s1e17 - Keegan (22)

Series 1, Episode 17: Keegan

The first thing you notice about her is the close cropped bright red dyed hair. It’s loud. Then it would be the piercings - a little silver stud through each dimple in her round cheeks, a couple of small rings through her left eyebrow, two more in her left nostril, and half a dozen through each ear. After that it’s probably the sleeve tattoo that runs from her left hand right up the arm and onto her shoulder. After all that it might well be that beyond all that shit, she’s actually a very pretty young lady with a very cute and friendly smile. She speaks with a strong Geordie accent, full of fun and laughter.

“Halloooo. My name’s Keegan Murphy, I’m 22 year old, and I’m a hairdresser from Newcastle-upon-Tyne.”

We see an older woman sitting beside Keegan on a small couch - she is also tattooed, but with bottle blonde hair down to her shoulders and not nearly as many piercings. This is Deann, and although she’s old enough to by Keegan’s mother, she’s actually her lover. They hold hands.

Keegan talks, and Deann waits her turn. “I came out of the closet when I was still at school ... I always knew I only liked women. Not girls mind, women! I met Deann when I was 20 and we’ve been together for a little ower 2 years now. I’ve told her I want to marry her, but she says it won’t work out because I’m too good for her ... I just want to show her how much I love her.”

Deann thinks that we are here to record a show about spousal abuse and she has been told that her face will be digitized before broadcast, her voice altered digitally as well. She’s still nervous about talking.

She takes over telling the story. “She can’t marry me. I’m not good enough for her. I’ve been a terrible person. She deserves better. I’m just a broken down old slapper.”

Please, remembering that you will have total anonymity, tell us your story. Why aren’t you worth of Keegan?

“When I was this one’s age I was already married, to a right prick in all – but I was desperate to please him. He wasn’t physically abusive or anything like that – but he had a fine line in emotional torture, and he could make me do things I didn’t particularly want to do. He was obsessed with... “ She pauses, building up courage to continue... “ ... with bestiality...” She hides her face when she says this, Keegan squeezes her hand. She gathers herself. “He used to talk me into ‘playing’ with family dog. Wanking it off until it got hard, for a laugh. After a while he’d get me to do it when his friends were there, again, ‘just for a laugh’, ‘nothing serious’ ... Then one day he starts insisting that I suck the dog off infront of his friends ... And I was a bit drunk, and I didn’t want to let him down, and I suppose I liked the attention, so I did it. Within weeks he had me having full sex with the dog – sometimes with his mates there watching.”

That must have been a terrible experience?

“It should have been. The problem is, it wasn’t. Not at the time. I...” She pauses. Again, Keegan squeezes her hand. “I actually enjoyed it. It felt good, and I liked the attention, and it made that bastard happy. Problem was, he never let me forget that I said I enjoyed it. When I left him, it wasn’t because of the dog sex stuff, I just reached my limit for his bullshit ... When I left him he said he’d ‘out’ me as a dogwhore if I didn’t come back ... And when I didn’t go back that’s when he did it.”

What did he do?

“He’d made a video of me sucking the dog and getting fucked without me knowing it, and he posted it on the internet, then he sent it to my mam’s phone. Bastard. Ever since then I’ve lived with the shame and fear of being recognised in the street by someone who’s seen the video online. She deserves someone better than that.”

Keegan, what did you want to tell Deann?

Keegan turns to face Deann, holding both of her hands. Deann looks at the younger woman with love and tears in her eyes. “Deann. I never want you to think you’re not good enough for me, or that you’re not special, or worse than anyone else. I’ve never been bothered by what you did back then, but if you can’t accept that you’re as good as me ... I want to show you that I’m as bad as you are.”

Deann looks confused as hell.

“These people aren’t here to talk about marital abuse ... They’re here to film me having sex with a dog – and then they’re going to put it on the tv so everyone can see that I’m as ‘dirty’ as you are, and so people will recognise me as the dogwhore instead of you.”

“But you don’t even like dogs ... You’re scared of them you silly cunt!” The ‘cunt’ is delivered with love rather than anger. “You cross the road to avoid them!”

“I know, but I have to show you how much you mean to me, and what I’m ready to do to show you your good enough for me.”

