The Falling Oak - Learning How to Die
Chapter 36: I Met My Shrink

Copyright© 2018 by Darian Wolfe

Jan. 30th 2019

Today I met my shrink. I wanted to hold off updating until I met her. So here goes. The last week or so has been rough. My job has shifted my schedule over two hours which has fucked with my body clock and raised my anxiety levels as well as problems with Aphasia. I’ve lost a lot of work because of it. They say it’s only temporary i.e. a couple of weeks, but it’s very uncomfortable. I have to wake up every day at 6:00 am to take meds rain or shine because I take them every 12 hours. Most days, I have a child to take to school and a lot of days a spouse to take to work. Moving my start and end time doesn’t help me especially as my speech medicine starts wearing off about 2:30pm. This is manageable when I get off at 4:00 but not when I get off at 6:00pm.

Due to the added stress the headaches have returned. They are nowhere near as bad as they were though one or two has gotten my attention. I’ve had one red letter day when I was hitting a full 99% of my capacity. Not only was my mind crystal clear I was able to work on a plumbing problem WHILE discussing philosophy on the phone with one of my best friends. That absolutely rocked! Not only multitasking, but doing philosophy - WOOHOO! I had some trouble naming sources, but still I was kicking ass.

I was apprehensive about my meeting today. I worried about it for like two days. I was like this is gonna suck. I don’t want to talk about the Night of Hell, but I have to if I want to get better. My therapist is a Malaysian cutie with a Masters in counseling. She was very nice and easy to get along with. Today was mostly a meet and greet with a couple of explorations into the hot spots. For a youngster, she’s not too bad and her heart’s in the right place. We might be able to help each other. I need to learn to deal with this anxiety and she needs experience dealing with people who have suffered deep trauma. I think we can do it. She’s still full of sunshine. It’s kinda cute.

She asked me: “You survived don’t you think that’s worth celebrating?” I replied: “Let me torture you almost everyday for a year then come back and ask that question.” She sat back in her chair and I could see the wheels turning in her head. She wasn’t scared or offended. She was considering how such an experience might change her world view. I think we’ll do just fine.

I then had to visit with the clinic meds person to see if I needed anymore drugs added to my cocktail. I told her I liked it just the way it is. She was really nice as well. I told her I’d rather deal with my problems the old fashioned way and actually solve it rather than medicate it and she agreed. All in all, today went much better than I anticipated.

I’m still working on my latest story. This work scheduling issue has fucked up my free time, but I’m still getting after it as I can.

Cheers,

Darian

 
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