Chapter 27: It's Quiet

Dec. 12th, 2018

I’ve been completely off the old med and on the new for about 2 days now. The flatness has disappeared and my anxiety level is higher. The migraine pain is more noticeable but still tolerable. The speech issues are about the same. Ditto with the cognitive. Though I am detecting a little loosening around the edges and a little more freedom in thought. So that’s good. It will still take a while for my body to acclimate to the meds to really tell.

My wife and I had a little spat yesterday. We were having some inclement weather and were traveling to a function. I have become rather OCD I guess is the word, about some things and driving routes is one of them. She was trying to tell me that I knew at least one different route to our destination based on other locations we have visited in the area. She was telling me we could take that route home if the roads became bad.

I flat refused. I told her: “I know one way to this destination and I know the same way back. In order to do what your saying I would have to drive to the second location and leave from there to get home.” Boy, she got pissed. I’m sure a lot of you can see her point. I can see her point as well. However, my brain doesn’t process information like it used to. Rather than risk getting all jumbled up it is easier for me to A. Follow the route I was currently on or B. Drive to the second location and go home from there. Trying to jump into the middle of a map is hard for me. If I did it I know I would get home sooner or later but I prefer to know where I am at. Plus, I wear sunglasses when I’m outside my home even at night because street lights, headlights, taillights, and such can be very painful without them. I have a prescription for the sunglass use 24/7, but it does make some street signs hard to read.

We had a good time though. I had to use my ear plugs to keep the noise to a tolerable level. It was a charity event. They had some of the best damn taters. To me good taters are almost right up there with sex. I love taters.

I did find out my job does not have a different job to put me in. So I’m s.o.l. there. I still have to set the appointment with the shrink and find out what that will cost per session. If it’s the same as what my neurologist visits costs and they want to meet once a week I’ll just have to stay mental. When I studied Taoism and Chinese Medicine (informally) I learned that health is relative and a matter of balance. As I like to put it: the difference between madness and insanity is that with madness you accept and are adjusted to your mental illness. With Insanity you are troubled by your mental illness and cause yourself great harm.

I would prefer to heal though, a little madness adds zest to life too much is sickening.

Cheers,