Chapter 32

She was but eleven minutes in coming after the technician finished with me.

“John,” she said coming into the room. Her tone was business like. Very different from her usual greeting.

“Doctor?” I said.

“John, we’ve run into a problem. We can and we will deal with it, but it is serious and you need to hear me out on this, so that we can go forward and win the battle,” she said. “And John, it is winnable.”

“Huh?” I said.

“John, you have AIDS. It rarely takes this long to show up, but once in a blue moon it does. The good news it is manageable.

“John, in spite of your desire to maintain distance between yourself and mister Grimes, he somehow found out about this and has volunteered to cover the cost of the care and meds and all of it for you,” she said.

“No,” I said. “I’d rather be dead.”

“John, no, that is not what you want. You can live a reasonably normal life if you bend a little here. Your insurance will only cover about eighty percent of the services you are going to require,” she said.

“How long have I got if I just opt to not have any of the services,” I said.

“John, please,” she said.

“Doctor, how long? Please,” I said. She gave me a look that screamed frustration.

“John, there is no way to tell for sure, but not very long. Could be a few months a year, hard to say,” she said. “But, with treatment...”

“Thank you doctor. You’ve been great,” I said. “Goodbye.”

I was actually feeling good. I knew the man would find out that I was not accepting his help. I would almost for sure be all but assaulted by the lot of them. They so wanted to assuage their guilt. And, I so wanted to not let them. Was I still bitter after all this time? Damn straight I was. Oh, yeah!

Doctor Metcalf hadn’t really said how low my CD4 level was, but she had essentially said that I had a few months to a year. I had to figure that the numbers were pretty bad.

Oddly, I still felt pretty good, maybe a trifle weak, but okay otherwise. I’d be able to work for a while at any rate. I knew I could get basic care at County General. Then, when things got real bad, I could get myself a bed at the hospice there and just wait to die. Yes, that was the ticket. I wondered how many people would attend my cremation. Probably a pretty good crowd I guessed. God how I would like to be alive to see that, especially Victoria, my long lost love. But, to be cremated, I would have to be dead and unable to see anything; well, there’s a downside to everything.

County required that I have my records sent over to them. I did, and guess who delivered them? No, not anybody from clan Grimes. No, it was Doctor Metcalf herself. No delivery boy for my records, no indeed, it was my personal physician herself, well, my old one. That had to have been at the insistence of the man. Oh, and the day after I got myself set up with them, County General, I got the visit: him and the woman. I was on the job at The Drover.

“You’re doing this just to make us suffer,” she said. I just snorted.

“Thanks for caring enough to come by. But, I’m working, can the two of you please leave and let me be in peace. We have nothing to talk about, and my life is none of your business,” I said.

“John Michael, we just found out about this yesterday. And, yes, I have spies at the GMC,” said Nathan. “John, we can’t allow you to do this.”

“It’s not up to you,” I said. “You took my family from me, Denied me my Henrietta. You or your family members insulted me and her so often...”

“John, you have a gripe but not this big a gripe,” said Victoria.

“Don’t I?” I said, and I was sneering.

“John Michael, please, don’t do this to us. My God don’t do this!” said Victoria.

“Look, I’ve got to work. Please leave. If I lose my job, I’ll lose my insurance, my apartment and fucking freeze to death on the street if I don’t starve to death first. Okay?” Just leave.

“John, okay, we’re going, but this is not over. You thought you were harassed before. Trust me you have no idea,” he said. And then they were gone; well, they were for the time being, maybe the next few hours was my wild ass guess; I actually laughed.

I began to feel as through maybe I’d gotten through to them. It had been a couple of months since they’d accosted me at The Drover. I was still working, but my medical bills were starting to get a bit challenging. I was still making them okay, but I wasn’t planning any European vacations for damn sure: Paris would still have to wait. And, I still thought about my Henrietta every single day. God how I missed that girl; I mean I really missed her. Life sucked. And then it happened. I got really sick: fever, the sweats, headaches that were true headaches; and I was hospitalized. And, then the next thing happened: they found out!

I’d had the foresight to give orders to have no visitors, but that didn’t stop them. Oh no, money talked and the rest of us, us poor people, just sucked hind titty!

They didn’t quite storm in. Well, she did, Victoria.

“So, you’re really going to kill yourself!” said Victoria. I stared. “Just to get even with me, you’re going to kill yourself.”

“And, you care why? Because you feel guilty? I don’t care and that’s the bottom line. Your feelings on the matter are meaningless to me,” I said. “Oh, and I guess you didn’t get the memo. I left orders for no visitors.”

“No, it’s you who didn’t get the memo. I have the influence to override your memos! Got it mister!” she said. I actually snickered.

“I guess that’s so,” I said. “I’ve got no rights, not even the right to die in peace or choose me a woman to chase and marry. I have to get permission from you or your husband. Get the fuck outta here, Victoria! I hate you!”