the animal’s huge short-haired flank. She looks around, back up at the camera. “Kyle will be pleased!”

“Are we ready to begin?” Asks Charley, sensing the nervousness of her guest.

Linda says nothing but steps back from the dog and begins unfastening the top button of her blouse.

“I guess we are...” Adds Charley with a knowing look to camera.

Moments later that blouse is cast aside, revealing a classy white silk bra. Then we watch as she unzips and lowers her black skirt, stepping out of it and showing panties that match her bra. The camera lingers on her chest and we see that her lightly tanned skin is decorated with smattering a brown freckles. When she unfastens her bra we are presented with a pair of untanned, nicely done fake boobs. “A gift to myself on my 40th.” She says.

Dino sits patiently throughout. Waiting for his signal.

Next the silk panties are quickly pulled down to display pale, large but pretty firm buttocks that shake ever so slightly when she moves. Linda stands there in all her glory, naked apart from her high heel shoes. She’s just a little overweight with a touch of cellulite in the usual places, but that only seems to enhance her natural sexiness.

She is ready to do the business...

There’s a signal from off camera, which Linda responds to with a nod before she approaches Dino with just a little nervous energy visible. As she gets closer he sits straight upright, arse on the floor, his back and front legs straight. When she’s right infront of him, she drops to her knees and offers her face up to the beast, her mouth open, tongue out. Waiting...

Dino slops his tongue over her face, that first swipe heading right into her mouth, over her tongue. She clearly wants to back away, but instinctively brings a hand around behind Dino’s head and holds herself close to him – letting him continue to lick her mouth, inside and out. Almost gagging – a physical reaction to the huge hot tongue invading her mouth as much as any kind of disgust at what she’s doing. Holding his head to hers, using her grip to stop herself from backing off...

Dino’s head and mouth are so big that he could almost take Linda’s head in his jaws if he wanted – but for now he’s happy to French kiss the bitch!

When they finally break off the kiss, Linda falls back catching her breath and spitting a little to clear her mouth whilst Dino licks his own chops. She reaches out and strokes the dog’s side, looking back toward Charley with a somewhat relieved smile, “That wasn’t so bad...”, then into camera, “Did you like that Kyle?”, and blowing him a kiss through the camera.

The huge dog raises a single paw – his sign for ‘please’ and tries to place it on her shoulder, misses, and lands it on her arm, which forces her hand down toward the floor. Linda naively thinks he’s trying to shake hands, so takes his paw and shakes. “Nice to meet you too...” She giggles.

“He’s asking for you to get started...” Interrupts Bernard. “He’s not very patient...”

Linda nods and takes a deep breath, still smiling, then rubs the dog’s huge chest, leaning forward and down, reaching around his front legs and under his body, seeking out his sheath ... Finding it, and then fondling it gently.

As soon as she makes contact with his cock, Dino reacts by standing up and leaning into her, almost knocking her over with his bulk. His hairy flank mashing her fake tits up against her body. She wraps her other arm around his big neck and holds him close, rubbing her tits against his short hair whilst she rubs his cock with her hand. Cracking a nervous, white toothed smile as she does it.