The Falling Oak - Learning How to Die
Chapter 48: Always Faithful

Copyright© 2018 by Darian Wolfe

Hello Everyone,

I’ve resisted posting the last little while. At first, it was because I was trying to forget my illness and carry on my life as normal as I could make it.

Lately, it’s been because my illness hasn’t forgotten about me. It’s been very faithful. The bitch. My memory issues have gotten to the point I can’t hide them from my family any more. My wife spoke to my Doctor on the phone and the Doc spoke to me a bit. She thinks there may be something going on beside the migraine and meds. I actually have little pain now and my standard of living comfort wise other is pretty amazing. I still have the heat issue.

She lowered one med and doubled another to try to get my sweat glands going. The one she doubled was a sedative which is weird because My body jerks more as if the anxiety has to work harder to get out.

When I’m tired now I become more emotionally fragile and somewhat child like. I’m doing meditation and other mental exercises to fight it. It is what it is.

I’m tired of being angry at myself and the world. I’ve found a measure of peace I didn’t have before. I still don’t like it and I’m still afraid.

I had to go fax some important paperwork and my mother in-law made my wife go with me to make sure I did it right. Don’t think I didn’t notice what that implied. She wasn’t being the least bit mean. That’s just how far they trust my judgement now. It was important and there wasn’t room for error. They made sure I didn’t make one. They let me do it. She was there just in - shit. We all know what it means, no sense in dressing it up.

I promised I would keep writing for as long as I could and I will. If the posts near the end of the journal are different I hope you’ll have the kindness in your heart to see I’m trying to keep my word even though I can’t anymore.

until then I’ll keep you posted.

Darian

 
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