Chapter 29

2010—2011

I sat holding my wife in my lap for a long time. I just could not believe, still not believe that she was gone. I was remembering me staring at her body in the street that night. Remembering how my daughter, my biological daughter, had treated her just hours before, all I could do was sob. It seemed like it’s all I did apart from work and eat and sleep anymore. And then, still clutching my wife to my breast, I thought of other things.

I thought of that day so long in the past when I had all but forced my wife, Victoria Steele, to let me take the fall for her. She had argued with me, but now I wondered how sincere her arguing had been. It didn’t matter. I’d had to do it. A man’s woman was his responsibility. If I’d been the man I should’ve been she never would’ve cheated on me. She never would have been in that cheap ass motel that day. No, I’d done the right thing: fifteen years of doing the right thing.

“But, that was the limit of my responsibility. Victoria Grimes was responsible for destroying my life after I finally did get out. Not Nathan Grimes, not Selena Steele-Grimes; no none of them; it was Victoria Grimes who’d ruined me and my wife, my Henrietta. I just wondered if she would ever realize it; I mean really realize it. I had to hope she would.

“Why in the world were you so afraid to talk to the man one on one?” said Nathan.

“Nathan, I was not afraid to speak to the man, one on one or any other way if it comes to that. I was afraid of screwing up by talking to him at all. So, I guess I screwed up, by trying to not screw up,” said Victoria. “I mean I’ve screwed up so many times, well...” The man’s expression was like nothing so much as one of exasperation.

“And Selena?” he said.

“I don’t know, probably the same as me. She didn’t want me to screw up, and she likely figured I would if I tried to justify, well, the things we said or did in these past months.

“Nathan, I feel so bad for the man. He needed that woman, and I, and yes it was mostly me, wanted to separate him from her. I just don’t know how I could have been so cruel and mean. I just don’t know,” she said, and she cried some more.

“Vic, you’ll get another chance to talk to him. But for now, we just let the man grieve and work through his pain,” he said.

My doctor, Dr. Kariana Metcalf, was at the GMC, the big man’s medical store. And, though I hated going to his place, I loved doctor Metcalf, so I grinned and bore it. I was feeling kinda weird. I made the required appointment. The last time I was in her care I got my leg cut off. I was worried that that might be related to my current problem. I needn’t have worried: my illness had nothing to do with my leg.

“The test results are in, Mister Steele,” said Doctor Metcalf. I didn’t like the look on her face, not at all.

“It’s bad isn’t it,” I said. “My leg...”

“Sort of, but no, not your leg,” she said. “Mister Steele, you spent a number of years in prison, isn’t that so?” she said.

“Well, yes, but I’ve served my time. I’m done!” I said, and I said it forcefully.

“Yes, I mean no, I mean, no you have done nothing wrong. I didn’t mean to insinuate...”

“Okay, doctor, but?” I said.

“Mister Steele, I have to ask you a very personal question. Would that be all right?” she said. I shrugged and nodded. She already knew I was a con, how bad could the question be.

“Mister Steele did you have sex with other inmates when you were incarcerated?” she said. I gave her my strongest it’s none of your business glares. But, in point of fact it was her business.

“Yes, but not willingly,” I said.

“Often?” she said. I nodded. For the briefest of moments she looked down.

“Mister Steele, you are HIV positive,” she said.

“What? Huh?” I said. “I can’t be. I was tested when I got out, and I was clean!”

“Sometimes the virus can lay dormant for as many as ten years even longer.”

I had to think. It could have been Lily, the tattooed lady. It could have been Henrietta, she had been a prostie. But in Henrietta’s case I was pretty sure she was not the one. She’d tested while we were going together and I had her med records. And, add to that, she swore that no man had ever had her without protection, and I believed her. And Lily and I had been together only one night. But I’d been used what seemed like hundreds of times over the those first eight years of my time inside. It had to be Mantea or Blue Top.

“I’ve got AIDS?” I said.

“No, definitely not. Well, not at this time. And if you follow the proper antiviral regimen, the one that I am going to put you on, you likely never will, have AIDS that is,” she said.

We talked for a good little while. I would be taking meds for the rest of my life, but the good news was that, since I was so damn poor, I wouldn’t have to pay for them. And then there were the downsides.

I’d have to be ultra-careful with any woman I ever might have sex with which likely meant that I would likely never have a woman again as long as I lived. I mean, I would have to tell them, the women that I was infected. No woman with any sense was going to want to deal with that especially since I was so damn poor.

Well, as the man said, the hits they just keep on coming. Fuck!

“When you look like that, it always indicates that something’s wrong,” said Victoria. “Is it about our man?” He nodded.