The Falling Oak - Learning How to Die
Chapter 38: Being A Fuddy Duddy Sucks

Copyright© 2018 by Darian Wolfe

Feb. 22nd, 2019

Hi Guys,

I’m still cruising along. My family is finally about done with the flu. Yay! I find it interesting that even after having my illness for more than a year I’m still learning things about how it has changed my approach to life. I yelled at a doctor yesterday. We were at my youngest child’s appointment. We were in the exam room. All of a sudden there was a lot of movement in the hallway. It wasn’t an emergency or anything, it just became busy. Between the activity in the hallway and the discussion in the room it triggered the anxiety thing. The doctor bless her heart is an exuberant person by nature. She said something really loud. I about came unglued and said “DON’T DO THAT!”. I startled everyone including myself as it jumped right out of my mouth. I apologized and explained my situation. So it looks like I get to carry my sensory equipment everywhere now.

An unexpected thing is that during an anxiety episode heavy metal or tribal music is soothing in an unusual way. When I say heavy metal I mean death metal, the fringe type of metal. Hardcore heavy metal. What is unexpected about it is at any other time I can’t stand the sound of it. During an anxiety attack it is as though a part of my mind is racing like an engine without a gear engaged. When I hear that music the racing engine engages it and quits bothering me. I can do what I need to do thinking wise. The anxiety is still doing it’s thing, but it’s mostly doing it with the music. I think it’s a form of entrainment process. It’s the rhythm that gets my mind’s attention. I would love to have an EEG run while doing this but me lab rat days are over.

I’m still having Aphasia issues. I had to call out again from work. It is what it is. I’m still stoked that my brain isn’t frying. I do have short-short term memory issues happening now. If I’m not totally focusing on what someone tells me I won’t remember it 10 minutes later. It’s kinda convenient for honey dews but my wife is making sure that I write shit down now and she knows if she tells me two or three times over say a half hour or so I’ll remember. It was good while it lasted. I am not above using something to my advantage, lol. The other thing is I still have a weird relationship to time. I usually don’t know what day of the week it is. Part of that is I still live and work in one room of my home and when I leave the house I usually go to the same places so I have no real need to know what day of the week it is.

I know I am waking up between 6:00 - 6:30 A.M. to take my meds then do my morning routine which has three variations then I will sit at my computer and do one of three things: work, write, or watch YouTube videos (80% Glee music vids) then run errands. Take meds between 6:00 - 6:30 P.M. then to bed by 9:00 after more videos or a date with my wife. That’s my life. Why do I stay in one room? Light and temperature sensitivity. In the summer it’s worse because I don’t sweat so I can’t be outside. The docs are hoping to help me start sweating again before summer. We’ll see.

I’m still cranking away on the new story. I spent most of yesterday doing a new edit on everything I’ve written so far. I have to do some training for my job soon. I’m really hoping to have this done by then.

Cheers,

Darian

 
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