Chapter 31: Christmas

Dec .26th, 2018

I hope everyone’s Christmas was good. Mine was good. I ended up at Christmas Sunday church. My wife wanted to go so we went. I had to go outside during the music because even with earplugs it was still too loud. I sat in the very back so I wouldn’t cause a disturbance if the preaching got too loud. You know Holy Rollers, if it ain’t loud it ain’t sanctified, lol. The preaching was actually quiet.

My wife picks my clothing for important occasions because she knows I don’t give a shit. I noticed she picked a shirt that covered my Heathen Tattoo. I mean Heathen in the religious sense. It’s a tattoo of Yggdrasil surrounded by a circle with specially chosen runes outside of it. Fehu for Freya, Sowilo for Sunna and Dagaz for HER. The circle stands for fidelity.

My youngest is full of surprises. She is a deep thinker and keeps her cards close to the vest. There has been some tension in our home over religion since my illness due to the “on again off again Flanagan” way my brain deals with religious issues now. I know it’s weird. I can in all honesty say I am an atheist and I believe Freya exists and Jesus too for that matter.

I know it’s a complete contradiction and I am at peace with that. I just know that at this level of granularity of reality they do not exist and at another level they do and that works for me. Anyway, since I definitely lean to the Heathen side of things it upsets my wife. So I keep it very low key and avoid arguments by interpreting her questions literally. To her all “ Pagan” things are Wiccan so when she asks me is that wiccan I can honestly say no. Then when she asks me what it is I tell her something ethnic, which is also not a lie but is an evasion. She occasionally asks me are you doing Magick and I say Yes. I will not lie to her.

So to keep arguments to a minimum I do my thing when I’m alone. So what does all of this have to do with my youngest daughter? For Christmas she bought me a Heathen Key fob. I was touched by the gesture. She and I have never discussed what happened to my religious views when I became ill. She loves me for who I am now instead of trying to turn me into someone I can’t be. He died. That little key bob is my favorite present.

I spent a couple of hours on Christmas texting with a friend who is homeless. He lives in another part of the country or I would have had him over. 2018 wasn’t kind to him either. We’re both glad to see the back of it’s neck. Now, Christmas day food was Awesome! 3 different types of taters and 3 different types of rice. Ham, Turkey, Casserole, 6 types of dessert, deviled eggs, there was more I just can’t remember it all. As you can tell, I like to eat.

All in all Christmas went well. I even received some CBD as one of my gifts lol. I’ve been for the most part symptom free the last few days. And any symptoms have been very mild. The occasional light in front of my eyes. A leg or arm jerk here or there, a little trouble finding a word or having to choose a synonym and a bit of pressure and some anxiety have been about it.

Things are looking up at the moment.