Deann is bubbling up, half sad that her lover wants to do this, half elated that she wants to do it FOR HER. She leans in for a little kiss and a big hug. It’s not sexual, it’s loving. “I love you, you daft bugger.” She whispers.

And ... We’re going to drive there right now...

Both of them look a little flustered. It was a big decision, a big announcement, but they didn’t expect anything so instant.

“Right now?” Asks Keegan, a little fear crossing her face. She clearly thought she was going to have more time to prepare for this.

They climb into the back of our car – there’s the producer driving in the front, with a cameraman in the passenger seat filming back at the girls in the back. The rest of the crew films us departing, then jumps in another car, catches up and races ahead.

In the back of the car, Deann and Keegan hold hands and talk about what’s happening.

“It’s amazing that you’re doing this for me – but you don’t have to. It’s ok. I know what you’re doing an why you’re doing it. And I love you for it.” Says Deann.

Keegan smiles, a cute little dimpled smile, and leans in to Deann’s ear, unaware that our microphones can pick up every word. “To tell the truth, ever since you first confessed this stuff to me, I’ve secretly been turned on by the idea of you doing that ... And I’ve imagined me doing it too. I figure if you enjoyed it back then, I’ll probably enjoy it now.”

“Keegs, it’s not all fun ... It’s painful, and humiliating, and you feel all guilty and dirty afterwards ... I don’t want to ruin you. I love you the way you are.”

“And I love you the way you are, but you don’t think you’re worthy of it ... So I have to prove you are...”

Deann is about to speak again when the car pulls to a halt. We’ve literally only been driving for 3 minutes. “Are we there already?” They ask.

Outside – we’re in a familiar little street of terraced council houses – and Pablo is standing at the front door of his little home. He says ‘hallo’ as the girls get out of the car. Deann is about his age, but her loud clothes, tattoos, bleached hair and overly made-up face are the opposite of his very conservative clothing and complete lack of colour. Keegan, meanwhile, with her bright red hair, colourful tattoos, and milky white skin looks like she’s from a different planet to both of them.

They enter the house and Rocky wanders down the hallway to meet the new arrivals. Keegan noticeably steps behind Deann, clearly surprised by the size and breed of the dog. She says, “Oooh fuck, he’s scary!”.

“Ah, you love scary films though.” Deann laughs. Keegan looks toward camera, “Is that him? Is he the one I’m going to be with?” Off camera the answer is ‘yes’. Keegan gulps.

A few minutes later, we’re in Pablo’s little living room. The couch, the plasma screen tv, the stained carpet – after the last few visits here we know what those stains are. Deann is sitting on the couch, Pablo is holding Rocky the Rottweiler by his collar, and Keegan has just begun to undress. She looks nervous.

She talks the whole time she’s undressing. As she peels her t-shirt off, revealing a very slim, very pale body – not so much a flat belly as a zero-fat belly. A plain black bra underneath which is more than filled by her round boobs. “So how many women has he had sex with?”

“I have no idea, I don’t keep count.”

Keegan unbuttons her jeans and pulls them down to reveal black bikini brief panties and the smoothest thighs. A passage from the Evil Dead’s Necronomicon is tattooed neatly on one thigh, Marilyn Monroe is on the other. “How often does he have a woman?”

“A couple of times a week. He could go every day if there was someone willing though. He’s got a couple of regular ‘friends’ who come to see him once or twice a month.”

Keegan struggles to pull the legs of her jeans over her feet whilst standing up, almost falling. “Has he ever hurt anyone?”

“He’s never bitten anyone if that’s what you mean. A few scratches if he gets really excited, and his dick can do a bit of damage.”

She reaches behind her back to unfasten her bra and lets it fall away. Her boobs, 34B’s, barely move. Young and firm. Nipples begging to be sucked.

Deann is looking into camera and then back to her girlfriend, “Look at her ... Look at it ... She – is – fucking – gorgeous... !” She’s not far wrong. Keegan may not be stereotypically attractive, she may have too much metal in her face, and too many tattoos covering her flesh, and she may be a little too skinny, but it’s hard to argue that this young lesbian isn’t a winner in nature’s game.